| Lennie slept fitfully that night, waking several times to a vision just beyond his reach. He glanced over at the still body beside him, glad that he hadn�t wakened Jack. A deep sigh, then he rolled over and wrapped his arm over his lover�s chest. // Damn you, Mikey! // He thought about Cragen�s suggestion that they meet for lunch. He really wasn�t sure it was such a good idea. Just those few moments with Mike yesterday morning had left him swimming in memories. And yet � maybe if they talked like civilized human beings he could finally find some peace? // What are you thinking, Lennie! Nothing in your life is ever that simple � // Lennie glanced at the clock � 4 something AM. He had a feeling sleep wasn�t coming back anytime soon. He quietly crawled out of bed, grabbed his robe and closed the door softly behind him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Jack�s eyes blinked open as the first rays of early dawn poked through the curtains. Immediately aware that something wasn�t right, he realized he was alone in the bed. He glanced at the clock � 6:34. He knew this thing with Mike was eating at Lennie�s heart. Wishing desperately that he could just make it all go away, he got out of bed. Like yesterday morning, he padded down the short hall in his skivvies, this time finding Lennie standing there staring out the window. Lennie heard Jack coming, was almost expecting it as his lover�s arms encircled him from behind. Soft, warm lips pressed against his neck. �Lennie? Come back to bed.� He let himself be led back to their bed. Jack turned to him, capturing his face between his hands, kissing him oh so softly. Lennie just stood there as Jack untied his robe and pushed it off his shoulders, then pulled him close again. �I love you, Lennie. Let me love you �� whispered in his ear. Strong arms guided him to the bed, gently laying him back. Butterfly kisses covered his face as hands caressed his arms, chest, finally going lower. Almost against his will, he found himself responding, letting his lips return the gentle kisses, feeling his erection begin to grow. Jack�s fingers gently kneaded him through his shorts, coaxing, encouraging. Finally, his lover sat up, leaving one last kiss on the tip of his nose before reaching down to remove the shorts. �Jack �� �Shh.� Lennie cooperated, lifting his hips to let Jack whisk away his underwear, then shifted over to make more room for Jack beside him. Hands ran down the length of his body, a soft caress, followed by lips. Gentle, undemanding. Jack moved to sit between Lennie�s legs and bent over to take the half-hard dick into his mouth. Lennie couldn�t help sighing at the warmth. Jack remembered that first time he�d taken Lennie into his mouth, still only half hard like this, feeling it grow at his touch. He loved the feel of it, sucking gently, encouraging it to grow, to fill his mouth. That time, Lennie�s injuries had kept him from riding it to the end; this time, Jack had other ideas. He kept at it, one hand cupping the heavy ball sac below, until Lennie was at full attention. Only then did he take a short break, moving up to claim his lover�s mouth for a soft kiss. Then trailing back down, now working him in earnest, tongue swirling, focusing on the most sensitive spots, not rushing but not dallying either, intent on bringing his climax. He heard Lennie�s soft moans, almost whimpering, as he got closer. Finally the hot liquid filled his mouth again as Lennie cried out, his back arching. When it was over, Jack gently let go and reached over to the nightstand for something to clean up with. Lennie just laid there, his eyes closed as Jack took care of him then gently drew the covers back up over them. His eyes fluttered open at that, confused, expecting Jack to want him to reciprocate. Instead, Jack�s head settled onto his shoulder, an arm across his chest. �Shh. Go to sleep.� A gentle kiss, and the post-coital lassitude won out. In minutes, Lennie was sound asleep. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was nearly 10AM by the time Lennie finally woke up. The other side of the bed was empty, and he could smell bacon frying in the kitchen. Jack�s turn to cook � He found his robe on the floor where it had fallen earlier and he smiled as he remembered Jack�s �lullaby,� sending him back into finally restful sleep. A quick stop in the bathroom, then he followed his nose to the kitchen. Jack was carefully flipping an omelet; Lennie leaned against the wall and watched, applauding as he got it perfectly folded. �Bravo! I never could get the hang of that. Usually just stick with scrambling them.� Jack looked up at the noise. �There you are! I was afraid I�d have to wake you for breakfast.� Lennie slipped his arms around the chef, pulling him in for a kiss. Jack caressed his cheek. �Feeling better?