| Choices Chapter 4 |
| First steps in new directions |
| Jack sat there, staring at the phone, not sure what he wanted to do. After Lennie left, he had gone to the gym, burying his pain in the pure physicality of a workout. The exercise left him hungry enough to eat lunch, although he couldn�t have told you now what it was. It wasn�t the first Saturday afternoon he�d spent alone since they fell in love; Lennie was on-call weekends about once a month. But somehow today, knowing he wouldn�t be home later, it felt even more lonely. He looked at the phone again. Lennie�s words kept coming back to him; about how he needed to know if he was eventually going to lose Jack to some woman. Maybe he should call her. The sooner they played this out, the sooner Lennie could come home. // �Jack, you have to give her a real chance, or it�s not worth us going through this hell. And not fair to her, besides.� // Then maybe he should wait a while, until the hurt had dimmed enough to be fair to her. // And that would be when? How long did you grieve for Claire? // �Oh, hell.� He dug his address book out of his briefcase, flipped it open. Dialed the phone, trying to not notice how his hands shook. Waited as it rang // it�s Saturday afternoon, of course she�s not home // �Hello?� �Uh, Danielle, hi, it�s Jack McCoy.� �Jack! What a pleasant surprise! To what do I owe the honor?� He sighed. �Danielle, I�ve been thinking about what you said at lunch last week.� �Oh. And?� �And I was wondering if I could take you out to dinner.� �I thought you were taken, Jack. Happy with your cop lover.� �It�s complicated, Danielle. But I�d like the chance to explain it in person.� �Well, it sounds like an interesting story at least. As it happens, you caught me on a weekend where my plans fell through. How about tonight?� Jack almost dropped the phone. He hadn�t even considered the possibility of something this soon. Somehow he regained his composure and answered. �Um, yeah, tonight�s great. Meet me at Sabatino�s at 7:30?� �Great. See you then!� Lennie sipped his club soda and watched his partner line up the shot. He was grateful to Ed for this day. When Lennie had shown up at his doorstep, Ed realized just how badly he was hurting. And more important, he realized that the best thing for Lennie right now was NOT to talk about it. In fact, what he needed was to not even think about it. So instead of hiding out in the apartment, Ed had dragged him out to a ballgame, fed him hotdogs and junk food, and now they were hanging out at a nice, cool, air-conditioned bar, shooting pool. Lennie was beginning to think he might even get through this day in one piece. Ed missed his shot, and Lennie walked up to the table. THIS he was good at. Just how good, Ed was about to learn � painfully. His partner was a betting man, and betting against Lennie at pool was a sucker�s bet. But Ed had insisted on a little side wager, just between friends. He�d never make that mistake again after today! Lennie was going to enjoy teaching him that lesson. He easily ran the table, turning to Ed with a smirk before the 8-ball even hit the pocket. �Lucky run.� �If that�s what you want to think.� �You saying it wasn�t?� �Hey, I�m not the one who insisted on a �friendly wager�� �You think you can do it again?� �Watch and learn.� Lennie was having fun showing off; he ran the table three more times before Ed gave up and admitted he�d been taken by a shark. A bit of an audience had gathered to watch him. When they retreated to a table with a couple of drinks, a familiar face materialized out of the crowd. �How much he take you for?� Ed looked up at the stranger, a 40-ish guy, still young-looking, wavy dark hair and startling gray-green eyes. Lennie, however, was out of his seat. �Mike! How the hell are you!� He grabbed his hand, and used it to pull Mike into a rough embrace. Which lasted just a few moments longer than it should have. Mike�s fingers also lingered on his, again just a bit. �Ed, this is Mike Logan, an old partner of mine. Mike, Ed Green, current partner.� The two shook hands, and Mike slid into the booth next to Lennie. // He�s sitting awfully close � // �He did that to me �what- 8? - years ago. I learned back then, you don�t bet against Lennie at the pool table. Waste of time and money.� Ed laughed. �Yeah, I think I got that one down now.� �So Mike, how�s life down on Staten Island?� �How would I know � I finally escaped back to the real world!� �No shit! When?� �Just last week. Homicide at the 116. Guy I came in with is my new partner, Gene Markos.� �Damn, Mike, why didn�t you call?� �I know, I know. Listen, I gotta get back. Lennie, how about we get together this week, I have a feeling we have a LOT to catch up on?� Lennie thanked whatever �higher power� was on duty today; he had wanted to talk to Mike ever since things had gotten �interesting� between him and Jack. Mike was one of the few people he trusted completely. �Oh, yeah. Tell you what � call me on my cell, easiest way to get me these days.� Mike stared at him. �Cell? YOU? OK, the world must be ending. We do have some serious catching up to do!� Lennie accepted the good-natured ribbing and scribbled the number on a napkin, wondering if he was imagining things or if Mike�s leg was intentionally pressing against his. Mike got up and squeezed Lennie�s shoulder. �Ed, nice to meet you. Talk to you soon, Lennie!� Lennie couldn�t help himself; he started to get an erection. He shook his head to clear it, wondering just what the hell was going on here. Ed was talking. �You two were pretty close, huh?� Lennie smiled. �Yeah. Mike had a hell of a time there for a while. Two partners shot, about a year apart. Took him a long time to believe I wasn�t going to abandon him, too. Just about the time we got it down to a science, he decked a councilman, got busted back to walking a beat over on Staten Island. Been trying to get back to homicide ever since. Glad he finally made it!