Currently Playing Perfect By Simple Plan see related

I just finished watching Degrassi on Noggin TV. I'm just fascinated by Marco and his whole story. I know exactly how Dillan (his BF/Ex BF?) feels about keeping it a secret. I still am hiding it from my parent, even as mush as I don't really want to anymore. I'm just so scared to tell them and how they will react. They expect so much out of me and I don't want them to become disappointed. So many times I've just wanted to say "Mom/Dad. I need to tell you something. I'm gay." but none of the times I could get the guts to say it. I think my dad knows, because he's been to my web page before. I've posted on there several times about Mike and all; my ex's. He's never commented on them, maybe he's waiting for me. Maybe I should copy this post on to it and see if he'll read it. Knowing my dad he does know and he wants me to tell him, but he's stubborn like me and doesn't like to talk about things like that. Like father like son. I mean my sister knows, I *think* my mom knows. I told her a long time ago about my first "special" friend Chad, and all she said was, "well I want at least one grandkid outta you". Then again she always asks, "When am I going on my mission"(I'm LDS/Mormon) and I want to tell her "maybe cause I'm gay!" but I never do. I always tell her there are issues I need to take care of first. As for Mike, well...he's slowly disappearing into the sunset. I want so much for us to be together and I can't stand being away from him; but he seems to ALWAYS disappoint me. When we were going to spend the whole day at Universal, he showed up 5 hours late, when we were going to go to the movies Thursday, his dog got attacked by "something" and had to go to the vet; he never called afterwards to explain. He says he wants to be with me but I just don't know if I can do it anymore. I lye in bed sometimes wondering if it would be better just to stay single the rest of my life. Every girl I dated turns out horribly wrong and all the guys turn out as big disappointments. The only true girl I can honestly say that I loved was Jeanne, my HS girlfriend, but I screwed that up so bad that no matter how much I want her or how big my feelings are for her, I'll never get her back. As you can tell, my life is screwed up right now. So many issues, but what's life without a little drama?

Well, tonight is HHN 14 and I get to work from 4:30PM-1:00AM. I'm intentionally staying up late like this so I won't be as tired tomorrow. My schedule is like open, close, open, close, late night, late night. I'm sure I'll manage, I did last year. I'm just debating if after Horror Nights is over to transfer to another department; only time will tell and it's only a few weeks away. I guess now I'm going off to a chat room or something. Adios!