� Lennie nodded. �Thank you.� They smiled at each other for a moment, then Jack pushed him away. �Go get yourself some coffee; this is just about done.� Lennie poured his coffee and settled down at the kitchen table. A few minutes later Jack deposited two plates with omelet, bacon, and toast, then sat opposite him. Lennie was surprised at how hungry he was, until he remembered how upset he had been last night, how little of his dinner he had eaten. He knew he had a decision to make, but pushed it aside for the moment, determined to enjoy this morning. �So where�d you learn to make such perfect omelets?� Jack laughed. �I�m not really sure. I�m mostly useless in the kitchen, but breakfast always seemed to be the one thing I could get a handle on.� They chatted a bit, and skimmed through the Sunday paper. Finally, around 11, Jack looked up. He hated to break the almost idyllic peace of this morning, but � �Lennie. If you�re meeting them for lunch, you�d better shower and get dressed.� Lennie put down the sports section and sighed. �You think I should go?� Jack reached across the table to take his hands. �Yes. I won�t say it makes me happy, but you need to get this done and over with, Lennie. It�s going to keep eating you alive until you do.� Lennie looked at Jack, then looked away. �Jack, what if �� �What if it stirs old feelings? Of course it will. Can�t help that. You just have to remember that�s what they are � old. You put up with me thinking about Claire every once in a while.� Lennie nodded. It wasn�t quite the same; Claire was never going to turn up in person now � He let himself be convinced. �All right. I�ll go. But not for lunch. I�d be too nervous to eat anyway, and besides, after this �. So I�ll be �fashionably late.�� Jack nodded and lifted Lennie�s fingers in a kiss. They lingered over the paper a little longer, then Lennie went back to take a shower while Jack cleaned up in the kitchen. By the time Lennie came out of the bathroom, Jack was dressed and ready to go. At Lennie�s questioning glance, he shrugged. �I�ll clean up when I get home.� Lennie nodded, suddenly not wanting Jack to leave. �I never got to return the favor from this morning.� Jack smiled and caressed his cheek. �I�m not keeping score. Just promise me one thing, Lennie.� �What?� �Call me later? Let me know everything�s ok?� Lennie took a deep breath and nodded. �And Lennie? Don�t overdo it at work tomorrow. I�ll be over in the evening, OK?� That got a smile. �Yeah. I�d like that.� Jack kissed him, taking a moment to just hold him close, then they walked out the door. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mike Logan looked up, over Donnie�s shoulder towards the door, for about the hundredth time since the waitress brought their burgers. // He�s not coming. // He�d only made it through about half the burger before his stomach tied up into such a knot he knew he�d never get anything else down. He shook his head and tossed the remaining half sandwich down to his plate in disgust. Cragen watched him. After his talk yesterday with Lennie, he�d tried to prepare Mike for the worst. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that Mike was a day late and a dollar short. If only this had happened one month sooner, things might have been entirely different. But now � . �Mike, I�m sorry. I tried to get him to come. But I don�t think he�s gonna.� Just then, Logan�s face turned into a mask of panic. Cragen looked over his shoulder and saw Lennie coming toward them. // Dear god, let this not explode. // Lennie walked up to their table, nodded at Cragen. �Hey, guys, this chair taken?� He was obviously trying very hard to keep his tone light. Cragen played along. �Well, we were waiting for somebody, but since he never showed up, help yourself.� Lennie sat down beside Cragen, looking at the man across the table. A million thoughts and emotions flooded his already stressed-out brain. Anger. Sorrow. Loss. Desire. God, he was beautiful. In the two years since he had seen him, Logan hadn�t changed much. There was just a touch of gray at his temples now, a hint of the gorgeous �Irish Silver� to come. // like Jack�s � // Lennie shook himself out of it. �Mike.� �Lennie.� Logan�s eyes washed over his former partner. He could see the signs of strain, whether due to his recent injury or the current tension, Mike couldn�t be sure. Sleepy eyes, barely half open. You rarely ever got a good look at Lennie�s eyes. Lips pressed together in a thin line. Rough, weathered skin, paler than normal, since he�d been cooped up inside recovering instead of out on the streets where he belonged. Where they belonged. // no, not anymore. // A waitress came over carrying a club soda; Mike had told her to bring it when their friend joined them. �You want something to eat?