 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
It Came, But Too Late |
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Waking up in tears is getting old, |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I'm tired of these tainted eyes. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I want to find some sort of peace; |
|
|
|
Want to go back to believing the lies. |
|
|
|
Wish I was still five years old, |
|
|
|
When you could do no wrong. |
|
|
|
You were the center of my universe, |
|
|
|
You were tall, handsome and strong. |
|
|
|
You always had time to play with me, |
|
|
|
Whether it was a tickle fight or piggy back ride. |
|
|
|
You stood above all else in my life, |
|
|
|
And when I hurt, you were my place to hide. |
|
|
|
When you left you, took my heart with you. |
|
|
|
I couldn?t understand why my dad was gone. |
|
|
|
Nights seemed so much lonelier without you, |
|
|
|
But you didn?t stay away too long. |
|
|
|
Spent most of your life coming and going, |
|
|
|
Never seemed to really make up your mind. |
|
|
|
You wandered in and out of my life over the years; |
|
|
|
Spent your life looking for what you would never find. |
|
|
|
I spent a lot of time being angry at you, |
|
|
|
And you never seemed to know what to say. |
|
|
|
You made it clear you'd always love me |
|
|
|
But why didn't you love me enough to stay? |
|
|
|
So what if you and mom couldn't get along? |
|
|
|
Sometimes you just didn't seem to care. |
|
|
|
Spent more time arguing then trying. |
|
|
|
Couldn't you just be there? |
|
|
|
I felt so alone and the good memories began to fade. |
|
|
|
I had to grow up so much faster than my friends. |
|
|
|
I hated you so much back than. |
|
|
|
Sometimes I just wished my life would end. |
|
|
|
You were always stubborn and unbending. |
|
|
|
You were consumed by your pride. |
|
|
|
You were short-tempered and willful |
|
|
|
And I find so much of you inside. |
|
|
|
It took me a long time to forgive you, |
|
|
|
But I found that forgiveness is freeing. |
|
|
|
I realized that before you were my father |
|
|
|
You were a human being. |
|
|
|
You were far from being happy, |
|
|
|
You had so many issues in your life; |
|
|
|
Never could make peace within yourself. |
|
|
|
Having a family was too big a sacrifice. |
|
|
|
I don't think that what you did was right, |
|
|
|
But I do understand how hard life can be. |
|
|
|
The struggles you put us through were difficult, |
|
|
|
But they didn?t break me, they helped make me. |
|
|
|
So I look back now at bittersweet memories. |
|
|
|
You always thought that hate was all I felt for you. |
|
|
|
And I was too proud and too weak |
|
|
|
To let you know that it wasn?t true. |
|
|
|
Even on your death bed, you reserved your pride. |
|
|
|
You refused to acknowledge that death was near. |
|
|
|
You hid your pain from us so well. |
|
|
|
Perhaps in the midst of fear. |
|
|
|
Your suspicion of hate was unconfirmed. |
|
|
|
Maybe the doubt was easier to endure. |
|
|
|
The guilt was hard enough to carry, |
|
|
|
And maybe you found comfort in being unsure. |
|
|
|
I only wish I would have known the end was so near, |
|
|
|
Cause I would have told you it wasn?t true. |
|
|
|
Would have let you know that I understood; |
|
|
|
I would have told you that I forgave you |
|
|
|
Now I carry this guilt inside. |
|
|
|
I couldn't even bring myself to say good bye. |
|
|
|
Couldn't admit that you were gone, |
|
|
|
Made myself believe it was a cruel lie. |
|
|
|
Sat quietly in the back row, tears clouding my eyes. |
|
|
|
Couldn't walk down that isle no matter how hard I tried. |
|
|
|
I didn't want that corpse to my last memory of you, |
|
|
|
Couldn't bring myself to kneel there by your side. |
|
|
|
Forgiveness came, but the admission came too late. |
|
|
|
Wish I could mend both of our broken hearts. |
|
|
|
Wish I could make you proud of me, |
|
|
|
If only we had not been torn apart. |
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
 |
|