* ::sigh:: *

It's starting to look my life is starting to go down that dark, spiraling circle again. Everywhere I turn, it seems everyone is against me. Of course Checkers is mad at me, I understand that. I want to call and talk to Susan about it, but I have a feeling she doesn't want to. My parents don't really want to talk to me, except on need to basis. Universal is about all I have going for me, but it will take weeks before my hours will pick up to full time status. I just had to pay $100 phone bill cause Daniel didn't pay it nor did he have the money. I also have Capital One calling for me and they want $250. Soon my car payment will be due along with car insurance. I can pay the insurance, but the car payment will be late(again). I'm really hoping that if I call them they will defer it till the end and let this one slide by. I just couldn't take Checkers anymore. Right now it looks like living on the street as a bum might be a good thing. If anything, my sister said I can move in with her for a while, but I don't want that to happen. It's hard enough to live here. In about a month my parents are more than likely going to be moving back in, that is unless this money comes which is now in the hands of a lawyer who will try to get it for us. It will take some of our money, but something is better than nothing right now. I'm also so sick of being single it's killing me. All I want is someone to be there for me, someone to call when I'm down like I am today and just want someone to talk to. I feel so alone in this world...like no one cares anymore. I could care less about sex, I could care less if they looked like the hunch back of Notre Dam, just as long as they can listen to me and be there for me, just as I would be for them. Is that so much to ask?!?! I've tried to ask guys, but it's so hard for me cause I'm so damn shy. I see lots of hot guys or guys that spark my intrest, unfortunatly I don't say anything of fear of being rejected or hurt (pysically or mentally). Maybe some day my prince will come and take me away from this life I'm living.

~James