| Jack had had a rough night. Twice he woke up, reliving the afternoon in a nightmare. He needed to see Lennie; being kept out last night had made it all seem somewhat unreal; and yet had left his imagination run wild. He�d thought about it for a long while after leaving the office, riding his motorcycle through the twilight. He had realized, somewhat to his surprise, that Adam was right. He had come to think of the sarcastic detective as a friend, not just someone he occasionally worked with. They had talked a few times since Claire�s death; they both still carried a trace of guilt for that to this day. But it was more than that. He genuinely liked the man�s sense of humor, and usually easygoing attitude. His stomach did a somersault as he got into the elevator; that vague �hospital smell� was in full force, and he suddenly realized again why he was here. It seemed an interminably long ride to the fifth floor, but finally the elevator doors opened and he stepped out. The signs said room 515 was down the hall to his left. It was a private room; it was nice to know the NYPD spared no expense for a cop shot in the line of duty. Lennie laid there, perfectly still, tubes feeding into his arms. His head was heavily bandaged; bandages also showed below the collar of the hospital gown. �Oh, Lennie �� Jack swallowed hard at the sight of his friend. He could just barely see the slow rise and fall of the chest, heard the heart monitor beeping with every heartbeat. He was horrified, and yet drawn in, like a spectator at a traffic accident. He came to stand beside the bed, not sure what to do. In the movies, people always talked to people in comas, to help draw them back to the �real world.� He wasn�t sure if it really worked, but he figured it couldn�t hurt. He rested his hands on the bed rail and began speaking. �Lennie? Hey, it�s me, Jack. I don�t know if you can hear me or not. I� I wanted to thank you, Lennie. You probably saved my life yesterday. I�m not worth it, you know. Please wake up, Lennie. I�ll never forgive myself if you don�t�� He swallowed hard, not sure what else to say. A sound at the door broke his reverie. A young woman, early 20�s, with long curly brown hair walked into the room. Her face reflected her uncertainty at being here. She stopped when she saw him standing at the bedside. �Uh, sorry, I�ll come back later.� Jack realized it had to be Cathy, Lennie�s daughter. �No, please don�t go. He needs you, Cathy.� She looked at him, surprised at being recognized. �You know my dad?� Jack nodded and turned to her, offering his hand. �I�m Jack McCoy, with the DA�s office.� Cathy recognized the name. �Lt. Van Buren told me you were with him when it happened. That the shooter was aiming at you.� Jack nodded. �He saved my life yesterday, Cathy. Believe me, if there were any way I could change things, I would. He doesn�t deserve to be here like this.� Cathy nodded; the sight of her father in the hospital bed, his usually thin face looking gaunt and pale, the tubes leading out of his arms, frightened her. She was a nurse, she was used to seeing people like this, but not her dad. Not her impossibly stubborn, socially inept dad. He said he was better with dead people than the living. It looked like he might just be trying to join them. The tears rolled down her face as a sob broke through. Jack laid a hand on her shoulder, trying to offer comfort. She shook it off and spun around to face him. �It�s YOUR fault! Damn you!� Jack backed away, stunned by her reaction. �I � I�m sorry, Cathy. I�ll leave �� He turned and strode out of the room. Just down the hall he spotted a lounge. It was empty at this early hour. He flopped into one of the chairs and sat, doubled over, his head in his hands. He knew it wasn�t really his fault; but just like that last day with Claire, he wasn�t entirely innocent either. This was bringing back too many memories, things he�d spent the last two years trying to forget. He didn�t know how long he�d been sitting there when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up into the very worried face of Don Cragen. �Jack? You OK?� He shook his head. �Everybody keeps asking me that.� A wry smile quirked Cragen�s lips. Jack avoided answering by asking his own question. �What are you doing here?� �Lennie and I go way back, Jack. Went to the academy together about a hundred years ago. I heard something had happened, called Anita last night to get the details.� Jack nodded. �I�m sorry, Don. I should be the one lying in there, not Lennie.� Cragen shook his head. �He did his job, Jack. Don�t tear yourself up over it.� He knew he was wasting his breath, but he had to try. Of course, he knew the real reason Lennie had protected the attorney �time to change the subject. �You see Lennie this morning?� Jack nodded. �Cathy came by; I left to give her some privacy�� That surprised Cragen. �Cathy was here? Oh, geez. Listen, Jack, I�m going in to see him, OK?� Jack nodded. �Don�t worry about me.� ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Cragen looked down at the still form of his friend and sighed. He leaned over and picked up the limp hand, holding it gently. �Oh, Lennie.