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�I think so, yes. We are running out of options... and time. You must see, he can�t stay here forever.�
�I guess not. But still, what if he breaks? Surely that can only be a bad result.�
�Not at all. I don�t think you are... how do you say... thinking outside of the box.�
There are cages. Rows and rows and rows of cages. And more rows. Each cage stretches as far as the camera can see, each one the exact shade of monotonous metal. Inside each entrapment is a small creature, grey like its prison, but fluffy and with buckteeth and bobtails. Each rabbit sits in its cell, looking content despite its confines, completely unaware of the multitude of equal and identical counterparts surrounding it in this out-of-world place. Between each cage floats a strange silver orb, its surface flickering from an unlocateable light source. The camera moves in between these orbs, to focus on just one cage and one rabbit, and it becomes apparent that the creature is lapping up something from a bowl with its tiny tongue. Ice cream; vanilla ice cream.
One by one the rabbits begin to make sounds into their bowls, laughing... no, not laughing. The rabbits are crying, whining like wounded animals. As though escaping the noise, the camera rushes onwards, past cage upon cage, until it reaches a large construct towering over all, overseeing the movement of the orbs between these entrapments. An eagle sits perched on this dark tower.
The camera refocuses, allowing this obscure world to blur away from sight to be replaced with that of yet another cell, this one larger and padded in thick white rubber; it is the current reluctant residence of NLW�s neighbourhood Jackrabbit, though it seems to have acquired a new reclining bed, kitted out with special antiseptic sheets. It is at this bed that The Jackrabbit now looks, inspecting it with great scrutiny as he eats yet another bowl of vanilla ice-cream generously provided him by one Doctor Libor Radnik. Clad in his usual attire of tartan longshorts and black NLW t-shirt, his sunshades sit lazily on his nose and his blonde hair is tied back into a scruffy ponytail. His face has not been shaved in a while, and is growing a longer-than-usual amount of blonde facial hair. The Jackrabbit points at the bed.
THE JACKRABBIT: �Ooooh, wassat?�
The door to the cell creaks open slowly, and The Jackrabbit turns towards it expecting to see the arrival of Dr. Radnik. He is surprised then, to see another figure, clad in a white shirt, untucked at the waist and undone at the neck, with a yellow tie hanging loosely around his neck. Beneath his slightly-angled baseball cap is Stevie Sol, walking calmly towards The Jackrabbit, who looks unperturbed from his dessert.
THE JACKRABBIT: �Hey-a Stevieo! Howsit homieboy!?�
STEVIE SOL: �Homieboy? I�m gonna pretend you didn�t just say that, �Rabbit.�
THE JACKRABBIT: �You not like?�
STEVIE SOL: �Forget it, man. Listen, you�re gonna be tested today, got it?�
THE JACKRABBIT: �Ooooh, more tests! I like tests, dontchya know?�
STEVIE SOL: �You�re not gonna like these tests, �Rabbit. You�re coming close to the end of your stay here...�
THE JACKRABBIT: �Awww but Stevieo, I like it here with you and Doc, does I really gotta go?�
STEVIE SOL: �Yeah, you got a hut to look after, remember?�
The Jackrabbit smiles, tossing aside his empty bowl, clearly not noticing the sarcasm thick in Stevie�s comment or the smirk on his face.
STEVIE SOL: �So your tests are gonna get... stronger. People want answers out of you, �Rabbit. Answers you can�t possibly give them intentionally...�
THE JACKRABBIT: �What you talkin� bout, Stevieo... I know all the answers to everything, Tal told me most things ever in the history of forever. Like this, remember that Pizza Sfallover...?�
STEVIE SOL: �Piter Svoboda...�
THE JACKRABBIT: �That�s what I said. Well, I knew I was gonna be Last Laugh-ing him down and out of this Gold Russian tourniething, and what do you know, that�s what happened, wasn�t it?! Hahahahaaa! So now The Jackrabbit... that�s me!... is going on to Round Seventy...�
STEVIE SOL: �Round Three..�
THE JACKRABBIT: �...to defeat whoever happens to be next on my list of people to beat to become the very first Gold Russian in En-El-Dub and face off against Aphywotsit now that she gone and beat up Icey for the World Title of the Woooorld. Hahahahaaaaa!�
STEVIE SOL: �Cute, but I think you�re missing the point...�
THE JACKRABBIT: �Oh no, The Jackrabbit makes a point of always catching points. Points lead to prizes, y�know!�
STEVIE SOL: �There�ll be no prizes when-�
The sentence has not left Stevie Sol�s lips before Dr. Libor Radnik makes his entrance into the padded cell, his dark eyes hovering on Stevie Sol. He looks slightly discomforted by his presence here, but proceeds nonetheless across the room, shuffling his notes and pulling a biro from his white overcoat.
