| Shuffling Dave What the blazes are you doin', Dave? Shuffling. Stirring the cards around on the table is shuffling? It is for me. Well that looks stupid. Oh, then watch. Dave picked up the cards, began shuffling and most flipped right out of his hands. Uh, okay, Dave. You can't shuffle with those shaky mitts of yours. No problem. Deal. As the card game went on, the other players' hands picked up Dave's hand tremors and so disturbing to those players was such shaking, they couldn't think straight. This gave Dave the upper hand and he came out the winner. Ha! he thought. Some people just can't handle hand tremors, and he scooped up his winnings and went home. |
| Buzzing Deputies "Maxy! Hear that buzzing? Sounds like bees. Check which tree has a hive. Don't wanna get stung. Our screams'd get us caught by the sheriff. Hurry! Yeah, I know, where it's comin' from keeps changin'. Now check! First, gimme the chickens. Auk! Let go my neck! Bossing? Okay! I'll stop." "Drop the chickens, boys, and hands up!" "Sheriff! You caught us, but hear that buzzing? Bees are gonna get you feelin' their sting." "Bees? Hah! That buzzing isn't bees, It's essential tremor vibrations in me. They come on strong and make a buzzing noise When I hunt for chicken thieves, boys. I call them my buzzing deputies." Back in town, The sheriff locked them up and washed a pill down. It stopped the buzzing, but when freed the felons Stole the rest, and ran off to steal more chickens. But the sheriff got a refill and caught them. |
| Tremor Tales page 21 |
| There's No Place Like Home "Look, bub," said the court bailiff. "Nod yes, Don't shake your head no, or else take your hand Off the Bible." Well, I tried, tried hard, my best, But I couldn't stop my head from shaking no. "I've about had it with you mister expert witness. Swear to tell the truth, do nothing else, or arrested You'll be for mocking the court oath." Perspiration Began to streak my cheeks at his determination, So I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, clicked my heels Three times while whispering, "There's no place like home," And when I opened them, there I was, home in Kansas. But woe, the bailiff'd been caught along. He arrested My hide for kidnapping him, and got me tried. I pled innocent, victim of tremor reels, And was given probation with the condition (groan) I not squeeze my eyes shut and click my heels While whispering, There's no place like home. |
| My Daughter's Boyfriend He sat at my dining room table, My daughter's fear-of-marriage boyfriend. We'd never before met; still we were able To converse congenially, almost to the end. The poor boy thought I was a normal lady, Till I, smiling, picked up my cup of tea And was hit with hand tremors. Tea flew into my face, and in horror The poor frightened boy raced for the door. He stumbled and fell, and I went to him To give comfort. But, "Get away!," he screamed. This hurt my feelings, so I said, "You can flee From tremors, but you can't flee from me." "Lady, I just wanna know, is it catchy?" "Um, could be, but marry my daughter And it won't be." They wed in October, With one hitch, during their reception bliss A tremor smashed cake in my face. He raised his glass of champagne to this And praised my tremors with gratitude and grace. |
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| Whale Sensitive As I left the ship's hangar bay, post-muster, I felt the ship give a sudden light shudder Though moored to the pier in still water. And vibrations shot from my boots to crown. The keel, I guessed, had been hit by a whale. I turned to tell this to a shipmate frowning At me. Had I turned fish belly pale? "You said back-to-back musters are dumb, Is that why you're shaking your noggin?" "A whale bumps the keel and you ask that?" "Huh? I felt no bump. You must be cracked." It's then I realize the ship had not vibrated, But my E T from being muster stressed. "Whale!" he laughs, and peers at the water portside. "Huh? There it is! From the keel! Dang my hide. Man, you're one whale sensing swab." "Yeah? Okay. Just call me Captain Ahab." |
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| Healing's Grace Far into the nebula of space I soar in search of Healing's grace. All around me starlight shimmers Illuminating my ailment's tenor. To its pinnacle I ascend Where Healing's essence I attend. This heavenly wonder does grace bestow And blessed I return to whence I rose, A soul released from illness woes. |
| Every Minute "Earthquake, earthquake, head for cover!" "That's not funny, my dear brother." "But I'm shaking just like you." "Oh give me a break you fakin' fool." That's when I saw the ceiling rockin' And knickknacks from shelves started fallin' "You're right! Earthquake!" I got cucumber cool And dragged my brother 'neath a table for pool. At the end of the point five quake I said, "Brother, that was a piece of cake." "Wow, sis, you weren't scared, not one bit." "Nope, quakes are in my blood, every minute." |
| When Sunlight's Gone When sunlight's gone and I'm in the dark I relax, though essential tremor Has a hold on me. What a lark Not to have it seen by another. Perhaps I'll move to where there's no light To expose my affliction for all to shun. Yet, to live in continuous night I cannot choose for me. Let the sun Shine on my tremor discomfort, For to hide its sinister court Would trap me in a life of forever Hiding my essential tremor. |
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