AHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAAAAAAHAHA! The glaring light bears down heavily on the sheets, reflecting like floating orbs, dancing their illuminating pirouettes. The burning glow echoes from the glass panels, their interlocking forms rising in a growing tirade of replicas, sliding upwards and off at angles to create the roof over this structure. The solid glass parts, allowing unnatural entry, constraining access, where inside there is a tumultuous heat. The reflected radiance warms like a furnace the foliage that grows in their artificial world, thriving on the necessities provided by design. The fruits of this labour, in the literal sense of the term, glisten under the luminosity, some still under nurture, but many ripe for the picking. It is on this mature plantation that the rabbits feed, enjoying the feast that has been so carefully wrought for them. Plump tomatoes and crisp lettuce alike are devoured by buck teeth; tall rabbits, with long ears and dark fur and strong legs. Jackrabbits. AHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAAAAAAHAHA! The rabbits scatter as a figure bounds amongst them, hopping almost, brushing aside plantation, knocking down fruits and vegetables. A flash of tartan long shorts, a glimpse of a black T-shirt. The streak of blonde hair, a wisp of dark sunshades, and one jingle of silver necklaces later there is a figure stood in the middle of this humid environment, a gold belt around his waist glimmering in the dazzling light. Of course, this is the NLW World Tag Team Champion, this is one half of the team called Fusion, this is The Jackrabbit. But there is something unusual - something more unusual than usual - about the loveable fool today; that is something is that his skin is painted, head to toe; green. "�Rabbit, I�m serious man, come back here." The Jackrabbit does not come back however, choosing instead to carry on leaping around the flora, cackling like a mad man. Eventually, he stops, right in front of the camera, crouching low and whispering, his eyes appearing to stare wildly through his mirror-lensed sunshades. He appears oblivious to being covered in green paint. THE JACKRABBIT: �Hey-a �Rabbit Fans! Sssssssh, don�t gimme away now, will ya? Don�t wanna go be getting caught by that Stevieo just yet. We�re playing chase, methinks�� As though to disclarify the statement of the deranged one, the camera spins, twirls; foliage twists, rabbits bend, the light bounces in unusual reflective globes, and there is finally settling on another figure. He is smaller in stature, wearing an unkempt grey suit complete with yellow tie and clashing baseball cap turned on an angle. Stevie Sol looks distressed, pushing his way past plantation and strangely placed rabbits; what were they doing in here? He shrugged passively, focused only on his task. He couldn�t help but feel annoyed at his position though; he felt like he was babysitting a child that did not want to be babysat. Instead, he was charged with bringing a delusional professional wrestler in for a psychological analysis. Stevie still didn�t really see the problem though; he�d recently watched some of this pro-wrestling stuff, and aside from a headache-inducing speech manner and a tendency for spontaneous laughter, this Jackrabbit character was about as mental as the rest of the roster. Well, that�s how Stevie Sol called it, anyway. Squinting, he pulled a pair of shades from his jacket, and positioned them on his eyes to better his sight. A figure scuttled through the plant life; he was off again, the chase was on. Stevie Sol called out to the fleeing wrestler, who seemed intent only on evasion rather than escape. He got only shrill laughter in response. The camera, however, locates The Jackrabbit, crouched low behind a water tank, the splashing reverberating from behind him, his green face leaning into the lens. THE JACKRABBIT: �If this was one of them kooky wrestling promos, this dramatistical moment of high-speed chasery through an unnamed place would be perfect for an unrelated rant about current stuffs in the wrestling promotion. So here it is. �Rabbit Fans worldwide watcheded the Fusion Tag Team Victory Celerybration Surprise, our un-unofficial party for winning the En-El-Dub Tag Team Championships of the Woooooorld from them nasty Sauces City peoples. Now peoples a-talking about how the Sauces City have dropped the ball� I was never