* Ode to my Sexuality *

I was talking to some of my co-workers today, and like usual they drilled me with different questions to try and help them understand why I am(bisexual). One was Dave(whom is gay) and the other was Erin(who is open-mindedly straight). Well, after much conversation, I guess I decided one thing. It's not fair for me to be in a relationship with a girl when I probably won't be able to satisfy them the way they need to. I guess the only reason I want to be with a girl is so I can have a kid of my own. I know there are other options, but the way things are in this world, it may never happen. But I think I have come to the conclusion that I am gay. I get my rocks off to guys, and that will probably never change...it hasn't since Jeanne. She was probably the only girl(other than family) that I cared deeply about. But at the same time, I could never get beyond a simple kiss with her; I was either to shy or just not in the mood. I had SEVERAL chances to do things with her, but I guess I just wasn't interested in that. However, when I'm with a guy, I don't usually hessitate and go all the way(I guess that makes me sort of a slut). But for now anyways, for the sake of good hearted women, I should probably stick to guys. I am truly sorry to any females in the past who I may have caused heartbreak over because of my destiny to find out who I am. I've started looking on xy again and other places to find that guy who will love me the same way I love them. I just hope that someday someone will come, and rescue me from this spiral of loneliness I seem to get into around this time of year. I miss my friends I used to have: Mary I rarely talk to cause we are so busy, Jeanne is about the same, Lord knows what happened to Jessica Harwell, all the guys that I knew in high school are fading away so fast. So for all of those that read this and care, do me a favor...if you see me on-line, say Hi...it would mean a lot to me, more than you could possibly know. Goodnight guys and Happy 2005!

~James