� He stood there in silence for a while, thinking about their long friendship, and the many twists and turns along the way. He had been the one who finally pulled Lennie out of the bottle six years or so ago. He�d found Lennie sitting alone at a bar, another relationship and another job assignment gone bad. Briscoe had been about ready to throw in the towel, quit the force, bury himself in a bottle of vodka. Cragen had taken him home and given him an alternative. The same one he himself had found a year or so earlier. It worked. Once Lennie realized he was gay, all the failed relationships suddenly made sense. He realized he wasn�t the total screw-up he�d always thought he was. He�d hit bottom that night, and with Cragen�s help he succeeded in climbing out of the bottle for good. Cragen had chosen to remain married, living the lie for the sake of all the other good parts of his life. So he and Lennie remained friends who occasionally got together for a little extracurricular activity. It wasn�t anything close to a romance. What was that line from a song, �best friends with benefits.� Yeah, that was it. One of the things they both liked about the gay lifestyle was the fact that sex and romance weren�t inextricably tied. Until a year ago. That�s when Lennie had fallen in love. Cragen sighed. Lennie had the worst luck of anybody he knew when it came to romance. The guy finally figures out he�s gay, then proceeds to fall for a man with a reputation with the ladies a mile long. Don was pretty sure he was the only other person who knew about it. He wondered if he should say anything now. He looked down at his friend. �What do you say, Len? He�s wondering why you took that bullet. Doesn�t he deserve to know why? And by the way, why the hell did you have to go and fall for the straightest man around? I thought it hurt to see you pining away over him. Now I�d give anything to listen to you moaning about it again. Damn it, Lennie, wake up already!� McCoy would never know why he picked that moment to wander back into Lennie�s room. He thought he�d seen Cragen leave, but it must have been somebody else from another room. He shook his head, not sure he�d heard the Captain�s words correctly. �Don?� Cragen spun around, suddenly aware that he was not alone. �Jack!� // oh god, what did he hear? // �Don, did you just say what I think you just said?� �Nothing, Jack. Just talking�� McCoy closed the space between them. �Don, I�m sorry, I really thought you had left. I didn�t mean to eavesdrop. But what you said wasn�t �nothing.�� Cragen nodded and swallowed hard. �You�re right. But Jack, he�d kill me for saying anything.� McCoy looked at the still body in the bed. �Let�s just hope he gets the chance, Don.� Cragen nodded again, still not saying anything. Jack sighed. �Lennie�s gay.� He said it as a statement, but his look made it a question. �Yeah.� Cragen finally spoke. �And he took that bullet because �?� Cragen nodded. �He loves you, Jack. Has for the last year.� The reality came crashing down on McCoy. �No. No, this can�t be. You�re delusional, Don. Lennie Briscoe is about the straightest man I know. Hell, he has more dates than men half his age! Last month after we finished that California mess, he turned down an invite to go out and celebrate because he had a date.� Cragen nodded. �Yeah, he did. With me.� Jack�s eyes got wide as he realized what Cragen was telling him. Cragen spilled the rest of the story. �I helped him figure it out, Jack. How do you think he got sober in the first place?� McCoy�s eyes darted around the room, looking anywhere but at Cragen. This couldn�t be happening. He owed Lennie his life, but this made it something else entirely. He had no idea how he felt about it, other than a sudden, urgent need to be elsewhere. This on top of his confrontation with Cathy was just too much. McCoy spun around, his long stride taking him out of the room, out of the hospital, away from all this. He kicked the bike�s engine to life and tore off down the road, ignoring the �quiet zone� signs around the hospital. Cragen sighed, wondering if he had done more harm than good. Maybe McCoy would have a different opinion after thinking about it for a while. He turned back toward the bed and reached down to take his friend�s hand. �I tried, Lennie. Whatever happens, please understand. I tried.� He was still standing there an hour later when the door opened again and Rey walked in. Cragen looked at his watch � lunchtime. Curtis came over to stand beside him, looking down at his partner. �Captain. Any change?� Cragen shook his head. �Not a sign. Look, I�ve got to get back to work. Your watch?� Rey nodded. �I�ll stay with him. L.T. is going to come by later this afternoon.� �Good. His daughter was here this morning.� That surprised Rey. �Cathy? You saw her?� �No, but McCoy did. He was here when I got here.� Rey sighed. �I wonder if he knows how many people are pulling for him?� Cragen smiled. �He�s so damned stubborn he�d probably deny it if he saw it.� That got a chuckle from Curtis. �Yeah, you�re probably right.