| Who i am |
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| My name is Lau, i'm 17 years old. I'm still in school studying. I live in the U.K. and have lived here all my life. I intend on going to uni, not that i want to but cause i have to to get a good job. I hate school and every second i spend there but hey i hate life too but im still living! I Dont really fit in with the whole selfharm background at all! I was never abused as a child, never been raped or sexually asulted. I come from a family that believes in exppression and are very 'touchy feely' so it not like i'm never huged or anything. I wouldnt say i was of great interlect which is another characteristic often desplayed in selfharmers. So those are the things i'm not. So what are the things i am? lol |
| People often describe me as confident and funny but i dont really think that i am confident and often then not im funny to cover up being nervious or actually having to say something that will make people hate me more. I dont like big groups unless i know the people well and hate meeting people who have heard about me before i meet them cause i get worried i wont be what they expected or if there expectations are bad that i will. I'm very sensitive to what people say about me and hate being told what i've done wrong and understand that im not perfect but i dont like being made out to be weak or stupid, i just dont take critisism well. I more often then not however critisize myself and can spend hours after a convsation think of all the stupid stuff i said |
| I prefer to be by myself then with other people and am often deppressed with what is happening to me or people care about. Quite often i think im all to blame because i always mess everything up and i get Frustrated that i can't help myself or people around me. I dont think its possible for anyone to love me because i have a problem with trusting and letting people in. I'm scared that they will finally see who i really am and run a mile or i will hurt them like i do to most people i form relationships with. Over the past few years my life has been to much for me to cope with and understand which is why i now self harm, not because i want to die but because it helps me live and get through life. |
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