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Ok, so I know a guy.(I left his name out to save him some dignity, isn't that nice of me) A couple of months ago he came in town and was supposed to hang out with me. He called and made plans TWICE and then stood me up!!! On top of that, he hasn't called me back since that weekend to tell me he's sorry he's a jerk and that he can't see past his own biceps to dial my phone number. That's ok, I know its hard for you to think of anyone but your inflated self. I wondered, how could I get him back in a totally Christian way, and then I had a brilliant idea. I will tell everyone in cyberspace about how long it takes him to get dressed to go somewhere because he's so stuck on himself!!! We would plan on going somewhere at say 7 pm. I would hop in the shower at 6 and be sitting on my porch waiting for him at 7. (Yes I hold the world title in fastest girl to get dressed) Well at like 9:30 he would show up finally. Would you like to know why he took 3 and a half hours to get dressed? Well, he likes to work out and obsess over his body, so he has to stand in the mirror for 30 minutes to make sure each ripple and line is in the right place. Then he has to shave every square inch of his body, so that's another hour. After he gets out of the shower, he has to wax his unibrow, shave and make sure every strand of hair is spiked at a 75 degree angle, that's another 30 minutes. Then he has to find the best Abercrombie shirt to fit his mood, the best length pants to make him look taller and the coolest sandles that accentuate his big toe. Thats another hour. The last 30 minutes are spent spraying his Abercrombie cologne on the right pressure points, putting on rings and bracelets and then deciding if he wants to wear a hat all before jumping in his truck and driving to pick me up. So at 9:30, I'm seething mad and all he could say was, "Oh am I late? I totally lost track of the time, I was shaving." Oh well, as long as you look good, it doesn't matter if you are an inconsiderate jerk who makes people wait 2 and a half hours ,or better yet all night, for you to show up. Get over yourself!!! |
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