I’ll Break Your Face

By Chris Ayala
Advertising Manager

I’m not a fighter. I never have been. My heritage may be Mexican, but I’m no Oscar De La Hoya. Well, maybe. See, I may not be like him, but he is like me. Let me explain. He’s a fighting machine in the ring, but he doesn’t take it outside of the ring. THAT is how we’re similar. Except, while he has paid competitors to fight, I have everyday annoyances to overcome. I don’t do it with violence. I do it with words. I’m trying to say there’s never a good reason to fight.

I trained in the martial arts. Tae Kwan Do, to be exact. I received a second level green belt, which is none too shabby and not extremely easy to earn. So, I can safely say that I do know how to fight. Plus, with real world experiences combined with controlled sparring for kickboxing, my knowledge of how people fight is extensive. The reason why people fight still sort of puzzles me. I mean, it’s pointless. Why would you put someone else’s (or more importantly, YOUR) safety at risk just to “resolve” some piddly argument?

Believe it or not, fighting is dangerous. Someone or everyone (depending on the situation) could end up in the hospital or worse, and that’s no fun. There are a number of ways to render someone unconscious with one strike. I have learned two. If I can’t knock someone out from the front, I can do it dishonorably from behind. Instant unconsciousness is the least of your worries in most cases.

At least with that, you’re out cold and there is no ensuing pain. No broken bottles to the throat. No multiple blows to various tender parts of the body. No repetitive head smashing into the hard, cold metal of a ’72 Chevy step-van. This actually happened to my father. He was jumped by two drunks that he had just served his food to not more than a couple hours earlier.

Getting into a fight won’t just hurt you physically, though. In just about every case, a fight will hurt you financially. Of course you have to go off and lick your wounds (a sling, some gauze, Neosporin, Band-Aids, maybe a couple aspirins for pain); but there’s also the little matter of your opponent’s expenses. If there is bodily damage done that requires hospitalization, they can legally sue you for Lord knows how much. And if the cops get involved, you could have to pay fines, or even possibly face jail time. Yikes.

PHOTO BY STEPHANIE HOKE

Swimming Suits are Sad this Season

By Stephanie Hoke
Assistant Editor

To everyone, currently responsible for making swimming-suits, all I have to say is, shame on you. Thus far this season has been the worst for swim wear. If you have started looking for a suit, you may understand.

For the past few months I have been in search of a solid, light pink two piece. To my disbelief, no such combination exists.

I do not have what is considered a large chest, nor do I have a flat butt. However, in all the styles I have tried on, I had to wear a large and sometimes an extra large top and small bottoms. I am confused. Does it really look like I am going to fall over when I walk?

These are not the only problems I have encountered. For instance, THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME. Is there one big company with one pattern and ugly material selling to every store? I am starting to think so.

Not only do the suits not fit, they are ugly and now they are expensive. All I want is two small pieces of fabric and a few strings. Why, may I ask, does this cost $30 to $90 dollars? I could buy a lot more for that kind of cash.

For the time being, my suit search is on hold. If anyone has seen what I am looking for please report it as soon as possible.

PHOTO BY AMY PORTER

What in the World is a
Student Trustee?

What is a student trustee? What does he/she do?

As I was having petitions signed prior to the Student Trustee election that allowed me to run, these were the questions of many people who signed my form. To be honest, I didn’t have a clue to what I would be doing at the beginning.

Now, I have an idea, and I learn more about it each time I talk to fellow members of the board. My job is similar to being part a student council. I am the liaison between the Board of Trustees and the Student Government Association. Basically, I get to hear how the students feel about the new things that might happen at Lewis and Clark.

Who am I? I am a freshman and I plan on majoring in Law. I graduated from Civic Memorial in 2001, and was an active member in student council while I played sports.

I am part of the LC Trailblazer’s basketball team (we need some more fans for next season!) and hold a part time job. I hope to take on this position with determination to make this a learning experience.

Jessica Schlimmer
Student Trustee

Many Ramblings to Leave You With

By Joel Jones
Sports Editor

I have a few things to get off my chest. The first thing I’m going to talk about is sports (No surprise there, I am after all the sports editor and the NBA and NHL playoffs are going strong, but I digress.) I enjoyed our wonderful softball team demonstrate why they are the CCCI conference champs. (If you want to know what CCCI means turn to the sports page. If you want to hear me ramble, by all means read on.) I have never seen a team so unified. They’re quite a rowdy bunch.

The point (yes there is a point) is to inform you that if you’ve managed to see this powerhouse team in action, you’re very lucky. If you haven’t, then you just missed it all. There were other great feats pulled off by the different teams and athletes this year. They gave it all they had, because they love the game. Plain and simple, they play for the thrill. And for that they need to be congratulated.

With that said, I can move on to my next topic: responsibility. What happened to it? Why do we suddenly seem to notice everyone passing the buck to someone else? I’m guilty of it too. What happened to people doing what they say they’re going to do? Or perhaps, owning up to screw ups? You know, I really don’t think there is any truly mature people in this country anymore. It’s probably some sort of myth so that adults (and I use the term loosely) can control the young.

The last thing I’m going to talk about in this publication, until the fall, is movies. This summer was going to be the ultimate cinematic experience. This summer The Matrix 2 and X-Men 2 were SUPPOSED to come out along with Spiderman, Star Wars Episode 2, The Two Towers, Blade 2 and about 70 more sequels and movies. This would be excellent if people actually knew about them. Since the wankers in Hollywood couldn’t get their stuff together we have to wait until next summer to see The Matrix 2 and X-Men 2. There are more than four movies coming out this summer, but you wouldn’t know that by the promotions. People never hear about low budget, lower action, quality-plotline movies. If they did they might go see them, and maybe people would actually like Hollywood. Then again, maybe not. My other problem with movies is the ridiculous dialogue they use.

I had the misfortune of sitting through the Scorpion King this past weekend. It was all I could do to keep from ripping my ears off and clawing my eyes out in disgust. Granted no movie (except Tom Green’s) could ever reach the level of putrescence that the Scorpion King did. But generally speaking in the movies no one talks like a real person would.

It sucks TREMENDOUSLY. I implore anyone who can make a difference, please make a REALISTIC movie—and by realistic I don’t mean 30 year olds playing high schoolers or wrestlers trying to speak English—I mean realistic characters in realistic situations.

Oh yeah, stop using the death of a character to advance the plotline. That crap gets old.

If you’ve managed to get to this point you are awarded 98,797 experience points. Try to stay alive this summer. Who knows, I might need you for something in the future—unless your name has a vowel in it.

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