The World Through My Eyes..
8:20 pm
Music::"What's New for Fall" by Bright Eyes
Today was alright. I had swim practice this morning obviously. Then I had a hair appointment at 12:30 with my bald, cross-eyed psycho hair dresser. Lauren Walker (not from WA) works there now. It was weird seeing her. It reminded me of the old days in my neighborhood..*shrug*. Anyways..Jon kept asking me about Tim. It was really funny. He asked me what his name was, what he was like, if the rest of my family liked him..fun stuff. After that, my mom took my brother and I to barnes and noble cuz I had to buy part of Timothy's birthday present. They didn't have it though :-( I was disappointed. I settled for something else though..I hope he likes it. Hah. It's not very creative *shrug*..
After that my mom made us go to Kmart with her so she could buy a bunch of shit. That was fun. *cough* She was in a bitchy mood the whole time and I was already tired as shit so that didn't make it much better. Then we went to Dawn's. Completely out of the blue of course. To let her know we were coming would totally not be our style. I called Tim and talked to from her house and talked to him for a bit which cheered me up a great deal. And now, here I am. I hope my tshirts come soon..I was hoping maybe they'd gotten here today but nope..they haven't. Maybe tomorrow. We shall see.
I talked to Jessica for the first time this summer. That was cool. We were supposed to do somethin together today but it didn't work out..bummer. It was sorta strange talking to her. Once again I was reminded of old times. We used to hang out sooo much in 6th, 7th, and 8th grade. Then last year we kinda drifted apart. I dunno..I kinda miss hangin out with her. Hopefully we'll get to do somethin soon.
Tomorrow I think jess might come over for a bit and then i'm going to the movies with tim and a bunch of peoples at 7:15. Should be fun. At least, more fun than anything I've been doing lately (ie. Sitting on my ass in front of the computer all day.) So yeah..haha. I gotta go. I told jessica I'd call her back. Byeee.
-Laurme
9:50 am
Okay..last night was definetely a learning experience i spose..I dunno..I was so exhausted..I hardly remember any of what was said. I take that back..I know what it was about..but it's kind of hard to explain on here. Anyways..I guess things are going to change. I for one, hope they will. Not that I won't still love him if he stays the same, but apparently there are things about himself that he really doesn't like..so if it really does bother him enough to change himself..then I'll support him. I probably should've saved that conversation..I wish I remembered exactly what we said. But yeah..argh..what a rough night..
Today hasn't started off much better. I woke up late and had to rush to get to practice. Practice sucked. I thought I was gonna pass out. Ugh..stupid freestyle..blah..it can kiss my ass..haha. Wow. I think that's the first time I've laughed since yesterday. Hopefully it's a good sign.
-Laurme
July 8, 2003
3:38 pm
This pic kicks ass. It's Cursive's Tim Kasher.
9:37 am
Good mornin'. I didn't go to swim practice today. I overslept. Oh well..I would've been way too tired to swim anyways hah. Last night I ordered 2 tshirts :-D One of them was a red cursive one and one of them is a grey desaparecidos one. Yeah..I'm excited haha. Oh yeah, and The Pirates of the Caribbean comes out TOMORROW!! hahah. You know I'm gonna see it..hell yeah haha. Pirates rock my socks. Tim's birthday is Friday. I still need to get him part of his present! Argh. Hopefully one of my parentals will get time to take me before then..hmm..procrastination is no good. Anyways, I hope he likes it. It's not really that creative but..I dunno..we'll see. I think he will. Alright, I gotta bounce. Later.
-Laurme
July 7, 2003
3:32 pm
I really hate myself sometimes. Ugh. All I do is try to make people feel sorry for me and blame them for shit when it's not even their fault. I'm such a great person. I really am. I just wanna sleep for a year..
10:39 am
July 5, 2003
10:30 pm -Laurme
July 4, 2003
11:41 pm -Laurme
11:38 am -Lauren
July 3, 2003
7:55 -Laurme
10:12 -Laurme
July 2, 2003
4:06 pm
12:14 pm
8:05 am -Laurme
6:56 pm
9:23 am -Laurme
June 30, 2003
2:38 pm
9:52 am -Laurme
June 29, 2003
10:31 pm -Laurme
9:33 am -Lauren
June 28, 2003
6:38 pm -Lauren
Hey! Lauren
(1) The singular most boring question: what is your name? Lauren
(2) Are you happy with it? eh..it's okay i guess
(3) Are you named after anyone? um..my middle name is the same as my grandma's name
(5) Your screenname: summerdazed430
(6) Would you name a child of yours after you? probably not
(7) Then what would you name your children? Count Chocula, Honey Bunches of Oats..hahaha
(8) If you were born a member of the opposite sex, what would your name be? uh..Lawrence? haha
(9) If you could switch names with a friend, who would that be? I'll keep my name thanks.