� Ed nodded. �He was lucky to get such a good partner. I know I am.� Lennie looked away, embarrassed, but touched. �Hey, Lennie, you�re a good teacher, and a good friend. And you know what? I�m glad we�re finally gonna get a chance to work on that �friend� part.� Lennie finally looked back at him. �Thanks, Ed.� Ed finished his beer, and eyed the tables, suddenly needing to break the unexpected moment of closeness. �You want another game?� Lennie jumped at the change of subject. �Sure.� Jack stared nervously at his reflection in the mirror. It had been so long since he had gone on a date, let alone a first date, that he was sure he�d make a mess of this. It still amazed him to realize that he and Lennie had never gone on a date, never done so many of the things he associated with a growing relationship. // Can�t think of that now. Tonight is for Danielle. // He wasn�t sure he could do this. But there was no backing out now. He took a deep breath, tied his tie, grabbed his suit coat, and locked the door behind him. He got out of the cab at Sabatino�s and walked into the lobby. He didn�t see Danielle; he was still a little early. He fidgeted nervously with his class ring, an old habit he hadn�t needed in a long time. Finally, he saw her getting out of a cab and flagged the Maitre�D. �Hello, Jack.� She smiled at him, obviously pleased by his invitation. �Danielle. You look lovely.� She was wearing a soft, feminine dress, so different from her usual �power suits.� It never ceased to amaze Jack how a woman could change her appearance so completely just by changing clothes. He had expected her hair to be up; women seemed to consider that more �fancy,� but instead she wore it loose, the rich bronze framing her face, picking up the bronze highlights in the dress. �Thank you!� She took his arm as the Maitre�D led them to their table. Old habits asserted themselves quickly. Before he even realized what he was doing, he had ordered an expensive bottle of wine. // Why the hell not? You can�t do any more damage than you�ve already done // They chatted about work, mutual friends, the usual �safe� topics, until the waiter had taken their orders. Danielle finally broached the subject at hand. �So, Jack, what changed your mind?� He took a deep breath, then finally looked up into her eyes. �I couldn�t stop thinking about you, Danielle. Before Monday, I really never even considered the idea that you would be interested in me. We�ve been friends for so long � well, it caught me off guard.� �What about Lennie?� �Danielle, I want to be perfectly honest with you. I love him. That hasn�t changed. I�m bisexual. I still don�t know exactly what that means for me. You reminded me that I can still be attracted to a woman. Lennie needs to know if what we have is enough for the long term, or if my preference for women is going to reassert itself. I don�t know what I want right now, Danielle. And if you don�t want to get dragged into this soap opera, I�ll understand.� �So are you two still living together?� �No, he�s staying with his partner for a while, until we sort this out.� She reached out and laid her hand over his. �You must miss him.� He nodded. �Of course. But it was the only way. I couldn�t go out with you and come home to him.� Danielle was touched by how much they both had sacrificed to give Jack this chance. The warning bell was going off in her mind � that kind of sacrifice came from a very deep love. She knew her chances of making this work were very slim. But she had known Jack for a very long time herself. If there was a chance, she�d take it. And if she lost, at least she knew he wouldn�t be with another woman. She smiled at him. �Well, if you�ve gone to all that trouble, how could I say no?� Jack sighed. �I didn�t realize how afraid I was that you�d say no!� She squeezed his hand. �I�ll take that as a compliment!� They turned to other subjects as the waiter brought their food, simply enjoying each others� company. Danielle was everything Jack had ever valued in a woman; beautiful, intelligent, strong-willed, independent. He actually started to relax and enjoy himself. Sabatino�s was located along one of New York�s many waterfront areas. After dinner, they took a walk along the boardwalk. They stopped to watch the sunset, leaning against a railing. Jack slipped his arm around her shoulders. // So tiny! I always think she�s taller than she is. // And of course the fact that he was used to Lennie, who was an inch taller than he was, made her seem even shorter. When she turned to him, he had to lean quite a ways to meet her kiss. He felt something stirring inside, something long dormant, yet not. He felt his arousal as he drew her closer. The sense-memories flooded him. He wanted to touch her, feel the softness of a breast in his hand. But Danielle was a lady, and this was just the first date. She pulled away, smiling up at him. �I see you haven�t forgotten after all.� �You do an excellent job of reminding me.� She reached up and caressed his face. �I think you�d better take me home, before I remind you of too much more.� He laughed and wrapped his arm around her again, steering her back toward the street. They flagged down a cab, and she gave her address. Far too soon, the cab stopped, Jack paid the cabbie, and they got out. For a brief moment he hoped she might invite him up. Danielle saw the hope in his eyes, and couldn�t help laughing. �Not yet, romeo. I�m not that easy.� He blushed, looking away. �Was it that obvious?� Again, her hand trailed along his cheek. �To me, it was.� He caught her hand and kissed the fingertips. �So how about tomorrow? You have any plans?� �Actually, I do.� She smiled at the disappointment evident on his face. �But maybe we could do lunch this week?