J
esus and the Fig Tree(Retold)
Presenting a short parody of 'Jesus and the fig tree' originally found in St. Mark's gospel. I used to attend a catholic school where Religious Education classes were compulsory so I had to learn about all of the daft things Jesus got up to whilst he was bending people's ears about the almighty. This piece isn't one of my best samples of writing as it was written some time ago; my style of writing has since matured…or at least, I hope it has!
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esus and the disciples were hungry. Jesus and his interesting company had become quite famous within the last few months and Jesus had even made it onto the front cover of biblical babes magazine monthly! But with this fame, came the price of having thousands of starving fans, following them about, eyeing up their food and looking up at them with puppy dog eyes and pretending to faint from hunger. Very recently, Jesus' followers had managed to con him out of five loaves and two fish which him and his disciples had quite desperately needed, but feeding large crowds was good publicity, and good publicity meant more profit made from the official Jesus merchandise sales.On this particular day, Jesus and his friends stumbled upon a fig tree, covered with lush green leaves and whooping with joy, the men ran up to it, hoping to get a taste of it's fruit.
Unfortunately, it was the wrong time of year for figs and the tree bore no fruit. The disciples turned away with disappointment and Jesus began to kick the tree and bang it with his fists while he cried hysterically.
"You nasty nasty tree!! I don't like you at all! You're so mean!" Jesus began to pout. "I curse you! You may never bare fruit again! You nasty tree!"
Turning his back to the tree, Jesus found that the entire group of disciples had witnessed his outburst and were now staring at him with anxious and questioning expressions. Jesus felt that he should say something.
"Er...erm...let that be a lesson to you all!" He declared with his typically Jesusish flare.
"But what does it mean master?" One of the disciples asked.
"Tut! God!! Must I have to spell EVERYTHING out for you?" With that, Jesus stomped off in a strop. The disciples stood in awe and amazement at this man because they hadn't the slightest idea what he was talking about.
FIN.
"All yea who have faith, send $15.00 to God and thy shalt be rewarded with eternal life and a snazzy lapel pin."
~Jesus Christ~
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Me and is not to be copied or reproduced in any way whatsoever. Please do not use this story in whole or in part without prior written permission from me.