| Partners |
| Lennie sat there enjoying the feel of the warm, late summer sun. For the first time since Mike had died, he felt at peace. God, had it only been a week? It felt longer � surely, a month at least. Long enough to turn his entire life upside-down, and re-open old scars. But finally it was wrapping up. Mike's death had been in the line of duty after all � protecting an innocent. Lennie was so glad it hadn't been what it had originally seemed. Mike had deserved better than that. It still hurt to realize that if they hadn't both been so good at hiding things might have turned out totally different. But today even that hurt was manageable. The sun was warm, the Yankees were winning, and he and Ed were having a great time.
By a mutual unspoken agreement, the murder of Mike Logan had been left behind for the day. Instead, they gossiped about people at the 2-7 they both knew, ate pretzels and hot dogs, and enjoyed the game. The camaraderie of their years as partners easily reasserted itself. Ed sipped his beer as he listened to Lennie recounting one of their more 'unusual' days on the job. The man was a natural storyteller. Ed had lived through that day, and he KNEW it hadn't been that funny the first time around, but damn if he wasn't laughing so hard the tears were running down his cheeks. "Yeah!" he gasped out between fits of laughter. "You're just damn lucky the Lieu didn't see THAT part of it!" Lennie grinned, enjoying Ed's reaction. It felt so good to be able to relax with a good friend, just be himself. Truth be told, he'd been getting a bit lonely since he quit the gig at the DA's office. He really was tired of being surrounded by all the bad this city had to offer, but he missed the people so much. This day out with Ed was exactly what he'd needed. Then all too soon it was over. The crowd gave a final cheer as the opposition struck out, ending the game in victory for the Yanks. Lennie and Ed merged into the sea of humanity slowly making its way down towards the street, flowing seamlessly into the nearby subway entrance. Reluctantly, Lennie turned to his companion. "Thanks, Ed, this was great. We should do this more often." There was something unusual in the gaze his partner gave him, but Lennie couldn't pin it down. Ed smiled. "Yeah, we should. But we're not done yet. How about we grab some dinner?" Hmm � dinner with Ed or go home alone? Like that was a tough decision. Lennie grinned. "What'd you have in mind?" Ed hesitated, then decided to go for it. "Actually, I thought we might head back to my place and pick up something from this great little place nearby?" Lennie was surprised by the invite. Despite all their years as partners, Lennie had never spent any time at Ed's place. They had gotten along great as partners, but it had been almost as if their personal lives were 'off limits.' So unlike what Lennie'd had before, with Mike, and with Rey Curtis � and his whole family, for that matter. Whatever it was that Ed had wanted to keep private, Lennie respected that. But now it looked like the barriers were coming down. His curiosity piqued, Lennie grinned. "Sure, sounds great." Ed quietly let out the breath he'd been holding, and smiled at Lennie. "All right! Come on, this way." He laid his hand lightly on Lennie's upper arm, guiding him toward the correct platform. Something about the touch sent a shiver down Lennie's spine. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Half an hour later they emerged from the subway in a neighborhood that reminded Lennie of what Greenwich Village USED to be. Before it got trendy and so expensive that no unemployed beatnik poet could even dream of living there. Lennie realized they were near the main campus of NYU. That explained the artsy, intellectual feel of the place. Ed led him to an apartment that wasn't much bigger than Lennie's, but a whole hell of a lot nicer than his run-down old mouse-hole. Unlike most of the students nearby, this place had real furniture; some really nice things. Lennie recalled that Ed's family had traveled the world; his dad had been a petroleum engineer or something like that and spent a fair amount of time in the oil-rich middle-east. A beautiful tapestry in shades of purple, brown, and gold hung on one wall. Another wall was hidden behind heavy oak bookcases, filled to overflowing. Ed watched with a smile as Lennie looked around. "Not quite what you expected?" Lennie turned, surprised by the sound of his voice. "Actually, I'm not sure WHAT I expected. But I like it. It suits you." And it did. Just from casual conversations, he'd always known there was more to Ed than just a streetwise cop. The whole place had a multi-cultural feel; even the furniture wasn't your typical American standard-issue sofa and chairs. The coffee table was beautifully carved in an Arabic motif. Wood sculptures that looked vaguely African stood in an alcove. But there was also an elaborate clock that had to be Swiss. And a set of Russian nesting dolls. Ed rummaged in a drawer