me

3/5/02

So it's been forever. Many things have happened since september. I don't really feel like writing about it all so hmm... I'll just go off on a while rant.

A. People really piss me off.
       I don't understand what gives people the right to be so dishonest, mean, rude, and hurtfull. It's like nobody cares for anyone but themselves. Well I have two words for those people... Fuck You.

B. Because of "A," hence anxiety.
       I can't be around people anymore. My symptoms include: quicker heart rate, heavier breathing, clostrophobia, a feeling of unease, not feeling safe. I have to just cover my eyes when that happens.

C. I can't trust anyone like I would like to.
       I wish I had someone who I could be completely honest with, and who would be completely honest with me. I want someone I can trust, who won't coat everything they say/show/give/etc to me with sugar. I want complete honesty. I want a best friend. Unconditional love.

D. Fuck, I'm emo.
       The above letters are all reasons for letter "D."

9/17/01

Hmm, I haven't made a big effort to work on this page, but I can only try? Tania might join me on this site in a few months. "A little while," as she puts it. I heart Tania.

All this stuff about the terrorist attacks has gotten the better of so many people. It just makes me sick. I have two close cousins in the army... and I was talking to Michael the other day. He told me, "We're just waiting for the phone call." To me, that sounds so final... and it scares me so much. What do you say to something like that? What if they do get shipped off and I never see/hear them again? I don't think I could bare something like that. I'm already wussy enough as it is. If that were to happen I don't know how I'd get through it.

9/3/01

I understand that I've been tossed this life and forced to live it as respectively as I can. I remember when I was little my dear mother was everything to me. Even when she'd put me in my room and tell me to clean it up or I'd get no dinner, I would cry at the thought that someday my mother was going to die. Now a decade later I don't cry for her anymore. It's more like reversed roles. Why did her lovely daughter have to grow up so differently, yet so alike? Both of us hold our feelings in until complete exhaustion. It doesn't really matter much to her though, as long as she has someone's shoulder to cry on. Everything will be alright if she thinks so. I'll just continue with my music, until she finally notices someday that, yes, that is my song she's hearing. XOXO mother.