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The scene opens up in a dark room. The camera roams around this room, trying to find light from which to see what is happening in the room. A light begins to flicker. Slowly at first, and then it speeds up. The camera gets quick flashes of the room� the walls are unpainted and unpapered. The lights flicker off, and the darkness returns. The lights come back, and the camera sees that the floor has no carpet, leaving the cold, bare, grey concrete showing. The floor is also littered with objects. The lights flicker off, and the darkness returns. The lights flash on, and the camera sees the objects that cover the concrete. They are weapons of all kinds. Not guns, or nightsticks, or swords, though. These weapons are hardcore items. Items like trashcans, 2x4s, thumbtacks, steel road signs, lead piping, tipped-over shopping trolleys, kendo sticks of all sizes, and rolls and rolls of rusted barbed wire. The lights do not flicker off again. On the wall there is a poster of a rabbit wearing sunshades and firing at an eagle with a machine gun. The rabbit is not a cartoon rabbit though, and the eagle is not animated either. Neither is the machine gun. On the opposite side of the room there is a �Ricky Rage & ODT� clock, one of few of Ricky and ODT�s merchandise which is known to have been purchased. But the clock is not in the state it was when the cameras last passed over it� it seems to have found a second function, and is now doubling up as a dartboard. As a result, the clock is also two and a half hours slow.
The camera notices something for the first time. Sat amongst the clatter of weaponry, �The Graveyard of Hardcore,� is a figure on a stool� a three-legged stool. The figure has long, blonde hair, flowing to his shoulders, and his eyes are hidden behind a pair of well-tinted sunshades, with a gold frame. He is wearing a pair of red, tartan long-shorts and a black T-shirt. On the T-shirt is a rabbit� a rabbit with grey fur. And long, pointed ears. And buckteeth. And mad, red eyes. The rabbit is laughing insanely. But, presumably, the rabbit is not real, for it is only an image on a T-shirt. An image on a T-shirt belonging to the one, and the only, (since duplicates, or �wannabes� don�t count), The Jackrabbit of the one, and the only, (since there are no others) Golden Wrestling Organisation!
The Jackrabbit sits on his stool, staring into the camera. If he were any other man he would be able to, but as it is he cannot resist tipping back his head to allow a long and hysterical laugh to escape from his throat. He does not hurry to finish his laugh quickly, and allows it to drag on and on, until he gets bored of it himself. (Not because he has nothing left to laugh about, because The Jackrabbit always has something to laugh about.)
THE JACKRABBIT: �What a hobbirul, hobbirul journey that was. I just had to fly all the way from London, back here home. In an aeroplane, I mean since people can�t fly by themselves yet. And then, in a day or so, I gotta fly back to England to go to Tree Son. Not my idea of a laugh. Damn aeroplanes and airhostess people... I hate 'em! Oh, how rude of me�
Hey-a �Rabbit Fans� though to be honest, you don�t deserve that� you turned on me. You done Treason to me. I trusted you. I was loyal. You was loyal. We was loyal together. The Jackrabbit, and all of his trazillions and batillions of �Rabbit Fans. And so I decides to see you guys. And you get mad on me. You is all shouting at me, and telling me that I am not the GWO Wealthy Commoner Champion! That�s not true� you know it�s not true. Of course I am the Wealthy Commoner Champion! Come on, if I ain�t the champion, who is? Silvio Syn? You must be jokin�! Jokes are funny, but not this one. Silvio Syn is a crackpot in a jail because he�s a naughty boy� he killed girlies. Girly-killers ain�t champions! The Jackrabbit is the champion. But you �Rabbit Fans didn�t say that� some of you said that I�d never been champion and never would be champion� that is traitorousous. Does you realise what you are saying �Rabbit Fans? The rule is this: Finders Keepers, Losers Weepers. I found the title, so I�m the champion� Silvio Syn lost the title, so he�s a weeper. Which isn�t a good thing, I think. And then I gets a �Rabbit Fan telling me I am gonna lose my title when I defend it against Silvio Syn at the Paper Pay-Per-View, Tree Son. Well, saying that is Tree-Son-ous. And when �Rabbit Fans be Tree-Son-ous, I gets very cross. And I is very cross at that �Rabbit Fan. I will not lose to Silvio Syn at Tree Son, �cause I is The Jackrabbit� you just wait and see!
And then� this other guy� he meets me, and instead of talking, asking questions, and giving me summat to squiggle on, like Barry said he�s supposed to, this guy decided to be a �Rabbit Wannabe instead of a �Rabbit Fan! He dressed up all like The Jackrabbit, and he calls me a �Rabbit Fan and he says stuff about getting The Last Laugh. But everybody knows, that The Jackrabbit always gets The Last Laugh� if the �Rabbit Wannabe always got the Last Laugh, then it would go, �The �Rabbit Wannabe always gets The Last Laugh!� but it doesn�t, it goes, �The Jackrabbit always gets The Last Laugh!� So there! And if that �Rabbit Wannabe is listening, I just wanna sing a little song I heard on the aeroplane and I changed a little bit��
The Jackrabbit coughs a little to clear his throat, and then he positions his clasped hands below his mouth as a make-shift microphone fro his first-ever live singing performance. Shockingly, The Jackrabbit begins to rap in his high-pitched voice, whilst waving his arms crazily around the air, rap-style.
THE JACKRABBIT: [work out the tune yourself] �I�s The Jackrabbit,
Yes, I�s The Real Jackrabbit,
All you other Jackrabbits is just imitating
So won't the real Jackrabbit please stand up,
Please stand up, please stand up? Please? Please?
I guess there be a Jackrabbit in all of us?
