Powell still says B4I #1
5/03/04 - And finally we return. The first week was filled with a lot of games not being played. Each team has a ten game season and one week is gone by with 7 teams not even playing yet. So we rank the teams based on what we have and we will see what happens from here. One thing we can say is it is good to be whiffling like a whiffle ball pitcher again. Go to the message board here to comment
After a short but memorable retirement Donny is back
5/03/04 - Well apparently golfing and shuffleboard weren't enough because Donny Hinkley has returned to LAWA. The Hitmen announced yesterday the signing of the legendary Donny Hinkley. After hours of pickup games this weekend Donny was convinced he still "had it" and is back in the league. At the plate he clearly had it as he hit all weekend. On the mound however he may struggle some. No matter what this will be a signing that will change the dynamics of the West Side for sure.
All members of the champions are now back in the league scattered around to the far corners of LAWA. Hathaway plays with the currently top ranked Arsenal, Gilbert and Bosse with the Piranhas (who have yet to debut this season), Libby with the L-ephants, and now Donny with the Hitmen. The matchup possibitities are endless and we shall see if anyone has the team under them to repeat as champions.
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Up and coming based on their defeat of Astro's and then signed Hinkley who has heart of a champion, if not the arm.
Struggled mightly against the surprisingly tough L's. Still they are undefeated and should roll through season.
HUGE UPSET. Knocked off BSM and their pcPOY Allen. Wind is pulling for this bunch to keep their cinderella season going.
Up and down week. Lost close one to Hitmen and then layed waist to the Billies. At least they have played two games, more than anyone else.
Struggled to find a replacement for their fourth L and still nearly knocked of the Mhen. This team will be on the rise soon Willy predicts
A stunning loss for the much hyped BSM. Losing Moreau part way through game hurt. Witham's strikeouts hurt more. Ouch.
Hmm didn't show much on field but rep. as most honourable team in LAWA is growing. Took their beating like real whifflers and called Toogothpu's
WOW, these guys need practice. Will the late edition to the league find their Flying V in time to save the season?
Two Thumbs up! Better cast than Sand Lot!
2/15/04 - WThe annual February Vacation Pickup Games continued during the last two days. Yesterday's matchup involved a 1v1v1v1 split squad game featuring RHMHWH and Ridic-ulous. Sam Madore, Dan Pierce, Alex Cutter, and Isaiah Davis played in the offensive shootout. For the game Cutter was put up 15 runs do in large part to his seven homeruns for the victory. Davis attempted a comeback but a diving Cutter retired the tying ghost runner at third to end the game leaving Davis with 13 runs. Madore played small scoring 8 runs on all singles, while Pierce managed his one run on a mammoth homerun to straight away center.
Ridic showed some signs of what type of team they may be in the spring. On the mound they attempted multiple hidden ball tricks, Happy Gilmoreesque running pitches, and various other tom-foolery. Overall the score did not reflect well on them as a team but in their defense they played much better as the game went on.
This morning's festivities kicked off with the annual 8:00am Risk Extravaganza in room 213 of LAHS. This years contestants were Bobby Bosse, Donny Hinkley, Alex Cutter, Dan Pierce, Dane Despres, and Isaiah Davis. Dressed in color coded attire the contestants battled for near four hours. When all was said and done Rheal Mhen Whiffle had taken first second and third places, with Despres ultimately conquering the map.
Next came a heated 2v2v2 game. Cutter was joined by his bro, Hinkley and Despres teamed up, and Bosse and Davis joined forces. The wind was blowing hard to third and into home making the pitching tough. The wind had the added affect of leaving anything hit up hanging waiting to be caught. The Cutter's exploded for 8 runs in the game, showing that the younger Cutter is not far behind Wind favorite Alex. Bosse and Davis couldn't get on the same page with Davis making all of their outs for the first three innings. Then in the last inning when Davis came alive Bobby made both outs leading to them being shutout in the game. Hinkley and Despres were also shutout for their first two innings. Their bats came alive in the last two innings but they came up short giving the Cutters the victory. Most impressive of all on the day was the appearance of Dustin Gilbert at the game, just hours after awaking from his offseason surgery. He could not play but did take some practice swings for the crowd.
Garbage, Extra Bolts, and Popcorn Remain
2/15/04 - WC 04 is over and the Seniors have been crowned the champs trouncing the competition and only really being in trouble once. In the opening game they took on the sophomores. The Seniors got an early lead on a monster homerun from Laura Pratt. It hit the left field wall with a crack and it was still rising. From then on it was a rout as the soph's had little hope of coming back. In the game B4I star Dustin Gilbert looked very shaky. He struck out twice and dropped an easy out in the field. He did make one great play in the field snatching up a grounder that rolled towards third base, and making a great throw to nail the runner at first. When the game was done they had won 10-1.
Next up was the Juniors vs. Freshman. The frosh put a very unexperienced team on the field and the Seniors were really just looking for a chance to scout the Juniors for the final game. Things did not go as expected. First of the Juniors had trouble finding girls to play. Em Page, and Kate Bochtler were ready to take the field but there were no other girls willing to play so they were forced to go shorthanded. Actually they were very shorthanded as Cousy could still only use one hand. In the first inning Godfrey pitched and gave up no runs. However this inning took a long time to complete. The fresh stood in and waited for pitches they liked and the inning took nearly ten minutes. In the second inning a key strategic decision was made by the Juniors. They decided to pitch Bochtler in the second and save the veteran Page for later. One of the young Fresh got a hold of a pitch and hit it over Godfrey's head. He reached back and had the ball bounce of his hand and over the wall for a homerun. Soon the fresh added another monster homerun and were up 2-0. With time running out in the game (the WC rules limit games to a half an hour) the Juniors tried to speed things up but could not comeback.
In the third place game the Soph's had a 2-1 lead as time was running out. The Juniors managed to tie it and preserve a tie for third place.
Finally the championship arrived. The Fresh looked fearless as they started the game. Using their power again they took a 2-0 lead early on another monster homerun. In the Senior half of the inning the two girls that came up, Alanna Leonard and Laura Pratt both reached base, only to have Gilbert strikeout and Cutter ground out. In the second however the Seniors came to life. Allison Kenney started things off with a hit and soon the Seniors were in control. Over the next several innings they put on a hittng clinic featuring two homeuns by Alex Cutter, and the girls on the team combining to only make one out. The only part of the lineup that wasn't on fire continued to be Gilbert who added to his WC record by striking out for a third time. The final score was 9-2.
The biggest question coming out of these games are how will they affect LAWA? Several unsigned players starred in the games, and Cousy for one could be seen holding talks with a couple of them. The biggest name would probably be Pratt but it is unknown if she is interested in joining a team with her softball schedule. We expect to hear more about these players, and possibly see some freshmen teams form soon.
Powell still says B4I #1
2/15/04 - It's been a couple weeks but finally the return of the gauge. We last ranked before the Winter Meetings,and WC 04. This week is based heavily on WC with a dash of WM and just a hint of team skillz. When you disagree go to the message board here. Your comments will not necessarily bring you up in the next ranking but, then again it might.Next week look for offseason exhibition games, team internet pages and the beginning of the rankings top 9. Only the best nine teams will be ranked here from now on
Newcomers join the league, add veteran White
2/15/04 - After a delay caused by the league office a new team was finally announced today. Sharpton's Rev's are going to take the field in the spring. The team is madeup of Matt McBride, Justin Richardson, Heath Stevens, Jon Pelletier, and Ryan White. This team will be mostly inexperienced but seems to have a lot of enthusiasm to play. The rest of LAWA will surely be scouting them, and starting to plan strategy for the spring season. The only experienced player on the team Ryan White is known for his big overhand curve, and sinker. The rest of the team is a mystery.
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J-Moreau was the pitching star of the day. Eagerly showed his pitches to others, and then QUICKLY put down the other team in game.
Powell Trade Rumor appears to have not been seriously considered. He was part of disappointing Junior team.
Godfrey's looked impressive on the mound, shaky in the field. Team still seems to have some holes.
Gilbert's shaky performance in WC 04 started trade whispers again, and left doubts about champs
Cousy still playing with basically one arm, and showed little fight in their second game of WC. Cousy compromise is new LAWA name.
Rickey didn't play but he still cost the Juniors. His idea to pitch Bouchtler in the second instead of Page may have led to defeat.
Kyle's anger at Canadian influence, one more example of a tempor out of control. Could be sign of trouble.
They have been rep'd at every meeting. Pierce seemed a little surprised by the depth of the discussions during the meetings.
Victory of sorts at meetings, as the rule on # of players was left undecided. Juniors have to wonder what would happen if Page pitches second.
With all the trouble finding girls for WC you think they would have played. At least they were at Meetings.
Bold e-mail announced teams arrival, no we are waiting for them to fill up their roster.
Not much to go on, we will see what they do in next couple weeks.
No show at meetings, if they don't send some sign of being a team in next week or so, they will be off team page and rankings.
