| Jamie looked up from the brief she was writing and glanced at her watch. She was surprised to see that it was almost 7PM. The lights were still on in Jack�s office. She�d gotten used to his daily visits to Lennie in the hospital as her own trigger to call it a day. He was usually gone well before this, she wondered what was up. Jack put down the tablet he was making notes on for his closing arguments for tomorrow. He sighed heavily and leaned back, rubbing his face. A knock at his door drew his eyes back up. Jamie stuck her head in his office. �Jack? What are you still doing here? Aren�t you going over to the hospital tonight?� He shook his head. �They finally let him go home today. He told me he was going to be staying with Rey�s family for a while; apparently Rey�s wife insisted that he wasn�t ready to go solo just yet.� He tried to hide the disappointment in his voice. �Besides, I�ve got closing arguments tomorrow. Need to get this ready.� Jamie thought she heard something odd in his voice, but couldn�t pin it down. �Well, I�m heading home. Don�t work too late.� Jack nodded as she left. He just couldn�t shake the feeling of disappointment. Part of him was glad Lennie was well enough to finally be let out of the hospital, and that he had good friends who would take care of him until he was really well enough to get along alone. But that didn�t change the fact that now Jack had no good excuse to see him, and he had gotten rather fond of their evenings together over the past week. // and the dreams he often had afterwards when he got home // ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ �Rey, I�m not made of glass, OK? I can walk from the car into the living room!� Curtis ignored his partner�s sarcasm and stuck close to his elbow as Lennie walked across the lawn and up the couple of stairs into the house. Debra was waiting inside with the girls, who were eager to see their Uncle Lennie. They got him settled in a comfortable chair, his feet up on an ottoman. Despite his earlier protest, he had to admit that just that short walk had tired him out. Well enough to leave the hospital, but no where near truly well yet. He had been grateful for his partner�s offer to come stay with his family for a while. Spending the whole day alone in his tiny apartment didn�t sound all that appealing right now. Debra hovered over him. �Can I get you something, Lennie?� His nose caught the smells of home cooking. �Nah, I�m fine, really. Besides, smells like dinner�s almost ready? I�ll wait.� The girls had held back about as long as they could. As their mother went to check on dinner, they swarmed over him. �Woah, hold on, angels. One at a time, please!� Their father laughed as he caught up the youngest, little Serena, and Olivia stepped back. After all, she had gotten to see Lennie in the hospital. Isabel suddenly looked so serious, as only a 5-year-old can. �Uncle Lennie? Are you ok?� �Yeah, sweetheart. Still a little weak, but I�ll be fine.� He held out his arms to her and she crawled up into his lap. �Careful, honey. I�m still kind of sore.� He showed her the bandage over the left side of his chest covering the bullet wound and the surgical incision. Luckily it had missed everything critical by a matter of an inch or so, just cracking a couple of ribs. Her eyes got big and she snuggled tight against his right shoulder, as far away from the bandage as possible. He gently stroked her hair, holding her close. �Don�t worry, honey. Everything�s going to be ok.� Serena and Olivia each got their chance for a cuddle, then Debra was calling them to dinner. Rey looked at him. �You feel up to coming to the table Lennie?� �For real food? Hell yes!� They laughed together; Lennie�s reputation when it came to food was well known. �OK, what I want to know is how did you survive for a week and a half on hospital food?� �Hey, you know me, I can eat anything. Even that swill.� Rey helped him out of the chair and tried not to hover too close as they went into the dining room. It was a typical noisy family dinner, lots of good food, good conversation, and giggling girls. But by the time they were done, Lennie was glad to settle back into the living room chair while his hosts took the girls upstairs for baths and bedtime. Finally Rey came back down, the worst of the evening�s kid patrol taken care of. Lennie had found a ballgame on TV, so they watched together for a while, talking about the precinct, and the cases Rey was working on. �I�m telling you, Lennie. You�ve got to rest up and get yourself back to work soon. Working with Profaci is driving me nuts! I mean, he�s a nice guy and all, but man, he never stops talking!