(10) Are there any mispronunciations/typos that people do with your name constantly? Everyone says my last name the wrong way..or spells it the wrong way.
(11) Would you drop your last name if you became famous? I'm not gonna be famous so what's the point in answering that question?>br?
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BASICS
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(12) Your gender: female
(13) Straight/gay/bi? straight
(14) Single? nope
(15) Want to be? naw..i'll keep my boyfriend..haha
(16) Your birthdate: April 30, 1988
(17) Your age: 15
(18) Age you act: I spose I act my age most days..it varies from time to time.
(19) Age you wish you were: old enough to be out of this house
(20) Your height: 5'6ish
(21) The color of your eyes: dark brown
(22) Happy with it? um..i guess so.
(23) The color of your hair: brown
(24) Happy with it? i wish it were either a lot darker or lighter
(25) Left/right/ambidextrous? righty
(26) Your living arrangement? uh..in my house..in my room..
(27) Your family: mom, dad, brother, me, and two dogs
(28) Have any pets? 2 dogs
(29) What's your job: don't have one..but I fucking need one
(30) Piercings? 2 in each ear
(31) Tattoos? none right now
(32) Obsessions? shopping hah..
(33) Addictions? pizza, junk food, AIM, tv
(35) Do you speak another language? not really. I take spanish but I suck at it.
(36) Have a favourite quote? No
(37) Do you have a webpage? hmm..tough one..
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DEEP THOUGHTS about life and you in it
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(38) Do you live in the moment? I don't think so
(39) Do you consider yourself tolerant of others? depends..
(40) Do you have any secrets? uh..not many
(41) Do you hate yourself? sometimes
(42) Do you like your handwriting? not really
(43) Do you have any bad habits? yeah I gues so
(44) What is the compliment you get most from people? um..i dunno. i get compliments from like..one person.
(45) If a book was made about your life, what would it be called? "The Art of Being Weak".
(46) What's your biggest fear? Failing
(47) Can you sing? ugh..bad question
(48) Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool? no
(49) Are you a loner? sometimes
(50) What are your no. 1 priorities in life? my boyfriend, school, God, family, friends
(51) If you were another person, would you be friends with you? Probably not cuz I'm a loser
(52) Are you a daredevil? haha..yeah right
(53) Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself? I hate a lot of things about myself..weakness, stubborness, how naive I can be..
(54) Are you passive or aggressive? passive
(55) Have you got a journal? i guess this counts as a journal
(56) What is your greatest strength and weakness? strength: patience, tolerance weakness: love, laziness
(57) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Be less lazy..get things done when they're supposed to be done
(58) There are three wells, love, beauty and creativity. You can only drink out of one. Which one would you drink of? creativity
(59) How do you vent? talking to friends..listening to music sometimes..writing
(60) Do you think you are emotionally strong? um..i spose so..it depends
(61) Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life? of course..it would take me forever to list all the things..
(62) Do you think life has been good so far? well..when I look at the big picture, yeah, I guess life has been pretty good to me.
(63) What is the most important lesson you've learned from life? there have been lots..i guess one of them is to just be yourself..if other people can't accept it, that's their problem.
(64) What do you like the most about your body? um..nothing really. i guess my eyes.
(65) And least? my um..upper body region.
(66) Do you think you are good looking? not really
(67) Are you confident? only once in a great while
(68) What is the fictional character you're most like? no clue..oh yeah, I'm Lennie from Of Mice and Men cuz we're both really slow and stupid.
(69) Do people know how you feel? about what?
(70) Are you perceived wrongly? all the time..
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DO YOU...
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(71) Smoke? no..smoking is disgusting.
(72) Do drugs? no
(73) Read the newspaper? occaisionally
(74) Pray? yes
(75) Go to church? yeah..but I haven't in a long time
(76) Talk to strangers who IM you? no..unless they're bothering me. then i tell them to fuck off and leave me alone.
(77) Sleep with stuffed animals? Mr. Duck :-)
(78) Take walks in the rain? um..no
(79) Talk to people even though you hate them? I usually try to avoid people I hate.
(80) Drive? Oh God, I wish..
(81) Like to drive fast? I probably would if I could drive.
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WOULD OR HAVE YOU EVER...
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(82) Liked your voice? yeah
(83) Hurt yourself? not purposely
(84) Been out of the country? yes
(85) Eaten something that made other people sick? uh..i dunno. maybe.