� Cragen left, leaving Rey alone with his partner and his thoughts. Cragen�s presence confirmed something he�d been suspecting for a while. Lennie and his old boss were more than just friends. He remembered the day Lennie had told him. They had been partners for about three months. At first, Lennie had been resistant to the new arrangement. It was always hard to break in a new partner, and the fact that Rey was so much younger than Lennie didn�t help any. But he had felt there was something more; like Lennie was actively angry at him about something. They had been sitting in their unmarked car, keeping an eye on a suspect, and sniping at each other. Lennie just wouldn�t let up. So Rey had finally called him on it. �Enough is enough, Lennie! I know you don�t want me for your partner. But LT isn�t going to change it, so tell me. What did I do to piss you off so much? I can�t keep working like this every day.� Lennie had stared at him, shocked into realizing what he was doing. He was taking his anger at Mike out on Rey. And it wasn�t right. He looked at the young man, trying to decide what to say. Finally he found his voice. �Sorry, Rey. It�s not your fault. You didn�t do anything to piss me off.� Curtis shook his head. �Then why?� Lennie realized that he had made a mess of this from the beginning. Maybe, if he told the kid the whole story, the gesture of trust would make up for the past three months. He didn�t like his partner not knowing. After the freedom he�d had with Mike, he couldn�t go back to hiding. Oh, he was still seriously in the closet as far as the rest of the world was concerned, but your partner, well, that was different. Your partner had to trust you. And you had to trust him � �It�s Mike, Rey. He�s the one I�m mad at, not you.� �Logan? Your old partner?� Lennie nodded. �Listen, Rey, there�s something I�ve got to tell you. This is just between us, ok?� Curtis was confused, but agreed. Lennie took a deep breath. �Mike and I were more than partners, Rey. We were lovers.� �What?� The shock was evident on his face. Lennie shrugged. Rey gave his partner a good long stare. �You�re gay?� Lennie nodded. �You got a problem with that?� Curtis thought about it. There were certain �old school� cops who felt there was no place behind the blue wall for a gay man. But Lennie hid it well; Rey hadn�t even begun to suspect, and there were no rumors about him and Logan floating around. He looked into Lennie�s eyes, saw the fear. He shook his head. �No. No problem.� Briscoe�s shoulders slumped as he relaxed with the relief. Curtis decided to lighten the moment. �As long as you�re not looking for the same from me?� His voice made it a joke. Lennie got it. �Hell, no. Not lookin� for ANYTHING right now.� He smiled, almost shyly, relieved that he wouldn�t have to keep this from Rey any more. From that moment, the partnership became a real one. And more, a true friendship had grown as well. That leap of faith on Lennie�s part had paid off, big time. Rey�s family adopted him; the three little girls called him �Uncle Lennie� on his many visits to the Curtis home for dinner. Rey looked down at his friend. �Come on, Lennie, wake up already. Debra and the girls are worried about you, you know. We need you to come back, Lennie. Please.� He almost didn�t want to admit to himself how much Lennie meant to him now. Lennie had stood by him through the separation, helped them get back together. If he didn�t wake up, Rey didn�t know what he was going to do. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Eventually, Jack found himself at a bar, sitting alone in the early afternoon, staring at a glass of scotch. His thoughts were still a jumble. He had wanted an answer to why Briscoe had taken the bullet with his name on it; but now that he had it, he didn�t like it. Lennie Briscoe, gay? It just wasn�t possible. Lennie was as straight as they came. Or was he? Jack remembered his determination to nail the bigoted cops who had let a gay cop die on the job without backup. Then there was Logan and that councilman. Jack wondered if Mike fit somehow into this picture? OK, Lennie was gay. He could accept that. There was plenty of good reason for him to hide it. But could Cragen be right? // Why the hell would he fall in love with ME? // That�s the part that made no sense. Jack didn�t think of himself as particularly attractive, whether the attractee was male or female. He was too tall, too thin, too old now. Especially the past few years, he almost never smiled. The lines were permanently etched into his face, the scowl almost frozen there. He worked too hard, had no personal life anymore, not since Claire. He sighed, thinking of her. She still filled his thoughts. He�d never understood why she had fallen for him after all her initial protests about his reputation. But now he missed her terribly, and she was never coming back. Jamie had tried to fix him up with some of her friends. They were just the sort of women he preferred, beautiful and smart. But nothing had felt right. He�d never let it go beyond a first date. He doubted he could ever love another woman. // But what about a man? // The thought came unbidden into his mind. He took a drink of the scotch, feeling it burn down his throat, wishing that last thought away. It didn�t work. No. Absolutely