| Tremor Tales page 15 |
| Right Before His eyes I heard he was haughty and scolded, nonstop, All he met, he whom had power to jail them. If they protested, he'd call a cop And have them arrested, put in the Pen. As a new neighbor I took this warning To heart and I determined to put an end To this self-important man's terrorizing. Though others quickly jumped out of his path, I blocked his way as he strode the sidewalk. His voice crackled with tirades of wrath, But I stood my ground, resolved not to balk, Hopeful that my tremors would work As needed on him. They sped up twice over And midway through his bellowing, this jerk Stopped, struck dumb by my wildly vibrating members. Shrieks of fear burst from him and cops quickly Came. Then, thinking that he'd gone crazy, They hauled him off to a mental hospital. And around me my shakes were praised by all. Last I heard, he raves constantly 'bout a guy Who shook apart right before his eyes. |
| I, An Attorney Why am I, an attorney, thought by clients Lousy at helping defendants Just because my hands are shaky? "He's too nervous," one said, "to defend me." And a judge judged me the same to my boss, Thinking it was because I feared a loss In court for not being prepared. Even a doctor's note was needed To describe to my supervisor E T. But one thing about it that works for me, It makes opposing attorneys think I'll fail At keeping my clients out of jail. For my job I have great affection, But am I in the wrong profession? Do I want to live with shakes worsened by stress That comes on with each court quest? And gives doubt to my ability? Yes, I will not be deterred by my E T. |
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| "Alcohol!" "Cocaine!" Two train station patrons in line behind me Grew angry as I erratically Slipped a dollar into the ticket machine. "That shaky alchy's taking too long!" "Yeah, but it looks like cocaine withdrawal." "No, alcohol." "No, cocaine." "Alcohol!" "Shut up, you wouldn't know your head from a bong." "YOU shut up!" Fuming, the two scuffled And drew all eyes off my struggle. This relieved the stress I felt from stares, And would have benefited my tremors If I hadn't been accosted by a woman As I walked to the station platform. Hinting I was alcoholic, she said, "You're sick, And must change your diet to organic." "Oh god," I muttered. "Where is that train?" She also said I should take vitamins, Which brand she just happened to sell. "Fine," I said. But when she pushed colonics, well, I blew, and yelled to the fighters, "This lady says I have heroin tremors!" "No! Wrong!" they bawled, and charged her shouting, "Alcohol!" "Cocaine!" And she took off running. The train came then and I got on grinning. |
| Motion Stabilizer "You don't need a motion stabilizer," She persisted so doggedly that I chose Not to argue my tremor point with her. I studied her face, her elegant nose And said, "You're so photogenic that I'd Like to photograph all angles of you." And you should have seen her swell with pride. She, my career counselor, would've proved To be a model for a magazine cover, If my camera had had a motion stabilizer. It jiggled so much from my tremors that woe, All her shots looked taken by Picasso. Thinking her head had moved, she taped A motion stabilizer to it. Still my shots Were chaotic. "You win," she said. "Take The stabilizer." Camera then steady, I popped Off photos of her Picasso would envy. |
| Worse Than Uncle Bob In the waiting room, she eyed my tremors As I tried to fill out the form. Then loudly Said to her spouse 'cross the room, "He shakes worse Than your uncle Bob!" And everyone down from eighty To two turned to look at me. Since I was not At my construction site, I refrained from hot, Unsavory replies, but said, "A Rabbi Once was I, till many errant cuts made I When giving circumcisions. Results, by the by, Were bank busting lawsuits, so a pauper I've become. Might you lend me a quarter?" While others in the room laughed, even her spouse, She jumped up and exclaimed, "You louse!" And I responded, "Lady, I've a hunch You're the reason uncle Bob shakes so much." And she dragged her nodding spouse off in a huff. |
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