(86) Had sex? no
(87) Been unfaithful? nope
(88) Been in love? yes
(89) Done drugs? no
(90) Gone skinny dipping? yep..haha
(91) Had a medical emergency? not that I know of
(92) Had a surgery? um..nope
(94) Played strip poker? yes
(95) Gotten beaten up? not really
(96) Beaten someone up? my brother
(97) Been picked on? yeah
(98) Been on stage? yup
(99) Been so drunk that you know you're supposed to go out on a date with someone, but you can't remember with who or when and that you faint when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, not to mention your breath? Yes. Yes I have. NO of course not..you fucker.
(100) Slept outdoors? yes
(101) Thought about suicide? ehh..
(102) Pulled an all-nighter? no
(103) If yes, what is your record? see above ^
(104) Gone one day without food? i dont think so..i would die.
(105) Talked on the phone all night? almost all night
(106) Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex first(moms and daddys don't count)? Not all night..but yes.
(107) Slept all day? probably
(108) Killed someone? MUAH HAHAHA!!! YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME!!
(109) Made out with a stranger? no
(110) Had sex with a stranger? nope
(111) Thought you're going crazy? yes haha
(112) Kissed the same sex? I kissed my mommy.
(113) Done anything sexual with the same sex? no.
(114) Been betrayed? yes
(115) Had a dream that came true? Yeah, I think so. But I'm just freaky like that.
(116) Broken the law? Probably.
(117) Met a famous person? uh..not that I recall
(118) Masturbated? I'm not answering that.
(119) Masurbated with something other then your hand? how the hell could you do that??
(120) Have you ever killed an animal by accident? yes. I killed a bug. is that considered an animal?
(121) On purpose? I killed a bug on purpose too.
(122) Had sex? didn't you already ask me this question?
(123) With more then 1 person? no
(124) Threesome? hahaha..NO
(125) Orgy? nope
(126) Whip cream? heh. hehe. hehehe.
(127) Bondage? nope
(128) Whipped/gotten whipped? ooo yeah baby..mm hmm..(no.)
(129) Blindfolded? nope
(130) Tied someone up/been tied up? no
(131) Used candle? huh?
(132) Used Porn? no
(133) Been a groupie? haha..
(134) Watched porn? yeah..it was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen
(135) With another person? hahahaha..tim and i watch porn together.....that is, just kidding.
(136) Gotten caught? no
(137) Masturbated to porn? no
(138) Been caught masturbating? no
(139) Watched someone masturbate? no
(140) Been watched? no
(141) Had oral sex? no
(142) With someone other then your gf/bf? NO GODDAMMIT!!
(143) Committed adultery? no
(144) Does your significant other know? I DIDN'T COMMIT ADULTERY FOR GODSAKES!!
(145) Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell? yes..i know..i'm bad.
(146) Stolen anything? yup.
(147) Been on radio/tv? i was on the radio voice..but i was doing a granny voice
(148) Been in a mosh-pit? no..i wish
(149) Had a nervous breakdown? i probably will someday.
(150) Considered religious vocation? nope
(151) Been critisized about your sexual performance? um..
(152) Bungee jumped? nope
(153) Had a dream that kept coming back? i think so..dont remember
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CLOTHES and other fashion shit
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(154) Shoe brand? right now? um..don't have one
(155) Brand of clothing? Forever 21 even tho i don't have any clothes from there.
(156) Cologne/perfume? Chanel Chance
(157) What are you normally wearing to school/work? a uniform
(158) How about parties? what about parties?
(159) Wear hats? not really
(160) Judge other people by their clothing? there was a girl dressed up like Avril Lavigne at the baseball game. Therefore I think she is a posing as a skater punk chick. She didn't pull it off as well as she probably thinks she did.
(161) Wear make-up? yeahl..when i feel like it
(162) Favourite place to shop? the mall.
(163) Favourite article of clothing? shirts i spose..
(164) Are you trendy? i dont try to be. i wear what i want.
(165) Would you rather wear a uniform to school? I already wear one to school..but i dont like it much.
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BELIEFS
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(166) Believe in life on other planets? i dunno
(167) Miracles? yes
(168) Astrology? no
(169) Magick? no
(170) God? yeah
(171) Satan? yeah
(172) Santa? nope
(173) Ghosts? eh..i dunno
(174) Luck? no
(175) Love at first sight? um..not really.
(176) Yin and Yang (that good can't exist without the bad)? no
(177) Witches? no
(178) Easter bunny? haha..no
(179) Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever? yes
(180) Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? no
(181) Do you wish on stars? sometimes
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DEEP THEOLOGICAL QUESTIONS
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(182) Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell? yes
(183) Do you think God has a gender? I think God is whatever He/She/It wants to be.
