| Monday morning the alarm woke both of them at 7:30 AM. Even days he wasn�t at the courthouse, Ben liked to keep a normal schedule, in his office by 8:30. Mike didn�t mind; it was better than the 6:30 he�d used to get up to go to work. And now he just rolled out of bed, had a cup of coffee with Ben, and took Max out for their morning run. As he ran, he thought about the stuff he�d unpacked yesterday from the trunk of his car. It wasn�t much; mostly clothes and a very few mementos he�d wanted to keep. Not much to show for 42 years. But then, that was the idea, wasn�t it? Starting over. By now, Donnie had probably offloaded the rest of his stuff in New York. Mike realized he really should call his friend. Cragen was probably worried about him. //Son. Why the hell didn�t I see that? // Mike realized now that he had been pretty messed up. Truth be told, he still was. He�d been honest with Ben last night, admitting what a nut case he was, and Ben still wanted him. He hoped he could keep it that way, hoped the ever-present anger wouldn�t screw this up for him. By the time he got back from his run, Ben was settled at his desk reading the morning paper. Mike ducked into his office with the day�s goodies from Governor�s. This time Ben�s eyes openly enjoyed the view of him in his running shorts, peeking over the tops of his reading glasses. �Ah, breakfast. Thank you, Michael.� Mike bent down to kiss him. �Know what I�d rather have for breakfast �� One hand slid down toward Ben�s groin. Ben laughed and pushed him away. �Now Michael, we�ve got a busy day. Go get showered and we�ll see about getting you an application for a certain job opening �� He swatted playfully at Mike�s butt and sent him on his way. Half an hour later, Mike came back down dressed in khakis and a soft knit shirt. Ben handed him a sheaf of papers. �I had Bobbie Jo fax over the application. So why don�t you go fill it out, and we�ll take it over to the courthouse when we go down to the Unicorn for lunch.� Mike grinned. �You�ve got this all planned, don�t you? So who do I have to interview with for this job?� Ben just grinned back at him. �Me.� �Oh. Then I guess I�d better be extra impressive in that interview.� �I�m sure you will be �� ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Around eleven o�clock they headed out, Max leading the way on a leash. It was another beautiful day; Mike decided he could really get used to not having to deal with 90 plus degree temps, although he was a little worried about the winters up here. Of course, that brought up visions of snuggling with Ben in front of that fireplace or under the toasty comforter on their bed. // please dear god, let this last long enough for us to try that out! // Remembering his vision for this new life, he reached out and took Ben�s hand. Ben sensed something was going on behind those green eyes. �Michael?� Mike smiled. �I was just thinking that one of the reasons I wanted to leave New York was so I could walk down the street with my lover and not have to hide it.� �Ah. Well then.� He squeezed Mike�s hand. �You sure you�re ok with this?� Ben sighed. �I�m a little nervous. I know they know. I�ve just never had reason to test their acceptance �� Mike squeezed back. �Me too. But I need this, Ben.� Ben stopped and turned to look at him. �Then you shall have it.� He lifted their joined hands to his lips. They gazed at each other for a long moment, then Ben turned and they resumed their trip down Main Street. As they got into the business section, people greeted them, smiling as always. Some seemed particularly happy to see the two holding hands. Mike noticed a few raised eyebrows, but nobody said anything negative. When they got to the courthouse, Ben stayed outside with Max while Mike went in to see Bobbie Jo. �Hey, Mike! Does this mean you�re stayin�?� �Well, depends on if I get this job. I hear that Judge Stone is real picky. You gonna tell me what the secret is to get past him?� Bobbie Jo laughed. �I think you�d know better than me, Mike! Sure looked like you knew what to do Saturday night! Did it work then?� Mike laughed. �You think I�m gonna kiss and tell?� �Oooh, you kissed then?� �Wouldn�t you like to know.� The trademark Logan grin told her everything she needed to know. Bobbie Jo looked over the paperwork. �OK, Mike looks like everything is here. I just need a couple of things. HR is going to need at least one other reference besides Judge Stone.� Mike groaned. �Bobbie Jo, if they call the NYPD HR department they�re not going to get the right picture �� �Mike, you�ve been in the city too long. How about a person who really knows you?� �Oh. Uh, ok, here give me that.� He added Donnie�s name, rank and phone number to the �references� section. �Great. Only other thing I need is your sizes.� �Huh?� �So I can order your uniform.� �You sound awful sure I�m gonna get it �� Bobbie Jo just looked at him, shaking her head. �Mike, the minute Frank gave his notice, everybody around here thought of you for the job. We want you to stay. And not just because of Judge Ben, either.� Mike smiled at her. It felt awfully good to be wanted. �Thanks, Bobbie Jo. That � that means a lot.� She patted his hand. �It�s gonna be nice having you around, Mikey.� He froze at the simple nickname. He knew she was being friendly, affectionate, but � �Bobbie Jo, please don�t call me that. Ever.