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Standings at Pit Stop 10:
1st - Chip and Kim
2nd - Linda and Karen
3rd - Brandon and Nicole
4th - Colin and Christie
August 14, 2004 - episode 11 was a non-elimination round
5th - Kami and Karli - eliminated September 7, 2004 - episode
10
August 31, 2004 - episode 9 was a non-elimination round
August 24, 20004 - episode 8 was a non-elimination round.
6th - Charla and Mirna - eliminated August 17, 2004 - episode
7
7th - Marshall and Lance - eliminated August 10, 2004 - episode
6
August 3, 2004 - episode 5 was a non-elimination round
8th - Bob and Joyce- eliminated July 27 - episode 4
9th - Jim and Marsha - eliminated July 20 - episode 3
10th - Alison and Donnie - eliminated July 13 - episode
2
11th - Dennis and Erika - eliminated July 6 - episode 1
(Please note that the recaps 1-4 are by me, those since then have been borrowed from someone esle - her name is Carly and she is a regular poster at Reality TV Net. The views and comments expressed by her are hers and hers alone, and may not reflect my opinions.)
Episode 11 - September 14, 2004
So, we pick things up with the teams Mandatorily Resting in New Zealand. Fortunately, we are spared having to watch a team beg for money as this next leg of the race began. Oh, it’s been brutal watching the teams endure the agony of having to use their ”sexual gifts” (Kwins) and ”being outside of their comfort zones” (Brandon/Nicole) like that. Yawn.
The teams must now drive 220 miles to Westhaven Marina in Auckland, where they will locate a yacht named “Hydroflow” (oooh, clever name…) and find their first clue.
Christie announces that “the other teams suck”. And I’m thinking that they decided she’ll be the bad cop this leg of the race? To give Colin a break? Because clearly, obviously, she knew that there was a camera right in front of her when she said this with enthusiastic vehemence. So, she must not have cared how it made her look? Interesting.
Linda and Karen are bickering with one another…not a great way to start things off, ladies. I know that you finished well last week, but you’re still hanging on by a thread, IMHO. Be careful!
“We need to look for a big ‘ol yacht” says Brandon. Hee!
“We can have friends later” says Chip, discussing their new aggressive race strategy with Kim & the cameraman. And I can’t help thinking “I’ll believe it when I see it, Chipster! Didn’t you see how people reacted to Sally Field’s “you like me, you really like me” approach to life? Wasn’t really the big hit you might have expected, was it?”
The clue they find at the yacht?
It’s a ROAD BLOCK:
“Strong arms, strong legs, and no fear of heights” are the requirements
(or suggestions, really) for this task. The teams must (one team at a time)
take a boat to a bridge, where the chosen team member will climb a 75 foot ladder
to the bridge & walk along the beams in order to grab a clue awaiting them,
then they will be lowered back down by rope (like a bungee cord, yet it didn’t
appear to have much bounce to it) to their awaiting boat and teammate.
Being the extreme-sports-loving guy that he is, Colin flies through this task and yells “yeeeeeehaaaawwww” as he jumps off the bridge (no, sadly, he waited until after the cord was attached to do so).
When the teams have completed this Road Block, they will fly 5,000 miles to Manilla in the Phillipines, then find their next task/clue at Malaguena Motors. I hear they’re the GM of the Phillipines! Actually, that’s not much of a compliment these days, is it? Okay…they’re the Toyota of the Phillipines!
“Oh, God help me” cries Brandon, upon hearing the Road Block instructions. Sigh. I suppose I could choose to be impressed by the fact that Brandon doesn’t seem to mind millions of people viewing him as a total whimp, on world-wide television, because he’s comfortable with who he is and doesn’t care what we think. But, I’m not impressed by this. I’m annoyed…because what the heck did they think that they were going to be asked to do on TAR? Badminton contests? Ping Pong? Search for clues in kiddie sandboxes? And? This is a race…let’s quit whining & start racing, okay?!
Guess where Linda and Karen are? You’ll never believe it…they’re lost! They stop to ask directions, and I notice that Karen is hoarse. It appears that all that screeching has caused her to lose her voice. Linda seems to be made of much tougher stuff, her voice is still just fine, perfectly strong and loud (very, very loud). Her vocal cords appear to have been built-up over the years, by all that screeching and shrieking.
“I’m intimidated by heights” Brandon tells us. Oh, for goodness sake. I’m terrified of heights, myself…but if I agreed to be on a show like this, I’d have to have a mindset going into it that I would just plow through things, and do the best I could (WITH NO WHINING).
Colin and Christie have gotten themselves booked onto a very good flight. They’re pleased, and confident. That won’t last long!
Karen comments (sorry, I’m tired of using the word “whine”) to Linda “What do you think, Linda, we’re last again?” Hey, Karen, want to see my violin? It’s the tiniest one in the world, I’m told! (Yes, I know that’s a juvenile joke! But I cracked myself up with it, so I’m leaving it in the review!)
“Holy COOOOWWWWWW” shouts Brandon as he jumps off the bridge. Ha! Way to go, buddy! Of course, this moment of pride for Brandon is short-lived, and ruined by Nicole as she instructs the guys on the boat to “get him, don’t hurt my boyfriend”.
Brandon does a little victory dance on the boat upon landing, which was actually very cute & endearing, I must admit.
“It looks to be as tall as the Empire State Building” Chip says, regarding the bridge. I don’t know about that, Chip, but I suppose when you’re terrified of heights (as we’re told that Chip is) it would appear to be. Chip is freaking out quite a bit, saying prayers & quoting scripture passages to himself as he ascends to the bridge.
Linda/Kim finally locate the yacht, and get the clue (no, we wish). As Chip/Kim are leaving the bridge, their boat passes the mom’s boat…we can see that Linda is already geared-up (literally, not emotionally) for this task.
“I don’t know anything
about the Phillipines” says Nicole, as they are taxiing towards the airport.
To which Brandon replies “Me either, I (only) know it’s an island.”
Back at the bridge, Linda is rising
to the challenge of walking along the bridge beamwork to get the clue from the
woman awaiting her…whereupon Linda freaks out and panics as she hears
that the woman will now attach her to a cord & lower her to the boat. “Will
this rope hold me?” she worries. I have to admit, that’s what I
always worry about with those types of things…it’s the trust factor.
And I’m not a naturally trusting person, I guess.
She is told that she has to step off the edge of the bridge, and this is clearly
a VERY difficult thing for her to do. I do understand that. But at this point
you just have to close your eyes, and allow yourself to fall. Either you’re
here to compete, or you aren’t.
I give tremendous kudos to the moms for their guts and for their senses of humor. They seem well able to laugh at themselves, and I love this about them.
At the airport, Brandon/Chip/Moms talk about how hard that Road Block was. They hug, they commiserate. Enough already. Get your tickets!
Colin and Christie are in Singapore, well ahead of the other teams…but they are unable to catch their connecting flight. They scramble to make other arrangements, but this causes them precious time…and it seems that they will now land in Manilla AFTER the other teams.
Hey…guess what we see the teams doing at the Singapore airport? They’re sleeping on the floor! Under sparkly metallic blankets! Killing time until their flights leave in the morning. I feel very satisfied seeing them have to suffer like this…it’s about time. Enough of these cushy Mandatory Naptimes! Let’s see a little more hardship, please.
They are shocked to see Colin/Christie walking dowards them “We couldn’t let you guys have all the fun” says Colin as he and Christie walk towards them.
As teams arrive in the Phillipines, the teams know that a YIELD is approaching, and they are all eager to use it on Colin/Christie since they know that for once they are actually ahead of Colin/Christie. “Colin/Christie are like the LA Lakers” Chips tells us.
The competitive juices are flowing now, and people are knocking one another out of the way to get to the Yield box, and then the nearby clue box. For some reason, they’re all battling over being the ones to Yield Colin/Cristie. And I’m not sure I understand this technique? What does it benefit you to Yield another team, and make them your enemy for the balance of the race? Having watched Colin/Christie, do they really believe that Colin/Christie will react positively and readily forgive them for having done this to them? Chip seems eager to prove that he’s racing aggressively now, and he’s tossing people out of the way so that he can be the one to Yield Colin/Christie…and I’d say that this is mis-placed assertiveness. “Settle down, Chip” says Karen. Heh.
So, Chip eagerly places the picture of Colin/Christie on the Yield board, with his & Kim’s picture underneath “Courtesy of…”.
The teams now rush over to Malaguena Motors, where they learn that they will be required to deck-out a Jeep (I think Phil called them “Jeepnee”s? It seems that these are frequently used in place of taxi’s in Manilla?) with a pile of parts that have been left for them…mostly decorative items, but they all have specific placement requirements.
Karen and Linda kick butt on this…and I agree with their reasoning as to why that was the case, because they’re moms & they’re used to assembling toys for their children! Have you seen some kids toys lately? And the accompanying 1,000 page direction manuals? Sheesh.
Colin/Christie arrive at Malaguena Motors to discover that they’ve been Yielded. Chip looks as though he’s about to be ill. “DAMMIT” shouts Colin. Then “How about that?” as they realize which team it was who Yielded them.
Now…some comments/observations:
1. Colin/Christie have repeatedly said that they wouldn’t use a Yield
in order to gain ground in the Race.
a. Will they continue to feel that
way, now that they’re in last place? b. Will they continue to feel that
way, now that they themselves have been Yielded?
c. If given a chance next week, would they/will they Yield someone (ie: Chip/Kim)?
2. If Chip’s going to be a tougher competitor, he’s got to grow a stronger spine. He couldn’t even concentrate on the Jeepnee task, he was so busy looking sheepishly over his back at Colin.
3. Some people have been saying that Colin was glaring at Chip/Kim at this point.
a. If so, do you blame him?
b. I think he did, but only for a little bit…until…
c. He realized it would benefit him/Christie to take that time & watch how
the other teams were assembling their Jeepnee’s.
Once in their Jeepnee’s (with a driver) the teams are supposed to look
for the “Field behind the Giant Duck” (which was in either Pretoria
or Victoria, I couldn’t tell what Phil said!), where they’ll find
their next clue.
Chip is in his/Kim’s Jeepnee, STILL perseverating over & apologizing for & justifying using the Yeild. Get over it, Chip! RAAAAACE!
Colin/Christie’s driver is slowing down to avoid pedestrians in the roadways, and Christie shouts to him “That’s okay, just run them over”. Wha? Does she think that Colin will be lonely in jail without her by his side?
DETOUR: Plow or Foul
Plow: use an ox-drawn plow to plow a field (no, a mud-patch)…the plow will eventually unearth a clue
Foul: herd 1,000 ducks to a field/pen a ways away
Once they’ve completed this Detour, they’ll drive 120 miles to a place called the Coconut Palace (which I must say, is a fitting place to send some of these teams).
Brandon/Nicole are mucking around with the ox, and are the first team to locate the clue in the mud. They rush to find a cab, but are told that they must take a bus to Manilla (apparently, there are no cabs in the Mighty Ducks location).
Moms Bowling complete the ox-drawn plow task 2nd, after Linda sits on her rear end (laughing) in the mud (um, I’m thinking that that’s probably not just mud, and as much as I’d hate to be walking around in it…I’d really not be thrilled to sit down in it!).
Chip/Kim also unearth the clue, and they’re now in 3rd place.
It’s difficult for us to decipher just how far behind Colin/Christie were at this point? I don’t think they were all THAT far behind the other teams…until…
Christie, for some reason, decides that the best strategy for this task is for her to simply stand on the grass beside the mud pit, and chide/nag/berate/chastise Colin from the sidelines. Because? We’ve all seen what an effective method this is for inspiring Colin to succeed.
Colin is freaking out, because this really isn’t a one-person task, particularly for someone who is not experienced leading a humongous ox through a muddy field, attempting to push/direct a plow. It looks nearly impossible, and Colin is proving this theory to be true…as he loses his mind.
My favorite line of the entire show? When Colin yells out ”I’m PLOWIN’ it” at Christie, when she’s nagging at him from the sidelines! Oh, no, wait…he didn’t say that. That was only wishful thinking! I’m still loving the “I’m PACKIN’ it” from the brick-making task, and I was hoping he’d continue the trend Heh.
Seriously? My favorite line is when Colin screams “My ox is broken!”. HA! “This is bullshit.” He continues…”Where is he (the ox) going?”
And this whole time, Christie is standing on the side of the field…not helping him. Lovely. Then she tops it off by saying to Colin (and I quote) “If there is anyway possible for you to control him?”.
“Oh, my God, I hate you” Colin moans loudly. And I really believe that he was saying this to the ox, although others believe that he was saying this to Christie. Either way? I wouldn’t really blame the guy.
Moms Bowling? Colin shrieked more during this scene than you have throughout the entire race.
And, I thought that my own mother was the biggest nag I’d ever seen. Now, I’ve got to officially relieve her of that title & pass it along to Christie. She’s much more deserving.
Colin yells at Christie “Get the f*&% over here and help me look” (for the clue). “Okay” says Christie with resignation in her voice. Then…and we don’t know how this was edited, how long it actually took her to locate it, but…Christie leans over a patch that Colin has already plowed, and says “it’s right here” smugly.
Colin/Christie are now on a bus, racing to catch up with the other teams. Chip is still looking over his shoulder to see if C/C are going to catch up with him, and tell him that he’s no longer their best friend. He’s really much more afraid of that, than he is of losing the race and the million dollars.
Colin/Christie decide to get off of the bus ASAP & grab a taxi, and this same thought also occurs to Chip/Kim, and then the others (although it seems that the moms got their cue/clue from B/N). However? Linda/Karen can’t locate a taxi. Brandon/Nicole get a cab right away, but their driver doesn’t appear to have heard of the Coconut Palace.
“Why do we always get bad taxi’s?”
–Nicole
“It’s in the Lord’s hands, right?” –Brandon
(As the brilliant editors of TAR show us a medallion containing a picture of
Jesus, hanging from a cab’s (their cab?) rear view mirror. Hee.)
Chip/Kim arrive at the Pit Stop 1st…and they win a trip to Hawaii!
While this is nice and all, Phil could have given them a much more valuable
prize. He could have provided Chip with a brand new backbone!
But you gotta love that Chip smiles to the camera “Like I always say, God takes care of His idiots…and I’m first on the list!”.
Karen/Linda, surprisingly, are Team 2. They are as shocked as we are!
We see Brandon/Nicole and Colin/Christie
begging their drivers to go faster. Brandon is throwing money at their driver,
bribing him forth…
We’re meant to believe that this is going to be a very close finish.
Whose taxi IS that, pulling into the Coconut Palace? Why, it’s Brandon/Nicole! I guess bribery works, huh, Brandon?!
So…this means that Team Colin/Christie are going to arrive last. But even before this happened, you just knew that this was going to be a non-elimination leg. Which, naturally, it was. “I love you, baby, give me a kiss” says Colin. Of course, she does. They’re both happy…happy, happy, happy. They don’t care about losing their money, because if the others teams could survive that, then they surely can (and I do believe that this is true). As long as Colin can relax enough to be polite & charming (which he is capable of, as we’ve seen at times) they’ll do just fine. Christie just needs to keep her trap shut.