(184) Do you think that science counteracts religion? yes
(185) Do you believe in organized religion? i don't get what you mean
(186) Where do you think we go when we die? wherever we're..destined to go
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AMIGOS
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(187) Do you have any gay/lesbian friends? no
(188) Who is your best friend? tim i spose
(189) Who's the one person that knows most about you? tim
(190) What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you? i dunno
(191) Your favourite inside joke? haha..there are too many to choose from
(192) Thing you're picked on most about? being slow-minded hah
(193) Who's your longest known friend? Caitlin
(194) Newest? um..not sure
(195) Shyest? Jessica..or Catherine..now she'll get mad at me if she reads this hah..
(196) Funniest? i dunno..all my friends are funny in their own ways
(197) Sweetest? Jenna
(198) Closest? Tim or Caitlin..
(199) Weirdest? That'd be Nicole :-P
(200) Smartest? Ari, Jessica, or Catherine haha
(201) Ditziest? Caitlin. hahaha
(202) Friends you miss being close to the most? uh..i dunno
(203) Last person you talked to online? tim
(204) Who do you talk to most online? tim
(205) Who are you on the phone with most? tim
(206) Who do you trust most? tim
(207) Who listens to your problems? tim and caitlin..and nicole when she's not talking about whatever new guy she likes. sorry nicole. that was mean.
(208) Who do you fight most with? uh..i dunno
(209) Who's the nicest? they're all just dandy.
(210) Who's the most outgoing? caitlin
(211) Who's the best singer? I think Tim has a good voice..i haven't really heard any of my other friends voices.
(212) Who's on your shit-list? YOU ARE!!
(213) Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend? um..Tim's my friend..and my boyfriend..does that count..? hahaha
(214) Who's your second family? probably my aunt. i wish she was my mom.
(215) Do you always feel understood? no
(216) Who's the loudest friend? caitlin sometimes..haha
(217) Do you trust others easily? depends
(218) uh..where'd this question go?
(219) Name one person who's arms you feel safe in? tim..
(220) Do your friends know you? some of the close ones do
(221) Friend that lives farthest away: Hope
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LOVE, and all that
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(222) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seing that as a section title? nope
(223) Do you remember your first love? yeah..his name is Tim. and yeah..i'm still in love with him.
(224) Still love him/her? yes
(225) Do you consider love a mistake? not if you find the right person
(226) What do you find romantic? um..lots of things
(227) Turn-on? sense of humor
(228) Turn-off? whininess..clingyness
(229) First kiss? haha um..january 21, 2003..yeah i know..i'm a loser..i remember the exact date..
(231) If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest in dating you, how would you feel? sorry for them..
(232) Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going "blind"? knowing someone
(233) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out? yeah
(235) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder-->I'm just gonna leave what max wrote hah
(236) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking? i dont think so..cept for one person but he has serious mental issues :-P
(237) What is best about the opposite sex? their reproductive organs.
(238) What is the worst thing about the opposite sex? their reproductive organs.
(245) Do you read porn? no
(246) Read the articles? no
(247) Just the pics? ugh..NO!
(248) What's the last present someone gave you? um..i dont remember
(257) Are you in love? yeah
(258) Do you consider your significant other hot? yes, i think so
(264) What would you do if you were walking down the street and saw some hot guy/girl standing on the sidewalk? probably ignore them
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THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES
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(267) Have you ever wished you could experience being the other gender? yup
(268) If you did experience that for one day, what would you do? umm..
(269) What do you love most about the other gender? wasn't this asked before..?
(270) What do you dislike most? see above
(271) What do you understand least? what they find so intriging about female breasts.
(272) Honestly, what do you notice first in the opposite sex? um..their face?
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POSESSIONS
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(273) What is your fave posession? um..not sure
(274) What physical, tangible posession do you want most? uh..food. cuz i'm hungry right now.
(275) How badly do you want it? um..not too bad. i can wait a little bit.
(276) Have you ever seen The Exorcist? yeah..freaky movie..haha
(277) How long did it take for you to understand why the last question is in this section? i actually didn't notice that..haha
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WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
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(279) That haunted you? haunted me?
(280) You wanted to kill? my mom
(281) That you laughed at? my mom
(282) That laughed at you? i dunno
(283) That turned you on? take a wild guess..*coughtimcough*
(285) That broke your heart? um..don't know, don't care
(286) To disappoint you? myself
(287) dude..whats with the missing questions? like, totally...Gag me with a spoon. (riiiight..)
(288) To make you cry? ....
(289) To brighten up your day? tim
(290) That you thought about? tim
(291) You saw a movie with? um..don't remember
(292) You talked to on the phone? tim
(293) You talked to through IM/ICQ? tim
(294) You saw? my mom
(295) You lost? who did i lose??