� �That sounds nice. I�ll call you Monday when I can check my calendar.� �Wonderful.� They stood there for a moment, neither of them quite willing to end the evening. Finally, Danielle said, �I�d better go. Good night, Jack.� He brushed the hair back from her face, bent down for the kiss. �Good night, Danielle.� He watched her walk up the stairs to her door and disappear inside before he turned back to the street to flag down a cab. Back home, he undressed and laid down on the bed, imagining her here with him, soft, warm, feminine, gentle. Lifting that tiny body onto the bed then laying beside her. Suckling on the soft, full breasts. The feather-light touch of a hand on his cock, followed by the warm wetness of a woman. Oh, yes, the memories were coming back. His climax came swiftly. He laid there afterward, thinking. It had been good, any orgasm felt good, but it hadn�t been great. Was it because it was just a fantasy, and he needed the reality to fully remember? Or was it something else? He sighed and got up, ducking into the bathroom to clean up. Finally, he came back to bed, crawled under the sheets, and shut out the light. It was so quiet; so alone. Lennie�s absence hit him like a knife through his heart. He rolled over onto his side, reaching out to grab Lennie�s pillow, catching the scent of his shampoo, his aftershave. He buried his face in it, holding it close, until finally he fell asleep. Lennie looked around his new bedroom; turns out Ed actually did have a spare room, used mostly as an office, but there was a twin bed in there that doubled as seating during the day. He had stuffed his suits into the closet, the rest he�d just live out of the suitcase. He dug out pajamas and hung his robe on the back of the door, then crawled under the covers and shut out the light. He laid there in the dark, alone for the first time since Jack�s nightmare had brought them together back in November. OK, there was the one night after they fought, but he had been unconscious, didn�t remember any of it, so it didn�t count. Oh, yeah, and the Bar Association conference. The memory of his Valentine�s day welcome home brought a smile to his lips. He sighed, wondering how Jack was doing, if he had called Danielle yet. He knew if he started down that path, he�d never get any sleep tonight. So instead, he focused on the other subject on his mind � Mike Logan. What the hell had happened this evening? There was a good chance Mike had heard the latest round of rumors about him and Jack, and the details backing them up made it quite credible. So � was Mike trying to tell him something? The extended hug, the hand on his shoulder, his leg under the table. Or was Lennie imaging it all � wishful thinking? Lennie and Mike had been close. Partners � it was something special for any cop. You had to trust your partner with your very life, every day. It was a bond nobody who had never worn the uniform could truly understand. Mike had been very shaky when Lennie met him; two partners shot in a space of about a year. Lennie�s reputation at the time wasn�t exactly stellar, either; he had just crawled out of the bottle for good. Nobody else trusted them, except for Don Cragen, who had the good sense to bring them together. Lennie�s laid back attitude was a good balance for the hot-headed Logan, and his experience helped the younger man become a better cop. And taking the young man under his wing had given Lennie a reason to pull his career � and his life � back together. It had worked. Until Mike lost it and decked a Councilman. A gay-bashing councilman � // Was that why? // Mike had always been one of the most sexually open people Lennie had ever met; his tales of his conquests had kept Lennie entertained for the better part of three years. A different woman practically every week. But what evidence did Lennie have that they were actually women? Was it just a smoke screen, a hot reputation with the ladies to keep people from considering the alternative? Or was Mike bi, taking all comers? Given his apparent insatiability, Lennie could see that. So the biggest question was what did this mean for Lennie? For the sake of argument, let�s assume Mike was trying to tell him something tonight. Did he want to hear it? What would he do if Mike actually made a pass at him? He had told Jack that he had to give Danielle a real chance if their �temporary� split was to mean anything. The same thing applied to him. He hadn�t really thought about Jack�s insistence that he also play the field. The idea of nearly anonymous sex, the public�s image of gay culture, just didn�t appeal to him. He didn�t have any gay friends he could �experiment� with, so he�d figured he�d just wait and see what happened with Jack. But if Mike was interested, that changed everything. Lennie let his mind wander down that path, imagining Mike�s hard, young body pressed against his. That irresistible grin, laughing eyes, �Come on, Lennie. You know you want it.� Kissing those full lips, hands wrapped in the dark hair. Skilled hands on his cock. Did Mike prefer top or bottom? Oh, how he wanted to find out. He bit back a cry as the climax took him, not wanting Ed to hear him, then laid there panting until finally he could breathe again. Eventually, he realized he had come all over his pajamas and crawled out of bed, tossing them aside in favor of a pair of boxers after using the pj�s to clean up. He got back in bed and thought about Jack, hoping he was ok, wondering if he should feel guilty about his fantasy with Mike, and whether the real thing would make any difference. He had a feeling he was going to find out. Continue to Chapter 5 Send me some feedback Back to the Story Index Disclaimer: These characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I'm just borrowing them for fun, not profit. |
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