Big Bird, the 'black sheep' of the Muppet clan is famous for his role as the lovable, feathered host of one of America's most popular and long-running educational children's programmes: 'Sesame Street'.

Mr. Bird has recently been sacked by Sesame Street bosses as off-set, he continuous to lead a sinful life of sex, drugs and agriculture.

"He got what was coming to him." Says Kermit. "We knew about the relationships he was having with the Sesame Street cast members off-screen, but the child pornography was just too much…"

"Big" Bird has also confessed to molesting small children, dealing hard drugs and plotting to take over the world.

"I see nothing wrong with what I am doing." Says Big Bird at a recent interview. "It's a well-known fact that the whole show [Sesame Street] was conceived on crack. What's more, taking pictures of nude children and posting them on the internet is part of our nation's culture, everyone does it."

Big Bird refused to comment further on his plans to take over the world. All that is known at this present time is that he is presently collaborating with his long-term partner, Osama Bin Ladin. The couple are to be wed next June.

Now, as your friendly neighborhood psychopath, I feel that it is my sole duty to rid the world of such menaces as this big, yellow bird. So shall I do it girls and boys? Shall I?

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!

**Claps hands happily**