(296) You went head over heels for? tim
(297) You thought was completely N-U-T-Z? my mom
(298) You wanted to be? no one
(299) You told to fuck off? my brother
(300) You trusted? uh..
(301) You turned down? nobody
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WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
(302) Smiled? a few minutes ago at something tim said to me
(303) Laughed? see above
(304) Cried? a couple days ago
(305) Bought something? uh..i bought some make up and crap at target the other day
(306) Danced? i dont remember
(307) Were sarcastic? um..recently hah
(308) Kissed someone? uh..a couple days ago
(309) Talked to an ex? i dont have any ex's
(310) Watched your fave movie? i dont really have a favourite (i just wanted to spell it that way)
(311) Had a nightmare? dunno
(312) Talked on the phone? last night
(313) Listened to the radio? this morning when i got up
(314) Watched TV? yesterday
(315) Went out? went to swim practice this morning
(316) Helped someone? uh..i helped my mom by bathing the dogs. i'm such a good girl
(317) Were mean? um..i've been mean a lot lately.
(318) Sang? today sometime
(319) Saw a movie? uh..i watched part of terminator 2 on tv yesterday. it sucked.
(320) Said "I love you" and meant it? a few minutes ago.
(321) Missed someone? i miss him right now..
(322) Fought with a family member? uh..i fought with my bro recently, i'm sure
(323) Fought with a friend? uh..i dunno
(324) Had a serious conversation? um..i would hardly call last night's conversation serious..but at the same time i guess you could consider it serious.
(325) Smoked weed? never
(326) Got drunk? new years..but it was more like..lonely/depressed drunkeness. never ever again..
(327) Had sex? never
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A LAST TIME for everything...
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(328) Last book you read: Little Big Man
(329) Last movie you saw: Terminator 2
(330) Last song you heard: "The Martyr" by Cursive
(331) Last thing you had to drink: water
(332) Last time you showered: after swim practice this morning
(333) Last thing you ate: french toast
(334) Last CD you bought: the ataris..blah
(335) Last thing you bought: dunno
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RIGHT THIS MOMENT...
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
(337) Are you going to? am i going to..what? oh wait..336 got deleted. bummer.
(338) Will it be with your significant other? uh..i'm not gonna answer that
(339) Or some random person? hmm..i can only imagine what number 336 said..
(340) What are you wearing right now? a bathrobe
(341) Body-part you're touching right now: my hands are currently typing on the keyboard.
(342) What are you worried about right now? what i'm gonna do today
(343) What book are you reading? Little Big Man
(344) What's on your mousepad? not using one
(345) Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling: hungry, agitated, bored
(346) Are you bored? yeah
(347) Are you tired? somewhat
(348) Are you talking to anyone online? yes
(349) Are you talking to anyone on the phone? no
(350) Are you lonely or content? lonelyish
(351) Are you listening to music? no
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NUMBERS
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(352) Do you laugh when you hear the number 69? no
(353) Were you lying about your answer to the previous question? no
(354) Do you actually know your social security number? who the hell does?
(355) Do you actually know your IP address? no
(356) Do you know what an IP address is? nope.
(357) Do you know the four-character extension on your zip-code? no
(358) Have you ever thought there were too many numbers floating around in our lives? huh?
(359) Does your head hurt when you think of infinity, imaginary numbers, irrational numbers, etc? no..
(360) What do you think of pi? umm..i don't
(361) Have you got a fave number? 4
(362) How many rings before you take the phone? one
(363) Do you type with your fingers on the right keys? yes
(364) How many CD's do you have? i dunno
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COMPUTERS
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(365) Mac or PC? PC
(366) How much do you actually care about the inner workings of your computer as long as it works? i don't care at all
(367) Do you ever begin preferring IMs to other forms of conversations? yup..that's how much of an anti-social loser i can be..
(368) Do you find you're different talking through IMs than face-to-face or telephone? yeah
(369) Have you ever bid on something on eBay and regretted it later? no
(370) How much time do you spend online each week? a lot
(371) Is the internet one of the modern things you could never live without? probably
(372) Do you even receive snailmail letters anymore? snailmail...?
(373) Send any? i might if i knew what it was
(374) What's your fave smiley? the wink ;-)
(396) If you could meet anyone in the world, living or not, who would it be? uh..dunno
(397) Who is your idol? uhh..i dunno
(398) What band has the funniest name? i'm sure i could think of this if i didn't have a really bad headache..
