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Avoiding
the Cliches of Grief
Cliché: “You must be strong
for your children (spouse, relatives, friends, etc).”
Instead, try: Why not share
your feelings with your children? Perhaps you can lean on one
another and help support each other.
Cliché: “You’ve got to get hold of yourself.”
Instead, try: “It must be so
hard to keep going when you’re hurting so much.”
Cliché: “You are holding up so well.”
Instead, try: “Would it help
to talk about how you’re feeling?”
Cliché: “Time will heal.”
Instead, try: “You must feel
as if this pain will never end.”
Cliché: “You’re young, and you will be able to make a new life
for yourself.”
Instead, try: “You must miss your loved one and the life you
had together; I do, too.”
What to
Say |
What
Not
to Say |
I’m sorry. |
I understand how you feel. |
I’m sad for you. |
Death was a blessing. |
How are you doing with all
this? |
It was God’s will. |
I don’t know why it
happened. |
It all happened for the
best. |
What can I do for you? |
You’re still young. |
I’m here and I want to
listen. |
You have your whole life
ahead of you. |
Please tell me what you are
feeling. |
You can have other
children. |
This must be hard for you. |
You can always remarry. |
What’s the hardest part for
you? |
Call me when I can help. |
I’ll call tomorrow. |
Something good will come of
this. |
You must really be hurting. |
At least you have another
child. |
It isn’t fair, is it? |
She/he led a full life. |
You must really feel angry. |
It’s time to put it behind
you. |
Take all the time you need. |
Be strong! |
Courtesy,
Archdiocese of Omaha, Family Life Office
From
the
Online Ministries at Creighton University
Online Ministries Grief Home Page |