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The scene opens. The camera though is not at an interesting location where our next promotion is about to take place. The camera is not zooming up a building or panning across a city. The camera is shrouded in pitch darkness. An endless black that to the viewer of the footage might be considered a fault in the equipment displaying the image; or lack of. But this all changes in the blink of an eye with a crash of bolt blue lightning, illuminating the skies and the scene we behold. The camera shows an expanse that stretches out further than the human eye could see; an endless land of decay and of desolation. Gnarled oak trees, dying and stricken by the lack of tenderness, scatter a landscape of dried mud, unspoiled by footprint or vehicle tire.
The camera moves now, tracking slowly and drearily through the darkness that is this wilderness. Eventually there are houses and for all bit a split second it could be believed that there is life in this wasteland. But the houses are not tended; in fact, they are no more than shells of what used to shelter those who tended the land. No longer. Gray bricks fall from crumbling walls; the roofs collapsed long ago. A second streak of lightning strikes the ground, too close to the camera for comfort. The view of the lens pans up to take in the vast skies of clouds; each one like gaseous forms of floating coal. The camera lowers again, following yet another streak as the sound of rolling thunder echoes across the emptiness. If one place could symbolise the end of everything it is here; a hellhole in which clearly no human had trodden in centuries.
THE JACKRABBIT: �Hey-a �Rabbit Fans!!!!!!!!�
The camera spins around, on its axis, almost in a panicked stupor. What it sees though, the cause of this voice, does not fit such a dying apocalyptic land. The figure before the camera, it�s eyes shaded by a pair of top-market sunshades, is grinning from ear to ear. It wears a pair of blue, tartan shorts and a black T-shirt adorned with a gray spiral and the words �Insane Massacre IV.� Long blonde hair flows freely down the back of the muscled man as he skips past the camera, on cracked soils trodden by none in centuries past, his fluid movements much like that of a schoolchild. The figure is, of course, ICWF�s own The Jackrabbit!
THE JACKRABBIT: �I said� Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeya Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaabbit Fans! Didn�t ya listen or summat? Aw well, Ready or Not, Here I Come! That�s righty, whether you�re ready, whether you�re not, or whether you just couldn�t fit in the linen closet so you couldn�t find a good hidin� place in time, The Jackrabbit� that�s me!� is here and The Jackrabbit� that�s me too!� ain�t going no place, no way, no how! So there!
I�m on a journey, a mission a ohmigosh-The-Jackrabbit-is-going-places-type-thingy! I�m going to see the tower, I am I am! I can�t wait, �cos it�s gunna be sooooo much fun! I�m thinking there�ll be ice-cream there, but I dunno �cos you really never can tell with the tower. Why I am going to this tower, you loyal and unloyal �Rabbit Fans ask? Why why, oh for the love of bunnies why?? Well to be honest I really doesn�t know shock horror, horror shock! I thinks we�ll just have tea and biscuits, actually. And ice cream! And I�ll prolly talk allsa�bout DeMarko Freezey and Street Sharky. �Cos like, Mistah Odjie has put me me me against not one, not two, not three, but TWO opponents!! I �sposes t�is cos Odjie knows how super-great The Jackrabbit is and so he needs to puts two people instead of one. Arghahahah!�
The Jackrabbit continues to skip through this dark land of wilderness when suddenly a crash of lightning hits the floor just beside him. Squealing like a little girl, The Jackrabbit leaps aside, throwing both hands up in the air. The cracked mud beside his feet hisses and cracks from the bolt that struck it, and The Jackrabbit watches this for several moments before turning back and looking out over the wilderness.
THE JACKRABBIT: �Oh gee, I gots some way to walks yet. Can�t be far yet, I mean come on, how far can an �endless journey� be? Wells all this hopping gives me a chance to reflex� no, reflex� no wait, I got it� reflect! Hah, he isn�t the only one who can reflex, I�ll show him. I�m reflexing about my new Nintendo Odjie bought me right now�.� He looks to the camera without faltering a step in his skip �Uhh� I mean, I�m reflexing about my opponents for the Papa View�� He looks to his T-shirt for a prompt. �Insane Massacre Iv� hm, I dunno how to pronounce that last word� Iv? Is Iv right? Dunno what that means, but oh well if Odjie likes it then that�s that and we stick it on a T-shirt and nod and smile and wear it. Cos Mistah Odjie is the boss, you know, and bosses give things. Like triplet matches with two screwballs who think they�re bigger and cleverer and tougher and bigger and cleverer than The Jackrabbit! Hah! Hear that? Hah! Hah and Hah and Hahahahahahaha! Nobody nobody is betterer than The Jackrabbit! Nobody nobody is cleverer than The Jackrabbit! And nobody nobody is bigger than- uhm�. Street Sharky? See, Sharky is the funniest most laughableist person ever� he sits and he talks and he sits. And when�s he�s finished sitting, he talks. Then, after all this, when he�s finished talking, he sits. Have we been here before �Rabbit Fans? No? Okies! Then he sits, and he talks and sits��
The Jackrabbit, typically, bursts into hysterics. Clearly this is an amusing thing for him, and the dreariness of the environment and smell of death and decay in the air isn�t going to take that away from him. He tips back his head, laughing insanely and.. CRACK! Straight into a goddamn oak tree.