� Lennie shook his head. �No thanks. This is fine.� Mike tried for a smile. �You�re late.� Lennie shrugged. �Wasn�t hungry, figured I�d let you two eat in peace, just show up for dessert.� Mike nodded, chewing on his lower lip. �Lennie, I�m real sorry about yesterday morning. I wasn�t thinking. Donnie�s message that you�d been shot just made me crazy.� Lennie sighed. �I understand, Mike. I guess it�s better than you not caring, which is what I thought when I was in the hospital and you didn�t come.� �Oh, god, no Lennie! I was an ass, I freely admit that now. But please don�t think I ever stopped caring.� �Then why the hell did you just disappear on me, Mike?� Logan bent his head. �It was easier that way. I couldn�t take it, Lennie. I screwed up, I know that. But I wanted you to comfort me, agree with me, not tell me I was being a childish brat! I knew that. And then when I started working Staten Island, and you weren�t there every day, it just hurt too much. Because I knew it was all my own damned fault.� �Mike, I�m sorry �� Logan shook his head. �No, Lennie. You didn�t do anything wrong. It�s me. I�m broken. Between that fucked-up priest and my drunken whore of a mother and this damned job that never lets up � I did it again, Lennie. Did Donnie tell you?� Lennie nodded. �The press this time?� Mike nodded. �Jeff Camberton. That slimeball from the Daily News.� Lennie grimaced. The press and police were often not on the best of terms, but some of them were worse than others. Camberton being one of the worst. �What happened?� �As usual, sticking his nose in where it didn�t belong. This time he went too far. Actually tampered with the evidence to secure his �scoop.� That�s how they kept it out of the papers � they threatened to file charges if Camberton didn�t keep his mouth shut. If he hadn�t been so damned smug about it �� Cragen joined in. �And if he hadn�t made a certain insinuation about the investigating officer �� Logan groaned. �Uh, yeah. That too.� Lennie sighed. �Aw, Mikey �� Logan took a long pull at his beer, staring off into the distance. �No. I�m glad it happened. Made me think. I�m tired, Lennie. Tired of hiding, pretending to be something I�m not. Tired of doing a job that just rubs my face in the slime and filth of this stinkhole of a city. I want out. I�m taking their �stress-related disability� retirement. Getting the hell out of here, start somewhere fresh.� Lennie was shocked. He knew it was an option, but one he never expected Mike Logan to take. �Where will you go, what will you do?� Logan shook his head. �Not sure yet. I was hoping �� Now his eyes locked with Lennie�s and his hands reached out, not caring who saw him take Lennie�s hands. �I was hoping it wouldn�t be just my choice. I want you to come with me, Lennie. They�ve been bugging you to retire for a couple of years now. We could be free, have the life we always deserved to have. I know I messed up two years ago, now it�s time to fix that mistake.� Hope flooded Logan�s eyes. Lennie sat frozen. Mike�s touch was bringing back so many memories. His face was so close as he leaned across the table, eyes intense, flashing with need, and desire, and hope. It was so hard not to touch that precious face, not to lean in and kiss the full lips. Somehow, Lennie found the strength to pull his hands back and shake his head. �Mike, I can�t. Not now.� Logan collapsed back in his chair. �McCoy.� Jealousy shone in his eyes. Lennie nodded. �I�m sorry, Mike. If it had been a couple of months sooner �� �Maybe you wouldn�t have gotten shot.� Lennie shrugged. �But it wasn�t, and I did, and now Jack and I are together. I can�t come with you, Mike.� Logan�s voice became imploring. �Why not, Lennie? We�ve got history. We were partners. Doesn�t that mean anything? He�s just grateful that you saved his life. He can�t really love you!� Lennie cringed. Mike was giving voice to his own deepest doubts. �Mike. Don�t make me tell you you�re being a selfish brat again.� Logan sighed. �Damn it, Lennie, I love you. I never stopped loving you � and I need you. I don�t think I can face this alone.� // I love you too, Mikey � // �I�m sorry Mike. I � I can�t.� Lennie�s heart broke at the sight of Mike�s disappointment. �So what are you gonna do?� �I don�t know. I�m � I�m still leaving the force. I just don�t know where I�m going yet.