Also? Colin’s looking cuter than usual in his baseball hat (versus headlamp) and bit of beard/’stache (versus a bad 70’s ‘do and beady eyes). He’s still got the beady eyes, I mean there’s not much to be done about that, but somehow the facial hair & baseball hat detract from that feature.
We see Nicole saying “I know that the Lord has put everything in me to win”. And, it’s sad, really…because this shows us that she has a problem with short-term memory loss. Remember your refusal to run (or even walk faster), Nicole, while Brandon was pulling the furniture cart? Remember your refusal to shave your hair? Remember…oh, never mind.
So…next week? The 2-hour season
finale! Yeah, baby.
I am still rooting for Chip/Kim, but not enthusiastically.
I just can’t bring myself to root for Brandon/Nicole or the Moms Bowling
over Colin/Christie, as much as I hate to say that, because they just haven’t
played as well as Colin/Christie.
But, honestly? There’s not a single team in this bunch (now that Mirna/Schmirna and the Twits are gone) that I’ll be angry over, if they win. And I can’t decide if that’s a good thing, or a bad thing! In some ways, it makes me care less about the final results of the Race. But in some ways, it makes for a more peaceful & pleasant show to watch.
Episode 10 - September 7, 2004
Where did we leave off last time? Nicole weeping “I’m such an idiot” after refusing to shave her head (much to Brandon’s relief) for a Fast Forward, them coming in last place…yet finding out (“WHAAAAAATTT?” yells Brandon) that this was a non-elimination leg, so they lose their money but not their hair. And the entire modeling industry sighs a huge sigh of relief.
Hey, did anyone else notice that KamiKarli look a lot like John Lithgow? They really do!
So…we’re in Calcutta, India at the Victoria Memorial, where the teams are enjoying a mandatory rest period in what looks like a highly swanky hotel. I wonder if the hotel management realized what they were agreeing to, with 5 grubby teams of fatigued racers hanging out in their gorgeous facility? That’s not necessarily the type of publicity a place like this would want, is it? Hey, maybe they’re vying for the next hobo convention to take place at the hotel.
So…we see Brandon and Nicole walking around begging people for money inside of the posh hotel…much to the chagrin of some of the patrons. Again, I’m thinking that the management wasn’t too thrilled about this. Next time that call comes through from the TAR producers in America? These people are hanging up!
Brandon and Nicole don’t seem to be faring all that well initially, but they finally gather together enough money that they can (much to their relief “We’re out of our comfort zone with this”-B/N) stop begging.
Phil tells us that the teams must go directly from the Victoria Memorial to a travel agency, where they will have to book their tickets to fly to Auckland, New Zealand (7,000 miles away). Upon arrival in Auckland, they must drive 220 miles to the Rotorua (God bless you, Scooby Doo!) Museum, where they’ll find their first clue.
Colin/Christie and Chip/Kim arrive at the travel agency first, and seem to be working together at this point to secure tickets. Although at times it looks more like they’re eavesdropping on one another’s conversations with the ticket agents.
Linda/Karen tell us that “our goal for this race is to finish top 3”. Really? Well, that explains a lot. What a lousy, pathetic strategy. It reminds me of a friend of mine who recently said that “Doing good in life is good enough…we shouldn’t work so hard trying to do our best, or waste time trying to be perfect.” I thought that was a horrible Life Mission Statement, too! I hope that I never stop trying to be the best person that I can be. If we do, it’s all over but the crying, isn’t it?
Okay, Linda and Karen really need to stop screeching at everyone and everything…or I’m going to be forced to reach through my TV and stuff a “Bowling Moms” t-shirt into their mouths! Really, ladies, I admire your enthusiasm. But bridle it just a bit, okay? The rest of us are starting to suffer from hearing loss.
At this point, Velcro turns to me and says “I’m rooting for the bowling moms”…just to annoy me. Grrrrrrr….
Colin/Christie and Chip/Kim take a chance on booking only partial tickets…for the first portion of their travels towards New Zealand, hoping that upon arrival at their next destination/stop, they would be able to get onto the next flights. I believe that they did this because the flight/s that they really wanted the most were not yet open for seat-bookings. Still, seems very risky to me. And, naturally, by the time that KamiKarli and Brandon/Nicole get to the travel agency, those seats are available. So that means the flight already has 4 fewer seats available.
Once at the airport, at Singapore Airlines, Colin/Christie and Chip/Kim all crowd into one small office to try and secure those same seats…only to have the agent tell Chip/Kim that they’ll have to step outside and wait their turn. Chip/Kim run over to another nearby Singapore Airlines agent (very smart, rather than simply waiting passively)...but, it’s too late. Colin/Christie have gotten the final 2 seats available on the flight. Chip/Kim have to get a flight that’s due to arrive a bit behind the others.
“That doggone Colin & Christie” says Chip. Whoa, there, Chip.
You might land yourself in jail with that kind of talk! Them’s fighting
words!
Seriously I don’t know if it was jet lag or what, but I noticed that everyone was being incredibly calm & reasonable at this point…in spite of their rushing around trying to secure flights. I’m sure this calm before the storm won’t last, but it’s very relaxing in the meantime!
As an aside - I’m a little confused by something. I thought Phil told the teams that they weren’t allowed to purchase tickets at the airport, and they had to purchase them through the ticket agency. But then why was everyone running around the airport securing & exchanging tickets? I’m sure I missed something…but I found this odd.
So…all teams are on the same flight from Calcutta to Bangkok (“One Night in Bangkok…and the world’s your oyster!” The teams should try to remember this, it might prove helpful to them.). Upon arriving in Bangkok, they all scramble in various directions to catch their connecting flights, exchange tickets (again), etc. We heard the phrase ”Hold on, I’ll check” from about 200 different ticket agents, in about 30 different languages.
COMMERCIAL:
We can bid on a dinner with Survivor Rupert? Talk about inspiration to jump-start
that diet I’ve been planning!
KamiKarli try Ye Olde approach at the airport of saying that they phoned to make reservations (which they didn’t) and don’t understand for the life of them how those reservations were lost & now they don’t have confirmed seats on the flight that they want. I think they actually forgot after a few minutes (seconds?) that they’d made up this story, and they got quite indignant at the ticket agent. She was fabulous, basically calling their bluff & saying “no confirmation, no reservation, end of story…buh, bye”. Love it!
KamiKarli are finally able to get tickets on a flight w/ Chip/Kim and Brandon/Nicole…barely. They run to catch the flight, and arrive just in time, much to the dismay of the others.
The moms - Are again the last ones to arrive (this time in New Zealand).
Chip/Kim - Are again lost, as they try to find their way to the museum.
KamiKarli - “ditto”
Whereas Colin/Christie and Brandon/Nicole seemed to follow the map without incident, and found their way immediately. So it’s either ineptitude on the others teams parts, or sloppiness. Neither is a good trait to bring into a race around the world!
They all eventually find the Rotorua Museum (seriously, doesn’t it sound like something Scooby Doo would say?!), and are faced with a Yield option. One by one they say ‘no’…and then walk over to grab their awaiting clues.
The Detour? “Clean
or Dirty”
Honest to goodness, someone with a seriously one-tracked, immature mind named
the tasks during this TAR! And I should know!
For “Clean” the teams will drive 13 miles to a Falls, where they will do something called Whitewater Sledging. It actually looks pretty fun, albeit a bit treacherous.
For “Dirty” the teams will drive 10 miles to Hells Gate Mud Pits…so search for clues in the mud. Sounds like tons of fun, doesn’t it? Bleh.
As Colin/Christie drive along…Colin actually apologizes (!!!) for not listening to Christie as she provides driving directions…and they have a mature (!!!) conversation about learning to communicate with one another, admit when they’re wrong, apologize, etc. I hear Satan and his minions wincing as they listen to this interchange “We’re losing him!”
Brandon really annoys me. For a tall, healthy guy…he’s a complete and total wimp. He’s panicking about the whitewater sledging, so they decide to go for the mud-slinging task. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Do these two really want to win, or what? And you just know that Satan’s minions are having a blast over there at Hell’s Gate, hiding the clue (remember the sand pit? That was their handiwork as well!).
Also? Again Brandon uses
Nicole as his excuse for not choosing the sledging…”I don’t
want Nicole banging her head”. Sure, Brandon. Wimp.
Nicole seemed ready to do it. So, nice try. They get into the SUV and drive
towards Hell.
Linda is also wimping-out about the sledging, but this time Karen pushes for them to do it. “They’re screwing the helmet to my head,” laughs Linda, “that can’t be good!”
We see Brandon/Nicole struggling in the muck at Hell’s Gate. Nicole is trying to make it seem like & look like lots of fun. Doesn’t work. It’s just a yucky, disgusting mess. And the clue is hidden really well…Satan is proud.
We see that Colin has gleefully done the sledging, including the final bit where they must tumble (sledge & all) over a medium-sized falls. Christie is more tentative, but she does it. There’s a moment where Christie’s sledge surfaces, but she does not. You can see Colin’s smile fade, and his body tense up as he decides whether or not to jump in after her…then she surfaces. Yikes. Tense moment.
Chip/Kim seem to be debating about using the Yield…and for some reason, they believe that the twins are their greatest threat in the game (heh?), so it’s possible they’ll use the Yield to halt the twins as the twins head towards the finish like a jet-propelled rocket (oh, they aren’t? Nevermind.). At the last minute, as the twins are running towards Chip as he’s fumbling through the pictures in the Yield box, he turns and announces that they won’t use the Yield. KamiKarli tell us that Chip has redeemed himself (yet again, for something he never did in the first place). How generous of them. Sigh.
After deciding not to yield the twins, Chip/Kim realize that the moms are ahead of them, and not behind them at this point…as they’d thought. They realize that they probably made a huge mistake in not using the Yield. Well, only time will tell.
Gack! ANOTHER Survivor commercial with Rupert…this time with him sitting as an armchair critic of the upcoming Survivor: Vanuatu contestants. Excuuuuse me? Didn’t Rupert lose Survivor? Both times? Until the forces of Burnett/Probst stepped in to ensure his win of a million dollars? Since when is he a Survivor expert? AND did I hear them say that he’s going to be there to welcome the new contestants? I’m telling you now, if I see Rupert’s big face anywhere near Survivor: Vanuatu, that’s the last episode of Survivor I’m watching! Ever!
Okay…the moms and Chip/Kim are sledging. I’m so proud of Chip/Kim, they just throw themselves into this task. No hesitation at all…now that is the way to race, Colin-style. But, Karen? Is now panicking at the falls drop-off. She finally does it, with Linda’s encouragement. And Linda calls out to her “Your kids are going to be so proud of you!” at which point, sap that I am, I was weeping.
My kids? Along with my husband, talked me into water-tubing the last couple of summers when we were on vacation at a lake. Can I tell you how much I hated it? Aren’t I a cool enough mom that I go hiking with them, play baseball with them, throw a football around with them, go snowmobiling with them, etc? Do I have to also endure a butt-numbing and face-pelting experience like water-tubing? At least last year it was simply miserable, whereas this past summer I actually hurt my back doing it! Never again, I tell you!
Brandon/Nicole have forgotten to invoke the name of God, so while Satan and his minions sit laughing quietly in the shadows, the clue remains well hidden from Brandon/Nicole.
The twins are on their way to the mud pits. I’m surprised that they wimped-out on the sledging, to be honest. They’ve been reasonably daring up until now. Not that I’m complaining that they’ve chosen a task that almost ensures that they’ll finish in last place, mind you.
“Why do we pick the
hard things (tasks)?” whines Nicole
Gosh, Nicole, perhaps it’s because your pretty boyfriend is a big ol’
girly man! And he’s afraid to do pretty much everything! And? Because
you’re both not playing this game very well at this point. Oh, I’m
sorry. Were you looking for sympathy? You’ve come to the wrong place!
It’s in hiding, along with your clue.
Did it SOUND to these teams as though the searching through mud task for a small object would be easier than the being carried along by water on a floating object task? I mean, c’mon. Use your brains! Oh, sorry, B/N and K/K. I forgot who I was talking about/to.
Once they complete the Clean/Dirty Detour, they must then make their way to a Road Block, where they have to choose who is up for “a wild ride”. This entails climbing into a large rubber ball (which they must blow up first using the pumps provided) with a double-walled type construction, and tumble down a hill inside of it, then at the bottom of the hill they must walk (inside of it) like a hamster in an exercise ball (as Phil says) to the finish line, where the Pit Stop for this leg of the race is. This looked like a really fun time! I’d definitely do this one…
Colin is pumped up, man. He loved the whitewater sledging, and he’s REALLY psyched to do the Zorb ball. Christie tells us how this is the stuff that reminds her how much she loves Colin, and she tells us how he loves extreme sports, they give him a rush. I’m not sure how ‘extreme’ I think any of these things are…but he’s certainly got his rush going. He’s doing back flips, yelling excitedly. Wow.
They finish as Team#1…and win ANOTHER vacation. This time to Europe. Well, even if they don’t win the million, they’ll have certainly won a boatload of vacation prizes!
Karen does the Zorb ball…and they finish as Team#2.
Meanwhile…back in Hell…”At this point, we’re realizing that we made a huge mistake” says Brandon. (“At this point?” Hoo, boy.) They’re on their hands and knees in the mud. Finally, the angelic music plays & Brandon calls out “Lord, help us find this, please”…whereupon they seem to immediately unearth the clue from the muck. “Thank God. Literally” says Nicole. (God: “Sure, no problem. I’ve been sitting around waiting for you to ask me.)
By the way “At the Falls” I noticed that Kim is the only one who entered the water, on her sledge, gracefully! She didn’t do the headlong dive that the others all did…she jumped in in such a way that her whole body landed at the same time, level on top of the water/sledge. Very nice technique, Kim! She probably did it that way to try and salvage her hairdo, as much as possible, but still…nicely done.
“Babe, I hate this
stuff” says Brandon, regarding the Zorb ball.
“Yeah, but I want a million dollars!” replies Nicole. (Finally!)
Brandon/Nicole finish as Team#3. “That’s cool” comments Nicole.
KamiKarli are still in Hell. They’re being unusually calm about it, and quite nice to one another. And they seem to find the clue fairly quickly.
At this point, the editing made it look for a bit as though Chip/Kim and the twins were racing against one another. Who is in last place? Impossible to tell…that is, until we see that Chip/Kim have arrived at the Zorb roadblock. They’re Team#4 to finish.
NOW we see that the twins are pretty far behind the others, because it’s dark when they arrive at the Zorb Block and Pit Stop. And? They are eliminated. It’s about time!!! Good to see someone eliminated, finally. And, surprisingly, they were pretty decent to one another at the finish; they took the high road…whodda thunkit? (They weren’t exactly crying or hugging each other, either, though.)
Next week?
Chip confronts his fear of heights (did we know this about Chip? I don’t
recall this little tidbit about him…).
And we never saw this one coming…but Colin/Christie have a knock-down, drag-out, meltdown! No way! Something new and different.
We left off with the teams being in Dubai, in the United Arab Emirates. Guess what? They’re still there!
Another gleeful reminder? KamiKarli were stripped of their money last round, for being the last to arrive at the Pit Stop (a non-elimination). Gosh, did you see how much money they handed over to Phil? These ladies must be thrifty!
