++++READ FIRST++++
A/N: I do not advocate shounen-ai
or the like and this little bit is only here to establish something. So if you
feel you should not look at this any further be my
guest. I don’t want anything I write affecting people negatively.
NOTE: So
that I don't get anyone confused Touya, and Yuki are
16; Sakura, Tomoyo, Eriol,
Mei Lin and Shyaoran are 14. Just thought that with
all the drama going on leaving Sakura and friends at the age of ten would cause
them to have premature deaths and I need them around for further fics. xoxo
Phoenix Hoshika
++++++++++++++++++
Disclaimer:
I am obviously not CLAMP and therefore do not own Cardcaptor
Sakura. There is no profit except the joy of being a fan being made from this
writing.
The Two Sides of the Moon
By:
Chapter One
It was a year ago that I became aware that
I was not at all what I thought I was. It was a year ago that memories of my
true identity came flooding in like a tidal wave. At first I thought that I was
separate from the quiet persona that everyone knew as Yukito.
After only a few days I knew that we were the same and that what came out in me
as Yukito was there all along, but not something that
I would allow myself to reveal to anyone willingly. Yue
does not indulge in social activities such as sports; and Yue
certainly does not become confused. Yet, just a week ago I did become somewhat
confused.
In my false form as Yukito,
Touya and I had skipped school. At first I refused
such an idea, but Touya said since we were both good
students it wouldn't matter if we skipped just once. Curious as to what he had
planned for us I agreed to cut class that once. That day we left early with the
excuse that we were going to soccer practice, but of course there was no soccer
practice that day and as soon as we got near the park we dodged off into the
bushes quickly changing out of our uniforms and into more causal clothes. Touya laughed at me the whole time telling me to relax, but
I had never did anything so deceitful in my entire
life, not even as Yue. Changing closes in the
shrubbery of the park only made my feelings of guilt deepen.
“Now what,” I asked tying my shoelace. Touya looked at me then off to the side and shrugged.
“I don’t know.”
“Touya.”
I said a little irritated.
“My father and Sakura should be clear of
the house by 8:30 we can go back there have something to eat then figure out
what to do from there.”
“Are you sure we won’t get caught?”
“You are just as uptight as Yue. Relax.” Touya sometimes made
comments like that to remind me that he knew there really was no difference
between my false form and me. Despite the fact that his little comments
irritated me sometimes I just smiled.
Later at his house we went into his room
and closed the door. For two hours we played video games, which I thoroughly
whooped him in even though I didn’t really play that often. Touya
seemed annoyed by this which he expressed through glaring at me from time to
time, but smiled after our last game announcing he was bored. I turned off the
game system and the TV. Touya sat on his bed and I
leaned against the wall by the window.
“I’d be bored too if I couldn’t win a
single game.” I said teasingly. All Touya had to say
to this was;
“Shutup.”
This amused me so I smiled leaning my head back to rest on the wall. Touya still sat on his bed except this time his head was
lowered and he gave a sigh.
“Now what?” He
asked looking at the floor.
“Touya, are you
asking me?” I said nearly laughing. “This was all your idea you should plan
things out next time.” I closed my eyes still smiling. The sunlight that peeked
in through the closed shades felt good, though not has well as the light from a
full moon. I could hear Touya chuckling at my remark
then silence. This was a bad idea. Listening to Fujiyama Sensei drone on about
ancient
“What?” I asked slightly surprised at his
sudden change in mood.
“You
know I care about you a lot…” He said slowly as he moved closer. Suddenly it
became clear why he brought me here and where this conversation was going. I
always thought the first and only person I would ever kiss would be someone
else… My heart had jumped into my throat despite my calm appearance.
Disregarding the feeling of apprehension I just nodded. Touya
is the only friend I ever had and as such was very dear to me, so no matter
what I swore that I would be there for him. Then when he saved my life I felt
an even stronger obligation. I assumed the obligation I felt toward him is love
and so I believed it made the situation alright…
“You’ve always been there for me. When the
first woman I loved left me you were right there to help me through that hard
time. It seemed like you were the answer to the void I felt inside and I
started to think it didn’t matter, that perhaps our relationship could change
and when you said you felt the same it seemed like the perfect solution…” Touya continued putting his hand on my shoulder. “…but now
I know it was wrong to try to twist our friendship into something it was never
meant to be. I’m sorry.”
I let out a heavy sigh of relief.
“Are you ok?” Touya
asked stepping back a pace.
“I’m fine.” I say sliding down to the
floor and putting my head between my legs.
“You’re not acting fine are you upset?”
“No.” There was complete silence for a
moment. I could feel Touya’s eyes peering down at me.
“…Oh! I see. You
were thinking that… Yare yare, what kind of guy do
you think I am?
I couldn't take being in human form much
longer; my face was so hot it felt like it would burn up. Standing I changed
into my true form.
“Forgive?” I asked still too embarrassed
to speak correctly.