No Rep at Winter Meetings even after Mess guaranteed. Hope this isn't a sign of no shows to come.
BSM
Arsenal
AstroB
B4I
BCPD
Sluggaz
L-ephants
Ridic
Ug's
Lane CH
Real Amer
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No more laughing, no more fun
2/11/04 - 7:00 PM (Lewiston, ME) - It is now official: head hits can be considered stanicons, batters can walk without being hit, the strike zone shall be honourably adjustable, and many other rules changes were accepted at the newly re-christened L.A.W.A.'s First Annual Winter Meeting. Eleven L.A.W.A. teams were represented in what will surely become one of the most important and influential moments in recorded whifflistory and a testament to passionate democracy. In heated but good-minded debate, representatives decided questions on the following topics:
- Bunting
- Contracts and transaction regulations
- New league acronym
- Speed rule resolution
- L.A.W.A. minor league proposition
- Stanicon head rule review
- The Pawq Rule (bad pitches as balls)
- Players allowed in game limit
- Schedule and playoff format
- Pitcher's distance
Revealed during the meeting were PGammons' true identity and the Leadership Council's proposal for an amazing, splendiferous, 2004 Spring Season Kick-off Gala Extravaganza. Still yet to be decided are the ever-contentious topic of roster limits, which was tabled, division alignment, "Hall of Honour" regulations and qualifications, and the all-important choice of "Official League Song of Honour". It was agreed that these topics be decided on a password-protected forum on the message board. Expect discussion and voting to begin soon. Also, in a special L.A.W.A.<online> exclusive series entitled "Winter Meanings", we'll explore each topic in detail and explain the how the votes will affect you, Mr. Joe Average Schmo Whiffler Millionaire, beginning tomorrow with our first installment covering the new pitching regulations.
Powell still says B4I #
2/1/04 - Well the plan for the rankings was thrown off by the weather, but don't fret Willy has fearlessly ranked anyway. . If you don't agree post on the message board here. Your comments will not necessarily bring you up in the next ranking but, then again it might.Next week stay expect an emphasis on the Winter Meetings, team participation, comments, honour, etc.
Bringing the Ugly
1/29/04 - The only man in LAWA who wouldn't be insulted to be called the Steinbrenner of Whiffleball, Chris Cifelli has his team in place. With just five days until the winter meetings remaining The Ugly Finders are now a real force in LAWA. The roster they put together is for the most part inexperienced, however they do have former Despres' Angel star Emily Page. The other players on the team are Eben Shaw, Marcus Reny, and Tyler Poland.
While team chemistry will undoubtably be a huge strength for this team it is unknown how well their psychological tactics may work to overcome their other duties. Shaw is coaching softball and Page plays. In addition Reny is a track player. Having all of these mutli-sport stars may be a distraction although the Finders already seem to be working on that problem. The anonymous post that was released today claimed that they had already offered contracts to two other players and were in contact with three others. In addition the post seemed to indicate that perhaps the finders believe that LAWA players have some sort of lip problem.
The plan of having many players under contracts to play the spring schedule may become a problem in the spring but for now the Ugs aren't too worried.
RHMHWH
B4I
Arsenal
BCPD
Ridic
L-ephants
Sluggaz
Schmocks
BSM
Lane CH
Chubs
Ug Find
Despres human backstop in Pick-up Game
1/29/04 - The signs of spring are coming in defiance of what Phil said today. In the back parking lot today after school an improptu game broke out. All three members of the LC combined with Chris Page to take on Cousy, J-Moreau, Paquette, and K-Libby.
No official stats were kept but, unofficially Rheal Mhen Whiffle star Isaiah Davis got rocked. In the top of the first he gave up five runs, including three homers, one of the inside the park variety. After that the game settled down a bit with the teams trading runs until the score was 7-2 heading into the bottom of the fourth. At that point Paquette took the mound and the game took a turn for the slow. Two runs were scored but, with nightfall approaching, and on his 267 pitch of the game Paq ended the inning with two runners stranded on base.
In a statistical breakthrough Commish Despres walked TWICE during the game. This seemed to be a strategy that was designed to take the bat out of his hands. Also Jimmy Moreau homered twice in the game.
Pitchers and catchers report for spring training in 58 days.
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The hats were great. Why no Bat hat? Anyway that and Despres ghost of Eddie J site put them over the top.
Gilbert's teacher impression earned them mad points. Website randomness is good spirit.
Robbins' goodbye to PGammons was good, and Witham gets in a word here and there. Where is the team spirit?
Only Cousy posts, and this week was not his cleverest. Still he speaks out often, and poker builds spirit.
Sign of life! Madore's warped mind and sense of humor show promise. Although cat hatred is mysterious.
Kyle speaks alone. Other than L's tough to see what keeps these guys together.
Only the Murph ever posts, a lot of potential but nothing to show for it. No signs of Team Spirit yet
I guess Mess is unified with himself. Posting was brilliant, but where is the rest of the team?
I remember the old days of pcPOY, cool website and whatnot. Now just Blah. Come back BSM.
Come on girls do something, anything to write about.
Only a few days to get another player to qualify for winter meetings
Tough to compete when only known player can't go to message board. Get some players signed and get on message board.
Plans for Spring proceed full throttle
1/27/04 - Former Despres Angel star and extremely talented pitcher Emily Page today expressed anger at the Commish today. Emily said that Desrpes "Broke our hearts like a hot potato" and ditched them without ever telling them of his plans. She said that Allison Kenney and herself had considered making plans to press on in the spring but had yet to have anything solid.
This is the second time that a former Despres Angel team member has spoken critically of their former manager. When Rheal Mhen Whiffle associates were asked for comment they responded with only this short press release.
"Rheal Mhen Whiffle would like to say that we have hats, they are cool hats, and they have cool symbols that mean cool stuff, and you are all jealous." Others were not so impressed by the hats around Leavitt. The members of Astroblack seemed more caught up in the fact that they had all five members post on the message board, and were not convinced that the hats showed anything other than that RMW apparently likes Chinese food.
BSM star Jake Witham responded to the hats by saying that teams with no unity are forced to resort to things like hats as a gimmick. When pressed he admitted though that he really just thought the hats were "pretty cool" and seemed quite jealous.
Donny Hinkley:
One of those players who comes around every hundred thousand years or so when the sun doth shine and the moon doth glow and the dust doth blow
"Office" Max Havener denies role as slavery liaison
1/29/04 - AAARRRRRRGGGHHH!!!! Why can't you tools just find one team and stay there?!!? I hate this CRAP, but here's a "huge" (Despres made me add that) announcement, with no embellishment:
Name: Ryane Staples
Age: 17
Experience: 1 fall season
Strengths: The long ball, a nasty knuckleball, strong arm, charismatic, attention grabber (draws the crowds)
Weaknesses: Yet to be found. (AAARRGGGHH!!! CRAP!)
Looking for: team in need of a solid player that puts in a solid effort, day to day. (AAARRRGGGHH! GIVE ME SOLACE FROM THESE "SOLID"S!!! OH, SNAP!!!)
Quote: "Some people insist I must cheat by the distance I hit the ball, but I'm just a slugger - what can I say?"
Due to time restraints, would be best suited for 5th man, role. (DAY TO DAY?!?! SOLID?!? AAARRGGGHHH!!!)!
Davis survives vote, Named Prime Minister
2/6/04 - While the Winter Meetings were postponed due to grinch like conditions the who like members of the East Side pressed on without their roast beast. The members of the East Side decided to gather in the Turner Elementary School Gymnasium today to hold their own meetings in preparation for next weeks gathering of all of LAWA. All East Side teams were represented at the meeting and the council made some major changes to the East Side.
First the teams voted to change the name of the East Side to a more Canadian worthy League Eastern. The first name considered was briefly L'Honourable East Side. This was given serious discussion before The Ugly Finders suggested League Eastern as a better idea. Next there was a near coup de tete in the brand new Conference Eastern. A recall election was held to remove President Davis from office. The vote wasn't close and Davis saved his position, he was then awarded a new title. From now on President Davis will be referred to as Prime Minister Davis.
Next the meeting turned to the topic of naming the League Eastern Divisions. Many names were nominated such as, Eh Division, A Boot Division, The Roy Division, The Guy Division, The Candy Division, The Myers Division, The Marley Division, Team Bush Division, as well as others. B4I called for a vote on the Team Bush Division but didn't have nearly the support necessary to pass the name. Next the Myers division was brought up for a vote. This division was in honor of noted Canadian comedian Mike Myers. The division passed by a five to one vote. At this point the honourable GM of the Ugly Finders Chris Cifelli suggested that if the Marley division was chosen then perhaps comedian Bob Marley would endorse LAWA when he comes to perform at Leavitt next month. This idea was overwhelmingly supported and passed unanimously.