The teams must now drive 35 miles to the Wild Wadi water park in Dubai. (“Wild Wadi”’s! Hee! Did Elmer Fudd name this place?) Here they’ll find their next clue.
Christie shares with us the totally obvious information that Colin has a short fuse, and he becomes less capable of racing well when he becomes frustrated…because he makes bad decisions. Gee, you think?
Nicole is commenting to Brandon as they drive along that those ‘things’ are on every corner…Brandon seems to be trying to figure out (as weren’t we all) what ‘things’ she could be talking about…ah, yes, it was those little things called ‘mosques’. You know, that those foreign heathens worship inside of? Either Nicole is being ignorant, or she’s being fairly disdainful. Hard to tell. But either way, she seems displeased by the notion of the mosques being so plentiful. She comments that “The mosques (around here) are like Starbucks (at home).” Lovely analogy, that.
The moms share with us that “The other teams see us as average moms, and don’t see us as a threat.” Um, yes. Perhaps that’s because you haven’t BEEN much of a threat to them thus far. Could that possibly be the explanation? I mean, you seem very nice & all that. But as racers? Not real impressive. Certainly not intimidating.
KamiKarli are off to use their sexual prowess to get themselves some money…they talk about being willing to give back rubs, flirt, do whatever it takes to get money so that they can move ahead in the race. Again, these ladies are so dull-witted that they’re taking serious chances in a culture that keeps its women fully covered from head to toe…and in which stonings still occur. Risky & stupid…but not surprising…that they’d do so.
They pull up alongside a vehicle with two men inside and basically say that they’ll do anything for money…the men are gaping at them, and I’m sure they’re thinking that these are prostitutes. What the heck else would they think? KamiKarli are in the relative safety of their own vehicle, so they speed off as soon as they’ve hopped out to give the men hugs to thank them for forking over a bit of cash. I’m sure the guys were seriously disappointed (“What? That’s all we get?”)
Then they find some egocentric attention-whore of a man, who clearly doesn’t mind losing a wad of cash in exchange for his 15 minutes (or seconds, if you want to be exacting about the whole thing)…he leads them, in his Porsche, to Wild Wadi’s (hee!) where he then hands them a bunch of money…and hugs them simultaneously (thank God, because I still have no idea which is which, so I wouldn’t be able to say which he hugged or in what order), while nauseatingly mouthing to the camera behind their backs “TWINS!”. Blech. Hey, buddy? These aren’t the Barbi twins.
Once the teams arrive at the water park, they are told that they must climb to the top of a 108 foot (!!!) water slide, and go down (you plummet at 50 MPH! eeegads) it.
Once they’ve completed
this…they must then fly to Calcutta, India.
The clue specifically tells them to “drive yourselves to the airport”…but
Chip/Kim miss this part & summon a taxi.
Fortunately for them, Linda/Karen leave their bag behind containing their passports.
Both teams have to turn around in order to correct their mistakes…both fall behind. (I can’t believe that Linda/Karen’s bag is still there…and I have to wonder if a TAR staffer guarded it for them?)
Okay…regarding Linda/Karen…I know people who keep saying what “bad luck” these moms experience, and that they admire them for still being in the game. However, my contention is that many of the ‘bad luck’ experiences that the moms have had were NOT bad luck…but poor playing, being too trusting/being naïve, being ill-experienced at traveling. This whole leg of the race is FULL of examples of this…them forgetting their bag, as well as two other major things that are to come, and they STILL manage to finish decently. I think these ladies are LUCKY!
So…that next example I was talking about with Linda/Karen? Happens after they’ve gone back and gotten their forgotten bag. They’re shouting out to a cab driver nearby their vehicle, asking how to get to the airport. He says “I’m going there, follow me.” They think that they’re really fortunate, and don’t think (after all the problems that people have had throughout this race with taxi’s) to be sure to say “No charge?”. They cheerily follow him, thinking that good fortune has befallen them. They arrive at the airport…thank him, hand him $5.00 for his efforts…but he turns and demands 41 dinar (he says “look at my meter”). Linda refuses to pay, and they walk away from him (the ghost of Colin floats in the background). He calls out “I know people”. What, is he from the Middle Eastern version of the Soprano’s?
The great irony in this, as the Taxicab Faregate Scandals continue, is that they were so snotty to Colin during his problems with a cabbie at the airport last race. And now they’re refusing to pay this cab driver & security is hauling Linda away! Oh, you can’t make this stuff up.
Side comment?:
What with TAR being on at 9pm instead of 10pm tonight, at least where I live
it was, I figured I’d let my kids stay up and watch TAR with me &
Velcro. Let them see the show that mommy writes reviews for, and talks to all
her friends about. Yeah, very nice, except that the COMMERCIALS last night were
ridiculous! I’m not sure they could have shown more previews for CSI and
Law & Order type shows…where they were shown pulling rotting corpses
from the Hudson Bay, etc. Sigh. We were constantly clicking the TV off &
on…what a stressful way to watch a show that you’re trying to take
notes on! Thanks very much, CBS.
So…Chip/Kim were the
last team to arrive at the airport.
Everyone is standing around (including Karen, who is summoning the spirit of
Christie) watching Linda being led away by Security. Linda is saying “I
don’t want to go!” No kidding? You don’t?! And she actually…I
kid you not…says “but we have a flight to catch!” (payback
can be an ironic bitch, can’t it, Linda?)
In spite of all of this…and I honestly don’t recall there being resolution on this whole Taxigate situation, but I think my mind was numb from being bored by yet ANOTHER taxi conflict so it’s quite likely that I missed it because my eyes had completely glazed over...all 5 teams were able to get onto the flight from Dubai to Mumbai, India.
From Mumbai to Calcutta four of the teams would be on the same flight, but due to Chip/Kim’s late arrival at the airport they were unable to get onto that flight & must catch one that will get them to Calcutta approximately 10 minutes after the others. With all the flight delays that there have been? I wouldn’t worry too much, if I were them.
Once in Calcutta, the teams must find the Sahid Minar, which if I recall correctly was a monument of some sort?
In their taxi’s on the way to (the) Sahid Minar, we see that the area they’re traveling through is quite congested, not particularly nice…and more than a few of them comment on the smell. Colin in particular is quite condescending and mocking about this (big shock there, huh?). Christie chides him for this, and he says “Whaaaat?” like a naughty adolescent boy.
The teams all say no to a YIELD. I’m glad, because I don’t like that option.
So, the clues they locate at the Sahid Minar tell them to travel 13 miles by taxi to a brick-making company called the “Globe Brick Factory”. Here they find a Road Block where they must make 20 mud bricks, which have to meet and pass the inspection of the factory manager in order for them to move on & receive their clue.
Chip and Colin arrive first and get to work. Chip seems to be really good at making bricks. Colin is pathetic, and all of his are falling apart. Heh. Here we see what intuition Christie shows as she interacts with an already irritated and faltering Colin (remember what she said earlier?)…as she nags and berates him. I’m thinking that he’s the sort of guy who doesn’t respond well to this approach. And, hey? I’m right! He’s freaking out, again…
Karen is really, REALLY good at making bricks! And she says “it’s like making bread!” which impresses me…I’ve never even attempted to make bread, not even in a bread machine. It intimidates me for some reason! But there’s nothing I love more than good, homemade (particularly WARM) bread. Yummy.
Brandon? Is NOT good at
making bricks.
KamiKarli (whichever of them it is) is also having a difficult time. Surprise!
Her sister yells at her to stop & watch the nearby workers & observe
the way that they make the bricks. Actually, a very good suggestion! Go figure!
Once her sister sets her pride alongside of her pathetically constructed attempts-‘o-bricks,
she learns something by watching them (as ‘sis suggested) and is finally
able to crank out 20 decent ones.
Brandon? Still not doing well…so Nicole suggests that they take advantage of the Fast Forward for this leg of the race. They go back & get the information for the Fast Forward, which directs them to a nearby Hindu Temple. I immediately figure that they won’t even go, because isn’t this just as bad as a mosque, for goodness sake? I figured they’d just drop out of the race entirely and go get an iced latte at Starbucks. But, no, they head on over to the temple…
Meanwhile, once the teams have completed their Road Block Brickmaking, they must go to a place called Garia, to get onto a train that will take them to a place called Sealdah Station.
Colin, in their taxi, is actually making the “choo choo” sound again in order to get their driver to understand where it is that they need to go. Oh. My. Goodness. I thought we ended that in Russia with MirnaSchmirna?
When Colin/Christie battle their way onto the train, a guy grabs Christie (not sure where?) and Colin threatens him. Excellent. Colin really is destined to end up in a scary overseas prison cell somewhere, isn’t he? All together now? “We wish!”
Linda/Karen are trying to get train tickets, but they haven’t got the proper currency (sigh…) so they’re running around yelling at everyone, trying to find out where to go to get it exchanged.
Brandon/Nicole arrive at the Hindu Temple, and are horrified to find out that the Fast Forward requires them to perform a Hindu ritual of shaving their heads! Heeeeeee!! You can see both of them agonizing over this decision. I have to tell you that Velcro and I were both looking at each other, saying “What’s to think about? Do it & throw a bandana on afterwards! What the heck?! It’s just hair, it’ll grow back.”
But Brandon & Nicole? Are very concerned about their modeling careers. “I’m not gonna do that” says Nicole in a whining voice. “We’re in the modeling industry.” Brandon tries to convince us that he would do it, but he simply won’t let Nicole cut off her lovely locks. Sure, Brandon. I really would have loved it if someone (Phil?) had stepped out of the shadows and said “Okay, Brandon! We won’t require both of you to do it…you can shave your head & it will count for both of you!” and see what Brandon did (after he had pulled his foot out of his mouth, that is).
So, they head BACK to the brick factory. At this point, they know how far behind they must be. Brandon prays over their decision, and although I’m a Christian myself & believe strongly in the power of prayer…I just don’t believe some of the things these two reach out to God in prayer about. I can just see God in Heaven saying “Excuse me? You were too VAIN to shave your heads, and now you’re asking me to help you along in the race and to support your decision on this? Oh, for heavens sake…St Peter, St Paul, come over here & get a load of this one!”
Next is a Detour…”Heavy but Short” (pushing a taxi that the teams won’t know ahead of time has no engine in it to a nearby garage) or “Light but Long” (going to a flower market, finding a particular vendor to give you a flower garland, then carrying it to the Ganges River to release it). Can I just say? The NAMES of these detours?! C’mon! Who wrote these things?!
Chip and Kim, and Colin and Christie, are traveling together in a bus to the taxi place…and Chip has a strange theory about feeding Colin’s ego (“Look at those muscles!”) only to make him crash mentally later? Or something? I don’t know…it didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me…anyone?
Back at the brick factory…Brandon has turned into a Brick Making Golden God! Wow! He’s cranking out gorgeous, perfect bricks. It’s like a Sampson moment, I tell you! God is rewarding them for having refused to shave their glorious locks of hair!
Colin/Christie and Chip/Kim are the first to arrive at the taxi’s…and they quickly encourage as many locals as would like to, to help them in pushing the taxi’s. Initially, you can see the quizzical looks they get…but their enthusiasm is contagious…and soon great hoards of people are helping push the cars through the streets. “Woman at the wheel” shouts Colin (what an a$$) as Christie steers the taxi. We see that Chip actually hopped into his cab & let Kim push it along w/ about 300 locals! Heh. That was kind of funny, actually. Part of me thinks he was a jerk for doing this, but part of me (particularly because she had so much help) thinks it was pretty funny! And, again, even the way that they good-naturedly joke about this shows us what a great relationship they have. I love these two, I really do.
The Pit Stop for this leg of the race is the Victoria Memorial in Calcutta.
Watching this episode of TAR, I do not EVER want to go to India and ride on a train, or drive a car through the streets. There are probably parts of India that are breathtakingly beautiful, very modernized, very cultured. These parts? Not so much.
The trains are moving Sardine cans…although, as I write this, I realize that all my criticisms sound just like I’m describing the subway systems in most major US cities. Really, though? It looked worse than that.
Nicole is freaking out as they wait for their train, because they are being crowded, gawked at, and so on. It becomes even worse as they crowd onto the train itself. She’s very vocal about disliking the people staring at her…and I’m reminded about how she didn’t want to shave her head because SHE’S A MODEL! Suddenly she doesn’t like the attention of people staring at her? Hey, make up your mind, Nicole!
KamiKarli and the Moms are the only teams where BOTH partners jump into the taxi’s and let the locals do ALL the pushing! Unbelievable. I wasn’t surprised that KamiKarli did this, but was pretty surprised to see that the moms followed suit.
“C’mon Baby”
entones Colin to Christie as they race towards the Pit Stop.
Where they come in 1st (again) and win a vacation (again). This has GOT to stop.
Really. I mean it.
Chip/Kim arrive at the Pit
Stop in 2nd place.
The Moms, incredibly (even to them), have come in 3rd.
The twins are Team#4.
Brandon and Nicole arrive last…and I notice that it was still light outside when the other teams arrived, but as we see B/N traveling towards the Pit Stop it’s already dark out. So I have a feeling that they were significantly behind the others.
However? It’s another non-elimination leg. Yawn.
“I have a sweet boyfriend,
and that’s all that matters” says Nicole. Awww.
“We’re definitely goners” she also notes.
They hand over their meager monies to Phil.
“I feel so relieved (that we’re still in the race) that I don’t even care that I don’t have any money” says Brandon.
Okay…why are there SO MANY non-elimination legs of the race? I know, logistically speaking, that it’s to extend the duration and number of episodes. But it’s really getting on my nerves! You get psyched up to see someone eliminated, and then they’re not! And noone’s even having a hard time begging for money! Where’s the fun in that? Grrr….
Also? I’m annoyed by the lazy way that some of these people are racing! I mean, they’re not even being given particularly difficult or unsafe challenges, and yet they’re being completely stumped by them (or refusing to complete them). Are these people not poor enough to care about a MILLION DOLLAR reward awaiting the winners of the race? Maybe that’s the problem. See, me? I’d shave my head in a second if it meant a chance at winning a million dollars! I honestly wouldn’t even give it a seconds thought…off it goes! Eat a bucketful of caviar? Bring it on! Some scrambled eggs? Sure! They’re not being challenged to do things that would appear on Fear Factor. They’re not being handcuffed and shoved underwater in a locked plexiglass coffin, are they? What’s with this approach to racing? I don’t get it. Sigh.
I want to see someone eliminated
next week.
Is that too much to ask?
How many more episodes are there, anyway? Because I think there’s still
ONE MORE non-elimination Pit Stop. And if it’s next week’s show?
You’ll hear my loud and frustrated groan no matter where you live!
Okay…my guess up front was that Linda/Karen or the Twins would be eliminated tonight. Of course, this was assuming that this leg of the race would include an elimination. Still, if you watched the show then you know that all in all this was a good guess! (Albeit, not a particularly far-fetched one.)
We’re still in Northern Tanzania at Lake Manyara. Another mandatory rest period. They should turn this into a dating show, because these folks spend more time together than contestants on The Bachelor do!
We’re told that the teams must
make their way to the Kilimanjara Airport, where they will catch one of three
designated charter flights to Nairobi, Kenya, where they will then fly to Dubai
in the Persian Gulf & will have to locate the Hotel Heliport for their next
clue. I think I got that right…whew…
(Only two teams will be allowed on each charter flight.)
