Title: A Friend to Me
Author: Jessica
Email: [email protected]
Classification: Harm POV
Spoilers: None
Summary: Read and discover!
Disclaimer: Standard
Authors Note: This is my first attempt at first person so please forgive any slip ups back to my normal genre.
Thanks to Kim W., Nicole, Froggie, and my sis for betaing this for me! (for those who don't know to beta is to basically proof the work and judge general reactions to the fic!)
The rain is pouring down. I am wet, I really don't care. She is no longer here to help me dry out. Through all the years we worked together, worked at life, I never once let on that she meant more to me. I will always regret that. I didn't say 'I love you' one more time.
We worked on so many things together and not just cases, life. Our son is all grown up. She used to remark at how much he looked like me ~ but he has her eyes.
I never noticed myself growing older, but this morning looking in the mirror I was an old man, gone was the brown hair, it's all gray now, I guess I can be thankful that I did not lose it. The years just seemed to fly by as if we met only yesterday not almost 40 years ago. Jason walked up behind me, then I saw me again, only the eyes are brown, not blue. I smiled at him, not the cocky flyboy grin she loved so much, but something a little sad.
Tomorrow was going to be our thirtieth anniversary ~ we never made it that far. Jason told me today what he had planned to tell us together. He had asked Kate to marry him; they want to use our anniversary next year. She never got to smile or be happy for him.
I think in a way that makes it harder. Her death was so sudden; she went to sleep fine, wrapped in my arms as always. You would think that I would notice when she started shaking, but I didn't. In the morning I woke up and she was still there, still. I had never been so scared in my entire life, yet I knew she was gone. That was the first time that I had cried since Jason was little. Now it feels as if I may never stop crying. I never knew till it was to late for me to help her. She had had a stroke. The doctors couldn't even tell me what caused it. They tried to assure me that she went peacefully, but that does not make it hurt any less.
"Dad?" Jason interrupts my thoughts.
"Hmm?"
"You need to get out of the rain."
"I'll be along in a minute."
With a nod of his head he left.
The rain was good for one thing ~ no one could see me cry, not that I mind crying, my soul mate had died. My best friend. Somewhere down deep I know that I will live for a long time, yet I want to go be with her at this very moment.
I turn around and walk toward my son and his fiancée. Life will go on. I will see our grandchildren born, and God willing grow up.
And so will she. Just from a different view, maybe even a better one.
As the car slowly makes its way to the cemetery gates I look out at the rows and rows of white stone. In a way that is comforting, I don't know why, but it is. The gentle sounds of the rain hitting the roof is the perfect expression of how I feel.
The house is empty, even more so with all the well-wishers around. Knowing she will never walk through that door again and tell me how horrible her day was. I walk through the halls, past all the people, past the pictures and memories. Somewhere someone turned some music on. Something I had not heard for years.
~ Well you and I
~ We're buddies
~ And we've been since we first met
~ Me and you
The words were our relationship. No matter what happened we were always friends.
~ Well we've sure been through
~ Our share of laughter and regret
Regret. Now isn't that an ugly word? Not for me, it is more bittersweet. My only regret now is that I did not wake up in time. Not that I blame myself, I don't. It was just something that was meant to be long before it happened, like us.
~ Lord knows we've had our bad days
~ And more that once we've disagreed
~ But you've always been a friend to me
We had more good days than bad. And the disagreements just made those good times all the better.
~ You can be so stubborn
~ There's times I think you just like to fight
~ And I hope and pray
~ I live to see a day
~ When you say I might be right
I smile at that. Fighting is what we did for a living; lawyers do that after all. I know you enjoyed fighting with me across the courtroom, not to mention winning. But I will never hear you say that I am right again, as rare as that was in the first place.
~ And there's times I'd rather kill you
~ Then listen to your honesty
~ But you've always been a friend to me
~ You've always been
~ Time and again
~ The one to take my hand
~ And show to me it's okay to be
~ Just the way I am
~ With no apology
You stood by me through so much. Put up with my obsessions, my indecisions. You just accepted me, no questions no apologies and I did the same for you. Life will be so different without you here with me.
~ Oh you've always been
~ And you will 'til God knows when
~ Yes, you've always been a friend to me
Again silent tears run unchecked down my face. Slowly sliding down the wall I was leaning on, I rest my head in my hands and weep for my wife.
"God, Sarah, I miss you."
~ Finis ~
Song: 'A Friend to Me' by Garth Brooks can be found on the Album 'Sevens'