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Heart of Regret

Never thought it would be like this,

Never imagined having these painful regrets.

I cry at night thinking of both the good and the bad

All the memories that a child never forgets.

Always thought time would allow reconciliation

Use to think of the day we would make things right.

Wasted so much time drowning in my pride

That I couldn't see you fading from my sight.

I never really took you very seriously

When you would tell me I'd miss you someday.

I thought those times were a long way off.

Thought it was one of the little clever things you liked to say.

Now I look back into the past and into better days

And I remember specifically one rainy night.

We were driving home from renting a movie

When you bestowed upon me a bit of fatherly insight.

You told me that I should appreciate you a little more.

You said "You only get one father my dear".

I remember being confused and a bit annoyed,

But now I think of your words and it all seems so clear.

You knew so much more than I gave you credit for,

You could have taught me so much about life love and hate.

Wish you had not trusted me to figure it all out on my own,

Cause now that I have I fee like the lesson came too late.

I wouldn't have pushed you away when you hugged me

And I would have gladly shown you more affection.

Never would have pretended to know everything

Like I remember doing in my vague childhood recollection.

Never would have been too busy to hear one of your stories

Would have told you I loved you in the Father's Day card mom bought you

Would have said "thank you" even for the lesser things.

I wouldn't have let your flaws harden my heart towards you.

I would have spent more time enjoying your good qualities

And less time hating you for your bad ones.

I would have spent more time being your little girl

Instead of trying to fill the shoes of a son.

Never would have let you think I hated you

No opportunity to express my love would have slipped away.

I would've let you know my heart was healing from your wounds

If only I had known this would all go unsaid...

Now I'm here, so alone and empty.

And I'm choking on the words I never got to say

I'm drowning in the good-bye were never shared.

Wishing I had not been so afraid of getting hurt,

And regretting not telling you how much I cared.

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