As they’re leaving the Pit Stop & Brandon rips open the envelope w/ these instructions…he calls it “Dew Bay”! Hee! Maybe he’s having flashbacks to his island moments w/ Brooke Shields? Oh, wait, that was Christopher Atkins.
“Brandon and I need to work on being more aggressive” says Nicole meekly.
KamiKarli brilliantly come to the conclusion that their best strategy (you know, since they’re often in last place or thereabouts) is that they need to begin going MORE slowly and methodically. Spend more time thinking about their clues. If I thought this would work for them, I’d be all for it. But KamiKarli? I’m not sure “thinking” is your strongest asset. How about continuing to beg for help and looking pathetically clueless? That’s probably your best bet.
There are a series of cabs waiting as they depart the Pit Stop to take the teams to the Kilimanjaro Airport. Each driver seems to have a preset charge of $100.00, which seems like a lot until you realize that it’s a two hour journey & that’s a heck of a cab ride. Some of the teams try to barter for a lower rate…but they all quickly realize that the price is $100.00. Period.
Colin seems to have woken up on the wrong side of their cushy Mandatory Rest Period bed this morning…he snaps at the driver “Well, you better get us there FAST.”. Whereas Chip’s approach is to introduce himself & Kim to the driver, and make friends with him…I would imagine that this is a much savvier thing to do. Particularly when they each encounter what is to come w/ cab drivers during the course of this leg of the race!
Colin/Christie’s cab has a flat tire. Colin is yelling at the driver for getting the flat in the first place, and then even moreso when he discovers that the tire that blew WAS the spare tire. He reminds me of the guy on Seinfeld who calls Jerry a “Very Bad Man” and wags his finger at Jerry. This is essentially what Colin does to the cab driver…saying it’s “very bad” & treating the driver like a child who is a big disappointment to him and just might be in for a lickin’ when daddy gets home.
KamiKarli approach & see Colin standing beside the taxi…and they allow Colin’s cab to take THEIR cabs spare tire. Wow. I don’t know that I’d have done that in the same position. Hard to say…but probably not. This is a race, people. What they did was sweet, but probably not all that smart (big surprise). KamiKarli don’t wait for the spare tire to be put on, at least. They hop back into their cab & get back onto the road.
Linda/Karen’s cab breaks down because it’s out of oil! This time as KamiKarli’s cab approaches, they don’t stop. It occurred to me that this looked worse than it was to Linda/Karen…who didn’t at the time realize that the twins had ALREADY stopped to help someone else! Linda/Karen yell a ‘gee, thanks’ to the retreating Twin’s cab.
Incredibly? Colin/Christie stop to help Linda/Karen! Wow, who’da thunk it?! Of course, he does it in a snippy, angry and condescending manner…but he stops. That’s something.
So…they’re all back on the road, although I’d lost track of who was in front of who at this point!
Chip/Kim get onto Charter Flight 1, as do Brandon/Nicole.
There’s a little scene in the airport waiting room where Nicole asks how much Chip/Kim paid their cab driver. She’s concerned that Brandon is being too nice & paying people too much money. In this regard, it seems that Chip/Brandon are kindred spirits of generosity…and Kim/Nicole are the voices of reason and budgeting. Nicole asks a reasonable question “How much would they charge us if we weren’t Americans?”. And considering their experience in Africa w/ the bus drivers all charging different amounts, I can’t blame her for wondering this. Chip/Brandon lecture her on how the money that they’re giving to people in these countries could change their lives & it’s a humane and ‘right’ thing to do. I can certainly see their points of view. Chip also discusses how people shouldn’t get so hung up on worrying about money.
I hear what Chip’s saying, I really do. And I admire that Chip/Kim have been able to run this race without letting the experience be ruined by arguing & worrying. But I think that there’s also a place for being thoughtful about the limited budget they’re on…and realizing that once it’s gone, it’s gone!
KamiKarli, the Good Samaritans of Racing, are the first to register on Charter Flight 2.
Colin/Christie arrive to register for Charter Flight 2. But after parking, Colin refuses to pay the driver the full $100.00 because of the flat tire incident, and says he’ll pay $50.00 or nothing. The driver refuses, and Colin then says (explains?) that he only agreed to the $100.00 if the driver got them to the Airport in the order in which they left Lake Manyara. He did? When did he say that? I only heard him say that he expected the driver to get them there “fast” or “quick”.
And my next question is, if he DID say that to the driver, what if they’d gotten there AHEAD of the cab in front of them? Would that have been unacceptable as well?
Suddenly Colin is creating this entire conversation that appears to have existed only in his mind (or it’s sitting on the cutting room floor, but I tend to think the former is true & not the latter). Since the driver says no to the $50.00, Colin/Christie walk away and leave the driver standing there…they go into the airport to secure their tickets.
In the meantime, the driver has gone and spoken with the local police. The policeman & driver approach Colin…who still refuses to pay the full $100.00. The policeman tells Colin that he must now come to the police station to discuss this with his supervisor. You can tell that Christie is freaking out now & panicking…the other teams are watching in open-mouthed amazement…Colin is doing his best Arrogant Angry American impression, determined that if he takes the time to argue this, they won’t end up having to pay the full $100.00. He digs his heels in on this one, which I think was a risky AND stupid choice...not to mention that he really had no ground to stand on. They agreed to $100.00, now they’re refusing to pay it. Game, Match, Set.
“The team that’s going to destroy Colin/Christie is Colin/Christie” notes Chip.
Christie is begging Colin to simply pay the $100.00. Colin is refusing, and says that they have time until the flight leaves to settle this. The taxi driver decides to press charges against them, and things are really looking quite serious. (Where are those TAR security specialists, anyway? What were they doing while this was going on? And how far were they willing to let things go before they stepped in?) Colin is still insisting that he’ll only pay $50.00 and not a penny more. It’s a very tense moment, and Colin still seems very sure that by telling these gentlemen (who seem truly stunned by his behavior, I must say) that he and Christie have a flight to catch, that they’ll be allowed to walk away having stiffed the driver. Gee whiz. I’m really more & more convinced each week that Colin’s truly off his rocker.
Colin has walked out of the station, to join Christie who has never gone INTO the station (seeming to think that even though she’s with Colin, she’s no party to this whole mess), and is now standing outside actually yelling at the policemen! Is this a good move? I’m thinking it isn’t. Colin’s yelling at everyone (including Christie), Christie’s begging him to simply pay the $100.00, the police are motioning for BOTH Colin and Christie to come inside of the station…and Colin finally snaps and throws the $100.00 at the policemen (wha?!) and walks away. He’s lucky they didn’t shoot him. (Is it wrong for me to say that I sort of wish they had?! Well, I’m sure that I’m not alone in those sentiments.)
As they arrive back at the airport waiting room, and everyone rushes to ask what happened…Linda smilingly says “So you didn’t win? I’m disappointed in you!” Touche. Although this would have carried more weight if someone who was doing well in this race because they were PLAYING the race well had said it, rather than someone who is stumbling & bumbling her way through & by all rights should not have made it this far. (Don’t get me wrong, I really like the moms…but, what I said here is the truth!)
Wow. That was as tense a scene as I’ve seen on this show…much moreso than the whole bus debacle, and that was pretty intense.
So…they all arrive in Kenya, and everyone except the Moms are able to get onto a flight to Dubai that’s departing just as Charter Flight 3 (on which the moms are) arrives at the airport . The moms see the others boarding the plane to Dubai, and they attempt to get tickets but are told that the flight is closed. The only other flight they can catch to Dubai will get them there 5+ hours behind the others. They seem to be hopelessly behind.
Yet? The Hotel Heliport has closed for the day…so no matter what time they arrived, all 5 teams have to wait until the next morning to get into the Hotel. The moms have lucked out. Again.
The clue they find at the Heliport directs them to the “Brrrr” Dubai Abra Station at the Port of Dubai…where they will take a water taxi & locate a thing called a Dhow Boat, where they will find their next clue.
Colin/Christie are kissing and have
clearly made up.
Linda/Karen are grinning and gleeful and feeling good about being back in the
race. Lucky, lucky women.
“I agree with Nicole about the $ (budgeting), because we’re going through it” comments Kim in a confessional moment, as Chip gives another extravagant tip. She seems to know that saying this to Chip won’t be effective, so she’s keeping those thoughts to herself…and then sharing them with all of us!
The Dhow Boat captain (?) gives them a Detour envelope, where the teams must choose between “Off Plane” (skydiving) or “Off Road” (driving 4x4’s on marked courses through the sand dunes of a desert). Phil tells us that the skydiving is “potentially terrifying”, and the off-roading is “less harrowing, but you could get stuck in the sand and have to wait to be towed”.
Colin is setting himself up (again) to be the requisite Fear Factor Loudmouth who Fails, by telling us that he grew up off-roading, so this is a perfect task for him.
Chip makes a face of great concern as their cab takes them to the Off Roading course, because he’s watching the cab meter rise, and he knows that they don’t have much money left. It’s very likely they won’t be able to pay the man in full. Hmmm….is another COPS moment approaching?
“I don’t have the ability to pay this man” says Chip.
I’ve noticed this episode that the cab drivers don’t seem to understand the concept of “STOP” or “STOP NOW”, and keep passing the clue boxes…much to the exasperation of the teams.
Brandon/Nicole got to the Skydiving site first, and KamiKarli got their second…which means that KamiKarli have to wait 45 minutes for the next flight. They’re not pleased about this, and blame each other AND their cab driver. We see them sitting in chairs, alternately sulking & snapping at one another.
Colin/Christie (as I’ve already said) choose the Off Roading, as do Linda/Karen. Colin yells “This is fun as hell”…oh, certainly, for the Spawn of Satan! Hell is a barrel of laughs, isn’t it Colin? Perhaps you can arrange for that to be a Pit Stop for the next TAR? Although MirnaSchmirna and the Brothers Pizzamaroff are already gone…so what would be the fun of that?
Chip apologizes profusely to the driver, who stands looking dejected…realizing he’s getting stiffed by this nice man & wife who he thought were his new pals, and Chip empties his pockets to pay the man what money they do have left. He tells us (and the driver) that he’s approximately $10.00 shy of what is due. The driver kindly says “it’s okay”, and Chip gives the guy a huge bear hug. (See what niceness gets you, CrazyColin?)
Linda drives hers/Karen’s SUV, and immediately gets them stuck in the sand. Sigh.
Chip drives his teams SUV…
All the teams are yelling “Wooo Hooo”.
Colin/Christie are the first to arrive at the next clue box…and we learn that the teams must now ride camels, using a GPS navigation system to direct them & with a person to lead the camel (with the teams calling directions to the person)…they will be directed to the next Pit Stop, which is a Bedouin Camp.
Well…we know that Colin did indeed know how to off-road, so I’m curious to see if he can back up his “I know how to use GPS, no problem” claim. I’m hoping not, and that they’ll get hopelessly lost in the desert for awhile…and have to do the TAR Walk of Shame!
Linda has gotten their SUV out of the sand pit…only to get stuck AGAIN moments later! She might be a Bowling Mom, but she’s clearly not an Off-Roading, Biker Chic kind of mom.
Chip appears to be going in circles, they no longer see any flags nearby.
KamiKarli finally get onto the plane to go skydiving…
“GPS?” says Brandon cluelessly
when they open their clue.
“Cool!” says Nicole…because I think she believes “GPS”
stands for Glamorous Pageant Stores, a chain serving the greater desert communities.
“We are so stuck” –Linda
Then, as Chip/Kim spot flags ahead of them, they too get stuck in the sand.
Colin/Christie are Team 1 to arrive at the Pit Stop, and they are rewarded with a Caribbean vacation. Phil takes this opportunity, on behalf of all Americans, to smack Colin soundly upside the head…and tell him that immediately upon completion of the race, Colin will be required to attend Anger Management training, in a locked facility, in a Mystery location.
Brandon/Nicole are Team 2.
Hysterically, we can see that Linda/Karen and Chip/Kim’s SUV’s are stuck in the sand RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER! Ha! Within moments of one another, they are able to get un-stuck, and are racing over the dunes to get back on course. It’s so cool to see them racing together through the dunes! We’re often left to guess which team is ahead of the other, and by how much time…but in this case, we could see that they were right together.
Linda/Karen and Chip/Kim arrive at the camels at the same time, and one of the moms comments on the skydiver that they see nearby (which has to be KamiKarli). That was also a pretty cool moment!
Chip/Kim arrive at the Pit Stop as Team 3. Chip gives Phil a bear hug. (Ouch!)
Linda/Karen are Team 4.
(Hey, just a moment to pat myself on the back again! I predicted Linda/Karen and KamiKarli in last place…yeah, I know it was likely to happen, but still!)
So…the twins are the last team to arrive. But? You know the deal. This is a non-elimination leg of the race. Turn over the money, ladies. “No soup for you!” next week. “We’re resourceful. We’re young and cute.” KamiKarli tells us, because we might not have figured any of those things out ourselves…so I appreciate them letting us know in advance.
So, next week? We see clips of KamiKarli plying their wares on the streets of Dubai. I’m sure that there are laws against that sort of thing…perhaps we’ll have yet another COPS moment? Hee! I can only hope so!
And we’re told that someone
(eek! Brandon?) has to cut off their locks. I don’t know why…seems
odd, doesn’t it? Nonetheless, I’m hoping it’s one of the beauty
queens (and yes, I’m including Brandon in this grouping!). THAT would
be entertaining!
We revisit the teams in Luxor, Egypt. They are at Crocodile Island…a ‘lush plantation’ on the banks of the Nile River. They are eating, sleeping and mingling with the crocodiles during the Mandatory Naptime for this leg of the race. I’m telling you, this is a feature of the race that needs to be eliminated. There is FAR TOO LITTLE of the teams sleeping on the cold, hard, dirty ground…grabbing catnaps in airports (with Kim putting the curlers in her hair)…you know, roughing it! This TAR it seems like vicious fights over cabs, or being forced to eat large quantities of caviar, is the closest the teams get to experiencing hardship. Oh, these producers are just brutal.
The teams will now take a taxi to the Luxor airport, fly to Cairo, then fly to Nairobi (I think I got that right…it was a little confusing, I thought I was having a KamiKarli moment) where they must then sign up for one of only 3 charter flights available that will take them to a ‘mystery destination’. Ooooooohhh Aaaaahhh. Yeah, whatever. You know what would be TRULY interesting? Dump these teams in Palm Beach…all of them filthy, some of them ill-mannered, each team with no money! See how well they can navigate their way through the gated communities, and security doors of the exclusive shops. Their task will be to gain entry into one of the pricier jewelers, where if they succeed their clues will be handed to them in pale blue boxes. They must then talk their way onto the golf course at the local country club, and be invited to join in for a game of golf with a very stuffy Muffy and Biff.
Well…anyway…Chip informs us that “More brainpower than brawn” is what it will take for a team to win the race. If this is the case, then at least 3 of the teams are completely doomed. Mirna/Charla cannot even seem to open their clue envelope, never mind COMPLETE their assigned tasks.
We are treated to our first “Hurry up, Charla” of the game (-Mirna).