not. There was no way he could ever be with a man. He wasn�t wired that way. // then why are you so scared to even consider the possibility? // Scared? Was that what he was feeling? // of course. Scared of losing Lennie. Scared of the possibility .. // Oh, god, he was so confused. His thoughts wandered back to a day about a year ago. He had been over at the 27 late in the afternoon, and had stopped in at the local cop hangout to grab some dinner. Briscoe had been there, playing pool against a young uniformed officer, just relaxing after a hard day. He had been fascinated, watching the game, as Briscoe ran the table like a master, leaving the poor kid without a shot. Three others challenged the master, none won. Finally tired of the lack of serious competition, Lennie had spotted him watching and come over to chat. They had spent the rest of the evening talking about this and that, cases they had worked on, people they knew. It had been an amazingly relaxing and comfortable evening. Jack had a few drinks, but since Lennie kept it to club soda, he�d ended up not getting drunk himself. Cragen had said it had been about a year. Was that the night Lennie developed his interest? He tried to remember if there had been any signs; any strange looks, anything. He couldn�t come up with anything. The problem was he genuinely liked Lennie. Given what he knew now, he could almost see another ending for that evening � // Jack, what the hell are you thinking? // He felt an overwhelming need to see Briscoe, so he paid his tab and left. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Anita Van Buren sat beside the bed, her heart heavy. Not only was Lennie her top detective, he was a very special person as well. She had been worried about him when she took over the precinct from Don Cragen, but Don had talked her into trusting his friend. That trust had paid off. It was almost like he�d had a guardian angel watching over him these past years. There was that one day, the day of the execution, when he�d faltered. But a lot of them had faltered that day, in many different ways. She couldn�t hold that against him. His quirky sense of humor had more than once broken the tension of a bad case so they could get the job done. And then there was that thing with the French fries. Lennie loved food, there was no doubt of that. Anytime he came into her office at lunchtime, if she had fries, he always took one. After several months of this, she finally pinned him down. He looked surprised. �Fries are community property, LT, everybody knows that!� He�d eventually told her about a group of friends from his brief foray into college after the Vietnam war. They�d go to a fast food restaurant and pitch in and buy about 10 orders of fries, dump them all out on a tray, squirt some ketchup into each corner, and pig out. Ever since then, he�d thought of fries as something to be shared. The memory brought a smile to her lips. She leaned forward, taking his hand. �Come back to us, Lennie. We need you. Make us laugh.� A sound at the door caught her attention. Jack McCoy stood there, looking haggard. He had taken this hard, first from the realization that he was the target of the shooting, then from grief that Lennie had taken the bullet intended for him. But he looked even worse now. She wondered if something else had happened. �Jack? Are you all right?� He came in, standing beside her chair. �Yeah. I�ll be fine. I just � needed to see him.� She nodded, thinking she understood what was going through his mind. She got up, grabbing her purse. �I�ll leave you, then.� �Thanks, Anita.� As she left, Jack sank into the abandoned chair, his eyes locked onto Lennie�s face. He leaned forward, taking the detective�s hand in his. �Lennie?� His voice almost broke as he said the name. A ragged breath was all he could follow it with. He found his thoughts wandering back to that evening a year ago. What might have been � // They had left the bar and moved to a table in a dark corner of the place. Lennie sat on the side closest to him, rather than opposite from him. As they talked, he felt a leg pressing against his under the table. He smiled reassuringly at Lennie. A little later, a hand slipped under the table, gently resting on his thigh. It sent a tingle through his whole body. Lennie heard the soft gasp and smiled, starting to slowly move those long fingers. Much to his amazement, Jack found himself becoming quite aroused. Finally, Lennie spoke. �You want to come back to my place for a while?� Jack smiled shyly. �Uh, Lennie, I�ve never done this before �� Briscoe grinned. �That�s ok, Jack. I�m a good teacher.� Jack laughed nervously and nodded. �Let�s go.