� His voice came out harsh, cold. �Sorry! Gosh, I didn�t mean to upset you �� He shook his head. �Not your fault, Bobbie Jo. It�s just � that�s what they called me back in New York. That life is over. Just Mike is fine. Or Michael �� �Ok, Mike. I�ll spread the word. Now you better get going � looks like somebody�s waiting for you out there!� ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mike jogged down the courthouse steps. He found Ben sitting on a nearby bench, Max curled up at his feet. �All set?� �Guess so. Bobbie Jo even took my sizes so she could order a uniform �� Ben laughed. �This place would fall apart without her. Come on, I�m hungry.� They walked the couple of blocks to the Unicorn. With the nice weather, many of the restaurants had set up tables outside. They were just ahead of the main lunch crowd, so Gail gave them the best table. Max crawled under the table and settled down like it was something he was used to. When Gail returned with their drinks, Ben raised a toast. �To our new bailiff!� Gail had started to head back inside when she heard it. She spun around. �Mike? Does that mean you�re stayin�?� Mike laughed. �Yes, I�m staying.� He reached across the table and took Ben�s hand, looking into the soft blue eyes. �You�re stuck with me now!� Gail watched them, a huge smile lighting up her face. After Mike�s reaction on Friday, she hadn�t been entirely sure that things were what she thought they were. But it certainly looked right now � She sighed and headed inside to place their orders. Ben smiled softly at him. �So, that takes care of Tuesdays and Thursdays. You have any ideas about the rest of your week?� �Haven�t really thought about it.� �I did a little searching online this morning. Colby College has a summer art class that meets on Monday and Wednesday afternoons starting in July. You said you�d always wanted to take an art class.� Mike blinked. Ben had remembered that little thing? He smiled wistfully. �Wish I could. But you know the old saying � when you have time, you never have the money �� �I think we can arrange a �student loan� of some sort ...� �Ben? Why �?� Ben smiled softly. �I�ve always wanted to be a patron of the arts. Please � let me do this for you.� Mike blushed. He wasn�t used to having somebody to take care of him. �Thank you.� Ben kissed his fingertips. �You are very much welcome.� ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After lunch they slowly wandered back home, just enjoying the warm sunny day. As they climbed the steps, Ben glanced at his watch. �Ah, Michael, I have an appointment in about half an hour. A client will be coming by. I�d better get ready.� Mike smiled and kissed him. �Don�t worry about me. I�ve got a phone call I have to make in any event. I�ll probably be out back.� He ran up the stairs, wondering where he had stashed his cell phone. Funny � he�d been here just over a week, and he hadn�t touched the thing the entire time. He supposed he should cancel the account; it didn�t seem to be as necessary an item around here as it was in the city. He found it and wandered out into the back yard. There was a big old oak tree with a couple of heavy Adirondack chairs parked under it. Max followed him out and settled down in a nice cool shady spot between the chairs. He turned the phone on, and was more than a little surprised that he actually did get a signal. Not a strong one, but a signal. He scrolled through the menu of numbers programmed in, found the one he was looking for. After a couple of rings, he heard the familiar voice. �Cragen.� �Hey, Donnie, it�s me.� �Mike? Is that you?� For some strange reason, Mike felt himself choking up at the sound of that voice. �Yeah, it�s me, who do you think it is?� The false bravado got him past the moment. Cragen gave a bark of a laugh. �Where the hell have you been, Mikey? I�ve been worried.� Mike got real quiet. �I know, Donnie. I shoulda called sooner. I�m sorry. I just � you know �� Cragen�s voice was soft too. �Yeah, I know. How�s it going? Where are you?� �Still in Maine with Ben Stone. It�s a nice quiet little town, Donnie. Ben�s a judge now, a real popular local bigwig. It � It�s peaceful here. So different. There�s this little Irish pub called the Last Unicorn �� Cragen chuckled softly. Trust Mike to find the Irish pub. �Sounds nice.� �I think I�m gonna stay here, Donnie. I think fate wants me to. The bailiff in Ben�s court resigned Friday, he�s retiring to Florida. I applied for the job this morning. Uh, you might get a reference call�� // Fate indeed. // �You sound good, Mikey. Peaceful.� �It�s funny, Donnie. Just being here really does feel different. I�ve been writing in that journal, really doing a lot of thinking. Max and I go running every morning, it really clears my head.� �Max?� Mike laughed. �Ben�s dog. German Sheppard, washed out of police K-9 training for not being aggressive enough. He�s a sweetie.� Cragen chuckled as he pictured Mike running through the small town with the dog beside him. There was something inherently RIGHT about the picture. �Glad you found a friend.� �More than one, Donnie. Ben � he�s so quiet. Just being around him calms me down. It�s weird. He used to drive me crazy � now he�s keeping me sane. And Donnie � he�s gay.