� Lennie finished his club soda. �Then I think you two need to talk. Mike? When you figure out where you�re going, let me know, OK? I can�t come, but that doesn�t mean I don�t care �� Their eyes met, and Lennie gently squeezed his shoulder before walking out. The bright sunlight was making his eyes water � ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lennie took the long way home, wandering over to a small park nearby and sitting on a bench, thinking. Mike was actually quitting. He couldn�t believe it. And yet in a way he was glad. The man had fought the system tooth and nail for so long. Yeah, he was a good cop, but it probably really wasn�t the right job for Mike. He needed something that wouldn�t encourage his anger so easily. And � face it � something where he could admit to being gay. Mike was a very �what you see is what you get� kind of guy. Subtlety wasn�t exactly his forte. He could see how the constant charade would get on Mike�s nerves. And always pretending it wasn�t so made it harder to accept it yourself. Hence, more anger. // Oh, Mikey � // The bright afternoon sun disappeared behind rain clouds as he sat there. He didn�t even notice it until the raindrops started landing on him. By the time he made it back to his apartment, he was soaked and more than a little chilly. He tossed his shirt and jeans in the hamper, digging out some old sweats. His drawer was pretty empty, his days lazing around the apartment had done in most of his truly casual wardrobe. He dug deep in the back of the drawer and found an old Police Academy sweatshirt. As he slipped it on, he realized something wasn�t right. It was way too big. He checked the tag � large, not his usual medium. It suddenly hit him � it must have been Mike�s. Left behind and forgotten all this time � // damn you, Mike! // Through the musty, �in the drawer too long� smell, he thought he caught just a hint of Mike�s cologne. Or was it just a memory? He threw himself down on the bed, hugging the sweatshirt close, finally surrendering to the flood of memories that had been assaulting him since yesterday morning. Memories of soft lips, tender caresses, hard muscles under the softest skin, grey-green eyes dancing with laughter or flaming with passion. Long days at work followed by longer nights together, the hunger for each other almost insatiable after a long shift. The weekend they hadn�t gotten out of bed even once. The day Van Buren had almost caught them in the storage closet at work. Before he knew it, Lennie was hard, achingly hard. He couldn�t help himself; he pushed his sweats down, began caressing himself as he let himself remember. Full lips crushing against his just yesterday morning. Wanting, needing to be touched. And most of all there was that cock. Oh, god, Logan was well hung. Long and thick, and oh so hot. He�d loved the feel of that cock buried deep in him. Again and again. Spreading his legs like a perp being frisked, then shoving it in, filling him, slamming into him, such passion, such power. No, there was nothing subtle about Mike � Lennie laid there panting, his whole body tingling with the sense-memories as he came down from his climax. // Oh, Mikey � // And then he remembered this morning with Jack. The undemanding gentleness that had lulled him back to sleep after a rough night, not asking anything in return. Guilt washed over him. How could he do this to Jack? But was Mike right? Did the attorney really love him, or was it just gratitude? He�d thought they�d answered that weeks ago, but now suddenly it seemed to matter again. There was something seductive about Mike�s offer to take off together, start a new life somewhere where they wouldn�t have to hide. 25 years was a long time on the Job; he�d seen way more than his share of the dark side of life. Maybe it was time to try something different? Now he was feeling restless, wandering through the apartment, not sure what to do. He stumbled into the kitchen and saw the new coffee machine there. Jack�s words echoed in his mind. // I want to take care of you. // More guilt. Which reminded him he had promised to call. He suddenly wanted to hear that beloved voice so he reached for the phone. The phone rang four times then dropped onto an answering machine. Jack�s voice, but a sterile recording, leave your name and number. Not at all what he needed. // He�s probably out to dinner by now. // Somehow Lennie found his voice. �Hey, Jack, it�s me. Just wanted you to know everything�s ok. I�ll talk to you tomorrow.� He couldn�t believe he could lie so coolly. Everything was most definitely NOT ok. But he didn�t want to worry Jack, no telling what time he�d come back and get the message. So he left his message, and hung up. And went back to staring out the window he�d been staring out of at 4:30 this morning � Continue to Chapter 3 Return to the Story Index Send me some feedback Disclaimer: These characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I'm just borrowing them for fun, not profit. |
| Another Andrew Lloyd Weber song, this one from �Phantom of the Opera� Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime say the word and I will follow you Say you need me with you here, beside you anywhere you go, let me go too - Darling, that's all I ask of you |
| All I Ask of You |
| Chapter 2 |