Lauren Rose was born via an elective c-section on 30/11/00. The sacrococcygeal teratoma was 16cmX10cmX 8cm. She was not breathing and needed to be revived by a special baby ambulance team.
I patted Lauren briefly through an emergency humidy-crib before she and my husband were rushed via the ambulance to the Royal Childrens' Hospital. I waited in recovery worrying but still relieved that I didn't have to have a hysterectomy in case their were bleeding complication's a result of the teratoma being highly vascular (full of blood). I was shaking though I was calm - an effect from either the drugs or the stress. I wanted to know how the baby was.
I was eventually returned to the maternity ward. I will never forget the smile my mum had on her face because she had seen the baby briefly. The nights without my baby were very hard. I was in a maternity ward with crying babies and visitors bringing in flowers for the other mums. My husband and I were reluctant to announce the birth because we we were far too concerned about the operation. I couldn't sleep because of the other babies crying. I felt like I was being mentally tortured and my baby was gone. My spirits lifted when I was allowed to visit the baby in my wheel chair (she was in another hospital and my husband took me).
I saw all the babies lined up an I remember asking" which ones mine?". My husband and mum had already seen her. Tubes everywhere, yet in a sweet pink silk dress with flowers. I cannot describe the pain and helplessness of seeing a sick baby battling for life. I was so proud of her that she was fighting and had survived so far. My husband and mother pointed herout to me.
My baby was in a pink flowered silk dress, tubes everywhere and a ventilator on her nose. My baby with her rosebud lips, long eyelashes, peaceful round face. Her silky smooth skin, her blue eyes. She had more wires and tubes than I had ever seen. She smelt so beautiful. I knew also that despite still having my womb in tact, that I could not replace this child and she was meant to be my daughter.
Around me were other shell-shocked parents experiencing the paradoxical emotions of happiness and despair for their babies. Some of the babies would easily fit into the palm of one's hand. They were so innocent, struggling just to stay alive.
On day 3, the 3rd December 2000, a Sunday morning, its was time for Lauren's surgery to remove the tumour. My husband and I wanted Lauren to be asleep as she was wheeled away. When she was out of our view in the theatre we heard her wake and scream. Jamie and I waited in the accommodation room provided by the hospital. Three hours went by, where we couldn't talk so we just lay on the bed by the phone.
Finally, the call - Lauren had survived but there had been complications. We were ecstatic and despite my abdominal pain I found myself running with my husband to get down to the operating rooms. The anesthetist explained the emergency tube was placed in the wrong spot on her chest and her lungs had filled with fluid just as the tumour was removed but the surgeons were on to it pretty quickly and CPR was successfully administered. Our precious fighter had survived again!
Lauren needed a blood transfusion later that day. She was in intensive care and looked very sick. She had lost a lot of weight and was on morphine that hadn't yet been adjusted to her new body weight without the tumour so she was very "drugged" out. Eventually the medication was corrected and she was taken off the respirator.
Lauren hips were also out so she was fitted with a hip brace ( removed at 12 months)and was also treated for jaundice. It took 3 and a half weeks to establish breast-feeding. I am proud to say that Lauren ended up being breast fed until she was 15 months old! She was discharged on December 21,2000 just in time for Christmas!
Lauren is now 2 years old . Lauren is a delightful child, the light of our life. She has made steady recovery and no longer wears a hip brace. She runs, she laughs, she is happy.
Now that I have become one of those frazzled mothers in the supermarkets with their child running amok, I remember the days I prayed and prayed if only I could be so lucky! |