aware they had a ball to begin with, else I�ve have offered �um a game of catch� but even so, they dropped the ball. Well, Fusion doesn�t be a team what likes to take credit and be all up-their-own-bums like Aphrothingy and her chums; but it was Fusion that started Sauces City on their downward spiral, and it was Fusion that took the first gold away from Sauces City and so technicarallily, it was Fusion that made the Sauces City people drop the ball. But as I said, we don�t really like to take credit. Unfortunarily, we haven�t seen the last of the Sauces City people. Even Jugganaut Vinnie�s loss to Icey didn�t change that� y�see, �Rabbit Fans, The Jackrabbit� that�s me!� has got to fight another of them at the next Uprisening. The Jackrabbit� still me!� has to fight Aphrowhatsit and Felix. Aphrowhatsit said some mean, mean things about Tal and me at the last Uprisening when alls we wanted to do was celerybrate our big win. Well, next week this here Jackrabbit gets to get even with Aphrododah in our three-peoples match. Now, me likes Aphrowhatsername� she seemed like an okay kinda girl, funny looking though, until she went putting herself into the Sauces City. They�re bad people, not like Fusion, so nice girl or not, Aphrothingamabob is getting beat down like the Sauces City prosticate that she appears to be. Werewallaby or no werewallaby, she should know that at Uprisening, she is facing off against a werejackrabbit� no, The WereJackrabbit, as it happens! So take that, rarrgghhhh!!� And The Jackrabbit makes a scratchy motion at the camera with his green-painted hand. However, the distraction this impromptu promo has caused has enabled one Stevie Sol to get the upper hand in the chase. Creeping quietly behind a tall green Matteuccia Struthiopteris, Stevie Sol leaps out, wrapping an arm firmly around The Jackrabbit�s myrtle bicep to stop him running away. The Jackrabbit begins to squeal and squirm like a trapped kitten, throwing his limbs around erratically, but Sol keeps his grip firm and holds himself against the much larger, stronger man in order to restrain him. Somehow, Stevie keeps a grip until The Jackrabbit has resigned himself to defeat, and sits nestled on the grassy floor, sucking his thumb sulkily. STEVIE SOL: ��Rabbit, quit messin� about now, man. I�m doing this for your best interests, and if you had any sense in your head� right now I�m currently doubting� you�d realise that. I�m not the villain here, man. It don�t matter how much you run, or how much your buddy Talon helps you, they�ll catch up to you. And so will I. You need to get this help, you need to get properly looked at.� THE JACKRABBIT: �I don�t wanna get looked at! If you wanna look at me, have a good look now, and then I�ll go hopping off again. Okie?� STEVIE SOL: �Nah, man, not okay. I�ve put you down for a series of psychological analyses�� THE JACKRABBIT: �No, your mum�s a psychologimical anabolic�� STEVIE SOL: �Brain tests, then! A few tests, a few results, and we can deem your suitability to exist amongst civilised society..� THE JACKRABBIT: �No Sauces City, no! They�re bad peoples, Stevieo, they believe in �freedom and individualness and anti-conforminess��� STEVIE SOL: �Uh, don�t always trust the taglines� I didn�t mean that Society, they�re a bunch of pompous dickheads trying to be different by being painfully the same. I�m talking about society as a whole� people, �Rabbit, people. THE JACKRABBIT: �Ah, people! I�m a people! Don�tchya worry, Stevieo, The Jackrabbit is perfectly normal around people. I help people lots. Like this one time, I was in a hurry doing stuffs, and this guy, he told me to �break a leg�� so I dropped what I was doing, and�� Stevie Sol cringes and hastily cuts The Jackrabbit off. STEVIE SOL: �Yeah, so the tests�?� THE JACKRABBIT: �Oh yes, tests! Well, I�d love to be helping you out, Stevieo, but sadly I gots a big match in En-El-Dub with Aphrowhatserface and Felix, and it�s quite an important one for me, so I�m gonna have to pass on them tests�� He still sits on the grass, idly picking flecks of green paint off his nose. Stevie Sol folds his arms across his un-ironed shirt, and shakes his head. STEVIE SOL: ��Fraid not, man. Lucky for you, the evaluation we will be undertaking won�t impede your main source of income � not that you seem to ever use it � so you�ve been allowed a permit of lease to wrestle on all NLW shows. Mr. Sullivan is a very persuasive man when it comes to his wrestlers missing shows, it would seem.