and withdrew a menu with writing in both English and Arabic. "These guys are just around the corner, and the food's great," he commented as he handed Lennie the menu. He didn�t have to ask if Lennie liked middle-eastern food; his old partner's cast-iron stomach and ability to eat absolutely ANYTHING at any time of day were legendary. Lennie eyed the menu; to tell the truth, he wasn't that familiar with middle-eastern food. He had no idea what anything was called, but who cared as long as it was good? He spotted something vaguely familiar. "I'll have the tandoori chicken." Ed nodded and reached for the phone to place the order. Lennie wasn't surprised when he started speaking in a foreign language, the sound lilting and almost melodic. Ed went back and forth for a couple of minutes before hanging up. "They're really backed up on delivery; I'm gonna run down there and pick it up. Hang loose, I'll be back in about 15 minutes, ok?" Before Lennie could agree, Ed had grabbed his keys and ducked out the door. Finding himself suddenly alone in Ed's apartment, Lennie gave in to his curiosity and poked around a little. The bookshelves were packed with a wide variety, but the largest single concentration seemed to be art books. Several of the titles caught Lennie's eye; erotic art featured highly in this collection. All of it featuring the male physique. No pin-up girls here. Something clicked in his mind, and he turned to the alcove with the African sculptures. He had seen figures like this before, traditionally a fertility symbol, male and female intertwined. But a closer look revealed what he had not quite noticed earlier; both sides of the figure were male. Was this what Ed had wanted to keep private? The more he thought about it the more it made sense. He couldn't remember his partner ever talking about his dates. And after this week, seeing his reactions to Mike and Joey, Ed must have decided it was safe to 'come out' to him. Lennie sat down on the low couch, wondering if his old knees were going to let him get out of it later. His mind was spinning. Had Ed's hasty departure been intended to give him the opportunity to figure this out? And more importantly, would Lennie return the 'favor?' He thought back over this week; he didn't think there had been anything that would clue Ed in that he was gay. He might have suspicions about Lennie's relationship with Logan, but that was it. Lennie had never trusted this secret with anyone before. Just the occasional chance meeting at a certain bar over in Jersey. It wasn't so much that he wasn't comfortable with being gay; but a gay cop in the NYPD didn't exactly have a great life expectancy. After the Newhouse case a few years back, he'd been more convinced than ever that keeping this secret was critical if he wanted to stay alive. But now he'd retired; it shouldn't matter anymore. But all those years of habit were going to be hard to break. He wasn't sure if he was ready to share this with somebody he knew. But it felt somehow like cheating to hold back when Ed was being so open. Or was he just reading too much into this? Ed hadn't actually SAID anything. Lennie suddenly didn't know what to think. He was still sitting there, his thoughts chasing their tails, when Ed returned with the bag of food. "What, you couldn't even set the table?" Ed asked with a grin. "Huh? Oh, sorry." Lennie seemed a bit distracted. Ed wondered if he'd started putting the puzzle together yet. Lennie started to get up from the couch, but the low-leaning back made it difficult to get his legs under him, and he fell back. Ed chuckled as he deposited the bag on the table and turned to give Lennie a hand. "Should've warned you that's a people-eating couch. Don't like to let go once it's got you!" Lennie glared up at him, but couldn't help noticing the warm affection sparkling in the soft chocolate-brown eyes. His expression softened to a smile as he took the offered hand. Ed hauled him up a bit harder than he expected, and he crashed into the solid body in front of him. Ed's other hand came up to steady him, holding him just a little too close. Lennie regained his balance and stepped away, keenly aware of how close they'd been just a moment before. Ed's hand seemed reluctant to let go of his. And then the world slipped back into 'normal' time; the previous moments seeming to have passed in slow-motion. They made their way to the table and Lennie sat down while Ed got out some plates so they wouldn't have to eat out of the plastic cartons. There was a tub of hummus and a mountain of pita bread for an appetizer which Lennie snacked on while they divvied up the rest of the meal. Everything smelled wonderful, the rich Mediterranean and African spices filling the air. It wasn't long before Lennie's appetite pushed his earlier thoughts well into the background. Throughout dinner, Ed chattered on about his experiences in Saudi Arabia back in the days when things were a bit friendlier toward the US. He'd still been a kid then, but a very