Mirna pays their cab driver for the use of his cell phone as they drive along, in order to reserve their plane tickets. I will give her props for this…it was clever, and it also took nerve. She’s certainly not lacking in nerve, that’s for sure. This is one of the few cases where it worked to her advantage and at the same time didn’t make her look like an a$$.
At one of the airport stops, we see a confrontation between the mature forces of Colin/Christie and Mirna/Schmirna…swearing ensues, doors are blocked, people are shoved. Give me a break.
My husband, Velcro, points out that there have been LOTS of flight delays during the course of this race…and I have to agree, there seems to be a higher percentage of those than normal (for TAR). Perhaps it’s typical of everyday, ‘real’ life, but it makes for less interesting racing.
Colin/Christie are determined to do whatever it takes to keep information from Mirna/Charla…and to damage their chances of winning. I don’t blame them for this, it’s all a part of the game. They join forces with Brandon/Nicole and the twins…it seems afterwards that at some point Chip/Kim also join up with them (but there’s a confessional moment where Chip/Kim say that as far as they’re concerned, friction between C/C and M/C is fine w/ them because it might cause those teams to knock each other out of the race & improve the odds for the other teams (ie: them!)). I’m sure that he’s correct.
Chip tells us that “There’s
a Mirna Camp and a Colin Camp”.
Yikes, I don’t think I’d want to go to EITHER of those camps! I
can hear the screaming now…“No, mommy, don’t make me GOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!”
The moms tell us that they LOVE the cousins! You know, these moms are doing a good job hanging in there from week to week, but this is yet another display of the poor judgement and gaming that is going to be the ruination of them. So, the moms and the cousins join forces.
Mirna locates an airlines office that is able to get them better tickets than Colin was working to secure So the cousins and twins hunker down in the man’s office with the blinds closed, as he works to finalize their arrangements. However…the scheming Colin & Crew wonder where they are, and go searching for them. As Colin & Crew walk into the office, the cousins and moms gasp aloud (yes, it’s a SHOCKING moment…imagine, that they’d locate the ladies in an AIRLINES TICKET OFFICE!) and Mirna quickly runs over to the agent with whom they’ve been working, speaking to him in his native language “Do not help these Americans, they are violent”. Heh? They are “violent”!?! Give me a break, Mirna. I really think she crosses these lines frequently…trying to get people to side with them is one thing…trying to get people to help them and NOT help the other teams is one thing…but telling locals that another person/team is ‘a maniac’ or ‘violent’ or “crazy”? That is wrong, IMO. And as a lawyer she should know better than to throw those terms around so loosely. (Particularly when they are better suited to describing she herself!)
Mirna secures the 4 tickets for the
cousins and moms…they joyfully go to sit and await boarding, as Colin
talks with the agent to try and get seats on the same flight. The cousins/moms
board the flight, confident that Mirna’s “they’re violent,
don’t help them” ploy was fully successful. The twins and Brandon/Nicole
are busy bad-mouthing Colin (whose coattails they have ridden for at least part
of the race, BTW)…and are forced to eat a whole heapin’ of crow
when Colin succeeds in getting them onto the flight.
Mirna/Charla and the Moms are again SHOCKED to see Colin & Crew boarding
the plane along with them.
First stop? Bahrain.
Mirna is determined to get the edge on Colin’s Evil Cluster…and exchanges their tickets for another flight’s, one which would get them into Nairobi ahead of the others by approximately half an hour. Due to (you guessed it) a flight delay, this tactic fails.
So…Colin/Christie and Chip/Kim get onto The Magical Mystery Tour charter flight number 1.
Brandon/Nicole and the Twins get onto Flight 2.
The moms and cousins get onto the last flight, number 3.
The mystery destination? It’s Palm Springs!!!! No, wait…sorry…it’s Kilimanjaro, Tanzania. Ooooohhhh, Aaaahhh. Yeah, whatever.
As the flights land in Tanzania,
the teams must travel by bus to Mtu Wambu.
Kim and Chip are thrilled to be in Tanzania…Kim says “I’ve
always wanted to come to Africa (to see her ancestry).” I love how excited
they get about getting to visit these places along the race course. They’re
doing well AND enjoying themselves…a pleasure to watch.
Colin/Christie and Chip/Kim get onto a bus where the driver charges them $5.00 to take them to Mtu Wambu.
Another bus driver is going to charge Brandon/Nicole and the Twins $40.00 for the same exact trip! He must have seen the “SUCKER” tattoos on their foreheads…conveniently covered by their bouncy mops of hair most of the time. They ask what he will charge them to leave NOW (to be sure that the other teams can’t take advantage of this amazing opportunity to divest themselves of their weighty moneybelts)…they offer $100.00, but he retorts with $200.00. They finally compromise on $150.00. But then the teams try to leave the bus because they finally get a clue that “he’s shady”…however, the bus pulls away and it’s too late for them to get off of it.
Mirna/Schmirna and the Moms get onto another bus (BTW? There appear to be about 20 buses…so I don’t know why B/N and K/K thought that they’d be foiling things for them by getting their bus to leave immediately! It’s not as if these ladies didn’t have a choice of a number of other buses. D’uh.)…and their driver charges $3.00. I don’t know why he missed the tattoos on their foreheads, but apparently he did. Velcro is convinced that people simply do anything to get Mirna to shut her trap…and to get her away from them as quickly as possible.
The bus driver’s entourage is asking for all of the money up-front from B/N and the Twins…but Brandon says “how can we trust you?” and agrees to pay PART now, then part upon arrival. The twins tell us how comforted they are that Brandon is there to take care of them.
Then…the bus breaks down on the side of the road…it is out of gas. The driver extorts another $20.00 from Brandon, because his tattoo is showing again. We see the bus containing the cousins & moms pass by the broken down bus…as Mirna grins an evil Colin-like smile.
Gas is found, and B/N/Twins bus catches up to & passes the other bus.
Detour:
“Buzzing” or “Busy” (essentially? Get Honey or Deliver
Furniture)
And unless I’m remembering this incorrectly…everyone chooses “Busy”.
Bus number 1 has arrived, and the
teams begin the detour tasks.
Chip is thrilled because “Everywhere I turn, people look like me!”
(Where do they live? Whiteyville, USA?) He and Kim are charming to the locals,
who are charmed by them in return & grace them with food & fellowship.
As the buses arrive at Mtu Wambu, B/N/Twins driver is requiring Brandon/Nicole to pay an additional $10.00. Nicole is furious (I don’t blame her) and she’s had enough of this guy & his entourage. She initially refuses to pay, but Brandon is begging her to simply give the guy the money, so she tosses it onto the ground in front of the driver’s feet. Brandon is concerned that the situation is unsafe, and simply wants to be done with it. I tend to agree with him, although I know that I’d feel the same way that Nicole did & be tempted to respond the same way. Well, with perhaps the exception of throwing the money onto the ground. That was a little bit juvenile.
ROAD BLOCK:
A team member must crack open an Ostrich egg, fill a large bowl with the raw
egg, dump it onto a frying pan & cook it…then eat it. Oh, come on!
That’s not so tough! Gee, do they give you bacon to eat along with the
scrambled eggs? How about some toast or pancakes? Geez. And they don’t
even have to digest the egg raw! They get to cook & scramble it! Oh, for
God’s sake.
Colin informs us that he has “a really bad gag reflex”. Heh. (My sons BOTH have that…and I can already see what’s coming down the road for Colin. Hee. I can laugh because it’s not my sons throwing up all over their bedroom rug…it’s Creepy Colin chucking up some Ostrich egg! And after he was so horrible to Christie for struggling her way through a gallon of Caviar…ah, revenge is sweet.)
Colin/Christie are arguing and fighting, regarding the egg situation. Colin is doing a poor job of cracking the egg open & getting the bowl completely full without dumping it out on the way to the frying pan. He’s intense, she’s incensed.
Brandon/Nicole are arguing and fighting, regarding their Furniture Hauling task. Nicole refuses to move her body along at more than a snails pace. Brandon is doing all the work, yet she can’t even hurry up and walk faster. She’s probably still full from all that caviar, huh?
The moms (who seem to do very well with the eating and lugging things tasks) haul their furniture cart past the cousins cart…as Charla badgers Mirna into taking the cart a different way so that they ‘wont’ get stuck in the mud puddle (the one that noone else seems to be having trouble with, mind you). The ironic moment here? When Mirna barks at Charla “I’ll do it myself” as the cameraman shows that there are two natives helping Mirna to push the cart along the road! Ha!
“I can’t run, baby” Nicole is whining at Brandon. Brandon tells us that Nicole is losing steam. Yeeaaahh, you think?
Chip says grace & begins to eat his eggs. “I was the Michael Jordan of eating the caviar” he says confidently, knowing that he can also kick some tail here eating the scrambled eggs! You go, ChipChops!
I’m thinking that most of these folks would NEVER survive Fear Factor. Colin is gagging and wretching (and throwing up!) as he takes little tiny bites of the eggs. Chip soundly tromps him into the ground, as he inhales the final bit of egg & grabs their clue.
Teams must, once they’ve completed their breakfast, take a zipline across a gorge (230 ft deep), where they will arrive at the Lake Manyara Lookout, “The pitstop for this leg of the race.” as Phil would say.
KamiKarli is holding her nose as
she eats.
Colin is embarrassing himself even MORE than Christie did as she maneuvered
her way through the Great Caviar Caper! You gotta love that! I only wish they’d
show his confessional moment again…the one where he tells us how he’s
carrying their team? Yeah, that would be perfect.
Chip/Kim go across the zipline together. Awww, I love that. And I was thinking that I would have a VERY difficult time doing that task alone…but with Velcro hugging me tightly, I think I’d be just fine!
Chip/Kim are Team Number 1 at the
pitstop! Yahoo!!! I love them.
They win a vacation to Latin America for finishing first on this leg! Good job.
Colin finally finishes his eggs (still gagging) and they’re able to finish as Team 2. Gee, THAT must have been a pleasurable zipline ride for Christie…face to face with Colin after he just threw up eggs all over the place! Blech.
“C’mon Charla, you’re good at this” says Mirna…attempting to coach her through the egg eating. If I was Charla? I’d have hauled off and smacked Mirna for that one! What kind of crack is that, anyway? “You’re good at eating boatloads of food.” Nice.
The Moms finish as Team 3! Good for them. I hope they’ve seen the error of their ways, and choose to align themselves better next leg of the race (ie: with Chip/Kim).
Brandon/Nicole whimper into 4th place.
The twins finish as Team 5.
Now…this naturally means that the cousins are the last team to arrive. But right up until the end, I was convinced that it would somehow be a Rupert-like moment, where the cousins would be saved. Mark Burnett would jump from the shadows and tell them that this was a non-elimination pitstop, and hand them a check for a million dollars (I mean, why drag things on?).
But? NO! Incredibly, they were PHILIMENATED! I must tell you that I yelled “YEAH!!!!” very loudly at our television set. All while Phil was choked up and teary-eyed (!!!) as Charla mumbled and sobbed her way through telling us how she proven that she could do this (Do what, I ask? That she could wheedle help from strangers “for the little woman”? Badger people & whistle at them? Follow her cousin around as Mirna yelled “hurry up” and “dance for us” at her? Request ‘emergencio’ status to get on flights? And request a “doctoro”?). Sigh. I feel badly for this woman that she really thinks she proved those things to anyone. She could have, I’m sure. But she didn’t. As she was talking about how much she’d accomplished & proven, and Phil was crying & shaking his head in agreement, I was shaking my head saying “Are we watching the same show? The same people?”. I’m just glad that they didn’t give Mirna a parting shot, or even another second of air time during which to open her mouth.
I can’t tell you how glad I am to be done with them! This race can do nothing but improve now that they’re gone. I hope we can focus on the racing now, and less on the drama. Return to Top
The teams are still in Cairo, Egypt.
We revisit the fact that Colin/Christie gained a 7 hour lead during the last leg of the race. That seems REALLY impressive, and as though it would be difficult for the other teams to overcome. Boy, if I made that assumption I’d be making an ASS out of U and ME! (But, more about asses later on in this episode…)
We revisit KamiKarli having what SHOULD be a revelatory moment, where one of them says “We do not have a plan…we’re clueless.” (Ahem. Biting tongue. Ouch.)
Reminder? Just in case we forgot, Linda/Karen were stripped of their money and not provided with any more $ for this coming leg of the race, because they were the last to arrive at the Pit Stop last week. Fortunately for them, it was an NPPS (a Non-Philimenation Pit Stop). Still? I can smell something in the air…it’s called “Impending Doom”. It doesn’t have a very nice fragrance. But again? I’m making an ASS out of U and ME. And so does Karen, as we see her weeping as she considers the likely demise of their team…alone/penniless/in Cairo. Sob.
Phil is unconcerned, heartless bastard that he is, and he tells us that Cairo is the most populated city on the African continent. Okay, then. Good to know, I suppose.
The teams must now make their way to the Great Pyramid. As opposed to the Not-So-Great Pyramid, or the Lesser Pyramid. They must then descend (and I SWEAR to you that KamiKarli actually ask “What does descend mean?”) 350 feet to ‘the geographical center of the earth’. Colin says “That’s bad ass…that’s 35 stories down.”. And I don’t know if he’s correct, but it sounds impressive!
Colin/Christie get their 7 hours lead time to this spot…but, it does them little good because it’s the middle of the night & they’ve got to wait HOURS until the ‘hole to the middle of the earth’ opens for business. So, they will end up with only a 40 minute lead. In the meantime, they catch some comfy sleep on a “Slab ‘o Rock” mattress.
After the teams complete this ‘descent to the Netherworld’, they will be required to travel to the ‘old’ airport in Cairo, and catch a charter flight to Luxor, Egypt. And then find their way to the “Mound of Creation” aka “Temple of Karnak”. I think they’ll find Johnny Carson there….holding the next clue envelope to his forehead.
Colin/Christie complete the first task, and we see them in a taxi (where Colin is still wearing his mining helmet w/ the light on! Hee!) speeding towards the old airport. I guess they’re not going to try and find the “Travel Agency of Cairo” this time, huh?
We see Kim having a confessional moment, where she admits that Chip is carrying her throughout this race. Well, not LITERALLY, but figuratively. And I suppose she’s correct, although it hasn’t been all that noticeable because they’ve been getting along so well…it’s obviously not a source of friction for them. But the producers clearly WANT us to notice this, and to think it’s a big deal. Because they show at least 3 clips of Kim discussing this issue, throughout the balance of the show. Ah, the drama.
Okay…as we see the teams one-by-one descending into the tight little underground tunnel…I am immediately gasping for air on their behalfs! Wow, can you spell C L A U S T R O P H O B I A ? Yikes. My hubby (Velcro) and I looked at one another and immediately said “I could never do THAT one”. Gasp. Although for Charla? This is one event where she is at an enormous advantage! The tunnel is just her size, and she scuttles along easily…whereas the others have a more difficult time.
Side note? Brandon is NOT jaw-droppingly good-looking. They made a huge deal over his taking his shirt off inside of the tunnel…yeah, whatever. He’s such a pretty boy, it did nothing for me! He didn’t even have hair on his chest! (Later, my husband took his own shirt off? Yeah, baby! Now THAT’s a man!)
Mirna? Is still barking at everyone.