� // McCoy sat there in the hospital chair and opened his eyes. Lennie still laid there, perfectly still except for the slow rise and fall of his chest. He took a deep breath and realized that just like in the fantasy, he was becoming aroused. Was it possible he wasn�t hard-wired against this? Could it really happen? He let himself return to the fantasy � // Briscoe led him in to a small, neat apartment, hanging their suit coats in a small closet. They sat on the couch, very close, and Lennie�s fingers began trailing over his leg again. He sighed and trembled at the touch. Lennie chuckled and let the fingers slide up his body, eventually capturing his chin. He gently turned Jack�s head, leaning in for a gentle kiss. The contact sent another jolt through Jack�s body. He found himself eagerly opening his mouth, letting Lennie in. The kiss grew in intensity, becoming passionate. The fingers let go of his chin as Lennie�s arms wrapped around him, holding him close. Without thinking about it, his own arms had come to circle the detective�s waist. Lennie�s hands slid over his shoulders and down onto his chest, stopping to unbutton the top of his shirt. They continued down, button after button, finally sliding underneath the shirt to touch his skin. Another kiss as one hand slipped out and continued down, caressing him through the thin fabric of his dress slacks. He moaned as Lennie gently massaged him, getting him so hard it hurt. // A small sound broke the spell of the fantasy. �Jack? Are you ok?� He realized his own breathing was every bit as ragged as the Jack in the fantasy. He wondered if he had moaned out loud. Finally, he realized that it had been Lennie speaking. He felt a slight squeeze from the hand he still held. �Lennie?� He leaned forward in the chair, relief layering on top of the arousal, creating an incredibly heady mix. �Shouldn�t I be asking you that?� Briscoe�s voice was rough from lack of use but he managed a bark of a laugh. Jack remembered the cup of water beside the bed complete with straw. He brought it to his friend, held it for him. The tepid water was just what was needed to moisten the dry throat. It felt good going down. When he�d had enough, Lennie let go and looked up at his �nurse.� �I guess you made it out of the way in time?� Jack nodded. �I think I owe you my life, Lennie.� Briscoe shook his head. �Just doing my job, counselor.� // That�s what you say now � // Jack knew he couldn�t say anything yet about what Cragen had told him. Lennie needed to get his strength back, then they could �talk.� He smiled. �Still. Thanks.� Lennie nodded. There was one thing he had to ask. �Jack? Why were you holding my hand?� McCoy felt the redness rising up his neck. But then he realized Lennie didn�t know how long he�d been out. �Lennie, you�ve been unconscious for a full day. We weren�t sure when � or if � you were going to wake up.� There � it was a good explanation. �Oh.� Briscoe�s face lost the teasing expression. On impulse, Jack reached down and took the hand again. �It�s OK, Lennie. You came back to us. That�s all that matters.� Lennie sighed and gently returned the squeeze. �Thanks for staying with me.� Jack nodded. �Lots of people have been here, Lennie. Even your daughter.� �Cathy came?� Jack nodded. �I talked to her this morning.� Lennie slowly shook his head. �Damn.� �I should probably tell the doctor you�re awake. And a few others as well. You get some rest, OK?� Jack gave the hand one last squeeze then let go. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ By the time Jack got home, the buzz he had gotten from the combined relief and arousal had worn off, and he simply felt exhausted. Too much had happened in too small a space of time. His nerves were frazzled. He grabbed a light dinner of leftovers from the fridge and fell into bed. He laid there for a long time, almost too tired to sleep. Finally his hyperactive brain settled on one facet of this day � the fantasy he�d been having in the hospital room. He was surprised by how easily he slipped back into it. It was almost as if he could feel Lennie gently massaging him through the fabric of his slacks. Of course, now his own hand substituted, massaging through the boxers he wore to bed. It wasn�t long before he was hard again, finally free to moan aloud as his arousal grew. When he thought he couldn�t take any more, the hand finally slipped inside. Imagining it was Lennie�s fingers caressing him while he returned the favor pushed him over the edge. He trembled as he felt his explosion coming. It had been so long � Finally spent, he laid there, breathing heavily. He knew he should get up and change shorts, but at the moment he felt absolutely boneless, devoid of any energy. He was sound asleep before he could even try to muster up the strength. Continue to "Chapter 3" Return to the Story Index Send me some feedback Disclaimer: These characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I'm just borrowing them for fun, not profit. |
| Unexpected Song (by Andrew Lloyd Weber, from Song and Dance) I have never felt like this, For once I'm lost for words, Your smile has really thrown me. This is not like me at all. I never thought I'd know the kind of love you've shown me. Now no matter where I am, no matter what I do, I see your face appearing. Like an unexpected song that only we are hearing. I don't know what's going on, can't work it out at all, whatever made you choose me? I just can't believe my eyes, you look at me as though you couldn't bear to lose me. Now no matter where I am, no matter what I do, I see your face appearing. Like an unexpected song that only we are hearing. |
| Unexpected Song |
| Chapter 2 |