101 Ways to get out of a Speeding Ticket
by: Katherine Nolen
Okay, so maybe it�s more like 6 ways to get out a speeding ticket, but that�s better than no ways at all; 101 just sounds better.   This invaluable information comes directly from the knowledge base of a woman who has gotten out of two speeding tickets in one night, within two hours of each other AND in different states. 

1. License plate excuse: Drive in a car with a license plate from a different state than your drivers license.  This really throws cops for a loop.  Since their specialty is interrogation, they get so busy trying to figure out your life history of why your license and license plate are not from the same state (this is particularly effective if you are driving in yet another state) they completely forget why they pulled you over to begin with.

2. Potty excuse #1: If you have children�. teach them at a young age the �potty drill.�  This is similar to the ole� �STOP DROP and ROLL.�  Once the vehicle is brought to a stop, one child opens the door, runs out into the grassy area behind the nearest tree or bush, and assumes the potty position.  Meanwhile, explain to the cop how your child

3. Potty excuse #2:  If you don�t have children� bolt out of the car as soon as it is stopped, drop your pants, and pray that the cop has pity for your �explosive diarrhea.�  A little mud on the pants gives an added truth effect.

4. Environmentally friendly excuse:  This might only work if you live in a big city with really bad pollution, or in the state of California.  Tell them that your vehicle gets optimal gas mileage at XX mph (whatever speed you were going), and that you�re just trying to protect the ozone and extend the worlds fuel supply.

5. Plane fight excuse:  Pull the ole� �I�m running late for my plane flight.�  This only works if you have a dire emergency need to catch the plane, such as to visit your dying mother in the hospital.  Tears add that little special touch.  If necessary carry eyedrops with you at all times to give that glistening look, if you�re unable to cry on demand.  It�s a talent that�s worth practicing.

6. Sick Puppy excuse:  Just carry a really cute puppy in the car with you at all times.  Tell them that your puppy has a disease (say something that sounds scientific like, endocardiomyopathy, gastroenteritis, or intraventricular hemorrhagia).  It will melt the heart of any officer so fast, he�ll escort you to your destination.  (NOTE:  Just be sure to have a destination for this emergency vet clinic).
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