Lynne Namka, Ed. D. © l997
If the same mean thing happened to ten people, they all would react differently. Some of the ten people would get mad, some would get afraid, some would feel sad and some would blow it off.
What makes the difference? Why do different people react differently to the same event?
The difference is the personal history of the person and how they have learned to deal with threat, stressors or loss. As the early philosophers said, It s not what happens to you, but how you deal with it that counts.
Anger is one emotion that people use to respond to threat, stressors or loss. It can be a real threat, stressor or loss or one that we make up in our mind. To be human is to be angry some of the time. It is important not to make anger bad. Anger like a hammer can be a tool for destruction or to build something. Anger is a necessary part of being a human being. It has helped us survive as a species.
· We can use anger to lash out at others and intimidate them.
· We can turn it inward and beat ourselves up.
· We can use it to speak out with firmness increase our self esteem.
· We can use it to correct a situation that is wrong.
All great social movements had their beginning in someone feeling angry. Anger is a powerful tool for social change on a personal and societal level. We can use our anger as a tool for change. When we use anger in a positive way, self esteem increases.
Anger is a coping mechanism for dealing with some event that threatens our body, property, self esteem, values of what we hold near and dear or when we don t get our way.
So you are the only one who can make yourself angry. You choose how you respond to events that upset you. What you think about the event can determine whether you become angry or not. Your thoughts and beliefs can make you angry. Your negative self talk helps you hold onto your anger. Your positive self talk can talk your own anger down.
A B C
The Event ---> Thoughts of the Event ---> Consequent Emotion
The Meaning You Gave What Happened
Your Beliefs Based on Your Past History
Your Self Talk--Hot Thoughts or Cool Down
Recognize: Thoughts = anger
Accept: You control the thinking
Choose: To pause and cool down
To take down your inflammatory hot thoughts
To breathe deeply and be in control of the situation
To choose a higher level of anger response
Monitor: Your level of arousal
Other emotions that accompany or substitute for anger
What you tell yourself to keep yourself caught in anger
Learn: About how you react to when there are...
Stressors to your body
Risks to your property
Threats to your self esteem (Being discounted, put down, teased, rumors spread about you, things not going the way you think
they should etc.)
Your values, what is important being trashed
So watch your thoughts. Learn what angers you.
What do you tell yourself to make yourself angry?
What do you say to keep yourself angry?
You turn your anger up or down by your thoughts.
What calming statements do you say to let go of inflaming thoughts?
Make a list of your calming thoughts and carry them with you.
The Only Person Who Can Make You Angry Is Yourself!
And Likewise, You Are the Only Person Who Can Create Peace of Mind!
It is OK to feel angry. It is not OK to hurt yourself or others with your anger.
You can learn to separate the Big Deals from the Little Deals.
Learn to contain your unnecessary anger. Let the small stuff go.
Increase your self esteem by expressing your anger in safe ways.
Understand your anger and use it in ways that are helpful to you and others.
You don t have to hold onto your anger. You can learn ways to let it go.
Change Your Angry Thoughts and You Change Your Life!
Make your life a study of yourself and learn to release negativity that does not fit who you are or who you want to be. Our ideas on this web page can help you learn to empower yourself and release unnecessary anger.
Your Learning To Balance Your Negative Emotions
Leads To A Happier, More Productive Life!
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