DR. RADNIK: �Ah... Mr. Sol, what an.. uh, unexpected surprise to see you here.�
STEVIE SOL: �I�m allowed in here to talk to the patient, Doc.�
DR. RADNIK: �Well, of course you are. An interesting conversation?�
THE JACKRABBIT: �Oh yes yes, we talked about tests and points and pizzas.�
STEVIE SOL: �I told him he�d be having more examinations today.�
DR. RADNIK: �Ah yes, yes, and that he will. Are you looking forward to these, Jackrabbit?�
THE JACKRABBIT: �Oh yessum indeedy, especially �cos I gotsa be special ready for the big match at the next Uprisening, Doc! Did you hear?�
STEVIE SOL: �Tag Title defense against three other teams, in case you�re wondering Doctor.�
The doctor furrows his brow at this, taking a note. Stevie Sol adjusts his cap, looking straight at The Jackrabbit, who looks preoccupied with toying with one of the shackles attached to the reclining bed.
STEVIE SOL: �That�s not to mention the big reveal at the last show, right �Rabbit? Explicit Content now, did you have that one in your notes Doctor?�
DR. RADNIK: �Yes yes, I had a note pertaining to an alliance of sorts... he let slip when he was last under.�
STEVIE SOL: �But you�re fighting your own stable mates at Uprising, right �Rabbit?�
THE JACKRABBIT: �Oh yes, Stevieo... you see, Mr. Sully got a bit upset with us all at Uprisening, �cos Jin-Jin decided to drop him on his head y�see? So methinks he�s kinda punishing us for doing those naughty things by making us fight each other. It�s okay, though, �cos we�re still �Splicit Content, and they�re not gonna stop us from doing what us all wants to do; entertain the �Rabbit Fans! So when we all go head-to-head-to-head-to-head, we�ll put on a show like only �Splicit Content can do, and then the winner, that�ll be Fusion, will hold our superspecial Tag Team Titles of the Wooooorld over their heads. It�ll be a glorious day in the history of �Splicit Content.
We made our little group to bring the fun and joy back to En-El-Dub �cos the silly war �tween the evil horse stables like the Sauces City people and Sully�s ringers was sucking away all the laughs. The Jackrabbit likes his laughing, Doc, Stevieo, so The Jackrabbit agreed with Jin-Jin that with �Splicit Content being alive again, En-El-Dub will get the shot in the arm that it needs. I�m not sure really what he meant by that, �cos I woulda thinked getting shot in the arm would hurt lots and lots and nobody, not even an En-El-Dub, would need to get shot in the arm... but mebbe that�s just me?�
DR. RADNIK: �As focused as ever, Jackrabbit. Unfortunately my friend, your title match will have to wait for now... we have important tests to undergo. Mr. Sol...
Without any further instruction needed, Stevie Sol adjusts his tie and makes his way out of the cell, leaving The Jackrabbit, who is fidgeting with anticipation, with the doctor. Radnik removes his white overcoat, revealing a plain white shirt beneath, and places it down in the corner. He gestures with a hand.
DR. RADNIK: �Take a seat on the bed, Jackrabbit. Get yourself nice and comforbed.�
The Jackrabbit gives a bow and a flourish, an unusual way of complying to a request, and does a standing leap onto the bed, laying himself back as the doctor brings the recliner up to prop his laying form up.
THE JACKRABBIT: �This be a nice bed ya� got here, Doc. What�s it for? I had chairs before... �
DR. RADNIK: �To make you relaxed for these next tests, Jackrabbit. They could be getting a little... difficult for you, today, yes..�
THE JACKRABBIT: �I�m good at doing difficult things, Doc. I won that match with Aphykins in it... she�s back again at Uprisening though, and she�s the Champeeeeno now, too. But she isn�t gonna be adding my Tag Team belt to her collection, Doc... she�s teamed up with Icey, who she really especially doesn�t like, and he really especially doesn�t like her neither. That�s unnerstandable, of course, but doesn�t make for a good tag team really... it just means that while �Splicit Content are putting on a great show, Aphy and Icey... that�s sounds like a funky sitcom, Doc!... Aphy and Icey will be ripping each other�s throats to pieces... �cos that�s what they do, y�know? Aphydiddle and Icey both knows that Fusion respect them for what they�ve done in En-El-Dub and the rest of the wrestling world... but they both made stupid mistakes. Lots of stupid mistakes.