At the airport…Colin/Christie have arrived via taxi, and are outside of it stretching, looking around, figuring out where to go next…and Mirna/Charla try to steal their taxi! Now, I can see trying to do this…but when you’re told “hey, our STUFF is still inside of the taxi! We aren’t through with it yet.” climbing back out, shrugging and saying to Colin/Christie “okay, no problem…nice try, though, wasn’t it?!”. Instead? Mirna/Charla (yes, BOTH of them…not just Mirna) sit and refuse to exit the taxi. It takes the driver telling them to get out. And even then, Mirna tries telling the taxi driver that C/C are ‘maniacs’. Huh? Then Mirna has a poor-me moment as she confesses to the camera that this reminded her of her younger years, when people picked on her. Um, Mirna? They probably picked on you because you were a whiny little brat…in other words, YOU started it! Not them! So, na na na!
Also at the airport…Mirna appears to block Colin and Christie’s way as they’re leaving the ticket counter, then yells at Colin for “assaulting” her as he pushes past. She then tries to purchase a student ticket…and Marshall/Lance yell out “SHE’S NOT A STUDENT!”.
We see that Marshall is in an incredible amount of pain with his knees/legs…and he can barely walk at all. I do feel badly for him, that’s brutal. Velcro had knee surgery recently, after a year + of hobbling around on an injured knee, and it was painful to watch him…never mind to BE him.
KamiKarli? Again, they share with us (as if we didn’t already know) that they are “clueless much of the time”.
Linda/Karen are trying to figure out how to beg for money, and from WHOM to beg money…because this is such a poor society. They decide to approach tourists (obviously a smart idea). Initially, this fails miserably. And again, I smell Eau de Doom in the air. But, wait! Here come a slew of tourist buses! Pulling up right in front of them! And people are literally SHOVING money at them! I’d like to think it was because Linda/Karen are so charming and delightful and sweet…but I tend to think it was because of the rather large TV cameras that people decided to be so generous (and grab a potential few seconds of air time). But, hey, perhaps I’m just a skeptic?
So…the moms are back on track…and have the time and money to get to the airport and make the flight. They specifically tell their taxi driver that they must go to the OLD airport. They repeat it multiple times. But? Shocker of shockers…could see this one coming a mile away…he takes them to the NEW airport. It seems that the Eau de Doom is getting stronger & stronger.
Fortunately…the flight was late (to put it mildly) leaving, and even after all of this they STILL arrive at the old airport on time to make it. Mirna notes that “everyone” was hoping that the moms would miss the flight. I tend to think that “everyone” was hoping that Mirna/Charla would fall into a hole and never return…but perhaps I’m wrong & that’s just my own wishful thinking SHOUTING from the rooftops of my mind!
So…in spite of 7 hour leads, witless cab drivers, witless contestants, and Chip almost getting stuck in the tunnel…all the teams are on the same flight, and all are back on equal footing in the race.
As the teams arrive in Luxor, Egypt, they all hop into cabs and barrel towards their next destination. The cabs are huddled together in a little bunch…until Mario Andretti Ahmed (Chip/Kim’s driver) kicks it into overdrive & zooms past all of the others! The expression on Chip’s face was priceless here…he was literally open-mouthed the whole time!
Oh, by the way? In case we didn’t know…Mirna shares with us that Colin is jealous of her, and that he has a Napoleon complex. Huh? And, huh? For what reason would ANYONE be jealous of Mirna, for goodness sake? And a Napoleon complex? Does Mirna even KNOW what that means? Sigh…as usual, she makes no sense, and it drives me crazy. I think I’ll go open a store…perhaps in Cairo, and then I can name it “Crazy Carly’s Cairo Company”. Because I’m CRAAAAAZZZY.
The teams arrive at a detour…they must choose between “Herd It” and “Haul It”. For “Herd It” the teams have to carry 10 goats/sheep onto a boat at the edge of the Nile River, then get into the boat & travel across the Nile, to unload their animals & get their clue. If they choose “Haul It”, one team member will ride an ass & the other lead the ass…as they make their way to the Nile to get water & fill a jug, traveling back & forth for as many trips as it takes to fill a jug on shore (which seems to be quite a ways from the River itself).
Nicole gasps as water spills on her arm “Oh my gosh”. Gee, imagine taking her on a water ride at an amusement park? The girl would be in hysterics! Brandon/Nicole are arguing about the way that Nicole is leading the ass…and I will allow you to make your own jokes here…Brandon says to Nicole “Don’t pull on him so hard, baby” in a soothing, directive voice. You know, it’s just not as much fun when the jokes are HANDED to you on a silver platter!
We see Brandon bumping along on the back of the ass…moaning “I want to have kids”! Hee! In another comical moment…we see that Colin is the one riding the ass, being led along by Christie. And the brilliant editors of TAR choose this particular comedic timing to play for us the voice-over of Colin’s confessional, where he is telling us how he carries their team & is the strong one! Hah! Bump, bump, bump.
We see Chip literally tossing goats & sheep onto a boat. This guy ROCKS! (Okay, I stole that one from KamiKarli. They didn’t use it this episode to describe their taxi driver, so it was mine for the taking.)
The twins also chose the ‘Herd It’ task…which seems to be a big mistake for them. They’re not strong, they’re not smart…hinderances to any task, never mind one involving lifting heavy objects & getting animals (ones that are certainly smarter than KamiKarli themselves) to stay in a particular place w/out jumping back overboard.
Charla/Mirna also chose “Herd It”. Again, a big mistake. Mirna FINALLY takes on a task herself, without pawning it off onto Charla (although, I do believe she tried to do so unsuccessfully). And Charla shows what she’s made of…which is the same whiny, pathetic stuff as Mirna is made of. Hey, they ARE cousins!
“I’m scared of them” shouts Charla, as she stands on the edge of the boat trying to keep the animals from jumping back out after Mirna has lugged them on board. “THIS one is the bad one” she tells Mirna…as we see footage, a close-up, of one large and angry-looking goat. Hee!!!! “I can’t do it” she screams to Mirna. (Wait…what did she say? I thought she was here to prove that she could do ANYTHING! Way to break those stereotypes, Charla! It’s not like they were given the task of keeping things like, say, bears or lions on board….these are goats and sheep!)
“I think I’m allergic to them” says KamiKarli.
“I’m gonna die” Mirna tells the world. Good…please do so, and do it quickly! “This is just too hard.” And for one hopeful moment, I really thought that she was going to quit. Sadly, she didn’t. Nor did she die. Maniacal Liar. Go assault another goat, Mirna.
Once teams have completed their chosen task…they must find the Habu Temple. Here they find a Road Block that involves archaeology. They must choose a dig site (there are enough sites set up where there is one per team), and dig until they locate a stone scarab. None of the teams seemed to know what a scarab was. Snicker.
(Carly’s Confessional Moment of the Day: I didn’t know what a scarab was, either! But, hey…History was the only subject for which I had to go to summer school. So it’s not exactly my strong suit.)
The clue to help them decide which team member will complete this task is that it will require “Keen eyes and lots of patience”. Naturally, Colin thinks that this describes him to a perfect T. And I love that Christie looks at him with a rather large and questioning smirk on her disbelieving face, and cracks “Really?!”. Of course, this goes right over Colin’s thick head…but I appreciated it!
Colin lifts up a rock “is this
it?”…and Christie intones “no, that’s a rock”.
HAR!
Colin is the first one to find a scarab. (If you didn’t watch the show,
and don’t know what a scarab is…just look on any one of a number
of reality chat sites where people are making fun of how these contestants didn’t
know what a scarab was & saying how “stupid” they must be! I’m
sure you’ll find your answer there…although you’ll lose your
pride and self-esteem in the process.)
Once teams complete this archaeological exploration, they must hire a water taxi to take them to Crocodile Island…where Phil and Dundee and Steve Irwin are awaiting them at the Pit Stop for this leg of the race.
We see Brandon and Kim, each at their sites, digging and digging. Good for Kim….she rose to the occasion when Chip encouraged her to take on this task.
We see the others arrive and ask “what the hell’s a scarab?”…as Linda, Karli & Mirna set to digging. Yes, Mirna’s actually physically exerting herself again & performing yet another task! Will wonders never cease?
Brandon is asking Nicole to pray for him…and, again, I have to wonder if God cares if they locate some fake object in the sand? But, whatever.
Kim finds her scarab. She refuses to show it to the others, which I have to admit is a wise move.
As Mirna is digging, we see that Charla can give as good as she gets…as she appears to do a stand-in routine for Mirna’s Sidelines Show…chiding Mirna, telling her to hurry up, yadda yadda yadda. Wow, she’s truly as obnoxious as Mirna sometimes. Then Mirna barks back at Charla “Oh, I’ll just go faster after carrying all those sheep.” They make it impossible to like either of them…and I am honestly baffled by the people who think Charla/Mirna are “plucky and courageous”, and who are rooting for them to win! Aieyyeee!
KamiKarli appear to have found a dried chunk of camel poop (or ‘poo” as they refer to it) in their sand pit…which absolutely horrifies them. It reminded me of the scene in Caddyshack, remember the candy bar in the pool? (That’s the only funny scene in Caddyshack, IMO.)
“Dang it” says one of the team members…I think it’s Linda, as they continue to sift through the endless grains of sand.
“Dig your ass over” says Charla to Mirna. And I have no idea what that means. These women are obviously not adept at insulting people or swearing at them…I could help them with that. Some of us are naturally sarcastic. It’s a gift.
Brandon confesses that he’s always had an issue with insecurity, but that Nicole helps him with that. Awww…now, go put your shirt back on, pretty boy.
Karli finds her scarab.
Then Brandon finds his team’s scarab.
Mirna and Linda are STILL digging.
And Marshall and Lance are STILL walking, very slowly, very, very slowly.
Mirna (*&%$#@#@!) finds her scarab.
“Let’s get our ass out of here” one of them yells. Uh, wouldn’t
that be assES? See, they’re inept at this swearing business, and so they
should stop doing it.
Linda appears to have sifted through every square inch of their sand pit…except for a tiny little area in the corner…and, of course, that’s where she finds the scarab.
Colin/Christie arrive 1st at the
Pit Stop.
Chip/Kim arrive 2nd (yahoo!).
The twins are 3rd (and we hear the air passing between their ears…).
Brandon/Nicole bounce into 4th place.
Charla/Mirna…aggravatingly enough…make 5th place.
Linda/Karen are able to secure 6th place.
Meanwhile? Back at the Pits…literally…Marshall/Lance finally arrive, only to see very clearly that the other pits have all been ransacked & the teams are long gone. Marshall sits down in a chair (was that there all along?) on the sidelines, as Lance begins to sift the sand searching for an object they’ve never heard of. It’s all just too much for Lance to bear, and he tosses down the sifter…”Game over.” And the ghost of Osten rises behind him, laughing the Laugh of the Damned! Bwaaah Haaa Haaa Haaa…
However, more amazing than the sight of Osten’s ghost, is the sight of Phil walking over to them, AT THE DIG SITE! WHAT? Phil left his post! Is he allowed to do that?
He tells them that this is the first time he’s ever done this…and that it’s the first time that a team has been unable to complete the race/a task due to injury/physical hardship. Phil informs them of what they’re already aware, that even if they’d made it to the Phil Stop, they’d have been the last to arrive & would have been Philimenated.
The brothers actually take the high road here, and praise one another, and support one another. No nasty words are said…not even a single parting shot about the ignorant foreigners they’ve been forced to interact with during the race. “I’m proud of the way that Lance ran the race” says Marshall. Return to Top
So…Phil
tells us that the teams must travel 20 miles by train to the Hermitage Museum,
where they must then search through 3 million works of art & find “The
Return of the Prodigal Son” painting by Rembrandt.
Brandon entones “Nicky helps me to believe in myself, she’s SUCH
a good girlfriend.” That would have been so endearing and sweet, if I
hadn’t been fighting to keep from falling asleep as I listened to his
monotone, mind-numbingly lifeless voice. Yawn. Besides which, is sounded so
Junior High, didn’t it?
As the teams try to locate the train station…they all revert to Mirna/Charla speak, and say ‘Choo Choo’ to the locals, and make hand motions as though they’re pulling on a train whistle. And STILL the locals have no idea what they’re all asking for! In fact, I think they’re thinking “Crazy Americans”. And who’d blame them?
Marshall/Lance are again busying themselves by insulting the locals, and complaining about their knees. I think Marshall is the one who’s mainly complaining about his knees & having trouble walking. Sometimes I have trouble telling these two apart. And I’m still having difficulty reconciling the fact that they’re JEWISH and run a pizza shop…I just assumed that they were Italian!
Mirna shows her brilliant legal mind off by asking (in the museum) where they can find the ‘prodijul’ son painting. Heh. The teams all show their biblical knowledge (or lack thereof) as they search for the painting. Colin assumes that Jesus himself is the prodigal son, and so he is searching for a painting depicting Jesus…
I like Marshall and Lance’s technique…they simply walk from room to room in the museum, pointing at every single painting until they happen upon the correct one! You can see the museum worker laughing as she hands them their clue.
Once the teams locate & point to the correct painting, they are given a clue by a museum employee telling them that their next destination is Cairo, Egypt.
“Bellissimo” Mirna is walking around saying to everyone she sees. Apparently, she thinks that they have suddenly been beemed to Italy….Star Trek style.
Colin once again uses his clever technique of going to a travel agency, rather than going directly to the airport, in order to secure their tickets to Cairo. Gotta give this guy his props, he’s good.
As we see the teams waiting at the airport, as they’re working to secure tickets & waiting for ticket offices to open, Mirna says “Charla, do a dance for us, entertain us”. Wha? I absolutely cringed when she said this, and I can’t believe that Charla didn’t haul off and smack Mirna. Oh, please, can I do it for you, Charla?
The bowling moms and the twins are in last place. The twins ramp things up a notch, and the moms fall VERY far behind…seemingly hopelessly behind, as they find out that they’ve missed all flights out of the airport to Cairo for the day. Yet? At the last minute, they find out that they can catch up with the other teams tomorrow by taking a flight w/ fewer stopovers. So they are very relieved. And hope? Is restored.
And finally…we see teams sleeping on the floor of the airport, roughing it overnight as they await their flights departures. Kim, incredibly, is putting rollers into her hair in the middle of the airport! Wow, I don’t think I’ve EVER cared THAT much about my hair looking bouncy and curly. (Okay, those of you who know me? SHUT UP and stop laughing! I really would NOT put curler in my hair, in the middle of the airport. Seriously.)
Mirna/Charla sneak away and exchange their tickets for an earlier flight…finally, doing for themselves & learning lessons from the smarter players (Colin), and not telling the other teams. Good for them. Truly. This is the way that the game should be played. As the time approaches for their new flight to leave, they wait for the other teams to fall asleep in their comfy airport makeshift floor-beds, and Mirna/Charla quietly slip away from the group & onto their flight.
As the others awaken, and realize that Mirna/Charla are no longer with them…they figure out what likely happened. “Those sneaky cousins” Brandon calls them. Ooooooh. Them’s fighting words.
When the teams arrive in Cairo, they must find the Tower of Cairo. You know, THE tower. Colin and Christie arrive, literally, hours before the other teams. They take further advantage of their lead by using a Fast Forward. I won’t bore you with the details of this Fast Forward, because it really was pretty boring. And even their argument during it, while a local watched them & shook his head sadly, was not particularly riveting.