At this point it was suggested that the perhaps the East should decide where they stood on the issues that will be voted on at the winter meetings. If decided upon this Eastern Block would need only gain the support of a single West Side team to pass any rule they wished. At this point however the meeting was broken up and no consensus was reached. The meeting ended with a group choral singing of Oh Canada and all parties went on their way.
Still in talks with Mr. Lawn Gnome Painter
2/6/04 - Max "professor X" Bosse has put together his team of Real American Hero's. The three hero's on this team thus far are Bossman Bosse, Josh Deschenes and Kyle Hewins. All are rookies to LAWA and in this weakness they see strength. After arriving from Krypton the hero's saw that LAWA could use their help and so decided to join.
Bosse is one of the next generation of LAWA stars who watched their older siblings battle it out for LAWA supremacy in the fall. Late last week it was announced that Eric Cutter had replaced Zach Burgess on the Sluggazz. Burgess was dropped from the roster without even getting a chance to step on to the field. In another generational ascendancy Donny Hinkley's younger brother has been forming a new team that will be announced soon. Meanwhile in still more new team news, Burgess is in talks with Brent Parker, and Adam Sawyer. In addition Ryan White, Matt McBride, and Justin Richardson gave Prime Minister Davis information on their new team, including a name and two other players. The Prime Minister's undersecretary of organization has misplaced this crucial information.
The flurry of new teams is coming just one day before the big winter meetings on Monday afternoon. Who knows where these new teams stand on the big issues of the day and how their votes will affect the spring '04 season.
1990 - Becomes the youngest player to throw a no-hitter during the Androscoggin County Wiffle Championships.
1994 - Joins the Wiffle for Peace touring league and spreads the joy of wiffleball around the world.
1997 - Becomes the youngest player to win the MVP Award in the Young Republicans Wiffleball Corporation.
2000 - Joins the Wifflers for Bush league and travels with George Bush's campaign. Hits 3 homeruns off the future president.
2003 - Becomes an official member of L.A.W.A., the most prestigious whiffleball league in the world. Leads his team to victory in the innagural Edward J. Whiffle Championship Game.
Willy says stability is so Last Week
1/24/04 - Willy has been reading A BAT'S GUIDE TO OFFSEASON POWERRANKINGS a new book he just got. Right now he is on the chapter about offseason conditioning so look for that to influence this weeks ratings. For a preview of next week you should know the next chapter is titled "Clever postings on the League Message Board and Team Spirit." If you don't agree post on the message board here. Your comments will not necessarily bring you up in the next ranking but, then again it might.
Also pick up young Burgess
1/20/04 - In a movement to gain youth as well as experience the Sluggas signed the ancient Josh Murphy (click for age story) and the young rookie Zach Burgess to contracts today. This gives the Sluggaz a strong lineup that should be very competitive for the spring season. They hold half of the Western Championship team, as well as the most exciting player in whiffleball. No word on the reaction of other Western Teams.
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Apparently this team practices so much Cousy threw out his wrist practicing a new pitch, at least that is what T-Witham said.
Training hard in L-Town, these guys have been lifting, leg-lifts, lacrosse, lassoing, and laughing.
Despres, Cutter and Davis have been hitting the weight room heavy, look for a lot of power production.
C-Witham missing out on workouts with wrist injury, Josh Murphy has been tutoring Burgess on Whiffle tips at Basketball practice.
Jimmy Moreau broke his ankle earlier in the week, but in an amazing bit of healing was walking later the next day.
Too busy signing away other teams' stars to have team workouts, will the pcPOY candidates take it easy now that they are big stars?
X-Box playing aside, Willy knows of no offseason workouts being conducted by champs.
Name suggests bowling tendancy, bowling like Whiffle in many ways that I can't think of.
Apparently the players on the team don't even know they are on the team.
So training is a minimuim.
Forget training will they have the required three playas by the Winter Meetings?
BCPD
L-ephants
RHMHWH
Sluggaz
BSM
Arsenal
B4I
Lane CH
Ridic
Chubs
1/27/04 - General Manager and player Mr. Cifelli today expressed his frustration and frustration with the LC over the failure to report his team's arrival in LAWA. Last week Cifelli claims to have given West Side President Robbins a press release that announced his new team. In this press release Cifelli also reportedly denied any connection with message board phenom PGammons.
In today's comments with the media Cifelli said that having wated nearly a week for his team to be announced he now wanted to join the East Side. Other players on Cifelli's team have not been announced but it is rumored that he is in talks with Marcus Reny, Tyler Poland, and Chemistry teacher Eben Shaw. No contracts or formal agreements have been reached.
One week after his dramatic appearance on the message Board Art teacher J Mess has yet to announce any new signings for his team. Mess asked for interested members to respond and as of yet it appears that the Shmocks have no new members. This chaotic team seems like a perfect fit for the West Side although nothing formal has yet been announced.
Winds of CHHHHHHANNNNGGEEE
1/18/04 - A new number one, a new team and we say goodbye to the Raiders. Willie is big on the Arsenal and appears to be reading the PGammons postings. B4I, and BCPD drop merely because PGammons hints at it. Gammons whoever he is has quickly become one of the most powerful voices in LAWAnation. If you don't agree post on the message board here. Your comments will not necessarily bring you up in the next ranking but, then again it might.
Is LAWA in danger?
The following E-mail was recieved by LAWA earlier this week. Rather than try to make sense of this we have decided just to print it in its full form with one minor edit. It appears to have come from some sort of Lewiston Whiffle reporter as a warning.
A little known group emerges from the inner city of Lewiston:
Under cover of Darkness
Placed in a white van with the plates removed,
A reporter was blindfolded....this is his bonechilling tale...
I choose to remain anonomous because of fears of retaliation... the following is information I ascertained during an exhaustive 2 day undercover investigation.
A fearsome Group of whifflers known collectively as (LLWF) pronouned "el-el-w-feh" The "Lewiston Liberation Whiffle Front" renouned for it's "guerrilla style whiffle action"..(GSWA" Has emerged as a Dark horse with pale riders.
Intelligence sources reveal an upsurge of activity in haunts of the LLWF. RONALD DUMSFELDT + Rom Tidge indicate a level orange alert was needed following a clandestine operation.
The operation was given the highest priority as the "backchatter" was almost unbearable. With remote sensing devices LLWF communications were intercepted with regards to a present threat level against a rival whiffle organization (LAWA) Leavitt Area Whiffle Association. according to the highest level sercurity leakers...LLWF was quoted as "we're gonna @#$%#@##$ (edited)" in regards to the rival LAWA.Though there is much debate about the exact meaning therein.
Police paid informant...Mr B. as he is known leaked to us the files of a current investigation. a victim of the LLWF was hospitalized after a vicious attack. The Victim who's name was removed with whiteout from our copy of the file...lay in a hospital bed moaning and generally irritable after being hit in the kneecaps with whiffle bats. The victim reported under intense questioning from the police that he was hit between 400-500 times with big fat yellow bats..."after they hit me about 300 times i started to feel a strange painful sensation in my knees"...not knowing what to do the victim tried the old "dead possum trick" to no avail. he still claims to hear the "boink..boink..boink.." of plastic impacting bone...days after the attack. This reporter has his doubts though. Rumor has it that the LLWF was trying to get the victim to become a mole in the LAWA in an attempt to topple the whiffle regime.
Twin city police and city goverment have engaged in high level talks at Gippers... in a feeble attempt to cool tensions.
The current plan is to designate a neutral "dewhifflelized Zone". With ties to Mob Boss Martha Stewart...it is only a matter of time before the cake drops and the violence continue this reporter remains solid in his belief that "i'm not letting anyone know who i am"..."i love my knees"
Jan 19th 10:00pm undisclosed local.
Also pick up young Burgess
1/20/04 - In a movement to gain youth as well as experience the Sluggas signed the ancient Josh Murphy (click for age story) and the young rookie Zach Burgess to contracts today. This gives the Sluggaz a strong lineup that should be very competitive for the spring season. They hold half of the Western Championship team, as well as the most exciting player in whiffleball. No word on the reaction of other Western Teams.
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B4I tried to pillage roster, but appears that they said no. Still most consistant team in LAWA. Will they resist temptation to tinker with roster?
Also steady, if they make a solid pick up for their fifth man they could be favorite in East.
So Godfrey and Willie are on AB? Lots of talent but......how will other players react to being toyed with. Also are they not tainted by Curse of the Murph?
This team was never the most talented, but they played as a team. Pressure of repeating wearing. Will they now attempt to adjust roster again?
Withhalf of the Western Champs on the team this could be a budding power. A couple of good pickups could make these guys favorites.
Silence lasted a day, not a good sign of consistancy. Also PGammons says someone leaving the team. Does he know something we don't?
The L boys should get credit for stability but....I'm not convinced they can keep up with Eastern Powers. Maybe other B4I players will go here.
Will Jimmy "SuperFire" Courbron be a dedicated Whiffler? Still not sure this team is for real.
Down to just two players, is another of the original franchises dying?