� Lennie laughed. �Well, maybe you should get some earplugs. Doc says it�s gonna be at least a month yet.� Rey looked at his partner. Lennie was definitely looking better than a week ago, but Rey could still see the tiredness in his face. But it was good to hear him laugh again. Rey grinned back at him. �Might just have to do that.� They talked a while longer, until Lennie started nodding off. Of course it had been a long day � he�d had more activity this afternoon than in the past week combined. �Come on, Lennie, let�s get you up to bed, ok?� Lennie didn�t even argue too much as Rey helped him up the stairs to the guest bedroom; he really was beat. His battered old suitcase sat on top of the dresser; Rey had gone over to his apartment and collected a few things for his stay. He sighed and sank down onto the bed. �Thanks, Rey.� �No problem, Lennie. We�re just glad to still have you with us. You gave us a good scare, you know.� Rey�s hand lingered on his shoulder. Lennie looked up at his friend. �Me too Rey. I don�t think it hit me until today just how close I came �� There was something in Lennie�s eyes, Rey could see the fear showing for the first time. He let go of Lennie�s shoulder and sat down beside him. �Lennie? You OK?� Lennie shrugged. �I don�t know why, I just started to think about it today. What almost happened. Kind of scary, you know?� Rey nodded, gently rested his hand on Lennie�s back. �I know, Lennie. But you made it, that�s all that matters now. You just gotta get your strength back now. So don�t worry about it. Just rest up, OK?� Lennie took a deep breath, let it out as a long sigh. �Yeah. You�re right.� He managed a small smile. �Gotta get my strength back so I can save you from life with Profaci.� Rey laughed as he got up. �Somebody�s got to! Night, Lennie.� Lennie gingerly eased out of the button down shirt he was wearing; the cracked ribs still hurt like hell. If anything, more than before now that he was up and moving around. He tossed the shirt and his jeans over the suitcase, figuring he�d sort it out in the morning. Kicked off shoes and socks, climbed into the soft bed in his underwear. He let out a soft sigh; horizontal felt really good. But as tired as he was, he just couldn�t fall asleep. His brain kept worrying at the close call he�d had. All because the brother of a killer had tried to kill Jack. That triggered a whole other line of thought. He suddenly realized that this had been the first evening since he woke up that he hadn�t seen the lawyer. Could that have anything to do with this odd grumpy mood he was suddenly in? It was funny; for a year now, he�d been fighting his feelings for McCoy. How many nights had he come home after a late meeting on a case, wishing McCoy was with him, imagining things that could never really happen. They had spent more personal time together in the past week and a half than in all the years they had known each other. But now he wasn�t interested in sex. What he wanted more than anything was for Jack to simply hold him, comfort him, tell him it would be OK. Love him � ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was pretty late by the time his hyperactive brain finally let him fall asleep, so it didn�t surprise him when he woke up rather late the next morning. He dug through the suitcase; thankfully Rey had thought to grab his bathrobe. He put it on, grabbed his shaving kit and his medications and headed into the bathroom. He really couldn�t take a shower until the bandages came off, probably later this week. So he improvised as best he could, shaved, brushed his teeth, and dragged a comb through his hair. God, he was looking forward to that shower � Finally presentable, he went back to his room, dressed, and headed downstairs. �There you are! We were wondering if you were going to join us today!� Debra teased him as he came down the stairs. �Yeah, well, you know how it is. In my line of work, you�ve gotta take advantage of any opportunity to sleep in!� �You want some coffee?� �Dear god, yes!� �Uncle Lennie!� Serena came charging into the kitchen. Lennie bent down to pick her up and cried out in pain, letting her go. �Lennie?� Debra was concerned as he fell back into a chair, clutching his side. He took a moment to catch his breath then looked at the terrified little girl. �I�m sorry, Serena. I didn�t mean to scare you. I just can�t pick you up right now. I�m sorry honey.� Debra lifted the child up into his lap, so he could hold her for a moment. �OK, Serena?� She nodded and snuggled into his good shoulder. Debra delivered the promised coffee. �Come on, Serena. Why don�t you go play in your room?� After her daughter had left, she gave Lennie a good once over. �Are you sure you�re all right? Did you pull the stitches or anything?