“Yue, I gave you my power because I wanted to help you and
because I knew you would protect Sakura. I only made you promise to do just
that so you would understand why I did it. I don’t want you feeling like you
owe me something. I rather have you as a friend than a slave, for my sake as
well as Sakura’s.” Touya sat down on the bed with a
troubled expression on his face. A few minutes past before I
said anything.
“I am not angry with you.” I forced myself
to say. Though I felt a bit of relief from his words I also felt pain and
anger. How was I supposed to put meaning to the feelings I had for him other
than those of a loyal slave? I didn't want to believe that all I felt toward
him was nothing more than a deep obligation. Even though I was created by a
human I could never bring myself to believe I was below them in any way, but
was that all me and my brother were, more than animals, but still less than
humans? Would I ever feel more than the obligation of servitude toward the
people I called friends, especially my mistress Sakura, who called me her
friend even though I fought against her authority?
As I thought about her I suddenly felt a
peace and warmth inside that I had always, up until that point, suppressed and
ignored. What was this I was feeling? Then I heard her voice in my mind “I love
you!”. She had said this to me while I was Yukito, but I would not return her feelings. It was at that
moment I finally fully realized how terrible I treated her and truly started to
feel like scum. I even tried to convince Sakura out of her love for my false
form Yukito, buy saying she was confused, that the
romantic feelings she had for Yukito were actually
akin to the love she felt for her father. No, the truth was I was the confused
one.
“Oi, Yue. Are you asleep? Pull yourself together so we can hit
the theme park across town.”
“Let’s go.” I said after returning to my
barrowed form.
“I told Sakura I would walk her home today
so we can’t be late to meet my sister at the park. She might get suspicious and
I don’t want my father to find out that I skipped school.”
“Okay.” I said giving him one of my best
smiles.
2:59 p.m.
Touya and I had
arrived at the park about ten minutes early. I watched the children play on the
penguin slide while Touya watched the street like a
hawk for Sakura. "There he goes with
that sister complex of his again." I thought laughing inside. I wonder
if he will ever get over it?
"Oniichan!" I heard Sakura call out as she
approaches. I turn around to greet her with a smile and;
"Konnichiwa, Sakurachan."
"Konnichiwa, Yukitosan."
"Konnichiwa, Kinomotosan,
Tsukishirosan." Tomoyo
said as she caught up to Sakura.
Touya just
grunted.
"Konnichiwa, Tomoyochan."
I said in an effort to dismiss Touya's rude greeting.
"Yuki, you want to come over our
house for dinner?" Sakura invited cheerful as ever.
Touya put his
hand on my shoulder and shook his head. "That will be no good."
"Why?" I ask feeling like it was
going to lead to something bad.
"The monster is cooking dinner
tonight. I don't think you should come unless you wanna
be poisoned."
Sakura turned red. "I am not a
monster and I know how to cook!" Sakura kicked Touya
in the shin of his left leg, who then wrenches in pain. I pretended not to see
anything as usual and just smiled. It wasn't like he didn't have it coming.
Sakura is cute, why must he always tease her so harshly? Sakura was flustered
as she tried to regain control of herself before she spoke again.
"For dessert I'm making strawberry
shortcake."
"I am sure it will be good." I
said.
"Sakurachan
makes the best strawberry shortcakes." Tomoyo
blushes as she adds; "Sakurachan is very good at
everything." As soon has she finished speaking a black limo suddenly
pulled up to the curb and a woman dressed in black wearing sunglasses stepped
out the car and opening the back passenger door of the car. Tomoyo's
mother stepped out the car and wrapping her arms around her daughter.
"Tomoyochan,
I got off work early and thought that we should spend some time together at the
mall."
"Okay." Tomoyo
said as she turned to say her goodbyes. "You don't mind do you Sakurachan?" Sakura cheerful shook her head in
response and Tomoyo stepped into the limo. As it
pulled off I noticed that I was not the only one still staring at the large car
as it drove away.
When we arrived at the Kinomoto
residence Sakura rushed for the mail. A squeal escaped her lips as she ran into
the kitchen where me and Touya were.
"Mei Lin and Shyaoran
wrote me!"
As soon as she said his name Touya's expression turned dark. "Why does that brat
keep sending letters to Sakura." He muttered to
me. I just smiled. I don't particularly care for Shyaoran
either, but what can I say? Apparently Sakura likes him and that's what matters
right? Besides he is a good person, though a little uptight, but who am I to
talk about someone else being uptight? I pride myself on being the King of
uptight. Shyaoran has nothing on me, so as I stated
before; who am I to call someone else uptight?
"I'm so glad to hear they are doing
ok." Sakura continued as she finished reading the letters.
Touya nudges me
in the ribs to get my attention. "Let's go into the living room and watch TV.
The monster probably will take a while to make dinner."
"I heard that!" Sakura said
looking rather peeved. I just shook my head. Touya
really does have a funny way of showing Sakura that he loves her.
A little more than twenty minutes passed. Me and Touya were watching a show
on TV called Dragon something and nothing worth mentioning had happened. I
thought they were going to fight, but all they did was just stand around
talking about fighting. It was a pointless show and I was getting irritated.
