I call myself the Fatemaker. It’s not a slogan, a catchy nickname, it doesn’t sell t-shirts and it doesn’t have a hash tag on the front. Well, it might sell t-shirts… I call myself the Fatemaker, but it’s not a gimmick, it’s a description. An adjective. When I started all those fun little jobs for Mr. Haber, the news dubbed them incidents. Fatebreaker Incidents. But see, that’s where they got it all wrong! Ahahahaa! With my talents, I don’t break fates. Fate cannot be broken; fate cannot be destroyed. Everything has a fate. I don’t ruin that, that’s not my gig! They can’t be broken, but fates can be made. That’s where the Jackrabbit comes in. A little tweak here, a little twist there, and I will take your future and send it in a shiny new direction. Just ask Nikita. Just ask Caelan Tyler. Their paths intertwined with mine, and so I took those little strings and I wrapped them into neat little bows. I took long illustrious NLW careers and I made new fates. I sent them both home in broken heaps, to be nurtured and cared for by their loved ones. To be spoon fed for the rest of their days, aaaahahahahahaa! I made their fates because I am the Fatemaker. Just ask Sirus Establa blah blah! Ahaha! Sirus talked a big game, he called me… how did it go now, Siri?... An undercard jobber? The corn in shit? The kind of shit that burns your nose? Well Siri, you got soundly defeated by the kind of shit that burns your nose! Ahhahahaha! Sirus didn’t learn to keep his words sweet, and now he’s eating them- chowing down on the corn in the shit, Siri, bon appetite! Hee heee! But unlike Del Norte, I did what I said I would do, and I launched him onto his skull from eight feet in the air. Sirus, welcome to the long winding path onto obscurity. You had a bright future once, but then you met the Jackrabbit. I made your fate because I am the Fatemaker. Very soon you will have the pleasure of asking Phantasm what it means to face the Fatemaker in the ring. A new opponent for me to play with, how exciting! The big lumbering masked monster, many think you a walking cliché Phanty, but you and I know better, don’t we? You’re not like those other lumbering masked monsters, are you? You’ve tried to be better. You’ve tried to be good, against your own very nature. The mute colossus in the Halloween mask trying to be a family man. A regular Phantasm of the Opera, that’s got legs! Your handler misses the truth; your valet misses the truth… but the truth is my domain, Phanty, a truth that many refuse to see and refuse to admit. I see inside your head, peel back that mask like an onion. For many years, I hid beneath a second skin too, Phantasm- the happy ‘Rabbit- but Happy Rabbit is dead and now you may let me help you with your second skin. Enter the ring with me and I promise you will see that monster inside. I will help you put the knife to the family man façade that you hide behind. I have walked in your shoes, and now I will allow you to see the monster you can be, inhibitions be damned. I will unleash the rabid dog and then I will make you roll over. Aaaah hahaha! Understand something Phanty, I will set you free, let you flaps your wings- before I ground you. A flying doggy, sure. It’s a lesson I will teach, that nobody in NLW will soar without me. I have spent a decade learning how to fly, and the NLW airspace is under Jackrabbit jurisdiction. I empower to disable, and you will consider this the greatest kindness. You fate is in my hands now, Monster, I am your Fatemaker. Just ask Nick Perry. Young Nicholas, beautiful Nicholas. The masterpiece of my work, the sculpture of my own architecture. A lost and pitiful soul guided onto a path by my hand. Ahahhahahahahahahaaaaaa. The Happy Kitty purrs and curls in my lap. It sips its milk, pleased with the taste and unaware of the poison. And such is my Happy Kitty, smiling as he sips, as I guide him off the ledge and he falls with me, blissful in his ignorance. Close your eyes and come off the cliff, it won’t hurt a bit until you reach the bottom, aaahaahahahaha! Nicky Boy, you and I are set to tango once more at Stillbirth 6. Take my head, I will lead! Let me assure you that the result this time is destined to be the same as the result last time. But you understand that, don’t you my boy? You understand my goal; you understand what has to be done. You will dig the pit for me, so that I might fill it. NLW won’t hurt you again, Little Nicky, because NLW will crumble. With each battle won, we come closer to ending this war. Winning this war. I have come too far to lose now! And so you bring your friends, your “Splatter Zone” to the show. At my behest, you fill that front row, because you have a new lesson to learn. Your lesson is that they are your friends today, Nicholas, but after Stillbirth you will see the inevitable. You will learn that friendship is betrayal, and as they hand me the instruments of Phantasm’s destruction, the tools of your own devastation, you will realize that there are no friends left for you. The Splatter Zone will be as the Rabbit Fans are. Extinct. And you will thank me for your enlightenment. You will allow me to beat you with the 2x4, you will allow me to rake your skin with the barbed wire, and set your hair ablaze. And you will thank me. And you will lie down for me, won’t you Nicholas? You’re tired after all, aren’t you, boy? Lie down Nicky, close your eyes and take a long deep sleep. It’s okay to snore, aaahaa! That’s right, don’t you worry about a thing, Happy Rabbit will take the reins from here. Let me steer this burning chariot, I have a path for it. A path for you. You were misguided once, Nicholas Perry, but now your very essence is mine to use. Mine to abuse. I have taken away your sores and left you a deep dark pain on the inside that will eat you alive like a cancer. I will blacken your soul and darken your heart, I will confuse your memories and twist your thoughts. And you will beg me to continue, haaa ha! Let your respect for Daddy Zack be a burning resentment. Let your admiration of Uncle Jesse be a jealous rage. Let your love for Moxie Roxie be a violent lust. And thus let your fate be complete. Your long lonely road is now a freight train heading towards collision, and I am at the head. Your fate will be complete because I am the Fatemaker. And with Phantasm behind me, and Perry beside me, I will look forward. Forward to you, Talon. Aren’t you looking forward to it, too, old friend? Aaahahahahaha! The rusted brass in NLW management keep us from the inevitable with this distraction, but don’t think I have forgotten the Enigma at the end of the tunnel. It is true that you wronged Jay Ethelon and forced me from that building all those years ago. You thrust upon me the Jackrabbit, and you made me your slave. It’s true that you used me as a loyal foot soldier and let me gather you victories. The backbone of Fusion. It’s true. But if I discover that it’s true you are now warping my Vanilla, I promise you I will end you. Warping Vanilla is my pleasure, aaahahaha! You have gathered an army Talon, and now you steal from mine. But where was your army at Stillbirth 5? Where was your army when Draco was pinning you to the mat? You betrayed me once more, Enigma, when you could not let this be between you and I. But this in a long line of sins that I will carve out of your skin. Draco has moved on to complete my task for me. The seeds I plant in his mind haunt him like a mist, and lead him to challenge Sullivan’s lead… and as the fires in his mind continue to consume him, Draco will channel them into a win for me. And when Draco wins for me, Sullivan will fall and NLW will fall after him, a captain-less ship in icy waters. Don’t you see how the seats have switched, Hunter? Where once your tendrils reached out and pulled a dozen unseen levers, now you find yourself an amputee in a world that outgrows you. And I am born anew, eyes newly opened, fresh arms reaching out and clasping fists around the throat of life, crushing the esophagus of existence like a snake of chains. Pulling everything on the end of my strings. I am the Puppet Master now. And you- you are haggard and irrelevant, old friend, but don’t take my words for it. Just watch at Stillborn 6, just watch on Sunday as Draco decimates your former lackey Wilson for me. And watch as I carve my portrait on Phantasm and Young Nicholas. It is a painting just for you, Talon, and I will sign it with my name. My true name. Fatemaker.