sharp kid who noticed a lot of things about the people and culture that he was still very fond of. Lennie got the impressions that wherever he went, Ed Green would find friends. He just had that kind of easygoing, accepting attitude that made people like him. And his good looks weren't going to hurt, either. // Where did THAT come from? // Lennie had never really thought about his partner as 'good-looking' before, but now it seemed unavoidable. Even in jeans and a t-shirt, the man had a kind of class about him. Combine that with his easy smile and it was hard to avoid noticing him. // Stop that! // Lennie tried to shake himself out of this line of thought. Even if he was right and Ed was gay, that didn't mean anything was going to happen between them. Why would a gorgeous young man like this be interested in a weatherbeaten old fogey like him? Lennie knew he'd been something of a looker in his day, but those days were well in the past. He had no illusions about his attractiveness to men or women; his time was gone. Right now he just wanted to focus on solidifying this friendship so maybe his days wouldn't be so lonely. He'd been thinking about Fin's suggestion that he try the pro billiards circuit. Ed was a gambling man; it would be nice to have somebody to travel to Atlantic City with for the tournament he was thinking about entering at the end of the month. Keep it simple and you won't be disappointed. Ed finished his story and realized that Lennie was a million miles away. "Lennie? You in there?" Lennie shook himself back to the present. "Yeah, sorry �" "What were you thinkin' about so hard?" Lennie just shook his head. "Nothing important." Ed put on a display of mock annoyance. "Important enough that you missed the punch line of my story." Lennie had to laugh at the expression on Ed's face. "OK, ok, I said I'm sorry!" Ed smiled at him. "Come on, man. Spill. What's on your mind?" Although he had a good idea what it was, he wanted Lennie to ask. After a few more moments hesitation, Lennie decided that he at least wanted to know whether his original deduction was right. "Well, while you were gone, I was lookin' around. You've got some � interesting � artwork around here." Ed just nodded. "Figured you'd pick up on that. I'm guessing you found the common theme?" Lennie raised an eyebrow. "You tryin' to tell me something, Ed?" Ed took a deep breath and nodded. "After this week, I figured you could handle it. I'm gay." Lennie's eyes closed for a moment. He'd been right. But what about the rest? His eyes opened. "Yeah, I can handle it. You didn't think I could before?" Ed shrugged. "We never really talked about it. And on the job it's so important to stay in the closet. I always wanted to tell you, to trust you, Lennie, but it just seemed too big a risk. But then, you know all about that, don't you?" Now it was Ed's turn to regard his old partner with a raised eyebrow. Lennie's face registered his surprise at that question. And a little bit of panic. Ed jumped back in right away. "No, man, you didn't slip. Never gave it away. Not until Logan's funeral. I heard what you said, Lennie. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, I was just worried about you, watchin' over you, you know?" // "Why, Mikey, why? Why didn't you tell me back then, after you decked that son-of-a-bitch Crossley? Why did you shut me out? But no, you just couldn't let anybody get that close, could you? "All this time we could have been together! I guess it's just as much my fault, though. I coulda said something, too. But I was scared, too. And I figured even if you were gay, you wouldn't be interested in a used-up old fogey like me. "And then you go and hook up with an abusive son-of-a-bitch like that? If you wanted somebody older, you could have come to me! I'd've taken care of you, Mikey! Loved you! Damn you!"// Lennie's last words to Mike came back to him, as he realized what Ed must have heard. He looked up and saw the understanding and acceptance in Ed's eyes, and nodded. Relieved that Lennie wasn't angry, Ed let out a soft sigh. "It must have been tough for you this week, finding out what could have been, if only you both weren't so busy hiding." Lennie closed his eyes tight against the tears that suddenly stung. "Tough. Yeah, you could say that," he finally managed to say. Ed leaned forward and gently took Lennie's hand. "Hey, man, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought that up � it's been such a nice day. I wanted to keep your mind OFF that situation, not drag you back into it." Lennie looked up into the expressive face, full of concern. He suddenly realized that here was someone he actually could talk to about it. He'd borne this pain alone all week, but now he had somebody he could share it with. He managed a small smile. "No, Ed, it's ok. I � it'd be nice to have someone to talk to about it." He squeezed Ed's fingers gently. Ed smiled softly and got up, pulling Lennie with him. "Come on." Dinner forgotten, they settled together on