Upon completion of this Fast Forward…Colin and Christie race towards the Pit Stop for this leg of the race, which is at The Sphinx. They are Team #1, and have plenty of time for their mandatory rest period (well, I’m assuming that they’re going to have one…although, where? Inside of The Sphinx? I don’t know if that’s cushy enough, is it? Is there a Ritz nearby?).
Back to the others…they must, upon landing in Cairo, find their way to the Giza Plateau. Chip/Kim are amazed by the historical significance of the area they’re in, and the landmarks they’re passing on the way. I’m glad to see them taking the time to enjoy it…what a waste it would be to travel to these places & be so focused on the race that you notice nothing around you! Although, if you WIN the darn thing, you’ll have lots of money to travel the world with!
“Our driver kicks ass” say KamiKarli to their taxi driver…whereupon one of them yells in his ear “You ROCK!”. He seems very pleased to have been told that he ROCKS, but I can’t help wondering if he even knows what this means? I was hoping that he’d become confused & think that they suddenly wanted to be driven to a large rock somewhere. But no such luck.
Marshall can hardly walk at this point, his knees are hurting so badly. I almost feel sorry for him. Almost.
Mirna is doing her usual crabbing, nagging & berating of Charla. She’s such a sweetheart.
One by one the teams arrive at the pyramids…that’s some very cool locale, people.
ROAD BLOCK:
“Who’s up for going down?” (Heh.)
One of the team members must climb down into the Osiris Shaft (oh, the double
entendres are killing me…), find a bag of artifacts, and bring it back
up to the surface.
“I’m claustrophobic” moans Mirna, pawning off yet ANOTHER task onto Charla.
We see Linda falling and
twisting her ankle…
Later we see KamiKarli falling and twisting her ankle…
As Charla climbs down into the Shaft, Mirna says “I was stubborn and I made Charla do it, now I feel bad”. Gee, really?
Once teams recover the bag from the shaft, ahem, they must open the bad to assemble their clues & find out their next destination. There is a map of Giza…and a puzzle that they will hopefully figure out to assemble on TOP of the map, at which point the missing piece of the puzzle will make apparent to them (it will?) where on the map they are to go.
Some of the teams figure this out quickly, others take a bit longer.
In the meantime, back at the Shaft, Brandon is being whimpy and complaining about completing this task…but he finds the strength within himself and finally descends. Chip doesn’t give it a second thought, and quickly completes the task.
ROAD BLOCK:
Upon following their maps, they find themselves at a Road Block, where they
must “Rock and Roll” or “Hump and Ride”.
Rock and Roll entails moving cement blocks across an area the size of a football field, rolling it along on logs.
Hump and Ride (heh) entails riding camels and/or horses across a span of desert, delivering cargo to a designated area. Philimenator tells us that both tasks are difficult, but what makes this one potentially more difficult is the fact that the animals might not be particularly cooperative.
Charla and Mirna choose “Hump and Ride”…and as Charla is lifted onto her horse, Mirna cries out “Charla, you look just like a real jockey”. Hey, wait a minute, is that a jab about Charla’s size?
“It’s like ‘Charla
and Mirna of Arabia’” yells Mirna. Has anyone else noticed that
Mirna rarely talks? She simply yells, all the time, at anyone and everyone,
and about anything and everything?
They complete the task, the animals were kind to them (as were the locals, who
cheered them rousingly).
We see some of the others struggling to complete the Rock and Roll task. It looks tough. Especially for the little skinny people.
Charla/Mirna arrive at the Phil Stop in 2nd place. Incredibly, Phil grins at them as though they’re his favorite people in the whole wide world…he hugs them, they chit chat, make dinner plans, uggh.
Chip is busy being ‘Mr Friendly’ to the other teams…notably to Brandon/Nicole, and then the Twins (“You like me! You really like me!”). And although it’s nice and thoughtful of him? This is A RACE FOR A MILLION DOLLARS! Knock it off, Chip!
It seems that Nicole is
placing their logs poorly, so that Brandon keeps rolling the cement blocks off
of the logs…and they’d have been in serious trouble if Chip hadn’t
helped them recover & move the blocks back onto the logs…
“Don’t talk to me like I’m a child!” yells Nicole at
Brandon.
When they finish the task & receive their clue, Brandon asks Nicole for
a kiss, and asks “Are you mad at me, baby?” in a cutesy little-girl
voice. Ewww, that was almost as creepy as Colin!
Brandon/Nicole land at the Pit Stop in 3rd place…because Chip was busy sucking up to the Twins at the time.
Chip/Kim are Team 4. And they seem a bit shocked that they came in 4th and not 3rd. (Uh, hello?)
Dodging the curse of bad knees & likely heart attacks, Marshall/Lance arrive at Phil’s Stop in 5th place.
The twins follow in 6th place.
The moms arrive in 7th and
final place…but Philimenator doesn’t Philimenate them…he tells
them that this is a non-elimination leg. However? They must turn over all of
their money, AND they won’t be given any money to begin the next leg of
the race. Ouch, that hurts. It will be very interesting to see how they wheedle
their way around next week…I’m thinking they’re through. Finished.
Or, as Mirna/Charla would say “done-o”.
Return to Top
Starting out in Bariloche,
the teams receive their next clue - The guns of theBattleship Aurora fired the
first shot of the Russian Revolution, find it in St. Petersberg, Russia. The
teams must drive into the city of Bariloche tot he bus station, there they must
catch a bus and ride 20 hours back to Buenos Aires. In Buenos Aires they mush
fly over 8000 miles to St. Petersberg, Russia and find the Battleship Aurora
to get their next clue.
The teams rush tot he bus station only to pile up in a big group. First to the bus station was Colin and Chrisite, who ran into a local person and start asking him questions about the bus schedules. Charla and Mirna arrive while this is going on, and Mirna tries to interrupt the local helper. Colin says she needs to back off, wait until they are done, and then she can talk to him.
As the teams arrived at the bus station, they were all in line waiting for the same bus line, and they had arranged an ordered line. Colin goes back to the friendly local and asks about another bus line. Colin finds out that another bus line will work for them, but it leaves later than the first bus, however it arrive in Buenos Aries at the same time as the bus that leaves earlier. The Brothers see Colin talking and head over to where he is, so the whole group gets up and runs over there. The order of the line gets messed up and people start complaining about it. Mirna exchanges word with both the Brothers and Christie. Colin, first in line, decides to buy tickets for 4 teams, thats all that is left for that bus. He gives the extra tickets to Chip and Kim, The Brothers, and Brandon and Nicole. He wanted to make sure Mirna was not on that bus with them. While these 4 teams are waiting for their bus, they decide to talk with a travel agent and book seats to St. Petersburg, this way everything will be taken care of when they arrive in Buenos Aires. After some investigation by the travel agent, they find one flight with enough seats for one team, and a flight that can hold the other three teams. Everyone agrees that Colin and Christie should take the ealier flight since they bought the bus tickets for them and took them to the travel agent.
The other teams, Charla and Mirna, Linda and Karen, Kami and Kali, and Bob and Joyce boarded the first bus and took off.
On the later bus, Brandon and Nicole decide that they do not have to work with the others and will go and find their own way to St. Petersberg.
The buses arrived in Buenos Aires within minutes of each other, and the teams race to find taxis to get them to the airport. In Buenos Aires, Brandon and Nicole take off before the oters get off the bus and go make a phone call to the travel agent in Bariloche. They get him to change them around and they find another flight that will get them their earlier than the flight they were originally on.
Charla and Mirna first run
to SwissAir, who has no tickets, but they get put on the priority standby list.
Linda and Karen and Kami and Karli decide to work together. Bob and Joyce first
try to book tickets to Madrid, but before they pay, they realize they were booked
for Business Class tickets, which they cannot not use. Charla and Mirna, placing
all their trustin Swiss Air, are stuck getting out of Buenoa aires last. The
flights for the teams are as follows:
Colin and Christie will
fly (ailrine unknown) from Buenos Aires to Sao Paulo, Brazil, then to Paris,
France and then on to St Petersberg, Russia.
Brandon and Nicole will
fly on British Airways through Sao Paulo, Brazil and then to London, England
and then to St. Petersberg.
Chip and Kim and Marshall
and Lance fly from Buenoa Aires to Madrid, Spain then to Frankfurt, Germany,
and then to St. Petersberg, Russia.
Bob and Joyce, Kami and
Karli and Linda and Karen all wind up on the a flight to Madrid. From there
Kami and Karli go on to St. Petersberg, but Bob and Joyce have another flight
that goes through Frankfurt, Germany and then to St. Petersberg.
Charla and Mirna finally find a flight on Lufthansa that flies to Frankfurt, and then St. Petersberg.
The Brothers get to Frankfurt just to find Charla and Mirna wiating for the same flight to St Petersberg.
Colin and Christie were first in St. Petersberg, followed shortly by Brandon and Nicole.
Once the teams get to the Battleship Aurora, they find the next clue - a Detour. Task1 of the Detour was Block 5 Shot. If the teams choose this one, they must go a short distanct to a hockey rink and together, they must block 5 slap shots from professional hockey players. Task 2 was Drink 1 Shot. Teams that chose this one must travel a longer distance to Anichkov Palace, wher they have to grab a saber and perform a Cossack tradition of balancing a shot of vodka on the flat of the blade and tilt the sword to drink the shot and not drop the glass.
The first team to arrive at teh Detour was Colin and Christie, they decided to do drink shots. Brandon and Nicole chose to block 5 shots, even though Nicole wanted to drink the shot. Brandon wants to live by his faith ad drinking a shot made him feel uncomfortable. Charla and Mirna decide to do shots, but once in the car Mirna talks her into doing the hockey. Marshall and Lance, Chip and Kim, Kami and Karli, Linda and Karen all decide to drink a shot of vodka. Bob and Joyce decided to block te 5 shots. After accomplishing the task of their choice, the teams received their next clue - find the Bronze Horseman. The teams must head to the center of the city and find the statue that tributes Peter the Great. The teams will find their next clue there.
The clue at he Bronze Horseman directed the teams to make their way out of the city to the town of Pushkin, and to find the Old Tower Restaraunt. They would receive the next clue there.
Marshall and Lance decided to follow a local to the Bronze Horseman instead of taking a taxi. The friendly local did not know how to get there and it took the Brothers much longer than needed to find the statue.
Once the team arrive at
the Old Tower Restaraunt, the next clue they receice a Roadblock - which is
a task that onely one teammember can perform. The first to arrive by a large
lead is Colin and Christie. The Roadblock task is that the selected teammember
must eat 1 kilogram of caviar (about 2.2 pounds).
Christie goes for her team,
and takes a huge spoon full and lamost yaks it al back up. She has lots of trouble,
which allows 4 tems to catchup, but Colin encourages her so she finished the
task and they are the second team to leave the roadblock.
Nicole goes for her team, and she has a lot of trouble. She says she is full, but she continues anyway. She starts to get sick and eventually lays down on the floor and passes out. He rests for a little bit and Brandon finally gets her up to finish it. He pleads for the Lord to help her finish it. She finallt gets it all down after the the others have finished and before the last 3 teams arrive. They are the 5th team to leave the Roadblock
Chip goes for his team and is a monster. He takes a big mouth ful and a swig of juice or water and then swallows. This seems to be agood tactic since he finished fairly quickly and is the first team outof the Roadblock.
Lance goes for his team, and struggles a little but not too bad. He is determined not to let Charla beat him. They are the third team out of the Roadblock.
Mirna goes for her team and is doing well to the cheers of Charla telling her wonderful it is and how well she is doing. This also encourages Colin and Christie into finishing theirs when they do and causes Colinto mutter that he hates Mirna.
As these teams are finishing up the Roadblock, the last planes lands with Kami and Karli and Linda and Karen on one, and Bob and Joyce arriving on the last plane.
Karli goes for her team - you can see her shaking and getting sick but she carries on and they are the 7t team out of the Roadblock.
Linda goes for her team and shows down. They are 6th out of the Roadblock. As they leave, they joke that they beat the twins at an eating contest.
Joyce goes for her team and they take their time knowing they are in last.
The clue the teams receive when they finish the Roadblock instructs the teams to take a horse drawn sleigh to Catherine's Palace, the Pit Stop for this leg of the race. The last team to arrive will be eliminated.
In their sleigh ride, Bob and Joyce talk about their love for one another and how happy they are to be together since they never thought they would find someone again. blah blah blah.
The teams arrive at the
Pit Stop in the following order:
1 - Chip and Kim
2 - Colin and Christie
3 - Marshall and Lance
4 - Charla and Mirna
5 - Brandon an Nicole
6 - Linda and Karen
7 - Kami and Karli
8 - Bob and Joyce - eliminated
At departure, the teams are directd to fly to San Carlos de Bariloche in Patagonia (also in Brazil). Team have to drive themselves over 60 miles to Buenos Aires to the airport and fly 1000 miles to Bariloche. When they land there, they must drive themselves into town and find the Mayor, who will give them the next clue.
Brandon and Nicole leave first, followed with int minutes by Charla and Mirna. They have decided to work together. Brandon and NIcole are in front, and get stuck in a big mud hole. Charl and Mirna go past, and then stop and ge tout to see if they need help. Luckily, there was a tractor nearby with a driver, who pulled Brandond and Nicole out of the mud, and they follow Charla and Mirna. At one point, there is a fork in the road, Charla and Mirna go straight while Brandon and Nicole turn off. This leads to Charla and Mirna momentarily getting lost because they trusted someone to help them.
Bob and Joyce and Karen and Linda decide to work together as well. They get into Buenos Aires, but not sure where teh Airport is. Colin and Christie were behind them, but pull over to join them. They wind up following one another to the airport.
Brandon and Nicole were first to
the airport. They found a phone and called the airline Aerolineas Argentinas
to find out about flights to Bariloche. The first is at 9:10, but is sold out.
They also find out te next flight is at 10:30. They also find out that the ticket
desk opens at 4am. When they see Jim and Marsha, they tell them the info they
have. This info also gets to Linda and Karen and Bob and Joyce, and Linda and
Karen ask Joyce and Bob to book tickets for them.
On the way to Buenos Aires, Marhsall and Lance get a flat tire, but it only
takes them 13 minutes to get it changed and back onthe road.
In the meantime, Charla and Mirna arrive at the airport and see Brandon and Nicole. Brandon and Nicole tell them that they pulled aside and wiated on them. They also tell Charla and Mirna they will get tickets for them and vice versa.
Marshall and Lance mae it tot he airport and find out the another airline - Southernwinds Airlines - who have a 9:40 flight that has some seats available. Charla and Mirna overhear this, tell Brandon, and then get inline at the ticket desk ahead of Marshall and Lance. Marshall and Lance get upset with them because they will not tell them if they are buying tickets for more than one team. Then Charla and Mirna get upset with Brandon and Nicole becuase they also ask Jim and Marsha to get them tickets on the other airlines. Jimand Marsha fid out there is one seat onthe 9:10 flight, get it and place the other person on the stand by list. They aslo get tickets on the 10:30 flight for Brandon and Nicole. Lots of the team get on standby for the 9:10 flight and the 9:40 flight, and some on the 10:30 flight.