� Lennie groaned. He appreciated Debra�s concern, but right now the last thing he needed was the mother of a three year old mothering him. �It�s fine, really. Just those cracked ribs more than anything.� She looked like she didn�t believe him, but decided to let it go for the moment. He spent most of the day settled in that chair in the living room, as bored by the TV as he had been in the hospital. Debra had a busy daily routine; keeping the house together with three little ones was more than a full time job. At one point he realized it hadn�t even occurred to him to tell Cathy that he was out of the hospital or where he was, so he picked up the phone and left her a message. Much to his relief, the phone rang a little while later and Debra came to tell him it was for him. �Heya, kiddo. I guess you got my message?� �Yeah, Dad. You feeling better?� �Some. Still going to be a while, though.� �You think your friends would mind if I stopped by?� �Not at all.� �Well, I�m still on the night shift � can I come over now?� �Yeah. Thanks, honey, that would be great. I�m so bored it�s driving me crazy.� He gave her the directions. �OK, Dad, I�ll see you in a little bit.� A little while later, Debra answered the doorbell and ushered Cathy into the living room. After the usual pleasantries, she went back to whatever she had been doing, leaving them to talk. �So. Daytime TV not your thing, Dad?� He laughed. �I just don�t get why people even agree to go on those tell-all shows. You�d have to be nuts to put yourself on display like that!� �Yeah, well, I brought you something.� She reached into the backpack she was carrying and brought out a rather large book. Lennie looked at it with a skeptical eye. �Stranger in a Strange Land,� by Robert A. Heinlein. �Is this one of those sci-fi things you�re always reading?� �Well, you always complain that you don�t like mysteries or thrillers because you make your living solving crimes. This won�t remind you of work at all. I guarantee it. Would it hurt so much to try something I like?� Lennie was deeply touched by the gesture; she was trying to create some common ground between them. He smiled. �OK, Cath, you win. I�ll give it a try. Besides, anything�s got to be better than Judge Judy �� They chatted a while longer, then Cathy had to leave to get ready for work. He picked up the book and started flipping through it � it was pretty long. Well, he had a good long time to kill � Just as he was starting to get interested, the older girls got home from school and mayhem broke out. He gave up trying to read; it was a futile effort at that point. He�d had enough with his own two girls; three seemed to take it to a new level of loud. Of course, the fact that it had been 20 years since Cathy was three just made him feel old. He got up to get something to drink and realized his side was aching pretty bad. He really had aggravated it this morning with Serena. Maybe it was time for another painkiller. He glanced at the stairs and decided it was worth the effort to get to the pills. He couldn�t find the bottle in his room; he realized he must have taken them into the bathroom this morning. He found it in the bathroom with the cap off; he must have gotten distracted this morning. // Damn it, Lennie, there are children here!, // he berated himself. Of course Rey ended up working late. Lennie really couldn�t help Debra with the girls, so he just sat alone in the living room, feeling like he was in the way. He was starting to wonder if this was such a good idea. At least if he were at home, he�d be bored in HIS chair, with HIS things around, and the girls would be safe. // and maybe he could get Jack to come over � // He realized again that he was missing his evening visit with the lawyer, and sighed. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After another night struggling to find sleep, he decided the next morning to ask Debra to take him home. �Lennie, you�re not in the way. Really.� He shook his head. �Yes I am. But besides, you know I love the girls, but they�re a bit much for me right now. When Isabel and Olivia got home from school yesterday, I though it was never going to get quiet again. And Debra � there�s something else. I�m just not used to being kid-safe anymore. I left the bottle of painkillers open in the bathroom yesterday morning. I found it before anybody else did. But I�d hate to be responsible for anything happening to the girls just because I�m used to living alone.� The horror of what might have happened convinced her he was right. So she had reluctantly taken him and his suitcase home to his little apartment. �If you need anything, Lennie, you just call, OK?