~*~*~*~*~*~CURRENT*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
-Time: 12:26pm
-Worries: uh..i dunno
-Emotion: agitation
-Hate(s): my brother..boredom..hunger
-Love(s): tim, pizza
-AIM s/n(s): summerdazed430
-Status: taken
-Person you�re chatting with: tim and margaret sorta
-Song: none at the moment
Hello. Today was a pretty good day. I didn't do jack shit until about 2:50 when I went with Tim and his family for Emily's birthday. We went to MacArthur Center (I was awfully tempted to duck in to Forever 21 with Emily and Mrs. Moliterno..haha just kidding), and then we went to eat at Joe's Crab Shack. It was pretty cool. Haha. They had a bunch of random objects hanging from the ceiling that had nothing to do with seafood, such as crutches and shoes and stuffed animals and all this other weird stuff..then I made some joke about how the crutches were there just for someone if they slipped and broke their leg on the "wet floor" area that was right beside our table. Yeah..that was cool. Then we went back to Tim's. I fell asleep on Tim's shoulder and he claims that I kept making these odd girations with my head, hands, and legs. Haha. I probably was.
I wish I wasn't singaphobic. I might actually be good at it if I wasn't so fucking terrified of letting people hear my voice. I think the only person who's ever REALLY heard me sing is Caitlin. Yeah..that was during my Leonardo DiCaprio/Titanic/Celine Dion phase..I think I was singing to "My Heart Will Go On". Yeah, I'm sure you're cracking up at the thought of me belting it out to Celine Dion..well..fuck you. haha. Oh well. I don't think anyone really reads this anyways. If they do, they must be really bored. Or have no life. Or both. But anyway..back to what I was talking about. Yeah..I don't mind singing. I actually kinda like it. I suck at it, but i like it. It seems that happens with a lot of things for me. The things I like the most are also the things that I suck the most at. But whatever. Yeah..well I'm gonna go cuz I'm beggining to not make any sense. Bye now.
Ah, what a good day. Tim came over around 3 and we hung out for awhile which was cool. He said he'd love me even if I had a collection of autographed Avril Lavigne pogs...hahaha. Now THAT'S what I call true love right there..haha. Then we went to my aunt's house for a bit. She had visitors over..but I spose you could hardly call them "visitors". More like "intruders" in this case. I dunno..the dad was a marine who kept calling brownies "fat pills" and threatening to beat up his kids, the wife had a belly button piercing and looked like..well..a hoe..and the two kids..wow. The littlest one wasn't so bad. He was actually pretty cute. But the older one..AHHH! Poor Tim had it the worst tho..the kid and my gay-ass brother kept torturing him..haha. I'm sure there were several times where he wished he was home with his cousins. Anyways..after that we came back to my house to watch the fireworks. My mom refused to drive us so we had to walk. I dunno why but that kinda pissed me off. Not really cuz I wanted to see the fireworks but simply because she was so damn stubborn that she was convinced we would make it there [the country club] within like..10 minutes. I dont kno why that pissed me off..but it did hah. But still..it was really nice. Tim and I just went out on the golf course and watched a couple fireworks, then walked back. We got home before my mom and brother so we just chilled..then um..my mom got home..we ate some ice cream, took him home..and now here I am. Whew. Long day. But lots of fun :-) Well..I spose I should go now. I'm really tired. Goodnight people.
You know what makes me really sad? People with anorexia/bulimia. It's so depressing to see people who think they're fat and ugly when they're really not resorting to things like that..and it usually just leads to even more depressing shit like cutting and suicide. Even if they're not what society might lable as "beautiful", Sorry about the somber topic but..I dunno, I felt like talking about it. The worst part about it all is that the people doing it think it's helping them..making them better somehow..so they keep doing it..and ugh..it's just really sad. I don't understand it..all they're doing is just..diminishing they're bodies 'til they're practically nothing. Maybe that's what they want..but still..it's just..really terrible that people who could have such beautiful lives feel the need to destroy themselves like that..blah. I dunno. Well I'm gonna go before I put myself in a bad mood..or something..bye.
What is it about chick flicks that makes me so sappy?? I watched how to lose a guy in 10 days twice and it made me all mushy haha. I liked it actually..it wasn't as stupid as I thought it would be. Soo..what else have I done today. Um..nothing really. I burned a few CDs so I've been listening to those. Tomorrow's gonna be fun i think..I hope..as far as I know Tim's coming over and around 5 we're going to my aunt's to eat and swim in her pool, then around 9ish we're going to watch the fireworks at GL. I hope my aunt's friends and their kids aren't too annoying..we'll see. My dad's working so at least tim won't have to be afraid haha :-P Oh yeah..and there's no swim practice tomorrow!! YESSS! haha..actually, it's not that hard any more but I'm glad I don't have to go anyway. I still haven't gone to any of the bball open gyms. I don't really want to..of course, by now, everyone is gonna be a billion times better than me lol. They'll all be in shape and whatnot..and there I'll be, hardly able to dribble a ball. *shrug* oh well. It's cool. I'm gonna be the only sophomore on JV anyways so..I'd better get used to right? hah. I REALLY wanna get my summer reading books over with..argh..I can't find those book questions we were supposed to answer..Oh well. I guess I can get them from someone else if I have to. I gotta go..byee.
