thoughts9

June 2nd, 2003
hee hee had one of the best time thanks frank. okay we went to the park adn had this barbeque al provide by our host FRANK. hee hee.. so we went there and yea we started taking the stuff out and tlaking about lots of stuff.. yum yum the FOOD delicious hee hee.. than after that we went to the swings and yea did stupid stuff and like we later on got icecream and candi.. thank u andy and we played and took pics than oh yea before that andy found a rope and started whiping me well than he stop and i took it and whipped everytone and it just went around in circles and we were being stupid but very fun so yea. and the saddest thing is that she wasnt there with us.

June 6, 2003
still really depressed this week and a half or 2 weeks i havent been hanging with candice with the group because i no longer feel that i can. There so much things that i want to cry for when i am left there standing alone. Candice and i are friends again or so it seem but when she goes to the group she dares to talk behind my back and ignore me. and Frita i dont understand why shes mad i thought it was because Candice and I got into that fight but noew she says because i have the right to be moody and stuff. and Amir. i know longer want your friendship. You seem to me like the type of person who dosent deserve my friendship. You do things that i c now that makes me feel used. and when all you three are together i am left alone and i can hear your laughter and your looks the way you smile. yet u leave me and not acknowledge me and at that point i just want to die and cry because all this seem to be because of andy. I dont understand. candice u say to me u dont care, amir u dont like him, farida you once did like him but only if hes my friend. i can understand if my friends say this but you guys arent my frineds your better friends. Still you act liek this.. i wish i can scream to everyperson who ever told me " oh yea i like her old b/f better".. well if u were even MY FUCKING FRIEND THAN YOUD BE HAPPY FOR ME AND MAYBE YOU CAN SEE I AM HAPPY WITH HIM AND THE ONLY SHIT THAT ISNT MAKING ME HAPPY IS THE PEOPLE I ONCE CALLED FRIENDS. .. thats why i hang out with andy i cant stand you guys at least his friends who i dont know can accept me .. i dont know if they like me.. but for shit they dont ignore me. Candice i dont know if we are friends.. i know you dont trust me and you have the right but i dont think u have the right to ignore me with them. I feel as if u are just lying to me everytime i'm with him or with me. Even when i'm with andy all i can think about is u guys and i'm just so sad. so yea dont think that its all that great. Well i bet you guys dont know that but it wont matter because it'll probably be like this till forever.. unless a miracle happen.. i've given up trying

June 9th, 2003
I feel so lousy. From the start of the bell as i start to come home.. candice tells me some shit.. i dont even want to bother with it.. than in the car about the yearbook. I was so pist i dont know and already so sad that i didnt even want to sign her yearbook and if i did i wanted to say hey. have a good summer as if i was just sumone she meet but dosent know. so i went home ate. than andy called and we talked about some things than he had to go and i feel asleep till 6 and everybody ached so bad and when i woke up i felt even worse. Now i just feel lousy and i have so much tests and projects i dont know if i can do it.I just want to give up. SIgh. Well I cant really talk much about how i feel i have to do my homework.

THOUGHTS 9

June 11th, 2003
SOmetimes i just want to cry into the world and ask WHY?.. why of all the people it happened to me. feeling more like shit than everyday.. and everyday it seems like the grl i knew as my best friend isnt is. It seems like shes a traitor. and now more than ever she shows it.. and i dont even want to try.. i dont even want to try to get her back because i'm liking towards the end of the clift and i just cant. I dont know who that grl is and everyday we are growing apart or so i think.. yet sumtimes she turns to that person i know but i know it wont last.. so why bother. She has taken their side it dosent matter. She says she dosent care about me and andy but if she dosent than why does she hate him so much. I know that before she didnt but i guess she does because prehaps she thinks i choose him rather than her. too bad its not true. I just hope you know that and times when i say that u cant make it on your finals while u say u will .. sumtimes i find like u will but than other times it feel;s like u dont even try and i dont understand why. I dont understand when u will learn.. when u will care.. like about your grades, your future.. which makes me worry of what type of person who u will become.. I'm afraid of u just getting hurt and i'm not there. and its just not you. but like everyone in the group realli is kiling me not tlaking to me and shit and i'm not the one ignoring you guys you guys are doing that to me so i dont see why i should bother to hang out with you guys and be ignored. well have fun at your new six flag job candi cenad good luck.. i dont know what to sya in the yearbook because i dont know if i should say goodbye or lie and say see u later when i know its a goodbye. sigh.. u dont even know how sad i am. you dont even know how sad i am when i'm in the car and we cant talk or how u seem to have a better relationship with my sister than me.. but u wouldnt care because u have your new life so yea let it be

June 14th,2003
so sad right now.. and i thought u would be therefor me but your not.. I'm so angry at u at this moment.. and now when i look around i dont even have anyone to cry on.. or anything.. errgh and stupid travis is asking me questions if candice and i are friends and is laughing.. GOD their all the same.. and candice i cant even barely look at her in the webcam cuz i just want to cry.. and no one there.. right now i just want to kill my self i just want to run on the rood and jump at the end and fall like i'm flying and let it all out. so sad. i dont know what else to say.. i'll i'mfeeling.. all this hurt, anger, betrayaled, loss..

July 29, 2003
there is so much that has happened that i cant really remember. SO far candice was mad at me because i told her that julians b-day party is this day when it actually passed and i feel so bad but i thought it was that day.. and so far right now she is concerned with her job in six flag... her missing cat and her life is saugust. Yesterday i didnt go to the getty and instead went ot the cicurs varges and cocozs with andies family. Its really weird and odd to just sit with these people because its just awkward. Half the time i have no idea what they are saying but u try to just sit there and be polite. Today i feel like the only thing that made sence in my life is andy. And i feel like hes the only person i can turn too. I guess because he seems like the only friend i got... whose actually there. My life dosent seemto make sence sumtimes i feel like i have no one because everyone lets me down. right now i dont even know if i want to be an interiror designer because my father lets me down.. and i feel sumtimes i wish he wasnt my father prehaps he isnt after all he hasnt been there for me. I want my sim game so badly miss it so much. I am also trying to build this new site .. i dontknow what it shoud be like.. but hopefully it will turn out as great asi think it should. SOon i have to go to my trip which will be boring .... I went for this 2 hour jog which was really good. anyways thats all i have to say oh an di watched adaptation realli good story and prehaps you should read the book the orchid theif.. thats good too. well.. yea.

JUly 2nd.2003
okay people i am off on my trip for a week to yellow stone today i had to go to school to get my report card.. cuz they said i have a due but than like when i got there ..there was a long line ohh wait guess who i saw there andres..hes so nice.. anyways yea so when it was my turn they said i have no dues so yea and yay i got 4 A's and 2 B's than i went home..went out to the dentist..went to costco .. there was this long train. yea thna went home and now gettign ready to go to yellowstone aka UTAH. well yea hope it goes well.. i'm gonna miss andy soo much.. hee.. but most of all.. annoying candi and herjit..MUAHHHA.. anywyas herjit hoep things owrk out with BOB.. i'm all confused about this.. tell him this and that.. and candi.. .................................................. yea u heard that.. is what i want to hear from u and your sista.. well have fun working u guys.. smile.. ta ta.. only 4 hours of sleep..