There is static. This static crackles, opening to a bleak scene. A gloom sweeps over blood-soaked planes, the dirt cracked like the skulls of a rotted humanity. All is consumed by the blackness that clings like leeches to the night sky in this desolate world. Thunder shakes the terrain, as lightning streaks towards the ground. The fog swirls tumultuously, enveloping, caressing, devouring. This is a wasteland, its features the fractured fidelities of its surface, its only hope the harsh hypocrisies which it has endured. A figure steps forward, his shady features cowled, his despair drawn by his display. �I suppose you�re wondering who I am? Well then, let me tell you. For I am the darkness, the damned. I am the alpha, and I am the omega. I am�� There is a loud cracking sound, not the thunder, and the darkness falls forward to the ground, a split forming right down its plywood centre. The voice changes, higher in pitch. �Just kiddin� buckos, I�m The Jackrabbit dontchya know!?� There is a long period of laughter. The camera spins suddenly, three-sixty degrees, to reveal the prosthetic nature of the previous darkness, the cutting now a remnant on the grass. The figure with the high-pitched voice is seen straddling a fence, dressed in an unusual match of official NLW T-shirt and blue tartan shorts. Down his shoulders flows long blonde hair, and on his nose sits an awkwardly placed set of shades, through which no eyes are seen. He appears to be bobbing up and down on the fence, laughing in bursts to himself. To his left, the plywood cutting and lush green grass, onto which shines the brightest of summer suns. To his right, on the other side of the fence, the grass here is dead and withered, a dark cloud looming overhead. THE JACKRABBIT: �Hey-a �Rabbit Fans, and �Rabbit Fans alike! You didn�t really think I was one of them� uh� gothic types, did ya now? Should surely hope not! Wow, been aaaaaages since I was a-chattin� to you lot! Well, okay, it was on Sunday� but aside from then, it�s been aaaaages� except that one time in Lapland� but aside from then, it�s been aaaaaages! I bet you all been missin� me, huh? I mean, HS-Dub kinda closed down all of a sudden-like, and we didn�t get a chance to say buh-bye, we just packed up our lil� tag titles and off we went with a trumpety trump! I guess you�re wondering what Your Friendly Neighborhood Jackrabbit � that�s me!� has been up to all this time? Well, I can tell you, since I know, since he�s me, and I�m him, and so I�ve kinda been watching what The Jackrabbit has been up to! I�m not a stalker, it�s just that I�ve grown kinda attached to him� what with him being me, and all, hahahaa! Wells, I got into a bit of trouble back in HS-Dub, but good ol� Talon busted me outta the prison and they started saying some nonsense about insaneness this and crazyness that. Of course, I had to tell �em all that Talon is perfectly normal, and they shouldn�t throw them wild accusations around like that. Besides then� well, there was lots of ice-cream. And candy. And more ice-cream. Talon took me to the circus, and to the theme park, and the arcade. Well, Talon didn�t actually come� but he sent me there all by himself. Something about space for his privates, or summat! Played chess a little bit, too� but it got real dull because I kept beating myself all the time. My white pieces really could do with some training.� The Jackrabbit looks to climb down off the fence onto the wilted grass, but falters for a moment, and then leaps down onto the healthy side. He doesn�t land on solid ground but immediately falls through the grass, and the camera spins. It breaks. Static. The static fades to blue, and the scene has changed. The ground is strewn with various objects, trashcan lids, barbed wire, thumbtacks, Singapore canes, fluorescent light-tubes, broken tables and bent steel chairs. Amongst this clutter, between simple wooden walls and a concrete ceiling, sits The Jackrabbit, perched on a stool with only three of its four legs in tact. The stool rocks, ever so slightly. The Jackrabbit is laughing maniacally, stopping eventually to speak. THE JACKRABBIT: �I�m taking yous on a little tour. I thought it�d be a nice thing to do for all you new fans of Nice Lovely Wrestling. Or was it Nasty Limpet World? Uh� Naughty Lady Walloping? Oh gee, it�ll come to me I�m sure! Until then though, �Rabbit Fans, you�ve seen me sitting on the fence, and now welcome to my House of Hardcore. I�ve had this place forever, since back in GWO, and ICWF, and sometime even before all then! To think En-El-Dub would forget Fusion! See, The Jackrabbit� that�s me!� isn�t some new dudey coming into En-El-Dub to get his feet wet. There�s a clear reason for that. There�s no swimming pool in En-El-Dub.� He sighs. �I�ll have a word with Miss Sully about that. But until there�s a swimming pool, I�m here to do wrestlin�. And I�ve done lotsa that in the past. I been in Gauntlet matches and Treasure Trail matches and Royal Battles and lotsa lotsa hardcore matches, arghahaha!� He gestures around him at all the broken �weapons� strewn around the hut.. �Just little bits of the past. Some bad times, some good times � lotsa good times haha!�� He motions over his shoulder, where amongst the rubble lie a group of gold-plated leather straps� wrestling championship belts. One is decorated to heavily resemble a Canadian flag, another is spray-painted over in blue the words �WELLFY COMMONER�, a third clearly bears the familiar ICWF logo, and the fourth the words �TAG TEAM CHAMPION.