For starters, (not prawn cocktail starters, mind you), Aphycake went and joined up with the Sauces City peoples and now she�s getting all smoochy loveydovey with Jacko. That�s disgusting, there�s gonna be cooties getting passed around there, Doc... and Aphy�s gonna have to find a way to get rid of �em, hahahahahaha!!!! Oh, and Icey, I suppose you�re wondering what mistake he made. Well, that�s the beauty of it, Doc... the mistake Icey made was way back when in Eye-See-Dub-Ef. Y�see, back in that company, Icey held the TeeVee Championship... you know who else held the Eye-See-Dub-Ef TeeVee Championship, Doc? The Jackrabbit, that�s who! Icey, if we goes one-on-one, mano-e-rabbito, you know that this little Jackrabbit will be proving that I is was and forever will be the best TeeVee Champeeeeno that Eye-See-Dub-Ef ever had!
Of course, Aphy and Icey made one more mistake when they got made into one of them dissyfunktunnel teams... they got matched up against The Jackrabbit, against Talon, against the En-El-Dub Tag Team Champeeeenos of the World... they got matched up against Fusion! Arrrrhahahahahaaaaa!�
DR. RADNIK: {checking his notes} �ICWF? Your memory is clearly not as bad as surmised, Jackrabbit.�
THE JACKRABBIT: �I can remember special things, Doc!�
DR. RADNIK: �Well, Jackrabbit... that�s what I�m hoping. It�s time to break you down.�
The camera fades, slowly, a lid closing over as an episode begins to unravel.
The camera has returned to its unlikely scene of the thousand caged rabbits, the silver orbs still floating around, though their pace is quicker now, and their paths more frantic. For their part, the rabbits are not as relaxed either. Their ice cream is gone, and the demeanour of the animals has become panicked, as they frenetically attempt to escape through the solid bars of their sombre cells. Their red eyes are manic, their buckteeth gnawing wildly. Somewhere in the distance, lightning crashes down around a dark tower. A voice crashes around the disrupted scene, bellowing from the skies. �I must know how!�
Flicker. There is a blur, nothing is quite clear, nothing quite what it seems. What is clear, though, is the face of Libor Radnik, its dried skin wrinkled with age, his eyes gleaming with a fascinated youth that is not becoming of them. Through these dark eyes, he shouts, demands... questions.
It didn�t happen!
But it did. Remember the building, the skyscraper, the tower... Remember the intoxication that clouded your mind, remember the haze that covered your eyes, and the juvenile laughter, the delinquent jests.
It was fun! Just fun, good times!
But it wasn�t. It wasn�t fun at all. It wasn�t a fun occasion when you fought, when you argued, when you yelled. It wasn�t a fun occasion when you took the plunge, took the descent, took the fall.
No! No! It was an accident! I forgave!
But you didn�t. You didn�t believe it was an accident, when you fell to your demise. You didn�t forgive when you came to the GWO, you didn�t absolve him when you replaced Titan 3 on that cold, hard mat. What did you seek? What was your goal?
No! No! Revenge! I sought revenge!
Tell me why.
He did not know if he could tell, if he should tell. On the surface, he didn�t really know what to tell. But deep inside, there was something inside Jay, gnawing away at the steel bars on those confining cages. The watcher could not stop him here, its drawling caw lost beneath the thunder that pounded at the very orbs that made their continual path through his mind. Tell me why. That�s all it took, and the pain would end, the torture would end, the probing, teasing, taunting, assuming questions would all be gone, replaced once more with meadows and huts and vanilla ice cream. The good things in life.
His eyes did not open.
Because he broke me. Tiny little pieces. Broken, broken forever.
A figure is huddled in the corner of a white, padded room. In his tartan longshorts and his black company T-shirt, he holds his knees to his chin, the sunshades failing to completely conceal the small drops of water falling from his face. The Jackrabbit cries.
THE JACKRABBIT: �You broke me, too, once, Jason Sprite. Yes, I remember you... You�d be surprised what I remembers, sometimes... I remembers Headstrong Wrestlin�... and I remembers you screwed us out of our Tag Team title back there... The match was declared a no-contest... in the end... whatever that means. But you did broke us, Jason Sprite... your partner might be different here... and you might not have Jonny Arr, or Ex, or Zedd, or whatever he was called... with you this time... but here in En-El-Dub, the result... will be different. I am... Tag Champeen... I am... The Jackrabbit,... Jason Sprite. And Fusion... Fusion will be... your monster...�
This Jackrabbit, this changed, this different, this broken Jackrabbit misses his cue. He does not laugh, but he weeps.
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