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AstroB
B4I
Sluggaz
BCPD
L-ephants
Ridic
Chubs
Madonna, Rosie O'Donnell unavailable
1/20/04 - In a historic day for LAWA the unveiling of the first all girls Whiffleball team was announced, made up of Brittany Coady, Jenny Coady, Sarah Cunliffe, and Kelly Safford. The team will be known as Lane Change and has been placed in the West until the Winter Meetings. Lane Change is based around all rookie players and it is unknown how they will fare in the league. If enthusiasm is any judge they should do well, as they seemed ready for the season at their press conference, boldly predicting a playoff berth. The girls still have an open spot on their roster and it is expected that they will only be filling their roster with females. There was no comment from Ridic-ulous or the Chubs on their expected drop in the Wind Gauge.
Stability is the key for teams on top
1/3/04 (11:20) - The ever popular Gauge is back for week two. the Theme this week is stability, some have it some don't. An amazing amount changed this week considering it is January, and we didn't even get the new teams registered in time for the Gauge. If you don't agree post on the message board here. Your comments will not necessarily bring you up in the next ranking but, then again it might.
Since their inception a model of consistency. One loss ever, and they followed that with only roster change. Don't expect many more of either
Now that pcPOY has worn off, we have to look at talent. Hmmm looks ok, but not second place ok.
Team announces silence till Spring, staying above "little girl battles." We say just nothing clever to say. At least their team seems stable.
In the tough East they have to hope the L doesn't stand for "losses" At least they aren't in the Mess of the West
Team in shambles, injuries have hurt them and defections are about to hurt them worse. Still talented if they can keep who they have left.
Godfrey Gone? The Raiders would have Powell, Truchon, and Murphy. Force Jon to stay? Willie says if he doesn't want to stay "good riddance"
Well the move West should help them and if they can clear up Godfrey's contract that is good, but what about their "chemistry?" Need stability.
Sorry state of Chubs allows Ridic to move up in the standings. If they showed some signs of spirit they might move up more.
This team is going nowhere, no comments, players rumored to be leaving. Doubtful if they will even be around by spring.
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1/14/04 - In a one day flurry of activity of unprecendented magnitude for a West Side team, the Bombers not only signed one of LAWA's best players, they changed their name as well. Chris "Crispy" Page released a brief statement:
"As of today, the Bombers have changed their name. Instead of Bombers it is now Arsenal. Just figure it out, or team is an Arsenal of hitting and pitching, which our name comes into place. So the west better prepare for domination, with our new addition Brandon Powell."
LAWAnation is dumbfounded.
1/14/04 - Last week LAWAnation was treated to a public dispute between Willie Roy and Brandon Powell that created a malestrom of controversy regarding the use and validity of contracts. Once the dust settled, Roy, rather than taking one of the Raiders' signed players, ended up joining forces with the Raiders. Today, in what is possibly the strangest occurence in the brief but illustrious history of LAWA, Brandon Powell left his team to join the Bombers; creating a West Side juggernaut loaded with strong pitching and hitting. Powell's move blindsided defacto Raiders GM, Willie Roy, who was rather upset by the whole turn of events. Roy, who threatened to request a transfer back to the East Side, is now facing the daunting task of replacing an excellent, all-around player. As a concession to Roy, Pres Robbins has honourably offered to help Roy find another player to restore the balance of power in the West. In spite of this potentially volatile situation, Willie Roy was able to recognize that whiffleball is a business and that hard feelings should not linger. Roy and Bombers member, Pres Robbins, were seen exchanging friendly banter and whiffle strategies at the end of the day.
Campaign enters Big Weekend
1/17/04 - A Early polling suggests that it is currently a four way race for the new LAWA name. Acroynm is in the lead with 12 votes, L'honourable is two votes behind at 10. Athletic has 9, and altruistic has 8 votes. None of the six other candidates has dropped out even though none appear to be viable candidates. All of the leading names are fighting hard to earn key endorsements that could help put them over the top. Acroynm was suggested by LC member Davis' girlfriend but, he has not given it his support. Said Davis "at this time I do not plan to endorse any of the candidates. There are several who would make a very strong name for LAWA."
L'honourable appears to have the lead in campaign contributions although how this money will translate to victory is unknown. The first Debate of the campaign is scheduled for PBS tomorrow night. All the candidates except for Leeds will be there. Leeds is campaigning door to door in Greene trying to win votes,and viewed the debate as "pointless." More on this story as it develops
Gilbert sick with Westsideides
1/17/04 - In a truly unexpected move yesterday the reigning LAWA champs made an offer to RMW for a blockbuster trade. Dustin Gilbert, Donny Hinkley, and Bobby Bosse descended on Alex Cutter's house to make their pitch. They proposed Cutter and East Side President Davis join forces with B4I to form "a dynasty". They would then ditch Andy Moreau and Mr. Hathaway, despite the formal signing of Andy Moreau last week on the LAWA message board. Cutter and Davis categorically declined this trade or any future trades. The offer was not made merely in jest and when denied B4I didn't give up. Communicating via the Internet Gilbert made a desperate plea to Davis to make the trade, telling him that they would be guaranteed the championship. Davis was not to be swayed and after insulting the integrity of B4I, the trade was pulled off the table. Gilbert then swore that he would stop at nothing to defeat RMW in the spring. No word from Moreau, or Hathaway on their thoughts on returning to a team that tried to cast them aside.
Campaign enters Big Weekend
1/18/04 - Acroynm extending his lead over the other candidates today among questions of his integrity. Altruistic accused him of only having semantics involved in his campaign, and of not even being a candidate on that level. Altruistic claimed to have a different vision for a LAWA with no trash talk, and helping the community. In a rally in Turner Village Athletic claimed that he was the candidate for all of those who never played other sports but, who could excell in Whiffleball.
L'Honourable, the favorite of the regions French population, meanwhile was campaigning in Lewiston trying to win over the city leaders at a Forum at Bates College. He spoke of his love for the game and appreciation of the finer things whiffle.
The latest polling show Acroynm with 27% of the votes, Altruistic with 21, L'Honourable with 19, and Athletic with 18. None of the other candidates was polling in double digits. CLICK FOR MORE COVERAGE
1/17/04 - 9:00 AM (Auburn, ME) - A few weeks ago, on the Message Board of Honour, posts began to appear from the username, "PGammons" that contained the whiffle equivalent of "insider imformation" cited in the columns of famed sportswriter Peter Gammons. In light of the LC's recent appeal to Mark Cuban, it would only make sense to assume that they had also reached out to Gammons to add a celebrity voice to LAWA. But each member of the LC has been the target of one of Gammons' stinging rumors and each has had to release a statement refuting the misinformation. Now that the identity of PGammons is under investigation, he has once again gone on the offensive; this time focusing on B4I member, Dustin Gilbert. Because of this new round of rumors, the LC called for an emergency cyber-meeting to discuss who the rumor monger could be. Commish Despres, Pres Davis, Pres Robbins, Donny Hinkley, and Dustin Gilbert all met at an undisclosed location to web out PGammons' messages and ultimately focused on one suspect. The profile of this suspect suggests he is creative, quiet, a big baseball fan, and conspicuously absent from all Friday, 1/16/04 meetings. More information will come when it is available.
Sluggaz chosen over Sea Dogz
1/17/04 - A new power has risen in the West. Half of last seasons Western Champs the Bombers has reformed. Corey Witham and Ben Boulay have added Richie Lake and are ready to take on the Arsenal. Boulay was dumped from the champs by Tony Witham after the season and Corey left after being told by his older bro that he would only play an inning a game. This move by the Arsenal(formerly the Bombers) seemed to be a calculated attempt to get Corey to leave the team. They immediately signed Raiders GM Brandon Powell to a contract, which led to the destruction of the Raiders. This is part of the Arsenal's plan to build a "Super Team" that doesn't respond to the normal laws of nature. A Super Team creates its own Wind, its own uniforms, and could destroy the whole West. California 1849 a mining town sets up its own Whiffleball league. A Super Team formed that was so good, they beat their nearest competitor by 173-0. Soon noone dared go near the Super Team and the town became a ghost town. With Corey, Boulay, and Lake hopefully they can stop this force.
Rickey weighing his options
1/18/04 - In a statement released today Josh "The Rickey Henderson of Whiffleball" Murphy ripped into his former team and talked about his plans for next season. He said that the Raiders were a team of no Honour and was glad that they no longer existed.
Murphy is considering bringing back the Western Championship team into existance. That's right TEAM JOSH MURPHY may be finally coming back to LAWA. He said that he did not have any particular players in mind but was confident that he could put together a team that could take the West. With so many players having been on a team with Josh Murphy the curse has now spread to most of the West Side. This story confirmed unsubstaniated rumors printed by PGammons yesterday on the message board. Once again PGammons has scooped the Wind and Willy was not happy, hiding in his bat cave plotting his next move.
