| I bid my good byes a few hours later, my heart not standing to be around her. Her laugh brought back so many good times, her smile brought back the sun into my life. I sighed as I finally got into my house. AJ walked in behind me, shutting the door behind him. �What happened between you two Howie?� I shrugged my jacket off and placed in the closet. �You know, I don�t know. I came home one day and saw a few boxes. I asked Theresa what she was doing and she uttered four words, nothing more. She said, �I�m leaving you, Howie.� In those few seconds, my world crashed down around me.� �She must have given you a reason.� �She said that she had spent 10 years of her life doing nothing. She thought that I wasn�t being the man I needed to be. I wasn�t home all the time, but she understood that. Neither was she herself.� �Did she leave because you left?� �I don�t know. I loved her, and I felt that�s all she needed. I showed it to her. Didn�t smother, but she knew I cared. And I honestly thought she felt the same. That�s why it�s more of a shock to me than to anyone else.� �You need to talk to her. The love is still there.� �Oh, the love will always be there AJ. There�s no doubt. But I think she wants more than I can give her, and I honestly don�t think she�s willing to try again.� AJ nodded and stood up. �I�ll call you later man.� I nodded and walked him to the door, closing it softly. �Yeah, make up a story you fool. You know she left because you weren�t there for her. She needed you and you were out with your music,� my mind yelled at me. I closed my eyes and strolled over to my desk, removing a couple sheets of paper. ~*~ I'm not suppose to love you anymore/ I shouldn't care or wonder where or how you are/ But I can't hide this hurt inside my broken heart/ I'm fighting back emotions I've never fought before/ 'Cause I'm not suppose to love you anymore ~*~ My darling angel, I started. I shook my head and crumpled up the paper. My sweet love, I began. Once again, I groaned and tossed the paper aside. Theresa, a simple beginning. I smiled and soon the thoughts were floating. Theresa, Seeing you today brought back many memories. Some bad and some good. You told me to move on, and in a sense, I have. I no longer stare out the window, awaiting your return. I no longer linger by the phone waiting for that special call. And I no longer hold your pillow close. Just today, this very morning, I slipped that gold band off my finger and placed in a place I will never look for it. I can only suggest you do the same. AJ has asked me tonight why you left. You see, I never told them why. Nor, I figured, you hadn�t either. For whatever reasons you held, you didn�t say it. For me, it was cause I let you go. An angel, my angel, my Goddess, had slipped through my fingers. All because I was stupid. I let you go and I know there aren�t enough ways to say I�m sorry. I tried it once, and failed. So I shall not try again. What I�m actually writing to is this. I�m not asking you back, nor asking your forgiveness. But I want you to remember one simple factor. I love you, Theresa. Loved you with all my heart, my soul, with all my being. I once believed that was enough for you, but I guess I thought wrong. And though I shouldn�t say it, I love you. Will forever love you. These outings as a group can be hard, yet it will get easier with time. I shall keep my distance if you wish. Or if I feel I have to. Alas, it does hurt. It will forever hurt. Your�s Forever, Howie ~*~ I'm fighting back emotions/ I've never fought before/ 'Cause I'm not suppose to love you anymore ~*~ I sealed the envelope and quickly drove over to her house. I walked out of the car and placed the letter on her front porch. Soon enough she would see it. I smiled and slowly walked back to my car. I had to let her go. Had to move on. Six months ago, with the slamming of the door, I told myself that I was not supposed to love you. ~ Not Supposed To Love You by Clay Aiken |
| Not Supposed To Love You By: Resa Dorough |
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