� THE JACKRABBIT: �Good ol� Sully� Y�know, he beats me twice back in Eye-See-� STEVIE SOL: {interrupting} �Yes yes, so basically I�ll need to be taking you in right now, man. Are you completely prepared for your match at Uprising 15? You seem to know Aphrodisia well enough, she�s Society after all, but Phoenix is a whole new ballgame, man. Legacy champ an� all�� Before answering, The Jackrabbit holds up his NLW Tag Team title belt, bits of green having already rubbed off onto the once shiny surface. The light from the glass around them reflects off the gold at strange angles, making Stevie Sol squint beneath his shades. THE JACKRABBIT: �In case you�re forgetting, Stevieo, I�m a champeeeeno as well. Felix may have made The Hellacious One choke-� He makes a gagging noise in his throat, then coughs it out. �But The Unorthodox One hasn�t choked not even once in En-El-Dub� except a second ago, but that was a demonstration, okay?� The Jackrabbit still remains unpinned, The Jackrabbit still remains unsubmissionised, and The Jackrabbit still remains Jackrabbity� in case you forgot that. Felix is a nice dude, and I�m not gonna say bad nasty things about him� he fighted against Sauces City, and he fighted against a lot of bad things like rodents and fleas and he always looked up to the people what filled his milk saucer and always.� STEVIE SOL: �What are you talking about?� THE JACKRABBIT: �Felix.. you know Felix? The cat?� And he smiles� it appears he somehow managed to get some of the green onto his usually spotless teeth as well. Stevie Sol almost seems about to correct The Unorthodox One, but instead he just sighs a sigh of resignation. THE JACKRABBIT: �No matter, Stevieo. Y�see, this be a very important match for me. There be no gold on the line, and there be no shots like in this tourniement what�s going on right now, and there�s not even a funky super stipulation like breaky ladders. But it�s important because of the peoples that are in it. You gots Aphwhatchyacallit, a former En-El-Dub Champeeeeno of the Woooorld, and you gots The Felix, the current NLW Legsy Champeeeeeno, which he winned for having better legs than Dracey, or so I am led to believe� and then you gots The Jackrabbit, one sixth of Fusion and one third of the NLW Tag Team Champeeens of the Wooooorld. This should be called The Gold Match or something� the second main event� the ohmygod-for-the-love-of-icecream show-stealer! And that�s what we�ll do, Stevieo. While my buddy and bestest friend Talon is off winning some other belt or other, the three of us former and current goldholderboulders will be stealing Uprisening Fifteen. And when alls said and done, only one person walks out with head held high. And like Uprisening Thirteen, this Uprisening is Fusion�s show, and The Jackrabbit will get The Last Laugh! AHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAAAAAAHAHA!� And The Jackrabbit bursts into a trademark fit of hysterical laughter, causing Stevie Sol to stand awkwardly adjusting his cap, making sure to keep one arm firmly on The Jackrabbit. Slowly, quietly, he slips a pair of restraining cuffs over The Jackrabbit�s wrist, which the wrestler either fails to notice or fails to care about, and then over his own, locking the two men together. With a sigh, he begins to lead The Jackrabbit away from the plantations, the fruit and the veg. As he does though, he cannot help but interrupt the insane laughter to ask the question that has been nagging at him since he arrived. STEVIE SOL: ��Rabbit, why are you painted green?� The Jackrabbit looks at him incredulously. THE JACKRABBIT: �Because we�re in a green house, of course!� The camera falls like a plane missing one wing, spiralling uncontrollably downward, ever downward, until with a crash it is in a small room. Concrete walls, concrete floors, a concrete ceiling and door and a single window. A single window with bars, restrictive bars, containing bars, entrapping bars. The bed is empty, once-pristine sheets ravaged, and the chair lies on the floor, one of the legs looking as though an attempt has been made to severe it from the base with the instrument that lies beside it. A spoon. The man stands against this door, leaning, shaking, all of his might failing to even rattle it on its hinges. The green paint has all but rubbed off his body, a reminder of a lost freedom.