May have Transformer like qualities
1/3/04 (11:20) - So the much hyped Look Back is finally posted. Well it appears to the Wind like the Leadership Council may just be a little to full of itself. Who wants to read a Term Paper on topics like the Weather. Yeah the captions on the pictures are entertaining, and seeing Wind favorite Josh Murphy featured was a bonus, but overall it seemed a little overhyped.
That was before Willy got really bored and started looking at the pictures on some of the pages very closely. Now we don't want to give it all away but, it seems that there may be a little more to A Look Back than was first seen. Once we discovered this we at the Wind were entertained for many hour playing with the site. If you have only given it a quick glance it may be worth a second try.
Answer blowing in the story below
1/3/04 (11:20) - The Wind has undergone a transformation for the New Year. The first change is mostly just in appearance for now, although the editorial staff is looking for more changes to keep the Wind fresh. Once school starts up we will once again be looking for gossip and controversy to start trouble. We will be making a large effort to cover new emerging teams that may be forming for the spring. If you or someone you know is planning on participating in the spring season please drop us a line at the wind [email protected].. Also continue to send us press releases of any new developments in your teams that others may be interested in.
Team Names, Rosters a mystery
1/9/04 - Leavitt faculty members Mr. Cifelli and Mr. Mess have both informed the Leadership Council of their desires to form new LAWA franchises. Neither team has divulged any information about potential signings but, it appears that the new teams may join the league before the Winter Meetings.
Little is known about Cifelli's plans, although judging by his past record this team may be Hollywood themed. Cifelli's Whiffleball record is unknown, although it is known that several years ago he hit a dramatic walk-off homerun to end the faculty softball game.
The Art Department themed team has announced that they will wear smocks for uniforms, but no other information is available. Mess is known to be a star in the professional GO leagues, but how those skills translate to LAWA is unknown.
Whiffle Ball to be a Winter Carnival Event
1/3/04 (11:20) - The Leadership Council announced plans to hold the Winter Meetings the week before Feb. Vacation. The original plan was to hold them during mid-terms but, it occured to the Leadership council that there are several Whifflers who may be studying during this time. The Leadership council then had a hardy laugh at this thought and decided to have them during Winter Carnival.
On a seperate note the powerful WCC (Winter Carnival Committtee) appears to be ready to make Whiffle Ball an official Event this year. It is unknown if there is any sort of bribery involved in this decision, and also if the Winter Carnival will follow International Rules, or LAWA rules. If International rules apply the triangular base paths may be a big adjustment for LAWA players. As always we will keep you updated.
An offseason measure of whiffle power
1/3/04 (11:20) - Well Willy had another new idea today. He asked why we don't rank the teams based on some sort of projection of where they will stand next season. So here it is the Wind Gauge. We ranked teams based on; previous success, offseason moves, dedication, skills, randomness. If you don't agree post on the message board here. Your comments will not necessarily bring you up in the next ranking but, then again it might.
Stros also announce signing of Webster
1/7/04 - The powerstructure of LAWA was struck by a seismic shift today when it was announced that Willy's favorite team Astro Black has shifted to the West. The move seems to have been caused by President Robbins' failed efforts to inspire the West. Robbins had several times urged the West to please write on the message board, vote in a poll, or really do anything at all. This followed the pcPOY voting where the three Western Candidates were outvoted by the three Eastern Candidates by a total of 587 to 46 votes. Even the furror over the first Wind Gauge failed to light any spark in the poker playing West.
Well now the West has its spark in the form of the prolific message board writing Astro Black stars. The only negative consequence is the budding rivalry with Team Bush will not play out unless they meet in the championship.
In other Astro Black news the team announced that they had signed Whiffle veteran Cruise Webster to a deal. Webster was a intimidating presence on the mound who gave up only a single hit and no runs during the season. At the plate Webster had a much shorter stature. He did not collect a single hit during the entire season.
With this latest signing AB has now six players under contract for the spring season. Roy has brought up the question of substitution rules to the LC and was not given an answer. The rules as they stand now seem to indicate that only five players are allowed to play in a game, so AB may be hoping for a rule change.
Reigning Champs deserve top spot. Offseason dedication is very high, Moreau should be good addition.
Ranking is high because Wind respects pcPOY, and J-Moreau. With Viv, and Witham could be very dangerous
With two/thirds of LC this team is supposedly stacked. They were stacked last season though and still lost
In weak West this is as good as it gets. no speed rule means no runs off T-Robbins. Should lose in Championship
Great spirit, not great play. Wind ranked them high because: 1. They are known to be practicing 2. We like their attitude.
With Rickey Henderson of Whiffle Ball they could compete in West. Breakup of Raiders leaves both sides weaker however
Lots of Whiffle dedication here, these guys may gell in time for run in the playoffs. Games against Raiders should be great entertainment.
Libby couldn't even play much for champs, doesn't say much for there chances against B4I.
Young team, with a roster that isn't clear. Once they know who is on team they could move up
Not much experience, if they win at all it'll be above expectations
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Raiders search everywhere, can't find Jon
1/9/04 - In a shocking press release it was announced that Jon Godfrey has defected from The Raiders to Astro Black. Only days after Astro Black's switched to the West they have surely enraged one of their chief rivals by stealing away one of their star players. Two days ago Astro Black GM Willie Roy was seen holding private talks with Godfrey in Western President Todd Robbins classroom after school and it appears that Roy was able to entice Godfrey into leaving the Raiders. It is not known if Godfrey had signed a contract with the Raiders and if he had what potential that may have to spoil the deal. It is known that Raider GM Brandon Powell is enraged by the defection of Godfrey.
Last night Astro Black star Ian Macmunn gave his tearfull goodbye on the LAWA message board. It seems that Mr. Macmunn is moving to pursue other options, and it is unkown if he already has an offer to play in the Manhattan Whiffle Ball Association (MWBA) Astro Black took only hours to find the replacement that could make them a contender in the West.
In addition it is rumored that Eben Dingman, and Joanna Wilbur may also be leaving Astro Black although these rumors can not be confimed. With all of these developments it appears Astro Black definetly belongs in the unsettled West where no team is ever set in stone.
If in fact Godfrey was under contract to the Raiders, it will be neccesary for Western President Robbins to sit down with the teams and see if a deal can be reached for compensation. The Raiders front office was tearing up the clubhouse looking for any contracts that Godfrey may have signed when he was still a member of the Raiders.
During the '03 season Godfrey had an ERA of 0.00 and was known to carry a decent bat. This pick up should bring Astro Black up in the rankings this week.
Thought stealing wasn't legal in L.A.W.A.
1/10/03 - Your good ol' uncle Willy has got a live one for LAWAnation today. According to Raiders GM Brandon Powell, recently departed Raider Jon Godfrey had signed a contract for the upcoming spring '04 season with him, essentially spoiling the deal made yesterday between Godfrey and Astro Black GM Willie Roy. Speaking of the young and devious Roy, the word on the wind is that he's produced a top secret mystery contract signed by Godfrey and dated before his deal with the Raiders. It's all making my tiny bat head spin! Powell has responded to Roy's documentation accusing the Astro Black GM of forgery and other dishonourable behaviour. He has contacted the Leadership Council for a ruling on the matter. When I flew by Commish Despres' window early this morning, I saw him feverishly researching US contract law (he is working on his MBA through the prestigious University of Phoenix Online, I'll have you know...), downing black coffee by the potfull, so it's safe to assume that the LC will release a formal statement on the matter in the next 36 hours. Keep your ears to the wind for more details as this messy matter develops.
Finally, Polling has returned to the LAWA front page.
1/13/04 - 7:11PM (North Turner, ME) - The nominees are in and it is time for you Lawanation to select the new name for the league formerly call Leavitt Area Whiffleball Association. In an effort to seperate the image of the popular league with the school the LC has decided to remove the name of the school from the title. After a week of nominees we are placing all the suggestions in a poll to determine the new name. The voting rules are the same as the infamous pcPOY poll. You may vote once a day everyday and the poll will end at midnight on Saturday January 24th. As far as getting outsiders to vote, let your own honour guide you. We only ask that you not undertake any sort of method that allows you to vote multiple times from the same computer in one 24 hour period.
Leaves Astro Black in Shambles
1/10/03 - The West Side continues to spin out of control. The latest spin has Willie Roy leaving Astro Black and joining the Raiders. Brandon Powell the GM of the Raiders released a triumphant press release today to annnounce that he had signed Roy.
Just yesterday Powell and Roy were fighting over the rights to Jon Godfrey who signed a contract with a Raiders, and then wanted to defect to Astro Black. Roy tried to get his contract overruled but, when it appeared that he wouldn't get his way yesterday afternoon Roy resigned as the GM of Astro Black and announced he was leaving the team. Then later in the evening Powell announced Roy would join the Raiders. The members of Astro Black seemed to have been taken by surprise by their leaders actions, judging by the late night posting by Astro Black star Joanna Wilbur. We have no word on what changes Astro Black may make, or even if they will continue to exist.