Hey. I guess things are cool with Tim and I now. I'm glad he's happy about the whole band thing..I'm sure the new one will kick ass. But hey, kick ass or not it's all about having fun right? *nods* haha. Tim's rubbing off on me. He always says that online. Right now I'm watching Catch Me If You Can. I like this movie. The opening credits are cool..haha. It's just the detective guy chasing the dude through all these different scenes. I want a deadjournal..the only thing is that an existing member has to invite you with these invite code things if you wanna make an account. Tim said he'd get one for me but he has to have had an account for a week soo..yeah. Um..I don't really have a lot to talk about. I'm bored. So..bye.
Hi. Ugh..this really sucks. I think Tim thinks I'm pissed at him for something really small..I dunno. His away message is down but he's not talking to me..I hope it just got closed on accident or something and he's not really ignoring me..ha. Argh..why am I such an over-sensitive bitch who can't take a joke? I mean..he wasn't even being mean or being serious..I was just being my stupid drama queen self..i'm just selfish..
Sad little boy, I know you get confused
But everyone goes through these trials of self-truth and self-abuse
When your selfless you're so hard not to adore
When you're selfish I just love you even more
I wanna help you, but you gotta say the words
I want to be cured..
Is that not hilarious??
Music::"Name" by Goo Goo Dolls
Ugh..I should still be asleep right now. I woke up to go to swim practice..got ready..then realized that it was raining so I'm not going. That sucks. Actually, I didn't wanna go anyway..but the fact that i woke up early for nothing kinda pisses me off. Yeah. I like the 4th of July. Not necessarily out of patriotism..but I have all these good memories of it from when I was younger. I dunno..and I like cooking out on the 4th of July too haha. Can't get any better than grilled hamburgers and hotdogs baby. Red, white, and blue are purty colors...
I was in a bad mood last night. I dont know why. Actually I have an idea why, but it's so stupid and selfish I'm not even going to mention it. It's actually rather embarrassing..why the hell am I always so jealous? Can't I just be happy for people? Instead I'm always..just..ugh. Nevermind. Whining about it won't change anything..the only person who can do that is me..
I need to go shopping..ha. I wish I could go by myself..but seeing as I can't drive and I have no money, that's prolly not gonna happen..Whenever I go with people, I can't go into stores that I wanna go into..they always wanna go to AE, or something..and that's cool I guess but I dunno..I need something else. Yeah. I'm confusing myself now so I'll just shut up on that topic.
Wow..I'm really tired. But now that I'm up I guess I can't really go back to sleep..*sigh* oh well. It'll just be another long day..
Wow. I am the most untalented person alive. *Takes a bow* Thank you, thank you very much.
Okay..the meet last night pretty much sucked. It would've been better if my dad hadn't been acting like such an asshole. He knows that I hate fly and that I'm not very good at it..but he still couldn't be supportive and at least tell me "good try" or anything!! He just stood there and gave me that stupid look he always gives..ugh..what the hell is that supposed to do? Encourage me? Fuck that. I mean, I did my best..aren't dads supposed to support you no matter what? It shouldn't matter if I came in last..he should've at least been a little nicer about it..yeah, that really pissed me off. More than that it just made me want to start bawling cuz my DAD won't be supportive..ugh. I'm glad Tim was there tho..he made me feel better. Thanks baby..you're the best. Tim and Jeremy came over after the meet cuz Tim's dad wasn't there yet. That was pretty cool. Haha..that weird face Jeremy made..had me cracking up for awhile. I dont know why that reminded me..but I still have to get Tim's birthday present..I think I know what I'm getting him. I hope he likes it..hah.
Oh yeah..and I still have to read those books for school :-( blah. Little Big Man is really long..I'm only on chapter one. I dont know about The Owl's Song or whatever the other one is called. *shrug* we'll see. I'm too lazy to put the time aside to read it.
I think I'm gonna call Ari today and see if she wants to do something. I haven't seen her all summer..or Jessica. hah. In fact, I don't think I've talked to any of my school friends cept Nicole since school got out. Prolly cuz I only talk to the ppl who have AIM. Ari and Jessica don't have AIM so..yeah. I know it's not an excuse, but yeah. This summer's been pretty busy actually..minus a few days where I did just..absolutely nothing..there's been something going on almost every day. Fun. Well..I'm gonna go. Byee.