� He nodded. �Thanks, Debra. I really do appreciate what you did. I�ll be OK.� So now he sat in his own chair, listening to something soft and soothing on the stereo. Music was his one extravagance; there wasn�t much else in the apartment beyond the basics, but he had invested in a good CD player and had a wide, if somewhat eclectic, selection of discs. His love of music had come from his sainted mother; as a child she had taken him to hear everything from Broadway shows to jazz bands and anything else she could find. As the afternoon wore on, he realized again that now that he was home, he could call Jack and invite him over. But should he? After all, he knew that simple friendship would ultimately not be enough. He was already starting to let go, shouldn�t he get it over with? Inviting him back now would just make it harder to keep his secret. He knew he�d never have what he wanted with Jack. Could he be satisfied with simple friendship? Or would it just hurt all the more? Oh, hell, his thoughts were running in circles. He knew he wanted that friendship more than anything right now, even if it hurt later. Finally, he picked up the phone and dialed a number he knew by heart. �Cragen.� �Hey, Don, it�s Lennie.� �Hey! How are you doing?� �So-so. I�m back at my place. Was wondering if you could come over tonight?� Cragen could hear something in Lennie�s voice. �Sure. See you around 7? I�ll bring dinner.� �Thanks, Don.� ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lennie opened the door to find Don standing there grinning at him, carrying a bag from their favorite little Italian restaurant. �You order delivery, mister?� Lennie laughed and waved him in. Cragen parked the bag on the kitchen table, then turned to hug his friend. �Ow, hey, watch it, got a couple of cracked ribs, Don.� Despite the complaint, Lennie returned the hug enthusiastically. Cragen gave him a good once over with his eyes, doing a thorough assessment. �Then why don�t you relax while I get dinner?� �I�m ok, Don, you don�t have to do that.� �Still. Humor me.� So Lennie sat down at the table, letting Don lay out their dinner. When everything was in place, he sat down opposite Lennie and raised his glass of iced tea in a toast. �To your health, Lennie.� Lennie laughed as he raised his glass in return. �So, good to be home?� �Yeah, I guess. It was just a bit too much family life over at Rey�s; my kid days are long gone, and apparently my long term tolerance of them as well.� Cragen laughed. Dinner conversation stayed light, but he could see there was something just under the surface. As they finished, Lennie leaned back in his chair with a sigh. Don eyed him thoughtfully. �OK, Lennie, what is it? What�s bothering you?� A small smile quirked Lennie�s lips. �You know me too well, Donnie.� Uh oh. Lennie almost never used the nickname. This was serious. Cragen cocked his head to the side. �You want to go sit on the couch?� Lennie bit his lip and nodded. They stashed the leftovers in the fridge and went into the living room. Cragen sat on the right end of the couch, making sure Lennie could lean against him without disturbing the bandages on the left side of his chest. Lennie sat beside him, grateful for the arm that circled his shoulders. He felt himself relaxing; he hadn�t realized how tense he had been, how much he had needed this. He just sat there for a little while, wallowing in the comfort of being with the one person who really knew him, who understood, who was willing to offer this kind of comfort. Physical contact. Not sex; not right now. Just � contact. Finally he took a deep breath and started talking. �I don�t know why it took so long, but when I got out of the hospital, I suddenly realized just how close I�d come. It scared me, Donnie. I almost died. I guess I�ve been lucky, lasting this long on this job without ever coming this close before. I haven�t been able to fall asleep the last couple of nights thinking about it.� Cragen�s arm pulled him close. �You talk to the department shrink yet?� Lennie shook his head. �Can�t.� That confirmed Cragen�s theory. �Because you took that bullet not because you�re a cop, but because of who it was aimed at.� Lennie swallowed hard and nodded. �Olivet�s too good, Don. I�d never be able to keep it from her. And she knows HIM too well.� Cragen sighed. �Then you�re going to have to work through this yourself, Lennie. I�m here for you.� Lennie hugged back. �Thanks. But you know what makes it worse?� �What?� �Every night while I was in the hospital, he came to see me. It felt so good, Don. It�s the friendship I�ve always wished we had. I guess he feels he owes me something for saving his life. But while I was staying at Rey�s, he really didn�t have an excuse. I missed it, Don. And now I�m afraid that if I invite him over here, it�ll just be harder to let go again, or worse, the friendship will last, but it will never be what I really want it to be.