� // So I was right. // Cragen was a bit worried; he wasn�t sure Mike was ready for a relationship just yet. Although he knew Mike hadn�t really done anything since Lennie. Maybe it was just the thing. �And?� Mike hesitated. �And � yeah. We�re just starting to figure it out. But it�s different, Donnie. Nothing like what happened with Lennie. It�s so � gentle. I think he�s even more scared than I am. And the people here accept it. We were holding hands at lunch today.� �I�m glad, Mike. I know that�s something you wanted.� Mike was quiet for a moment. �Donnie? How�s Lennie?� Cragen allowed himself a soft smile. �They�re doing fine. They made an offer on a house last week. I don�t think I�ve ever seen Lennie so happy.� Mike sighed. �I�m glad I didn�t ruin everything for them � I still can�t believe Jack was willing to help me �� �He loves Lennie, Mike. Love can get you through a lot of things.� Cragen�s words reminded Mike of the most important reason he had called. �Hey Donnie? There�s something I gotta say. You � you were the one who was always there for me, Donnie. No matter how much of a shit I was being, you stuck with me. You loved me when nobody else could, especially me. I � I just wanted to say thanks. I never really had a father, Donnie � till you.� Cragen spun his chair around, facing the window, so that nobody walking past his office could see the tears. �Damnit, Mikey, I�m at work �� His soft voice was thick with emotion. Mike brushed aside his own tears. �Sorry. It just had to be said. I�ve taken you for granted for far too long. But I swear, I�m gonna get it right this time, gonna make you proud of me.� �I already am, Mikey. It took a lot of guts to head out alone like that. I�m glad you found somebody to share the road with. But I gotta go now, somebody�s trying to get my attention. You take care, ok son?� �Yeah. You too.� ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mike had been unusually quiet ever since he had come back into the house after that phone call. When his client left, Ben had looked into the study and seen Mike curled up in the window seat, sketching something in his journal. After the big lunch they�d had at the Unicorn, Ben wasn�t particularly hungry, so he didn�t object when Mike just skipped dinner. But finally as the sun began its descent, he decided a little nudge might be in order. �Mike? You ok?� Logan seemed to come out of a fog. �Huh? Oh, yeah, Ben. Sorry. Was about a million miles away �� Ben looked at him, trying to read his expression. �More like five hundred, I�d guess. New York?� Mike sighed. �Yeah.� Ben sat down beside him. �I�d think you�d be excited. Starting this new life you came looking for?� Mike reached out and took his hand. �I am, Ben. Just � I guess I�m a little sad at letting go of the old. So much of it sucked, but not all of it �� �Ah. You know, you�ve never told me exactly what happened when you left. And I must admit, I�ve been going crazy trying to figure out how Jack McCoy fits into this picture � Adam said it was Jack who asked him to call me. Maybe if you get it all out one last time, you can finally put it behind you? Then tomorrow you can get on with the beginning?� Mike nodded. Ben gathered Mike into his arms, softly kissing his forehead. �Let�s get comfy, shall we?� He pulled Mike up from the window seat and led him over to the couch. Ben settled back into a corner and Mike snuggled next to him, wrapped protectively in Ben�s arms. He sighed. �I�m not sure where to start �� �How about the beginning? You�ve told me pieces, but it won�t hurt to get them in perspective.� Mike took a deep breath and started. �I told you about Father Joe. What he did to me back then � the problem was that for the most part I liked it, and the whole uproar over what had happened just sorta fried my brain, you know? For over 20 years I knew I was gay but couldn�t do anything about it. Till the night �� He paused, remembering. �One of my buddies from back then had tried to get ahold of me. I knew it was about Father Joe. But we never connected, and he ended up dead. Lennie and I caught the case � we finally got Father Joe, put him behind bars where he belongs. But it had brought back all those memories �. That was the night Lennie found me in that bar � He told me it was different, that it wasn�t about �happily ever after.� But I wouldn�t listen, and we fell so hard, Ben. It was the most amazing, awesome sex I�d ever had. And we were such good friends, it just felt right. I � I thought it was love.� Ben�s hands gently stroked his hair. �So what happened?