Music::"Art Is Hard" by Cursive
Cut it out, your self-inflicted pain is getting too routine
The crowds are catching on to your self-afflicted song
Well here we go again, the art of acting weak
Fall in love to fail, to boost your CD sales
And that CD sales yeah what a hit, you got to repeat it
You gotta sink to swim
If at first you dont, you dont succeed
You gotta recreate your misery
'Cause we all know art is hard
Yeah, the artists gotta starve
Try and fail and try again
The comforts of repitition
Keep turnin' out those hits
'Till it's all the same old shit
Oh, a second verse
Well color me fatigued
I'm hiding in the leaves
Of the CD jacket sleeves
Tired of entertaining
Some double-deaf meaning
A soft-served analogy
Those drunken angry slurs
In 31 flavors
You gotta sink, gotta sink, gotta sink to swim
Immerse yourself in rejection
Regurgitate some sorry tale
About a boy who sells his love affairs
Gotta fake, fake , fake the pain
Gotta make, make, make a scene
Gotta break, break, break a leg
When you get on stage and they scream your name
Oh Cursive is so cool
You gotta sink, gotta sink, gotta sink to swim
Impersonate greater persons
'Cause we all know art is hard
And we don't know who we are.
Music::"I'm A Loner Dottie, A Rebel" by The Get-up Kids
Whoo hoo..had swim practice this morning. It wasn't too hard. I'm not good at those streamlines..I can't hold my breath long enough. Oh well. We'll just see how tonight goes. I did pretty well at the last meet. Two second places and one third place. Not too shabby..haha. *shrug* It'll be fun. I just like to whine and complain before the meets that I'm gonna suck so that I can make myself feel better when I don't drown. Anyyyyways..I really wanna go to MacArthur Center on Thursday cuz my mommy will be off and she can take me..but I have a piano lesson :-/ blah. I hate piano. I suck at it. Why do I still do it? I don't know. My parents don't need another disappointment from me..I think they'll just start like, controlling my life if I don't do at least one thing they want me to do. argh..but I really hate it..I hate practicing..the only time i really like playing is when I know a piece really well. And that rarely happens. I can hardly read music and I've been doing this for how long..4, 5 years? Yeah..I'm beginning to think there isn't much hope for my musical career hah. I don't understand the way it's written..played..timed..anything. Ugh. I wish I could be really good at something. Like, really good. Prodigy good. Yeah I know..that'll never happen cuz everything I do, I either suck at or I'm semi-okay at. Athletically at least..that goes with school too tho. AHHHH..this is so confusing..*sigh* I guess I could be one of those kinds of "prodigy" people if I worked REALLY hard at something..but I don't the motivation so..yeah. I'm too lazy to practice really hard at stuff or work hard. Oh well. I still have time to figure out what I want to do I spose..I just wish I had an idea right now..ha. Well, I'm gonna go now. Byee.
Music::"How Will You Survive" by Azure Ray
AHHH i'm so tired..could be the song I'm listening to..or other things heh. today was cool. Went to the race tracks with Tim and I won our bet :-D muah haha. Didn't get any money tho..oh well haha. And I got the CDs Timmy burned for me..cool stuff. Umm..yeah I'm exhausted..haha. I have a swim meet tomorrow..how fun..hah. I think it's home..i'm pretty sure it is. Anyways..so yeah. I guess I'll write later. Bye.
PS. Somebody pleeeeease sign my guestbook! haha..
Music::"Headstrong" by Trapt
Mornin'. "Headstrong" is the best pump up song..I should put it on a CD and listen to it before games n' stuff..haha. Well..it's a really nice day out today :-) That means it'll be nice at the horse track heh. *yawn* argh i'm tired. You kno what really annoying? Pop-up ads. Dammit..I HATE THEM!!! They pop up all the fucking time! argh..I wanna get that pop-up protection software or whatever..yeah..haha. Hmm..what else can I rant about? This is weird..usually I have so much random crap bothering me..oh well. Sorry kids. I guess I'll go now. Byeee.
I guess I'm going to my Aunt's for dinner tonight..might even get to swim in her pool :-D yay! I'm excited as poop. It's really cool..but she had to take the diving board out cuz it was rusty or something and had a high liability..that's not cool. Anyways, tomorrow I'm going to Colonial Downs with Tim. That should be fun..heh..in more ways then one..haha. Yeah..I'm just blabbing now so I guess I'll go. Byeee!
Yup..new blog. I hated Xanga so..I just went ahead and made my own little site here. Sooo..what's new with me..hmm..nothing. I'll post more later I spose.
