* Back into depression *

I'm starting to get back into that spiraling downward cycle of depression again. You would think, "But James, you got a boyfriend, a job, and you free on your own" PLEASE! Ok, yes I have Chris...but I haven't seen him in over a week. I miss him so much, but I'm starting to feel like it was the same damn thing that happened between me and Brad, a wam bam thank you sir! I don't want to lose him, but I'm tired of being a booty call! Then there is my job. As you know my first night alone was last night. IT WAS HELL! Everything went wrong and then I got bitched about it this morning. I am going to try harder tomorrow night, but you can only do so much. And then being free on my own. I am currently pushing every penny I got until Thursday when I get paid. I am currently only $1.24 in the hole EXCLUDING my credit cards, car payment, and my last cell phone bill. The ONLY thing caught up is my car insurance. It's starting to look like a crappy Christmas this year. I just hope something good happens to me soon. I am sick and tired of being bitched at, used and abused. I'm starting to see why my friend took his life...it looks like the easy way to end the pain. I know better than to do this, but I start to think that sometimes I am taken for grantite...

~James