THE JACKRABBIT: �Ow! Holy Peter Pan that hurt! Who put the freakin� tree there? Y�know, I bet it was Freezey� it�s been hiding his head ever since The Jackrabbit� that�s me, screwballs!� went and beat his sorry little bumbum into the mat on Inferno oh so many years� hours� weeks! Oh so many weeks ago. Freezey didn�t like being humiliated and Jackrabbitalized by The Jackrabbit, did he? He�s gone into hiding with his little F-word buddy-chums and now he�s coming out to plant trees in The Jackrabbit�s path to the tower. Well silly DeMarko, t�will and t�was and t�will take more than a tree to stop The Jackrabbit. Remember yous called me a roadblock, Freezey? Well �sactly! Can�t block a roadblock�s road with a roadblock, Freezey! Does that make sense? Does it have to, this is an ICWF TV thingy, does they ever make sense? I mean, come on! Everybody knows Scooby Doo isn�t real! Just like the Tweenies and the Teletubbies and Casanova� all fantasy, �Rabbit Fans, all fantasy! Trust me, The Jackrabbit always speaks sense!�
The laughter wouldn�t be clich� if it wasn�t a regular occurance now would it? The Jackrabbit begins to laugh to himself but suddenly he sees or feels a shadow wash over him that chills him and brings his hop-skipping to a halt. The laughter too ceases, as The Jackrabbit lifts his eyes up slowly. Here it is. A dark tower rises up high above The Jackrabbit, a magnificent structure when compared to the apocalyptic wilderness the scene has become accustomed to. The entire structure is made of a dark stone, so dark is seems almost covered in a permanent and unnatural shadow. The Jackrabbit swallows his own saliva heavily; the sight has made even his throat turn dry, causing a slight hoarseness in his high-pitched voice.
THE JACKRABBIT: �Here I am and here I be. See this, Sharky? Ever seen anything like this before? I bet you haven�t. Why? �Cos your always too busy playing pool, touching your brother like little mini Zimbellos, drinking or killing somebody� silly casual things, Sharky. Sharkys waste their days swimming about in little fishing ponds� rabbits don�t. They hop around fields eating carrots� uhh� winning matches. Yup! See Sharky, I watched what you was up to on the TV and I yawned and yawned almost like I did when I watch that weird program where they talk about all these strange things that obviously ain�t actually real. Was really strange, actually. �Little girl died today in a car crash. Schools are opening their new book scheme in hopes of improving the summat-or-other of the summat-or-others. So-and-so-and-so-and-so is running in a something against whatsisface to become new president..� I mean, president is obviously a made up word! It�s all a load of doo-hicky, Sharky, just like all your doo-hicky �bout winning triplet matches. Too orthodox, Sharky� and I know what that big word means. The Jackrabbit is The Unorthodox One Sharky, and I has been told that makes me� un-pre-dic-ta-ble. See!? There is a word I don�t understand.
Matter of the fact is The Jackrabbit isn�t gunna lose� I played games with Eliminajig on Inferno, but I�m bored of games� speaking of which, Odjie is going to buy Mario 2 for me!! �Cos I completed the first Mario �cos it was too easy! I can�t wait I�m so excited! But first I got tea and biscuits and ice-cream and two opponents to get through� so onwards and outwards� upwards�. Inwards! Inwards!
The Jackrabbit takes a step up to the enormous door before him at the foot of the tower, at least a good two times his size. Clenching a tight fist he raps his knuckles against the door, and the sound seems to reverberate around the entire wasteland. The Jackrabbit cringes, shouting at the door for it to be opened.
THE JACKRABBIT: �Helloooo! Anybody hoooome!? Come out, come out, wherever you aaaare!�
In response to his calls, the huge door slowly begins to open, allowing him access to the enormous dark tower in the middle of nowhere. A smile crosses his lips, slowly fading as the shadow appears, large, before him. Out of nowhere, The Jackrabbit turns his head to the camera, giving it a big toothy grin.
THE JACKRABBIT: �Oh yeah, nearly forgot! The Jackrabbit will get The Last Laugh!�
With his words spoken, the camera takes the hint, lifting to the darkened skies as the scene fades out, The Jackrabbit entering the Dark Tower.
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