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| Standing Still | ||||||||||||
| If the job of creating humanity had been mine, I would have done things very differently. There would be no evil in people; no one would hurt themselves or others, people would be happy, there would be no heaven or hell, just life and happiness. There would be no tragic human flaws to handicap people from being the best person they can possibly be. There would be no death, no hunger, no wants, no desire, only people being content with the simple ability to live. There would be no need for prisons, lawyers or doctors. Disease would not exist in my world and neither would crime. People would never reach old age, or at least not the kind of old age that we as humans are accustomed to. That would be my utopia, but it is painfully obvious that I had no say in the creation of humanity or this place we call earth. It is also obvious that humans are plagued with flaws, and to that fact I am no exception. | ||||||||||||
| Some people are flawed by ignorance, some by bias, jealousy, intolerance, self-righteousness, pessimism, greed, materialism, lust for power, indifference, decadence, lack of compassion, self-centrism, narrow-mindedness, cruelty, apathy, and so the list goes on through the thousands of flaws that afflict mankind. I believe that all people are affected to some degree by a variety of flaws, some more intensely than others, but affected nonetheless. Again, I am no exception to this. I have as many flaws as anyone else in this world. I have been known to be jealous, pessimistic and apathetic at times, but I do not consider any of these flaws to be my tragic flaw. No, that title goes to a flaw that not many people tend to recognize or acknowledge in themselves. My most debilitating flaw is my inability to change. | ||||||||||||
| Life is almost never constant, things around us are changing on a daily basis, but sometimes some of us choose not to change along with the rest of the world, we simply choose to stand still and watch the rest of the world change. There is some sort of comfort in standing still, it eliminates the possibility of a situation worsening. By not stepping out of our comfort zones, by not taking risks, we not only eliminate the possibility of worsening our lives, we also unequivocally impede improvement. Yet we still do it; I do it. Dealing with the pain that we are familiar with is easier than changing and running the risk of gaining a foreign pain. A pain that we don't know how to deal with, a pain that we have to figure out, learn how to hide, and bury away all over again. There's no telling what sorts of bad things are out there, what kind of pain we are exposing and making ourselves vulnerable to through change. | ||||||||||||
| Some would consider my inability to change a psychological problem, but I don't believe that to be the case. In my opinion, this is an evolutionary trait that managed to survive. We have many of the same basic instincts and traits that some of the further evolved animals do. Humans, like many animals, are creatures of habit. We like to find our niche in life and stick to it because after all, it's what works for us. We don't see the point in trying to find something better because we fear that if we venture out and find that what's out there is worse, we might not be able to make it back to that place where things were "ok" and than we're stuck in a situation that's far worse thaen the one we were initially in. | ||||||||||||
| As far as character flaws go, I guess there are worse than the inability to change. Hitler's lust for power and hatred caused much more harm than my lack of desire to change ever could. He killed thousands of people, my flaw only contributes to my own death. To let someone new into my life, to let myself care about someone else, even if just as a friend, just doesn't seem right. I want to keep my life exactly the way it was before things and people around me changed. At least the constancy of my routine life reminds me of what I had, reminds me that I used to be happy. What happens if I allow change to distort that? What if I let go of that constancy and find myself in an unfamiliar place where the memories don't come easily and the tears taste of a new pain? I'm accustomed to these tears, used to this pain, used to these bittersweet memories; why risk trading them in for something austerely worse? Some would be tempted to ask, "But what if there's something better out there?" To them I respond, "What if there isn't? What if I leave this place and it disappears while I'm gone? What if me being here is the only thing that keeps the memories and familiarity from fading into oblivion?" There's too many what ifs and too much ambiguity associated with change. The uncertainty is what keeps me firmly planted in the same place; it's what keeps me from letting myself feel again, it's what impedes my progress and it's what fuels my inability to change. | ||||||||||||
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