Earlier today, participants in the L.A.W.A. whiffle league began to question the honour of RMW and its signing of three teachers. In a power grab not seen since 1999 when George Steinbrener traded for Roger Clemens, RMW has acquired the services of Isaiah Davis, Dane Despres, and Harry Haylock. The Leadership Council will have to tread lightly when dealing with this issue given the associations Commissioner Despres and East Side President Davis have with RMW. Jimmy Moreau, a member of Big Sweaty Men, has been the most outspoken critic of "teacher stacking." Moreau believes, "having 3 teachers on one team is not honourable to the game of whiffle ball." Representatives of RMW were unavailable for comment.
In what could only be expected from the West side style, the offseason has descended to chaos. It appears that a plot by Chefan to stockpile players has been uncovered and no one knows who will end up where.
It began when Chefan reached verbal agreements with many players including Todd Robbins, Josh Murphy, Jeff Truchon, Sean Doyle, "Crispy" Page, Tony Witham, Sammy Sosa, Mr. Wing, and half of Leavitt to sign to their team. Ian Paquette masterminded this plan to create havoc and it now seems to have blown up in his face.
In addition to this chaos the Bombers, and the Chubs also are in a state of disarray with no set lineups in place. To combat this the Leadership council will be setting up a Free Agent page to allow the players to speak for themselves.
We at the Whiffle Wind will do our best to get this straightened out. 12/5
12/7/03 - 11:51am (North Turner) - Well as LAWA nation digs out from the Blizzard of Aught three we see that Todd Robbins will go to the team formerly known as Team Josh Murphy. Without a doubt this adds talent to an already stacked team. However in this weather one can't help but think back to the Whiffle Wind Championship of Aught Three. That fateful day if you recall the Bombers blew away in the face of the wind like so many feathers. By the end of the game in admitedly rough conditions the Bombers seemed ready to fold, instead of dreaming of a dramatic comeback. The real deficiency of the Bombers seemed to be tenacity and mental toughness. Time will tell if Robbins can add this element to the team. The only way to judge this type of player is looking at a players history. Well Robbins has never played in a Whiffle ball championship game, but in '97 in the Utah Golf State Championship Robbins had a chance to finish in the top three. However he choked and came in 6th. His golf game has never recovered, and now we will see if his Whiffle game is a little more solid, this reporter isn't sold on the idea that he can break the Curse of Josh Murphy.
The issue of how many teachers should be allowed on a team has been raised in recent days, and I think it is time to stop and think before responding. It seems that some members of LAWA think that having three teachers on a team constitutes a "stacked team."
Well let's compare the newest RMW signee Dane Despres to another LAWA free agent Brandon Powell. Look at statistical data that was turned in from this past season you will see that Mr. Despres batted 6-17 with 2 doubles, one HR, and 7 strike outs. In the same time period Mr. Powell batted 9-15 with 2 doubles, three triples, and one strikeout. Mr. Despres pitched 6 innings giving up 7 runs. Meanwhile Mr. Powell who often pitched two innings did not give up one run the entire season.
I think any sane person can see that the signing of Despres was not by any means an attempt to "stack" talent. If anything he is statistically inferior to both the man he replaced (Jake Witham) and other potential players. It would seem that the signing was nothing more than an attempt to build a most honourable team for the spring.
Jimmy Moreau and Nick Allen showed off their new contracts which were the talk of the league today. These contracts were signed by Jimmy, Nick, Jake Witham, and Gabe Cloutier, and Andrew Veveiros today. making them all members of Big Sweaty Men in the Spring Season
When questioned about the cloud of controversy that has surrounded the team this Winter the teams press department released the following bold statement "Distorted Facts have been slung around like hot cakes at a bed and breakfast. The bottom line is, BSM is a united overpowering team."
The contracts include no trade clauses for all the players except wandering vagabond Jake Witham. Jake's agent said that he left this clause out so that the team would be free to pursue what is in it's best interest. It could also be seen by this skeptical columnist that Jake is looking for an out if he finds himself in another situation that is not to his liking.
Other clauses of note include Jimmy being guaranteed two innings of work unless his performance is poor. What it does not mention is who measures this attribute of poor. Also Gabe is clearly designated as a fifth man in his contract. This seems to show a lot of forsight in avoiding the problems that plagued Team Bush last season in the playoffs.
Willie Roy announced plans today to launch a new expansion team in the spring. This team is made up almost entirely of Leavitt Alumni. When questioned about the logistics of getting these players to Turner to play the games, Captain Roy was unconcerned. He said the love of the game will get them to the field to quote "If they love it, they will come." More info on the new team as it is made available.
Info from the Chubs front office indicates that Tim Doyle and John Gallup are no longer wanted by the team. This is part of restructuring that the team has taken to get rid of their status as league doormat. They didn't make the playoffs this season and the ownership is fed up. One potential signing is Nick Bryant, but that is far from set in stone. The team is hoping to go against the conventional wisdom that experience wins championships by signing an almost entirely new team. No word on Doyle and Gallup's reaction to these events. More info when we know. 12/7
Word from the head of office of Cheffan is that this team is no longer as of tonight. Jeff Truchon told the Wind that he thought the team would survive even up until today. Ian Paquette had told him quote "I won't leave the team, me and you are like brothers" shortly after being assured by Ian, Jeff found out through his agent of Ian's plans to sign with another team. Jeff seems to be moving on and expressed hope that he could land on a team that would honour the game. He also filed for the free agency page this afternoon, the last member to leave a dying team. Alas Cheffan we hardly knew thee. RIP 12/11/03.
Kyle Libby announced today that he has moved on from team Bush. He has a team lined up for the spring already, with a name and a lineup to be announced. He indicated a desire to play everyday and not be a utility player as the main reason for the change. The new team is not currently placed in a conference, but we can hope that the leadership council in their infinite wisdom place them in the East to set up a rivalry with Team Bush.12/04
Yesterday we told you about trouble brewing with BSM. It appeared that this may have been about to explode but, the flames have been, at least temporarily, extinguished. BSM's new website is up and running, and Nick Allen apologized to Jimmy Moreau for questioning him, while at the same time denying that he ever hinted that the name change was Jimmy's idea. Nick said this story was planted by jealous players from other teams who wanted to start controversy. The BSM orginization is moving ahead on many fronts right now; launching a website, lining up a corporate sponsor, finding winter practice facilities, designing a logo for their new uniforms, and planning a tryout next Wednesday along with the Raiders. It is clear that this team will be one of the most prepared teams for the spring season.
The rumblings began during the fall season when spectators noticed that RMW was the only team sponsored by a corporatation. When dome naming rights were sold to Garelick Farms last week, a source close to L.A.W.A questioned, "Are we going to get to the point where we will lose the grass roots tradition of the game and call our league, 'L.A.W.A. presented by Androscoggin Bank?'" Others wonder if chocolate milk is the only incentive.
Events are developing at breakneck speed for the little league that could. Let's review the recent events. Saturday LAWA and Rinck advertising entered talks to start the first LAWA scholarship. The criteria for the award have not been worked out but, it would have to involve Honour, and play, plus maybe contribution to the league. Then last night it was announced that local rockers Heavy Member Participation will be recording a four song EP based around Whiffleball.
Also this weekend voting began for the LAWA slogan. Right now it appears that Because life throw you curves.... is winning but, we will see how that turns out. Then comes the LAWA online challenge. Currently 23 people have voted in the poll. It can be assumed that this is the majority of our regular audience. It is to these people that we throw down the challenge. We would like to see 50 votes in the online poll by Tuesday at 9:00pm. This can be done but it will take a lot of work from you, the LAWA community.
Finally we started to hear rumors of something much, much bigger. It appears that there could be something coming that will make last years More Crazy in April look like a tiny blip. This would be a meeting of MORE CRAZIER IN APRIL, LAWA, and an other organization that we are in contact with.
Also stay tuned for info on a Look Back at 2003, the rules of honour, and other
Any doubt that Chefan's front office is in total disarray has been wiped away with the latest defection of Chris "Crispy" Page. Page, a founding member of Chefan, was the target of much criticism from his fellow Chefan founder after he surrendered 8 runs in one inning to his new team; The Bombers. Page joins Todd Robbins as the second high profile free agent signing the Bombers have made this hot stove season. Page's pitching, hitting, and team building skills will be invaluable should the Bombers reach the playoffs again. Anthony and Corey Witham, Chris Brewer, Page, and Robbins form The Bombers.
LAWA and RINCK Advertising of Auburn, Maine are in talks to set up a scholarship fund for the LAWA MVP. Details have not been worked out but, it appears that the agency was so impressed by the Website and the overall Honour of the game they are strongly interested in being involved.
The agency also submitted several entries in the slogan poll (Life Throws you a Curve, the Way Whiffle Should be). It is unknown if this will be critized as corporate pandering, but getting scholarships for seniors can really only be a positive. We will continue to keep you updated as always.
