Duck and cover, it�s happening again, the winter holiday season is upon us. Save yourselves while you can! The season one again has crept its way into our homes and lives. Things sure have changed over the past two decades. In the past, Christmas was Christmas, Thanksgiving was Thanksgiving, and Hanukkah was what the rich kid who got twelve presents celebrated. It used to be easy to tell the holidays apart, there were clear line that separated them, but that�s all gone now. Do we put the Christmas lights up before or after Thanksgiving or do we just leave them on year around like people in my neighborhood do? Do we give out turkey on Halloween or candy?
When I was younger, Halloween was my favorite holiday. It was a huge event not only around my house, but at school too. Everyone came out trick or treating, but kids don�t seem to be as interested in trick or treating anymore. Maybe the candy just isn�t as good as it used to be or people actually started listening to their dentists� You know what else, I've been hearing more and more talk about how it's the "devil's holiday," more than I ever did before my mom became one of those Christian fanatics (there�s one in every family and they�re hard to miss). Maybe that�s why people don�t celebrate it as zestfully as they used to. They�re probably afraid they�ll end up in hell for it, but over candy? �Yes, Mrs. Cruz, your daughter Kim has a special cell in hell set aside just for her, custom built for her and right across from Mussolini. No, sorry, the cell next to Hitler�s was reserved for little Johnny down the street. I understand, but he went trick or treating every year, Jessica missed one year when she was 15, remember?� All of that fuss over a kid going out in a ridiculously bad costume made in a sweat shop in Ecuador and asking for candy? Let me not jump the gun here, maybe the fanatics have a point. It must all be part of the devil�s plan to conscript an army of under achieving candy addicts to do his bidding. If such an army were to be constructed, it could mean the end of all that is decent and moral in the world�
Well, let us not forget Thanksgiving. Don�t get me wrong, I enjoy getting a break from things, but what are we really celebrating. This is the story we all hear in school: The pilgrims came to America, set up a colony, almost died of starvation when the Indians swooped in and saved the day. Then, they all got together to celebrate the harvest and give thanks for surviving the year. Wow, what a heartfelt story about human goodness and the ability to overcome extreme obstacles through team work and collaboration. Does that give you the fuzzies and make you feel warm inside? Well, I guess it would, the problem is that they left out the part where we enslave the Indians that helped us, killed them off through hard labor and with our �white man diseases,� and stole away the land from those few who managed to survive all of the previously mentioned atrocities.
As much repugnance as I have for Thanksgiving, there is still a holiday that I find even more tarnished, Christmas. So yeah Christmas, you must really think you�re something else, eh? First you started showing up around Thanksgiving, and that was bad enough with all of those crappy commercials that Old Navy and The Gap stated to air. And as if that weren�t bad enough, we have to put up with that crap you call music for a whole month! On top of everything else, you decide that still isn�t enough time to desecrate the holidays, so you start rearing your ugly commercialized head in malls all across America before Halloween is even officially over. No one else might see it, but I see you coming from a mile away. I know what you�re trying to do, don�t think I didn�t see that 25 ft. tree in the middle of mall the other day. You�re trying to get people to think of the end of Halloween as the beginning of Christmas, but I prefer to call it fall. It sounds less commercialized� Your mission is to eradicate all of the other holidays until only Christmas is left. I am keenly aware of your ominous plan. Eventually, every day will be Christmas, and we'll spend all of our time shopping. But what happens when the money runs out? Without money to buy presents our economy will fail and all will be dark again�
In all seriousness, most of us can agree that Christmas has gotten out of control. December used to be one of the nicer months of the year. People were in a good mood and had giving attitudes, but now things are so different. A cautionary word, if you plan on spending time in the malls this Christmas season, beware of strangers, they do not, and I repeat, they do not have a problem with trampling over you for that last must have item on the shelf. Keep the elderly at home as they are the ones at greatest risk for being abused. The Christmas spirit of munificence is alive and well, but it applies to those I know, not total strangers or that jerk in my math class that got a better grade than me.
I only have one thing to say to those holier-than-thou fanatics who like to call Halloween evil. Why don�t you take a good look at your holiday and see which one brings out more evil in people. I don�t ever recall seeing anyone get trampled over the last bag of Snickers at Publix. Alas, the inevitable has occurred, Christmas is but a month away. Poor Thanksgiving has not even gotten much attention this year which is a sure sign that Christmas� plan is working. As much as I hate the holidays though, I�ll still get roped into having to deal with them one way or another. My family will insist I eat dinner with them and open presents with them. I�m sure I�ll get plenty of lousy presents and phone calls from relatives I only hear of on Christmas or when someone dies. Needless to say, my mood is the same on both occasions.