� Cragen snorted softly. �Careful what you wish for, you might just get it.� Lennie looked at him, confused. �Huh?� Cragen sighed. �When you were in the coma, I stopped by to see you Friday morning. You know they say talking to people in comas sometimes helps them come back. I commented that I�d even be happy to hear you moaning about him again if you�d just come back to us.� It worked, getting a small laugh out of Lennie. Now for the hard part. �Lennie, there�s something I have to tell you. He knows, Lennie. He walked into the room just then, heard me talking to you. I didn�t realize he was there. He heard the whole thing, then put me on the witness stand to clarify. I tried to play it down, but you know how he is with a witness �� Lennie sat up, pulling away from Don, his face a mask of fear. �What happened?� �He refused to believe it and stormed out of the room. That�s why I was asking if he had been to see you after you woke up. I wondered if he�d come back after that.� Lennie�s brain was spinning. Jack KNEW? And had still come back every night in the hospital? Was it possible? He remembered the vague dream he�d had waking up, Jack holding his hand, softly calling his name. Could it have been real? Or was his gratitude to Lennie for saving his life enough to make him ignore it? Now he was really confused. He leaned forward and buried his face in his hands. Cragen was talking again. �Lennie, believe me, I never would have said anything if I knew he was there. I�m sorry. Can you forgive me?� Lennie looked up at his friend. Don Cragen was the one person in all the world he could trust with this part of his life. He�d be damned if he was going to let a slip in the heat of a crisis end that. �It�s ok, Don. He came back. I don�t know where this is going to go, but maybe it�s better than just wishing for something I can�t ever have.� He sat up and leaned against his friend again. // Thank god. // Cragen pulled Lennie close again, glad that his lapse hadn�t ruined their friendship. �Don, why do you think he came back? Is it possible �?� �I don�t know, Lennie, anything�s possible. You said he was holding your hand when you woke up?� �Yeah. Thought I�d died and gone to heaven.� �Well, you know you�re never getting in there, so it had to be real.� Lennie chuckled. �Thanks SO much for the vote of confidence!� A yawn snuck through. �Sounds like you might just get some sleep tonight.� Lennie shook his head. �Same thing every night. One minute I�m yawning, but as soon as I lay down, my brain won�t let go.� Cragen bent down to gently kiss Lennie�s forehead. �Come on. Let�s see if we can do something about that.� He led Lennie back to the bedroom and helped him undress. But much to Lennie�s surprise, Don�s shirt and slacks also landed on the chair. �Hopefully soon you�ll have him to tuck you in and watch over you. But for tonight, you�ll have to make do with me.� He pulled back the covers and nodded to Lennie to get in, then climbed in beside him. It took them a couple of minutes to find a comfortable position, but finally Lennie rested safe in the arms of his friend. He suddenly realized how much he needed this. Needed someone to hold him, make it safe again. A long sigh as Cragen�s fingers gently slid through his hair, caressing his face. Lennie yawned again, settled in. �Don?� he murmured sleepily. �Yeah?� �You really think he will �� �I don�t know, Len. But I sure as hell know one thing. If anybody deserves a bit of happiness, it�s you. Now go to sleep.� He gently kissed Lennie�s temple. Lennie sighed again. �Thanks, Don.� Cragen watched with a silent smile as Lennie fell asleep in his arms. Continue to "Chapter 5" Return to the Story Index Send me some feedback Disclaimer: These characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I'm just borrowing them for fun, not profit. |
| Unexpected Song (by Andrew Lloyd Weber, from Song and Dance) I have never felt like this, For once I'm lost for words, Your smile has really thrown me. This is not like me at all. I never thought I'd know the kind of love you've shown me. Now no matter where I am, no matter what I do, I see your face appearing. Like an unexpected song that only we are hearing. I don't know what's going on, can't work it out at all, whatever made you choose me? I just can't believe my eyes, you look at me as though you couldn't bear to lose me. Now no matter where I am, no matter what I do, I see your face appearing. Like an unexpected song that only we are hearing. |
| Unexpected Song |
| Chapter 4 |