One day after signing a historic contract with BSM to be their fifth man, Gabe Cloutier appears to have had second thoughts. The only reason he had for this change of heart was "philisophical differences with the team." The question know is what does BSM do. They could give him his release to go to another team, or hold him to the contract, preventing him from signing with any new teams until they work out a trade.
Coming one day after BSM declared themselves a "united powerful team" this once again puts them in a state of disarray.
The first Skirmishes are already breaking out in what is sure to be a long and bitter rivalry between BCPD and The Raiders. The teams can't even agree on who started the original Raiders. Yesterday in the Halls of Leavitt a disagreement ended in angry yelling between Brandon Powell, and Sean Doyle. Both claim to have had the idea to start the Raiders. It is unclear which Whiffleball veteran started it but, the battle has continued in the Press. Yesterday the Wind recieved contridictory e-mails from the two teams on signings and other info. It appears that BCPD (is their a worst name team in the league?) had an early victory by signing Raider vet Dan Berry. It is unknown what incentives they offered him in the deal. BCPD is currently Berry, Nate Cousineau, Ian Paquette, and Doyle. The Raiders are Powell, and the master of the base paths himself, the Rickey Henderson of Whiffleball, Josh Murphy. The Raiders are going to be holding a joint tryout with Big Sweatty Men on Wednesday to fill out their roster. Also they have told the Wind that a name change is coming. Nothing firm yet, but expect the Curse of the Murph to be worked into the new name.
The Wind has found out that a replacement fifth man for BSM has agreed to sign a deal Friday. The Wind is not free to divulge the name of the new Sweaty Man but, needless to say he has an explosive reputation at Leavitt. He is someone who will be cooking up new experiments to help BSM conquer whatever elements stand in their way this spring.
While this should be BSM's moment of triumph there is also signs that this new superteam, may be having issues with who will control the team. One BSM noted that since Jimmy Moreau joined the team, he has orchestrated all their major manuevers and even changed the team name. While his enthusiasm has fired up the team, some speculate that he may have pressured Mr. Cloutier to leave the team. These heavy handed tactics surely will take their tole if they go unstopped. Although you wonder who can stop Mr. Moreau now that he has named himself manager, and is contractually obligated to pitch two innings a game. We'll watch this story closely.
Astro Black GM Willie Roy has been doing his Epstein impression all weekend. As early as last week it was rumored that he had been talking with former Maine baseball hero Mike Bordick about joining the Stros. It seems Mike is living in Maine again and The Black would be willing to sign him as a fifth even if he was only able to make it to a few games. Also Comedic God Carrot Top has been in contact with the team
It seems that Astro Black is not trying to actively sign the Top as much as Carrot Top is using his amazing vision to close in on Astro Black. The Wind has learned that Carrot Top went so far as to show up at the house of the GM and demand to be signed. Roy said he could not turn him down because "I mean, have you ever seen the man's ridiculous rippling, muscle body."
Also in regards to next season Astro Black had this veiled comment to make "Remember the Angels (2002) Remember the Marlins (2003) Remember the Miracle on Ice (1980) Remember the Jets (1969) Remember Villanova (1985) Remember the Amazin' Mets (1969) Remember the Alamo (1836) Remember Steely Dan's 'Two Against Nature' (2001) Just Remember...." We at the Wind don't even remember what we were talking about when we started quoting Roy so I guess this story is done. ?
12/15/03 - 9:10 AM (North Turner, ME) - Due to web problems and the technological deficiencies of President Davis several stories disappeared off of LAWA this morning. These stories involving Team Bush, and Astro Black will be replicated to the best of our abilities, stay tuned.
Bush to Libby "Bring it on"
As Bush's 4th Infantry completed their latest recruitment drive by signing the elder of the Whiffling Moreau's. Andy Moreau is not known for his pitching in the same way as his brother Jimmy but, should be expected to make a solid contribution to the team. Andy had expressed an interest in playing a backup role on a team, which may make this a perfect fit.
It is unknown if this is a sign that Andy is also a die-hard Republican like the team's other members. A close friend of Andy's however told the Wind that Andy has no political affiliation and is unlikely to commit. If this is true this seems to be more a marriage of convenience. Bush gets a skilled fifth man, and Andy gets to join a team with a legitimate chance at the championship.
The Bombers GM Tony Witham issued a press release changing the name of the team and boldly calling out some of last years players. In addition he predicted great success for his new team and bragged about the new free agent signees.
In refering to last years players who are not returning he called Ben Boulay "a quitter" who was a "weak link" and only gave "negative comments and emotions." He bragged of his new player Chris Page saying "And with our Relief pitcher Chris Page we will be able to close game and avoid Corey Witham from having to pitch a single inning." Here it seems that Tony has no problem ripping up his own flesh and blood. This type of Bulletin Board material would worry most teams but apparently not Tony.
When the topic of the Curse of the Murph came up Tony had this to say "I think that with Josh we would not have made it to the Championship, and I think I am a genius when it comes to seeing what is right and wrong with a team. Tony commented that his team will be ten times better in the spring and guaranteed a return trip to the finals. We will see if other teams dare to respond to this bold trash talk barrage.
Gore fan of AC, but not DC
As expected, Willie Roy's Astro Black express continued chugging across the barren hinterlands of the L.A.W.A. offseason in fine fashion today by officially signing L.A.H.S. alumnus Joanna Wilbur to a whopping three-year deal. "Wilbur will fit in perfectly with our team and philosophy," Roy stated in a press release. "She is an excellent contact hitter and has great speed and fielding ability. She plays harder than any guy I know."
In other Astro Black news, GM Roy also announced former U.S. Vice President Al Gore's endorsement of the 'Stros as his favorite L.A.W.A. team.
No Word on M,N,O, or P
Finally it appears Kyle Libby has made his return to LAWA. In a press conference today Kyle announced that Tom Lilley, Travis Libby, Joe Legee, and himself had formed The L-epants. This team appears to be a backup team formed after Kyle and Travis failed to find two more Libby's to form The Libby-Rators. Kyle cautioned not to assume the obvious reasoning behind the name, and look for the deeper meaning.
When last we heard from Kyle, it was him cheering from the sideline during Team Bush's playoff run. Kyle was so bitter about his lack of playing time, he turned down the honour of having a period with the Championship Trophy Bat. Libby also made clear that he wishes for no connection to either Team Bush or Republicans in general.
In keeping with recent LAWA policy of generating rivalries whereever possible it is assumed that the L-epants will be placed in the same division as Bush's 4th Infantry.
Team Bush has joined the ranks of the changing. The last month had been pretty quiet for the team following their spectacular playoff run that ended in the Championship. They continued their activity after the season with the creation of the first Whiffle Website www.geocities.com/mrwiffleball Then came a lull period where they appeared to be content with a one term championship. It was speculated that the criticism of the amount of politics they brought into the league, and their ugly parting of ways with Kyle Libby.
Then the Champions came back. First Dustin Gilbert unleashed a serious of critical comments on the guest book accusing LAWA of liberal bias, and not giving the champs their due. Now word is that the name Team Bush is no more, but don't take this to mean that they are backing away from their neo-conservative roots, on the contrary their new name will likely be MORE political than last season. For now they wish to be referred to as TTFKATB (The Team Formerly Known As Team Bush.) The new name they are throwing around is Bush's 4th Infantry. It is not known if they are planning a three tiered minor league system of the 1st through 3rd infantry.
Also last night and today Commissioner Despres and Dustin Gilbert engaged in a verbal war on the guest book. In the interest of full disclosure a story on Team Bush was deleted from the front page this morning. It does not appear that this was a deliberate attempt at censorship but, rather an accidental mistake by President Davis. Keeping in mind the previous stories on LAWA censorship during the last snowstorm it must be questioned. Hopefully LAWA and Team Bush can rise above this bickering and get back to the bickering about issues such as the speed rule.
AThe verbal battle's continued as Jeff Truchon accused Ian Paquette of lacking the most essential quality a Whiffler can have, honour. Jeff has been marred in depression ever since "his brother" Ian Paquette left the team they formed together Cheffan. Everyone remembers the fun loving Cheffan of 03. They were a break through team creating t-shirts, compilling stats and overall representing everything a Whiffleball team should stand for. Then when the season ended the problems started.
First came pressure to release postseason goat Chris "Crispy" Page. Chris melted down in the playoffs giving up 8 runs in a single inning. Then Paquette frustrated returning star Todd Robbins with his postseason wishy-washyness. Ian was rumored to be signing half of LAWA to a contract at some point.
Somewhere in here is where it all came apart. First Robbins grew frustrated with all the indecision and left the team. Next the Rickey Henderson of Whiffleball himself left to explore other options. Robbins took Page with him to his new team where he would be appreciated. This left Truchon and Ian. Next Ian doublecrossed Jeff by making a deal behind his back to go to the BCPD Enforcers.
