During the Great Depression, there was this man
who walked into a bar one day. He walked up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like
to buy the house a round of drinks". The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle
of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first". The guy pulls out a huge wad of bills and sets them
on the bar. Well, the bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?",
asked the bartender. "I'm a professional gambler", replied the man. The bartender said, "There's
no such thing! I mean, your odds are 50-50 at best, right?". "Well, I only bet on sure
things" said the guy. "Like what?" asked the bartender.
"Well, for example, I'll bet you $50 that I can bite
my right eye." The bartender thought about it. "OK". So, the guy pulls out his false right
eye and bites it. "Aw, you screwed me", said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50. "I'll give
you another chance. I'll bet you another $50 that I can bite my LEFT eye" said the stranger. The bartender
thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean I watched you walk in here.
I'll take that bet". So, the guy pulls out his false teeth and bites his left eye. "Aw, you
screwed me again". "That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle
of your best scotch in leiu of the $50", said the man.
With that, the guy went to the back room and spent
the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking
and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. The guy, drunk as a skunk, said, "Bartender, I'll give
you one last chance. I'll bet you $500 that I can stand on this bar here on one foot and piss into
that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop".
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy
couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "OK, you're on". The guy climbed
up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the
bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender
said, "Hey pal, you owe me $500!". The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's OK. I
just bet each of the guys in the card room $1000 each that I could piss all over you AND the
bar and still make you laugh!".
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