� It is this belt that The Jackrabbit now picks up, holding up proudly to the camera. THE JACKRABBIT: �See this here? This says that The Jackrabbit was a Tag Team Champion. Not all by himself, though, that�d be crazy! That�d be like playing chess alone or summat, hahaaa! No, this belt comes from HS-Dub� The Jackrabbit and Talon� Tag Team Champeeenos! We were Fusion there, just like in ICWF and in this new En-El-Dub� and this belt symbolisms how very special friends me and Tal are� how very special we worked together and fighted together to be the best friends out of all the wrestlers! But it hasn�t always been that way, don�tchya know? Oh noes� take a look see.� The camera spins, hurtling into the Headstrong Wrestling Tag Team Championship belt. The gold plates crumble, giving way to a spiral of red-eyed, domesticated bunnies. This torrent of leporidae form a flowing stream of long-eared cascading, a descending flow over the edge of a building. This skyscraper is tall, taller than the rest, its peaks looking over everything below. This is a world above worlds, a haven for the heights and a hell for the acrophobic. In the centre of this building, rocking on a stool missing one of its legs, is The Jackrabbit. THE JACKRABBIT: �And this is it, the building. This is where Talon and The Jackrabbit stopped being friends after being friends only to become friends again. Of course, some of you Gee-Dub-Oh-ers will remember this place� and maybe some of you Eye-See-Dub-Ef-ers� and absolutely none of you En-El-Dub-ers. See, I knows that Tag Team belt means nothing to nobody or anybody else here� but I does know that Fusion have a bond that nobody in this place can match, not even good ol� Dracey and his girlyfriend or thems Sauce-City peoples what is holding our prize. Y�see folks, Miss Sully accidentallyonpurpose forgot all abouts Talon and meself when she made the little tag tournament. She forgot about the bestest closest tag team in wrestling ever� (that�s us, by the way!). We don�t like being forgotten. It�s not nice. So we came out on that show last weekend to make sure we didn�t get forgotten again, and to enter ourselves into that little tournie everyone be having. I knows, I knows, we�re a little bit late, but better late than never ever! So, Kevin Warm got a bit beat up and now he�s visiting the doctor�s, but that�s okay, they can give him a band-aid for his boo-boo. The Sauce City people� I�m not actually sure where Sauce City is, I will get Tal to help me find out� but they got that title down off that ladder� �cos everyone else got real unlucky �cos their ladders broke, ahahah!� and so the Sauce City people are first on our list. But before we can get to the first on our list, we both haves a couple of screwball losers to take care of�� The Jackrabbit bounces up from his stool, knocking it clumsily to the ground. Gradually, a step at a time, he walks to the edge of the skyscraper. The height is dizzying, and visibly so. The lights from the surrounding buildings shine on him, the sound of people getting on with their own little lives screaming up at him. Reaching the side of the building, he looks down over it. THE JACKRABBIT: �I don�t like heights. I really hate them after what happened here. Tal and me, well see, apparently we got into a little squabble. And Tal got angry. He says it was an accident, so I forgived him now. I did make his life hell, after all, so what�s not to forgive? Well, he got angry, see, and this� is where� I was thrown�� And The Jackrabbit throws himself over the side of the building, hurtling through the great mass of air, falling backwards through the immense distance. The ground below, the hard concrete is rushing upwards, but still The Jackrabbit talks, his high-pitched enunciations almost lost to the blast of air. A deep voice on the wind whispers, �I�m sorry.� THE JACKRABBIT: �In here, I�ve taken this fall a bazillion and twelveteen times, but I don�t reckon you�ve taken a fall like this even once, have you Plaque? I don�t suppose you�ve done a whole lot of much of anything except rotting the teethies of boys and girls that don�t remember to brush. But I�m not cutting my teeth, here, y�know? But you, you�ve done nothing. And you know why I thinks this, Plaque? I thinks this �cos you�re as fresh and new to En-El-Dub as Fusion are. I thinks this �cos everybody always likes to assume that the new guy is a rookie, that the new guy has achieved nothing and that the new guy should earn his spot before anyone even realises he exists. Well The Jackrabbit is a part of �everybody�, Plaque, so I�ma do just that! You�re a rookie, Plaque, you�ve achieved nothing. You should earn your spot before The Jackrabbit even realises you exist. If it makes things any easier, screwball, consider yourself a roadblock for The Jackrabbit. I can�t go over you, I can�t go around you� Miss Sully wants to see The Unorthodox One vs. The Unclean-Teethed One, and that�s what�s gotta happen come Uprisening. So instead, Plaque, I will go through you. And Talon will go through this Flamey guy, so that we can both go on to take them belt-trophies off of Sauce City. This is our debutses, Plaque, and we�re not about to lie down and be beat in our very first matches. We�re not about to be forgotten by En-El-Dub managements for a third time, muppet-head. First, The Jackrabbit and Talon will be showing the world what we does all by ourselves� and second, which is after first, we be showing the world what we does together! I hopes you�re prepared to be my jobber!� His body collides with the concrete floor with a sickening thud, his limbs contorting at angles not normally physically possible. The unmoving body immediately begins to laugh, crazily, maniacally, uncontrollably, a shrill guffaw. Somewhere in the distance, an eagle cries, hungrily. The concrete wastes no time in devouring the limb form, swallowing The Jackrabbit down whole, and spitting him out in the form of a thousand chocolate pieces. The Jackrabbit opens his eyes. �Oh, and Plaque� Ready Or Not, Here I Come!