After leaving the team Ian and Jeff have continued to fight and seem to have trouble leaving their past behind them. One thing we know is that this rivalry will not cool down until the season starts.
Jeff did express some desire to rise above the fighting saying "If Ian wants to keep this rivalry going, then so it shall be, but I hope that he finds an older, more mature Ian on the inside. But for the record, Ian, look back at the stats bud."
In a sign of potential instability the L-epants have decided after one day of existance to change their name to the L-ephants. Who knows what name is next but, we would suggest L-pants, or perhaps Q-ephants.
"He Was Holding us Back"
In shocking comments today in the Leavitt Hallways, two members of Despres' Angels showed their contempt for their former manager. During a discussion about the Sexism that may or may not exist in LAWA, the former Angels seemed to be off the opinion that they were not the weaker sex on DA. The Angels said that not only was Despres not better than them, he actually "was holding them back."
This can only make one recall the in-season rumors about Despres that surfaced during the LAWA season. It was noted by more than one Whiffler that Despres did not seem happy with the team and at times appeared to be less than a team player. Despres' Angels had a sub-par season that resulted in only one win and Despres himself had at best mediocre stats. What affect these allegations will have on the Commissioner are unknown.
Vesuvius,"I'm jealous."
12/22/03 - 10:00 AM - The response has been deafening; LAWAnation is speaking, and they have a lot to say. This weekend the official L.A.W.A. message board administered roughly twenty posts from members of the L.A.W.A. community. This talk isn't cheap, either. Players are questioning the moves of the Leadership Council, checking the honour of many things whiffle, and discussing gender bias in the league. What makes this surge truly impressive is its grassroots nature; four of the six most recently active threads were created by players, and the majority of posts were of the same parentage. Commissioner Despres spoke to the strength of the board, on the board, by writing, "I have to say that LAWAnation makes me proud. You guys and gals have made some astute observations and are debating these hot topics quite honourably. Bravo."
Is Hinkley now Viable Candidate?
12/23/03 - 9:00 PM - The controversy continues. The poll of infamy is still shaking things up. Last night Donny moved into the lead with a late push. This was precipitated by B4I taking the gloves off and playing the vote game as Allen and Cutter already were. Hinkley swept to the lead with a huge day in the polls.
Then the real battle erupted. A posting by Davis commenting on the flurry of votes turned ugly. Posts were being fired off like Wal-Mart fliers near Christmas. Fights broke out and during the distraction Nick Allen led by campaign manager Jimmy Moreau took off. By 8:00PM Nick had reached 100 votes. Cutter was trailing in second, but Hinkley is just one more late night attack from getting back in the race.
Meanwhile the Leadership Council expressed extreme concern about the turn of events. Despres and Davis seemed to get their way as the website statistics showed this was the most webtraffic ever at LAWA. By 9:50 389 unique visitors had clicked on the LAWA front page today. However the Chaos that Robbins predicted erupted on the message board. Bush's fourth Infantry was critized by multiple sources, as well as the integrity of the league in general. In an executive meetin of the LC it was decided that the poll would stay up.... for now. If the fighting worsens and the honour and integrity of LAWA is deemed to be in danger, they may decide to take further action. A message board discussion of this issue had seemed to simmer down by early evening, but what will Christmas Eve bring?
Raiders GM Brandon Powell proudly released the following for the L.A.W.A.<online> press on Monday:
"The Raiders Monday strike back by announcing they have signed God to their team. You may be puzzled right now, but none other than Jon Godfrey has signed to the Raiders for the Spring."
The Raiders, Monday, also added ex-Cheffan vagabond Jeff Truchon to their roster on Monday. The Troosh spoketh, on Monday: "Splitting up Cheffan was a mistake and now they'll have to pay!" It is unconfirmed whether or not Jeff actually spit venom while speaking these words on Monday.
Having spited one team not being enough for GM Powell, on Monday he went on to explain his Monday signing of ex-MLBer Mike Bordick on Monday. Bordick had been in talks with Astro Black, but chose, on Monday, to join the Raiders on Monday.
Alex not allowed on planes in post 9/11 world
12/22/03 - 10:40AM (Lewiston, ME) - In what is surely to become known as the battle of the millenium in 996 years (on list next to coffee of the millenium, tapeworm of the millenium), Alex Cutter and Nick Allen have taken off their figurative gloves and are going at it like two rabid dogs - figuratively, of course. Both combatants' camps have brought out the vote in the 2003 *(PC)POY award poll. At last count, Cutter had recieved 31 votes, one more than Allen's sum of 30. In addition to the first figurative battle, a secondary war of words is being fought in the trenches of the LAWA message board between Rheal Mhen Whiffle's President Davis and Big Sweaty Man, Jimmy Moreau, who has accused Davis of lying. It appears that Davis' dual role as member of the Leadership Council and player has created confusion on the part of a few members of LAWAnation. He responded with a post this morning to clarify, writing, "I did not lie to Jimmy Moreau, he merely misunderstood me." Davis also went on to explain the dual purposes of the *(PC)POY poll. He suggests that whifflers "get even" instead of getting mad.
The candidates are up, and let the people decide, to help you the Wind has put together this guide to the men who would be the Asterisk.
Anthony Witham
The bombers star brings, huge hair, and huge power to the table. Against Cheffan in the playoffs he hit two homeruns, including one shot that cleared the dirt road past the fence on the football field. This homerun is even more remarkable because, it was hit into the wind. Tony helped bring his team to the championship, game but couldn't beat Team Bush.
Todd Robbins
TRX, is possibly the most dominating pitcher in LAWA. Others had as low an ERA, but noone was as feared as Robbins. His fastball was so fast, he started a debate about changing the rules to create a so called "speed rule", or "Robbins rule." At the plate he is intense and fierce. The only whole in his game was his speed in the basepaths. In the playoffs he never had a chance to shine, as he helplessly watched Chris Page give up 8 runs.
Donny Hinkley
The only candidate from the league champions, Donny was the centerpiece of Team Bush. Donny was the classic complete player, his pitching steadily improved during the course of the year, in the field twice robbed players of homerun, and at the plate his clutch hitting started many rallies. He also led the league with two walks in putting up a .800 OBA. During the season he was hitable on the mound but, in the playoffs he was in a zone and was touched up for only two runs.
Brandon Powell
Powell was a member of the undefeated Raiders during the season and had the most innings pitched without a run given up during the season. If the league had a best pitcher award he would be the recipient. Powell's hit 600 and didn't strike out once. If the Raiders hadn't played shorthanded in the playoffs they might be the champs right now, and Powell would unquestionably have been a huge part of that.
Nick Allen
Nick was the heart and soul of the Oddballs. The Oddballs were not a powerhouse team during the season, enduring at one point a 16-1 drubbing by Rheal Mhen Whiffle. However Nick kept the team focused and continued to perform personally. When the playoffs came Nick almost singlehandedly beat the LAWA champions Bush's 4th Infantry. The question for whifflers is does a team performance matter for the Player of the year? The voters will answer.
Alex Cutter
The rock that guided the mighty Rheal Mhen Whiffle powerhouse through an undefeated season. Cutter was masterful on the mound and led the league in homeruns and RBI's. With Cutter leading the way, Rheal Mhen Whiffle didn't just win their games they destroyed opponents, winning games by 16-0, and 8-1 margins at times. However Cutter could be clutch as well, when the Mhen were down 5-0 to start the game against the Rynos Cutter hit a clutch homerun and pitched two scoreless innings to cap the 6-5 victory. Cutter helped the Mhen almost do the same against Bush's 4th Infantry in the East Side Championship. Cutter almost certainly was as good as anyone who played the game, but will Rheal Mhen Whiffle's loss in the playoffs sink his player of the year candidacy?
Alex not allowed on planes in post 9/11 world
12/29/03 - 7:30- In another sign that President Davis is out of control new information came to light today about his conduct in the (PC)POY vote. Today Nick Allen, who has been strangely quiet for a leading candidate, lashed out at Davis today. Nick had learned through an undisclosed source that Davis is using his neice to tap into votes at Hebron Academy. Nick was shocked to learn about this potentially dishonourable conduct and responded by posting on the messageboard and sending an e-mail to LAWA.
This is yet another indicator that there is no line that Davis won't cross to get his way. His continued manipulation of LAWA must make the other members of the leadership council wary. It is unknown if there will be any sort of punishment handed down for this latest offense, although it is known that President Robbins has long been critical of Davis' tactics. The Wind has learned that yesterday all three members met at an undisclosed location in Boston to discuss the situation. The fact that they travelled out of state for these discussions shows the extreme gravity of the situation. One indicator that President Davis may come out of this ok may be the pictures posted on the front page of LAWA <online> showing Presidents Davis and Robbins playing Whiffleball today. The Wind has been unable to confirm that those pictures were in fact taken today as claimed.
The question for LAWA Nation tonight is are President Davis' tactics honourable ways to keep the message board lit up, or has he crossed the line to the extent that he is damaging all that LAWA stands for.