| July 1, 2003 Enc1102 Demented Illusions In June, 2002, as I anticipated the unpredictable events of my high school prom night, I ended up encountering the distinct soul that would soon leave eternal footprints on the outer walls of my heart. Inexplicably, and almost as if they were pre-destined even, my passionate feelings for her became deeply rooted. The depth, intensity and sincerity behind my heartfelt emotions appeared to be perfectly and equally mutual. I experienced something that seemed ultimately divine; I experienced a love that was completely unheard of. It was then followed by a series of events, but only to realize that the so-called � love� was nothing but a twisted illusion. For the very first time in my life, I experienced overwhelming sentiments, of which I was unable to find words to adequately describe. Even from that first night in which ours paths crossed, there was an unspoken feeling of magnetic attraction. Quietly, as we sat under a translucent ceiling of distant stars, we indulged in the tranquility of each other�s presence; we immersed the silence of our thoughts into that cool ocean breeze, and although few words were actually exchanged, we communicated at a mutual energy level. With time, my initial interest in her began to quickly develop into what seemed to be a soul mate relationship. I became convinced that my love for her was celestial and everlasting; I lured my thoughts into believing that the unity of our hearts, minds and souls was nothing short of being destined. Furthermore, I allowed myself to become blinded by my own perception of her, and I encouraged the self-indulgence of our distinctive connection. I surrendered to the creativity that she helplessly inspired, and I felt as though there was this beautiful seed planted inside me, a seed that only she could fertilize. In addition, the feelings were reciprocated just as fervently. She found countless ways to express her love for me; she wrote me endless love letters that seeped into the depths of my heart. She liberated loving words through the opening of her lips, claimed the sweet sound of my voice to be the medicine for her constant insanity and acted upon impulsive desires to simply see the vision of my face. She gave into the inevitable � I love you�s,� helplessly uttered her dreams and desires to sustain a perpetual future with me, and so delicately described the golden pedestal on which I was placed. However, the � love � that we so helplessly claimed for each other was, in fact, denied the opportunity to successfully manifest. The � love � that we shared was not given a season in which to blossom. I was spoon-fed excuses such as, � it�s too intimidating to engage in a serious relationship with you. I don�t want to hurt you. I�m still not over the drug problem. You�re too precious for me. I�m mentally and emotionally unstable. I�m confused.� And of course, � it�s just not the right time for us to be together, not right now. I�m simply not ready to partake in the kind of relationship that you and I are bound to share.� Certainly, I managed to understand the various reasons that consistently kept us apart; I willingly involved myself with this unsteady human being. Consequently, I disregarded her apparent flaws and continuous warnings to keep away; I loved her unconditionally, although she continuously hurt me through inconsiderate actions and contradicting words. All in all, she was my lesson. Aside from all the heartache, illusion, betrayal and mental seduction, I actually came out a better person. I learned to love without parameters. I learned acceptance. I enhanced my understanding of forgiveness. But most importantly, I learned to let go. And although my intuition proved to be incorrect, I must admit, never before had I experienced such a selfless love. - Acoustic Poetri |