"I'm going to help Sakurasan." I said cheerily even though I was ready to
kick a hole in the TV. Touya just grunted. I couldn't
believe he was really watching that nonesense.
Walking into the kitchen I could see Sakura standing over a pot stirring its
contents.
"Can I help?"
"Hoee!" Sakura was surprised and almost fell
over.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle
you."
"It's okay, and you don't have to
help me."
"Don't worry about it, I want
to." I said washing my hands. "I
really do. If you don't allow me to help prepare dinner I'll have to go back in
there with Touya and watch Dragon dolts and if I have
to stare at one more minute of that I am going to loose my mind." I
thought keeping my calm composure.
"Really?"
Thank you very much. Uh, just stir this for me." Sakura said indicating
the pot she was standing over.
"I'll help too." Touya said walking into the kitchen. He went to immediately
chop up some vegetables.
During dinner Sakura started to tell us about
her day she seemed so happy and full of energy as she talked. I was sitting
beside Touya eating slowly as not to make a pig of
myself as I had done many times before.
"Monster, if you keep talking your
food will get cold." As soon as Touya said that
there was a look of pain on his face and Sakura was giving him a death stare.
When she noticed I was looking at her she quickly regained her composure.
"So, Yukitosan,
how did soccer practice go this morning?" Why did she have to ask that
question? I panicked no knowing what to say? I could have said it went fine,
but that would have been too easy. Instead I just started giggling like an
idiot. Sakura was giving me one of those "what is that about?" looks.
"It went fine." Touya said gruffly.
"Time for
shortcake." Sakura announced leaving the table. As soon as her back
was turned Touya smacked me in the back of the head.
"Baka." Touya
whispered.
"Hey." I said aggravated.
"You almost gave us away. Why are you
being like this?"
I just sighed. "Trying to carry two separate personas can be tiring. I guess my
brain decided to skip out on me today. Get a grip." I thought
berating myself mentally.
"Here." Sakura said handing me
and Touya each a plate with a piece of cake on them.
"How is it?" She asked as soon as we each took a bite.
"It tastes great." I said.
"Really?"
"Un," Touya
grunted in agreement. The first nice thing he said to her all day I believe.
"I'm glad." Sakura said smiling
sweetly.
As
soon as I finished the cake I thanked Sakura for the meal and went home. The
house was empty as usual. So I changed into my true form and walked to the
window where the moon shined in brightly. It felt good to stand there in the
moonlight. I closed my eyes and remembered Clow.
It was late at night and the moon was
full. I was out in the garden staring up at it. The night was cool, but it
didn't bother me. I heard the rustling of leaves behind me then Clow spoke up.
"There you are child. Wouldn't you
like to rest now?"
I just shook my head.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" He said
looking up at the sky and then yawned.
"You're tired, you should rest."
"I'm fine, Yue.
My time with you and Keroberos is short so I rather
spend it with you two children before I am gone." That's all he said. He
stood there with me all night and when the sun came up he sat out in the cool
weather with Keroberos chatting until the sun went
down. I never talk much not even as Yukito. Quiet is
just fine with me so I never joined their conversations. Clow
was dear to me like a father, but I never told him that, even so I believe he
may have known. Despite that hope I still regret that I didn't say anything. I
remember when he told us he would be leaving soon and I vowed not to allow
anyone else to become my master.
When it was time for the final judgment I
was hard on them. Shyaoran Li was Clow's
descendant, but that was not good enough. He wasn't even as powerful as Clow, so I got rid of him quickly. Then it was Sakura's
turn to try to defeat me she wouldn't even fight. Not even when I tried to
force her. I felt sympathy for her peaceful soul, but I had to keep my promise
to Clow Reed. If she wanted to be my master she would
have to defeat me. At her low power level I didn't think she would last so
long, but she did. Even after I thought I had beaten her she was able to come
back with the power to use the cards under my control to capture me. It was
then that that I realized that I had no choice but to serve her and break my
promise to Clow. Then she said something that no one
had ever said to me before, something I was not expecting. She said she did not
want to be my master and that she wanted to be my friend. She said she loved Keroberos and that she was sure that she already loved me
too. I believed her and understood why Keroberos
believed in her; it was because of her big heart.
Then I started thinking about how she felt
for my false form, Yukito. And what I told her when
she told me that she was in love with me. She must have been very sad when I
rejected her, even more so because of the way I rejected her. How could I try
to convince her into believing the nature of her love for me was not what she
thought? It is a good thing that Shyaoran was there
for her, but I could have been more honest with her and just have told her from
the beginning that I thought I was in love with Touya.
It took her asking for me to admit to that. Now that I know now the strong love
I felt for Touya was not romantic I feel worse
remembering that day. Why did it have to take a whole year for me to figure it
out? I felt rotten, like a complete bastard for what I said to Sakura for
making her sad and then not having the courage to ask her to forgive me. I feel
even more regret now that Sakura has Shyaoran who
writes to her everyday. She is happy. So why am I feeling this way? Is it
because when I rejected her I also rejected how I felt toward her as well?
To be continued.....