� �It was only about two months later that I lost it, that idiot Crossley mouthing off. I�ve always had this anger underneath �. And somehow it turned against Lennie. I convinced myself he had let me down, not supported me, even though I knew why he had to stay hidden. I just walked away, didn�t return his calls, ran away just like I ran away from Father Joe �� Mike tried to bury his face in Ben�s shoulder. Gentle hands stroked his back as Ben murmured soft reassurances. Finally, he drew a deep breath and continued. �They busted me down to walking a beat in Staten Island. I got my shield back after about six months, but was still stuck on the Island. I wasn�t getting anywhere, Ben. After a while I realized I was never gonna get back to the big leagues. The anger just built and built. Every stinking robbery or mugging I investigated reminded me of how lousy people are to each other. I never really made any friends, kept my partners at a distance. I can see now that it was a volcano building up steam, waiting for the right time to explode. Then that idiot Camberton comes along, playing his games, messing with evidence, AND insinuating that I had something to hide. I was so damned tired of hiding, Ben. I hid from myself for twenty years, then I had to hide from everybody else. I snapped, and the department shrinks gave me an ultimatum: Get my act together or leave the force. I took a month sabbatical to think about it. Being a cop was the only thing I�d ever done. But the reality sunk in that I had blown it, and nothing I could do would ever be able to fix that. So I decided to take the disability retirement they offered. But I couldn�t face it alone. I realized I had screwed things up with Lennie, but I really though we could put it back together, you know?� Ben just nodded, waiting. �I got back late on a Friday night, fell into bed. It was Saturday morning when I was going through a month�s worth of messages. There was one from Donnie saying that Lennie had been shot, if I got the message please come to the hospital. It was about three weeks old, must have happened right after I left. I panicked, ran straight over to Lennie�s apartment. When he answered the door, I couldn�t help myself, I just threw my arms around him and kissed him. I was so afraid he hadn�t made it.� Mike fell silent again. �What happened, Michael?� �He wasn�t alone, Ben. He was staring over my shoulder, and I turned around and Jack was standing there in his skivvies.� Ben couldn�t help his reaction. �What? You are telling me that Jack McCoy is gay?� �Uh, yeah, I guess so. Or at least bi.� Ben stared at him. �OK, just tell me now. Is there anybody else I knew back then on this side of the tracks?� Mike managed a small chuckle. �Captain Cragen. I think that�s all.� Ben shook his head in amazement. �You. Briscoe. Cragen. McCoy. And I had to proposition the one straight man in the whole group � Dear lord �talk about mixed signals!� Mike caressed his cheek. �If it�s any consolation, I think only Lennie and Donnie knew at the time. Odds weren�t as bad as you think.� Ben finally gave in to the absurdity of the situation, laughing softly. They just held each other for a while, until Ben finally asked, �So what happened?� Mike was quiet for a little longer before he spoke again. �This is the part I just don�t understand, Ben. I made their lives hell for a week, almost drove Lennie back into the bottle, and almost killed Jack with my bare hands. I�ve screwed up before, but that one week has to be the worst thing I�ve ever done. And yet Jack is still the one who comes up with the idea of sending me to you � he said it was because he loved Lennie so much. And despite everything, Lennie still loves me. Not the way I wanted, but still �� He bit his lip, fighting back the tears. Ben held him until the moment passed. Mike spoke again, very softly. �You know, Lennie told me once about how he got sober. They say alcoholics have to hit bottom before they can recover. I think I hit bottom that week, Ben. I know I�ve still got a long way to go, but I think I�m on the right track now. But I�m so scared I�m gonna push you away before I get there, though. Promise me you won�t let me?� Ben gently kissed him. �I promise, Michael. We�ll get through this together. You mentioned last week that you were thinking about therapy. Now that you�re settling down, don�t you think it�s time to start that too?� Mike nodded. �Yeah, was thinking about that today. Hey � how are the City insurance benefits? I never even thought to ask �� Ben chuckled softly. �Actually very good. Even for part-timers. But I don�t want you to wait until the insurance kicks in, Michael. Do it tomorrow. I�ll loan you the money if necessary.� Mike sat up, turning to look into Ben�s eyes. �Why? Why are you doing this? The art class, now this? Why?� Ben smiled softly. �Because a couple of years ago when I was lost, a friend helped me find my way. I�m just paying him forward. Everybody deserves a second chance, Michael. And because I might just be falling in love with you. But we�ve got plenty of time to figure that out �� He leaned forward, pulling Mike into a tender kiss. As they separated, Mike sighed and looked deep into the soft blue eyes. // Love? // He reached out to caress Ben�s cheek. �Ben � ?� �Sshhh.� Ben pulled him close again and he cooperated, settling his head on the attorney�s shoulder. They sat there in silence, just enjoying the closeness. Ben gently stroked his hair, his arm, lulling him into a calmness that eased the ache in his heart. He heard a soft thump as Max jumped down from the window seat and wandered over to join them. As the dog settled in beside them, his warm soft muzzle draped over Mike�s ankle, he allowed himself to believe that maybe at long last he had found a home, a family. Continue to Chapter 7 Return to the Story Index Send me some feedback Disclaimer: These characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I'm just borrowing them for fun, not profit. |
| Corner of the Sky |
| Chapter 6 |
| Saying goodbye to the old |