the couch, Ed still holding Lennie's hand. Lennie took a deep breath and looked for reassurance in Ed's eyes. Finding it, he started talking, pouring out all the pain and loneliness of the past week. "I just keep seeing him, Ed. That lightning-quick smile of his. The way we used to trade barbs back and forth. We just had this connection, right from the start. He didn't want to accept me, after losing Max and Phil, but we just couldn't help it. It just worked. There was a chemistry there. Sometimes I wondered if it might be sexual, but the way he dated women, I just figured even if he WAS gay, an old guy like me didn't stand a chance with a hot young stud like that. I was happy to just be his friend. "He didn't have a lot of friends, you know. Oh, everybody who knew him liked him; he could turn on the charm. But he didn't let people get inside. He'd been hurt so much, by his mother, by that priest. I don't think he knew how to trust, really. And when I thought that was what had gotten him killed, getting involved with that Miller creep, it just broke my heart." Ed was sitting close, his fingers trailing lightly, comfortingly over Lennie's arm. "I know, man. I really didn't want to have to break that one to you. I'm glad it turned out that wasn't how it went down. I never really knew him, but I'm glad if he had to go down, it was in the line of duty." Lennie nodded, and took a shuddering breath. "All week, I've just felt so � alone. I still can't believe he's gone and I'm still here." Ed slipped his arm around Lennie's back. "Not alone anymore, Lennie." Lennie let himself be drawn into the embrace. It felt so good to know there was someone he could share this with. Someone who could understand the depth of his loss. They sat together in silence for a little while, each lost in his own thoughts. Finally Lennie took a deep breath and sat up. "Thanks, Ed. I'll be ok." Ed loosened his hold, but didn't let go entirely. "I know. You're a survivor, Lennie. You'll be fine." Lennie managed a wry grin. "Eventually." Ed nodded. "Eventually." Lennie looked up at his friend. "So. You know about the great love of my life. What about you?" Ed shrugged. "Not much happening there. I've never really been into the casual scene. And on this job, it ain't safe to have a steady 'boyfriend.' Especially with my partner's attitude." A frown darkened Lennie's face. "Fontana giving you problems?" With a shrug, Ed told him about yesterday's conversation. "He's decided that since you got Logan's insurance money you must have been lovers. Thinks I'm crazy for wanting to hang out with you." Lennie sighed. "If only he was right � but he's right about that last bit." "What � crazy for hangin' with you?" "Yeah." Ed scowled at him. "Listen, man, you're my partner, and my friend. I ain't got a problem with that, so why should anybody else? Least of all you?" Lennie was a bit surprised by his vehemence. "Ok! I get the point!" Ed realized he'd gotten a bit too intense; his expression softened. "Sorry, I just get pissed off at the way he makes judgments like that. But I mean it, Lennie. You're not getting rid of me just because you retired, ok? I like hanging with you. Today was a lot of fun, and nothing that small-minded pain-in-the-ass says is going to keep us from doing it again, ok?" Lennie smiled. "You got it, partner." Ed grinned. "Now you're talking. Come on, let's finish dinner. I never knew you to pass up good food." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Alone in bed later that night, Lennie's thoughts kept turning over the events of the evening. Conversation had returned to the comfortable rapport they'd shared all afternoon at the game, not getting too personal, but at the same time there had been an underlying current that was hard to define. Lennie couldn't quite figure out if this had been a date or not. He really didn't understand what a handsome, young guy like Ed would want with him, but it had certainly seemed that there was SOMETHING happening. Ed had said he didn't like the casual scene; was there a chance here of something serious? // You're kidding yourself, Bricsoe. // He was just being a good friend. But Ed had taken every opportunity today to touch him. Was he just being open, or did it mean something? And did Lennie want it to mean something? He was still hurting from Mike's death, and the revelations of what might have been. But aside from that brief moment, he hadn't thought about Mike all day today. And frankly it felt good to not hurt for a while. Finally, his rambling thoughts calmed enough for him to slip into sleep. And unlike recent nights which were filled with bittersweet dreams of Mike, tonight he dreamed of losing himself in the soft chocolate depths of Ed's eyes � Continue on to Chapter 11 Send me some Feedback Back to the Story Index Disclaimer: These characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I'm just borrowing them for fun, not profit. |
| Chapter 10 |
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