After all is said and done,
it worked out the following:
9:10 flight - Colin and Christie (from standby) and Charla and Mirna (claiming
doctor visit for Mirna on standby).
9:40 flight - Marhsall and Lance, Brandon and Nicole,
10:30 flight - Lind and Karen, Bob and Jyce, Chip and Kim, Kami and Karli
11:30 flight - Jim and Marsha
In Bariloche, Colin and Christie ar first out of airport, Charla an Mirna not far behind but they have trouble driving a standard. They get tot he Mayors ofice with no problem. The clue there says to make your way to the chocolate factory - Del Turista Chocolates- for th next clue. The factory is only 2 blocks away.
The next clue at the chocolate factory is a Roadblock. One person has to overindulge in the most popular food in Bariloche - chocolate. They have to bite their way through a table full of chocolate peices to find one filled with a white center. Of the 11000 peices of chocolate, only 20 have a white center. Once they find the one with thewhite center, they can get the next clue from the chocolatier. The first team there was Colin and Christie. The teams compete as follows:
Colin and Christe - Colin
Charla and Mirna - Charla - first to find the white center
Brandon and Nicole - Brandon
Marshall and Lance - Marshall
Bob and Joyce - Joyce
Linda and Karen - Linda
Kami and Karli - Kami
Chip and Kim - Chip
Jim and Marsha - Jim
Even though Marshall and Lance were the 4th team there, it took him over an hour to find one with a white center. In that hours time, all teams went around them except Jim and Marsha.
The clue from this task told the teams to dive themselves 12 miles to Villa Catedral, a ski village. There, they are to take a mountain gondolla tot he top of the mountain and search for the next clue.
Charla and Mirna and Colin and Christie are on the same gondolla, and end up racing to the flag for the next clue. Colin and Christie were the first ones there. This clue was a Detour.
The Detour was Smooth Sailing (task1) or Rough Riding (task 2). In Smooth Sailing the team members must each paraglide tandomly with an instructor, and glide off a 5000 foot peak and get the next clue. In Rough Riding, each teammember must ride a mountain bike 6 miles down a rough mountain trail to get the next clue. All teams choose Smooth Sailing (task 1). Linda is the only one who had misgivings about it, and after the first attempt that failed wanted to quit. She was convinced to try again, and successfully completed her portion of the task.
The next clue - teams must drive themselves to Bahia Lopez - a small bay outside bariloche and find an unnamed island just off the shore of the bay. This is the 3rd pitstop. The last team arrving may be eliminated.
The teams arrived at the PitStop in the following order:
Colin and Christie
Charla an Mirna
Brandon and Nicole
Bob and Joyce
Kami and Karli
Linda and Karen
Chip and Kim
Marshall and Lance
Jim and Marsha - being last, they were eliminated.
Donnie and Alison are the first to leave and the clue says they are to travel to MonteVideo and find the Shake Mega isco where they have to search the crowded dance floor that is covered in foam to find inflated balls painted with a globe. The clue is inside the ball, but not all balls have clues in them. They have to pop the balls to get the clue. To get there they are to use the marked cars to drive the 75 miles back to Montevideo.
As the teams leave, most teams go the right direction, but Marshall and Lance and Charla and Mirna go int he wrong direction. Chip and Kima nd the twins were going to work together, but Chip and kim lost them by accident.
At the disco, there was lots going on - Nicole got groped, and someone was trying to kiss Kim.
Everyone gets the next clue. The teams are to drive more than 100 miles to the ferry station at Colonial del Sacramento where they will take the ferry to Buenos Aires, Argentina. Alison and Donnie were the firstones there, but the next ferry was over an hour off, this allowed most of the other team to arrive in time to catch the ferry. The last ones there were Charla and Mirna, who pleaded with the ticket guy to hold it for them. They got lucky and the ferry was held for a few minutes so that they had time to make it. So all teams were bunched up on the ferry.
Once in Buenos Aires the teams must find the right cemetary (Recoleta) and search among thousands of monuments to find the grave of Evita Peron, where they will find the next clue.
As the teams are coming off the ferry, Jim and Marsha stop to exchange money for Argentine money because Linda and Karen told them that no one would take US money. They found out after exhcanging money that it is not true, and feel that Linda and Karen intentionally misled them.
After everyone grabbed a taxi, several teams went to the wrong cemetary. They were taken to where Evita's husband is buried. OS this delayed some teams. This allowed Charla and Mirna to arrive at Recoleta ahead of other teams. As they were entering the cemetary they see a maintenance man driving a cart, and ask him to drive them over there. They took off as Lind and Karen got there and tried to stop them for a ride. Linda and Karen had to walk it.
The next clue is a Detour, Charla and Mirna wer the first there. The detour is Perro or Tango. Task 1 is Perro - which is to walk a group of 8 dogs 1 mile to a statue called La Flor, while walking through 3 checkpoints, and one teammember controls the dogs while the other one navigates. In Task2 - Tango - the teams must go 1.5 miles across town and through traffic to El Tango Theater. Once they get there they receive a program with a picture of a male dancer in it - the teams must find the matching dancer and giv him the photo - if they are right they will receive the next clue, if wrong they have to get another photo and try again.
Taking Task 1 were the following teams - Alison and Donnie, Non and Joyce, Kami and Karli, and Linda and Karen. The other 6 teams did Task 2, the Tango. In the Tango, Chalra and Mirna missed on their first try, but got it onthe second. All the others seemed to find the right person the first time. In Task1 - Perro - Alison and Donnie were having all kinds of trouble, with Donie not able to read the map and navigate them along the path way. Linda and Karen were following them. The twins were having trouble, but found a nice by stander who helped them out and showed them around. Bob and Joyce did not seem to have a problem navigating. After Alison and Donnie got lost, they decided they were going back and would do the other task. Linda and Karen also went back and did the other task (for our questions the answer was Donnie and Alison since they seemed most affected).
As everyone accomplished the different tasks, they were givent he next clue. The teams were now to travel 70 miles by bus or taxi to La Estancia La Invernada, an Argentine ranch.
The teams could take a taxi, but it would be more expensive, or the bus. Most teams took the taxi, while a few teams did take the bus. Alison and Donnie figured the bus would be faster and would save them money for the next leg of the race. Chip and Kim and the twins wound up on a bus together. Marshall and Lance ook a taxi, butit ran out of gas and they were delayed short time while they had to fill it up.
After the bus ride, Kami and Karli and Chip and Kim had a battle over a taxi. One from each team reached the taxi and neither ere going to give it up. When another taxi arrived, then a team relented and used the other taxi. On the road, Chip and Kim enocouraged their taxi driver to pass the twins, and then made a huge show of it yelling and screaming. This angered the twins.
Brandon and Nicole were the first ones to La Invernada. The clue was a Roadblock - one team member had to go ribbon roping. This entaile done member going into the corral with a number of calves with the goal of snatching a bandana from the calves neck. They could not tackle or hold the calf to do it though.
Bradnon did it for his team, then Mirna did for their. With the other teams, the competitors were - Bob, Donnie, Chip, Colin, Kami, Kaen, Lance and Marsha.
Once the teams accomplished this a goucho would give them the next clue. The teams had to take a horse and carriage for 2 miles to La Portena, a 150 year old estate in the country side of Argentina in San Antonio de Areco. This was to be the second pit stop. The last team to arrive would be eliminated.
The teams arrived at the pit stop in the following order:
Brandon and Nicole
Chalra and Mirna
Jim and Marsha
Linda and Karen
Bob and Joyce
Colin and Christie
Marshall and Lance
Chip and Kim
Kami and Karli
Alison and Donnie
Alison and Donnie wer dramatically elimiated. Their mistake was either returning the dogs (Alison made this decision, which did not hurt Linda and Karen) or Donnie's decision to save money.
In the previews, Chip and Kim and the twins continue to battle (we also see
a gondolla going up a mountain). At the Roadblock we se charla eating something
disgusting. Then tensions boil over at the roadblock, as we see Lance or Marshall
complaining and see Mirna's face as we hear him saying “I hate her so
much.” Return to Top
The teams are started off from the Santa Monica Pier in Southern California, and Phil tells them that when he says “go” they will race to where their bags are, find the clue on the bags, and then proceed to one of the cars marked for them. Everyone crouches down in a “start” position and Phil yells “GO” - off they run - three people fall, two because they ran into one another (Dennis and Colin - neither did it in agression) and th other was Jim, who said he stumbled on a nail and fell, cutting his knee open. Anyway, everyone makes it to their bags, and reads the clue - the clue tells them to find “Hand in the sand” in Punta del Esta, Uruguay, South America for their next clue. To get there, they have to fly on one of two flights from LAX. One flight is on American Airlines, and can hold only 4 teams, while the other flight - United Airlines, can hold 7 teams. While at LAX, one of the airport paramedics approached Jim about his knee, examined it and told him he really needed to go to the clinic. They had an hour or so before their flight, so they went out and found a Thrifty car rental shuttle van who would take them over there and bingthem back. Jim received 25 stitches in his cut and the Thrifty shuttle zoomed them to the terminal where they made it to the gate with a few minutes to spare.
After arriving at the airport, everyone is intent upon getting the American flight, but 3 teams, Alison and Donnie, Colin and Christie, and Kami and Karli decide to work together. Colin and Christie go to the American desk, and are first there. Alison and Donnie and the twins go to the United counter. Donnie asks which gets there faster, and it turns out that the United lfight, which leaves later than the American flight, has a shorter layover in Miami and arrives 30 mintues earlie than the American flight. They all get their tickets and the twins go to get Colin and Christie - who decided to get their tickets and then hold spots in line for the other two teams. Well, 3 other teams arrive at the American counter and start to get upset, and Marshal and Lance begin whining about them holding spots for the other teams. It gets a little confrontational with Chip and Kim and Marshal and Lance calling Colin names and being very angry. Since so many people were trying to get on the American flight, it worked out for some of the straggeling teams and put themon the United flight. On the American flight - Colin and Christie, Chip and Kim, Dennis and Erika, and Marshal and Lance. On the United flight - Alison and Donnie, Kami and Karli, Jim and Marsha, Joyce and Bob, Charla and Mirna, and Linda and Karen.
Then we see a handy dandy animation of the flights to Miami and then to Uruguay. Once in Uruguay, the teams had to find their way to the beach where the Hand in the Sand is located, 75 miles away by bus in the town of Punta del Esta. The beach is home to some of the roughest water in South America, and the statue depicts the last thing seen of a person as they drown (how morbid!). Anyway, the clue says to go to the port, and ride the ferry to Gorriti Island where they will get the next clue.
Once off the ferry, the next clue tells them they have to hunt through a forrested area to find ferry tickets to ride the ferry back. Tickets are already assigned to certain departing times 8 am , 8:30am and 9 am. After all the teams found their tickets, it broke down this way:
8 a.m. - Alison and Donnie, Linda and Karen, and Bob and Joyce
8:30 a.m. - Jim and Marsha, Charla and Mirna, and Kami and Karli
9 a.m. - Brandon and Nicole, Dennis and Erika, Chip and Kim, Marshall and Lance,
and Colin and Christie
Once they got back to the main port, they had to find the next clue. The first three teams found the clue with no problem. This clue said to go to the city of Malonado where they must find the Jose Francisco Gonzales meat warehouse, where they would get the next clue. The next ferry that came in had trouble finding the clue - Charla and Mirna found it with no trouble, but the other two were all over the place and even walked by the clue box a couple of times. The other two teams were still looking as the third ferry arrived.
The team all made it to the meat warehouse with no incidents, and the clue was that the team had to deliver one side of beef, weighing 55 pounds, to a butcher shop, La Rosada Carniceria, that is half a mile away. The butcher would then give the next clue.
Donnie and Alison were the first ones to take off with the beef, and along the way they find the Yield sign, but do not use it on anyone. It did not show it again, so the viewer are left to believe the Yield was not used. Along the same lines, the Fast Forward did not appear, or if it did, no one used it. Charla and Mirna were the only ones to have trouble with the beef, and actually walked 4 blocks past the butcher shop. The nice residents in the town kindly ointed them in the proper direction.
The next clue received was that the teams had to travel back to Punta del Este, to the blue and white hotel and they are given the address. The next clue is across the street from the hotel. At this point everyone was having to hunt down taxi's and Dennis was nice and let several teams take a taxi in front of them to make up for the incident at the LAX airport, which led to a heated discussion about him being too nice of a guy.
As the teams arrive at the next destination, some teams seem to have trouble finding the clue. Allison and Donnie had trouble and went in to the building (it is marked with a flag, but not the clue). They realize their mistake before going to far and return to find the clue box. Meanwhile, Linda and Karen reach the clue box first. The clue is a Detour - Zips and Chips. Task 1 is Zips- the teams have to go to the top of the building, pull themselves across a horizontal zip line 210 feet above the ground to the other tower, and then take a zip line down 18 stories to the pool wher they can get the next clue. The task may be frightening, but the teams can finish quickly and get theclue. In Chip, task 2, the teams go into the casino and receive 20 chips to play roulette. The teams will get the clue only when they hit their number, and they can only play 5 numbers per spin of the wheel. The task is not frightening, but the gamble can be rough. If the team loses all of their chips before hitting their number, they have to do the zip lines anyway.
Kami and Karli and Chip and Kim all make the same mistake as Alison and Donnie did but do not realize it, they play task 2 and eventually get the next clue, which is to go to the pit stop by taxi 10 miles away at the coastal city of Punta Ballena and find Casa del Pueblo.
The rest of the teams do the following tasks:
Alison and Donnie - task 1 - zips
Bob and Joyce - task 1- zips
Brandon and Nicole - task 1 - zips
Charla and Mirna - task2 - chips
Chip and Kim - task 2 - chips (not knowing there was a choice)
Colin and Christie - task1 - zips
Dennis and Erika - task 1 - zips
Kami andKarli - task 2 - chips (not knowing there was a choice)
Linda and Karen - task1 - zips
Marshall and Lance - task 2 - chips
Jim and Marsha - task 1 - zips
Chip and Kim arrive at the pit stop first, but they cannot check in because they missed a route marker, thus they have to return to get the clue they missed (they do not need to repeat the tasks). Kami and Karli arrive second and are told the same thing. While they return, both are worried that it may cost them this round and they could be eliminated.
The teams arrive in the following order:
1st - Alison and Donnie
2nd - Marshall and Lance
3rd - Linda and Karen
4th - Bob and Joyce
5th - Charla and Mirna
6th - Brandon and Nicole
7th - Colin and Christie
8th - Chip and Kim
9th - Kami and Karli
The last two teams are shown doing their tasks, and hurrying to the taxis, but the viewers are have no idea where they stand. The music builds as they get closer, and each is hoping not to be last. Both teams get out of the taxis, and the next scene is from Phil's view - and we see Jim and Marsha stumble though the arch way to finish 10th. Dennis and Erika, the last team to arrive, is eliminated. Both express dismay, but they knew they were in the back somewhere. Dennis takes the blam for being too nice, but Erika tells him, its not a big deal, she would rather be with a nice guy than a jerk.
Previews showed Alison and Donnie arguing, Charla and Mirna dancing, and Chipa nd Kim get testy with the twins. Return to Top