*-*-*
The shivers weren't subsiding even as Mulder held her. She swallowed
and gently pressed her lips to his fingers. She sighed softly.
Mulder said there was so much more to do with her life. She knew
he was right. He was right yet he was wrong too. She had
so much
more to do with *their* life. She wasn't the person she once
was,
she couldn't boldly proclaim to Mulder that it was *her* life.
As
much as she tried to rebel against it at first, she knew he was
hers. And she was his. It was their life. Somehow
it had become
intertwined in the course of seven years and to tell her that she
had so much more to do with her life, and not include himself, was
absurd.
She snuggled closer to Mulder, feeling his arms tighten against
her in response. She sighed again contentedly and turned in his
arms so that she was tucked under his chin. Lifting a hand she
traced the contours of his face with her index finger. She felt
the stubble on his cheeks and the incredible softness of his
lips. She traced his bottom lip, that lip that she had admired
and longed for, for such a long time.
She had it now though. She had it because of Daniel Waterston
who
unwillingly made her realize that she didn't want to be anyone
else. She wanted to be my Mulder's side, pursuing whatever perils
came their way. The first time they had ever made love was that
night. It had been, simply, amazing, and their relationship had
progressed steadily ever since.
She traced his chin with childlike innocence. He was so beautiful,
so damn beautiful. She would never let him go nor would she tire
of him. She would get through whatever this illness was.
She
vaguely wondered if the cancer might have returned. But it
had never felt like this.
She thought back at how Mulder had said he had taken away her
motherhood. It wasn't true. She had Emily-- if only for
a short
time, she still had been a mother. And even so, there were always
other ways to have a child. It saddened her that she would never
have a child who was her flesh and blood, but she knew she would
survive. She was strong enough to. As long as she had Mulder
by
her side.
She felt his lips brush the top of her head and she smiled slightly.
His concerned gaze bore into her but she assured him by dropping her
hand to his and squeezing it. She was feeling better. A
lot better.
Eventually, the shivers subsided, and sleep came to her.
*-*-*
Scully had fallen asleep almost instantly when they got into their
seats on the plane, Mulder dimly realized. Her head rested against
his shoulder, one of her hands curled up in his.
It struck him suddenly, how innocent and fragile she looked, as it
always did when she slept. He knew she wasn't, and knew if she
knew
he thought like that he'd have a matching scar on his upper chest.
But he couldn't help himself. She meant everything to him --
and
after last night... well, he was just feeling scared. Her cancer.
What if it had come back? Why else would she be so... so sick?
He
didn't believe it was vertigo or whatever the hell she said she
thought it was.
A sudden irrational fear struck him as he stared at her. Scully
never
slept on airplanes, why the hell was she asleep? Maybe somehow
the
illness or whatever the hell it was had knocked her unconscious...
He placed his hand on the side of her neck where her pulse beat
steadily.
It calmed him immensely.
Unfortunately the action woke her up. His hand still rested on
the
side of her neck, and she pulled away from him. "Mulder... what
are
you doing?"
Mulder didn't answer her. He brushed her hair away from her face
and
squeezed her hand.
She meant everything to him.
"I'm going to the bathroom," Scully muttered to Mulder, and she
stood up heading towards the bathroom.
She locked the small door behind her, and sat down slowly in front of
the door. She didn't understand what was wrong with her and she
hated herself for it. She was a doctor. If it was the cancer,
why
now? Why when she was finally happy with herself and her
surroundings?
Staring at the toilet, she suddenly had an urge to vomit. She
grabbed
onto the sides of the toilet.
*
Mulder stood outside of the bathroom stalls waiting for Scully to
emerge. Scully had been gone for more than half an hour and he
was
at the point of genuine concern. She'd fallen asleep on a plane,
something she'd never done before, and she's been in the bathroom
for over 30 minutes. Besides that, how could he ever forget how
sick she seemed last night?
The ground started to shake, and Mulder heard the pilot announce that
it was going to be turbulent for the next few minutes and that
everyone should fasten their seatbelts. He watched luggage start
to fall from their safe haven on top of the people. He watched
person
after person get out of the bathroom, struggling to make their way
to
their seats, and finally saw Scully. She staggered out of the
stall
and grabbed hold of his waist when she saw him.
She looked horrible. Horrible as in extremely sick. He pulled
her
flush against him and held her for a few moments before dragging her
back to their seats. She buried her face in the nape of his neck
and felt his arms surround her. She closed her eyes.
Would it ever end? Would they ever be able to live normal, healthy
lives? Was it so much to ask for?
*-*-*
She touched his lips with her fingertips. She wouldn't let him
go alone. She couldn't. She brushed her lips against his
gently,
staying in his arms, before unhooking her necklace.
"I won't let you go alone," she whispered again, letting it fall
into place against his neck. "Besides it looks a lot better on
you
than on me". He smiled softly at her for that.
Little did she know that it would be the last smile of his she
would see in a long time.
*-*-*
Silence was her solace.
She had been released from the hospital only hours ago and Byers
was driving her home. He had insisted, so she had agreed.
Besides,
she wasn't in the mood to be driving.
She stared out the window, at the turbulent skies, wondering where
Mulder was. Was he somewhere out there? Where...where?
If only
he'd give her a sign that he was okay.
He wasn't going to though, she knew. There was no possible way
he
could. She couldn't reach him and tell him about the child that
was slowly growing inside her. *His* child. If anything
was going
to keep her sane, it was that belief. It had to be his.
She closed her eyes and rested against the window. She was
exhausted. Contrary to popular belief, even after sleeping hours
in
the hospital, she wasn't exuberant. She was tired. She
wanted
to sleep in her own bed, with Mulder's arms around her. She'd
settle
for her bed... for now.
She would find him and he would hold her, and she'd never let him
out of her sight again.
She would find him.
She would.
END
Author's Notes: So what'd u think? I tried to write an actual
post-ep
where Mulder comes back but it just wasn't coming out right on paper.
Anyways, Feedback to [email protected]
and as always cherished and
worshipped and replied to.