No! No, there�s only one Jackrabbit� that�s me! Me! ONE JACKRABBIT!�
The Jackrabbit stops his rap, feeling quite out of breath from the arm waving and heavy rap he performed with one breath. He then applauds himself, before tipping back his head to laugh some more. After his outbursts have ceased, he continues as before.
THE JACKRABBIT: �Well, I think that is �nuff said. I will forgive you �Rabbit Fans now� �cos I figured GWO would probably want me to start hating all my Fans now and become a sole. But I�m happy as a face, because I am me� a fun-loving guy. I can�t stay cross at my �Rabbit Fans for long, you know. They made some big mistakes in London� but mayhap it is just Londononians who have problems. I�m sure my �Rabbit Fans in Canadia love me cos I was the TAW Canadian Heavyweight Champion. Even though I came from some place in the States called� err�. Pitts something, or so my bio says. But nonetheless� I like that word, nonetheless, cos it�s like three or four words all joined together. Someone backstage told me that. Interesting fella, but a bit boring if you know what I mean. His name was Dick. Dick Tionary! Hahahahahahahahahaaa! Get it? Get it? Dick Tionary. Like, dictionary. �Cos they have words in� and nonetheless is a word! Yeah, pretty funny, huh? Anyway, I can�t actually remember his name. He will forever be remembered as a Dick in my mind.
But, whilst I was flying (in an aeroplane) to here, I thought of something. I might not have a match at Tree Son. No, hear me out. I ain�t chickening out. I�m The Jackrabbit, not The Chicken. But Silvio Syn is all locked up in a jail, and the nasty policemen ain�t letting him out� so he may not make it to Tree Son to get a shot at my Wealthy Commoner Championship. Well, I suppose it is Syn�s own fault. He did bring it on himself by killing that girly. And then burning a couple of letters on her! Silvio, that isn�t very nice. If you�re gonna burn stuff on dead people, you could at least spell your name right! You�re Silvio Syn, not Tilvio Ayn! Unless �T.A� was meant to spell something else? Turkey Armour? Nope� Thomas Allen? No, that wouldn�t make any sense, since you�re called Silvio Syn� I think. Or maybe it�s Territorial Army? Nope� Howsabout, Troy�s Anus? That�s disgusting, Syn! Burning Troy�s Anus onto a dead girly! Silvio is sick. I think Troy would rather keep his Anus on someone else� and they wouldn�t be female. Hahahahaha! Get it? �Cos Troy is a homo-sapien, which means he only fancies boys! Ewwww! Hahahahahha!
Well, Silvio Syn made a big mistake by getting all distracted by his killing this girly. He was silly to do it, cos now he can�t concentrate proper on our match� Ahh� maybe that�s Syn�s plan� he secretly plans on using this whole dead girl thing as an excuse for why he lost. That�s pretty sad. �Cos when he does lose to me at Tree Son, it won�t be because some random girly died. It�ll be because The Jackrabbit is better than Silvio Syn� but Silvio shouldn�t feel ashamed by that. After all, most people isn�t as good as The Jackrabbit. Except the World Champ� Zim-thingy may be a sicko, but he sure is funny. Every time I watch him doing summat on my tele, I laugh and laugh and laugh. He is just so entertaining, and amusing. That whole dog thing, where he shaved and dog and then killed it� and then blamed it all on The Pun� it�s hilarious! It�s like The Blah Witch thing� it�s so funny� and Tony Blah is barely in the whole movie anyway, and he�s like the owner of England� or Sven is, I gets confused easily. But back to the point, except Zim-thingy, I am the bestest, so losing to me isn�t a bad thing.
Silvio Syn is getting to face Zim-thingy, or the World champion, at the next thing� he keeps calling it GX... Uncle Maggy said it was a Paper Pay-Per-View. So if Silvio is all interested in some World Title match at this GX, he can�t be interested in my Wealthy Commoner Title too. �Cos then he�d have too titles, and that�s just shellfish� err, selfish, I mean. So, I will do everything in my Rabbit Power to stop Silvio from getting two belts and being a belt-hogger. Cos huggers ain�t coo. And I bet Uncle Maggy and all o� GWO don�t like huggers. Except Syn. He likes huggers. �Cos he is a hogger. But he won�t get the shot at hogging �cos I will exter� ex� excommunicate him at Tree Son. Tree Son is the event which The Jackrabbit proves to the world that he really is the Wealthy Commoner champion, and that Silvio Syn just plainly isn�t! So Silvio, you just wait and see what The Unorthodox One serves up� and it won�t be beans on toast. It�ll be a good old-fashioned eye-opener. Because The Jackrabbit always opens eyes. Every time I step into the ring, I open eyes. And I make more and more �Rabbit Fans to add to my collection of �Rabbit Fans. But on Sunday, at Tree Son, I will be adding something else to my new. The undisputed Wealthy Commoner Championship! I have been the Wealthy Commoner champion for so long now, yet it has always been disputed. There�s been Silvio Syn thinking he�s the champion, Ricky Ragey holding my belt, Jason claiming to be the champion� but everybody knows the real truth. The Jackrabbit is, was and will be the Golden Wrestlin� Organisation�s Wealthy Commoner Champion-o! I can put a period on the end of this whole dispute by saying, as plain as night, that at the one they call Tree Son,
The Jackrabbit will get The Last Laugh over Silvio Syn! �
The Jackrabbit needs to say no more, and he tips back his head to allow and long and loud hysterical laugh to escape form his throat. The camera scans his �Graveyard of Hardcore� before sending its view soaring down The Jackrabbit�s throat into the blackness of his throat.
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