Rivers. Fast flowing water in a formation that runs from its source to the large, open sea. Or sometimes it might not flow so fast. If a river loses its sloe, loses it energy and its will to go it, it will move slowly, so slowly, towards its mouth, with no real desire to get there. Rivers are beautiful things� or to be more accurate, were beautiful things. But in this day and age, rivers are usually not so beautiful any longer. Now rivers are dirty, filled with pollution and gunk, and rubbish carelessly thrown there by one human or another. Like everything else, the human race has ruined one of nature�s beauties, a beauty as old as the world itself� rivers held secrets, and treasures beyond the imagination of any of us� The scene opens up. A sound can be heard, that is the most distinct feature of this latest scene. It is flowing� flowing water. Not moving fast, just swaying and swishing, lacking the kinetic energy it would require to pick up the pace. All around the river that is before the camera, there are buildings. Man-made creations surrounding nature�s river� a large bridge crossing the widest part, tall buildings looming all around. Houses, towers, factories. The list could be endless. Their dull blacks and greys in complete contrast to the colour of the water. This colour is unnatural though. This isn�t the faint blue transparency of your average water. This water is a dull green, nearly brown. This water is mucky. This water is dirty and polluted. This river must be situated on Earth. The river is situated on Earth; in fact it is situated in the heart of London City, England. Boats sail this river, if that is what it can be called. Tourists and Londoners walk the sides, barely stopping to glance at the sunlight that reflects and refracts off its unclean surface. But there is one� one figure stands at the side of the river Thames, staring into it� staring into the gloomy depths. This figure is no normal figure. It is a man. This man has long, blonde hair, flowing down across his shoulders. On the top of his head is a pair of shining, well-tainted sunshades, with a polished gold frame. The character is recognisable to any fan of the Golden Wrestling Organisation that has been a viewer for longer than two minutes� he is the self-proclaimed Unorthodox One. He is The Jackrabbit! But there is something very wrong here. The Jackrabbit is not wearing his usual attire of tartan long-shorts and an official �Jackrabbit� T-shirt. No� this time, he is wearing a tight, nylon outfit� a lime green and blue outfit, looking very ridiculous in it, too. On his feet is a pair of purple rubber flippers, and he is wearing a pair of black leather diving gloves� The Jackrabbit glances down once more into the depths of the Thames. THE JACKRABBIT: �Hey-a �Rabbit Fans! How�s it going? Did you enjoy Oblivion? I hope you guys enjoyed Oblivion� though I must admit; it wasn�t the coolest Oblivion that The Jackrabbit has ever been to. Oh no, it was great for the mostest part� In fact, I was very surprised. That Silvio guy is really dumb� he didn�t work out a single clue all by himself. People always tellin� me �Hey, Jackrabbit, you ain�t the brightest bulb in the knife drawer� but I think at Oblivion I proved �em all wrong. I outsmartied Silvio the whole way. I guessed that the first clue that dumb brunette cleaning lady set had summat to do with that great big clock. �Cos it said summat about �time.� Well, that was the only part of the clue I remembered. And just before the show, I spotted a postcard shop, and I had a look and there was a great big clock. And a great big ferrous wheel� I like ferrous wheels �cos they goes around and around and around. It seems like London really likes big things� they seems to make everything bigger than it should be. Like the clock, and the wheel, and the bridge, and the palace� well, okay, the palace is the right size, but the others are really big, right? Anywho, Silvio followed me the whole way! That was my idea, and I tried to follow Silvio everywhere he went two days before Oblivion, you know, just in case. He went into the shower once� I waited outside in a bush, �cos playing with wieners in the shower is Trayboy�s thing, not mine. Well, then, just minutes before Oblivion, the freakin� cab driver lost Syn. He lost him! You know, they don�t make cabbies like they used to! Well, they I is, tearing out my hair� well, actually I tore the cabby�s hair, but hey, same difference, right? So, I shouted to the dude �Oi! Get me to that big clock!� And so after a few minutes of confusion, and him mistaking the word �clock� for� well, a different word� then we speeded off and I got to that big clock just in time for Oblivion to start! Well, to cut a long story into a slightly smaller story, it ends up with Syn boy and Jackrabbit on either end of this really big bridge, and we charges and I gets my freakin� belt back, but Syn is jealous and he grabs my belt and he maliciously and deliciously tosses it straight into this �ere river� well, that�s a problem you see� �cos rivers eat things. If, for example, you throw a piece of cheese into the river, the river eats it up and you never see the cheese again. It�s true, I ain�t ribbin� ya. So I am frightened that this Fames river �ere has eaten my Wealthy Commoner title belt! It better not have! I�m tellin� ya now, if it has, it will pay dearly! I will take this river out! Well, enough chitchat, it�s time to get me back my belt from this� this� this� watery thing! Grr! River� Ready Or Not, Here I Come!� The Jackrabbit seems to be shaking� whether this is from fear or adrenalin is untellable. The camera now shows something in his hand. It is a snorkel� not a high-tech diver�s snorkel. This is little plastic snorkel, which is lime-green in colour. It consists of a big, clear pair of goggles that cover both eyes with one screen. Then there is a small, plastic tube that leads up from the wearer�s mouth up above his or her head by about three inches! The Jackrabbit straps his snorkel onto his head, and bows to the camera. He then grabs a tight hold of his nose in true diver fashion (perhaps he has done research?) He then stands on the river edge for about thirty seconds, doing nothing more than staring into the depths of the River Thames. He then releases his nose, coughing and spluttering for air. He has forgotten to release his breath, and as a result is now gasping for air before the dive has even taken place. The Jackrabbit collects his nerves together, and then grabs his nose a second time. He bends his knees, holds his breath, and with a �plop� he disappears under the water surface of the river! The camera pans the water surface for less than five seconds, when suddenly a splashing, struggling, green and blue person resurfaces, kicking his arms and legs and screaming, he crawls back onto the river side. It is The Jackrabbit! (As if you didn�t know.) THE JACKRABBIT: �Ahhh! Ohhh! Wow! It�s cold down there! That stuff is freezin� like ice cream! And I swear my goggles froze over! Brrr! That was hobbirul!� The Jackrabbit brushes madly at his goggles, despite the fact there is nothing wrong with them. He then clicks his fingers together, shakes the water from his hair and continues. He decides to try the water at a slightly slower pace, and he sits on the riverside. He lowers his first foot into the river, and extracts it quickly! THE JACKRABBIT: �Ahh! Stupid river, hasn�t got any warmer at all!� Again, he lowers his leg into the water, cringing dramatically and �Ooh�ing and �Ahh�ing as he goes. He lowers the second leg in, to the same commotion. He gives himself a �three, two, one� count down, before forcing his body off the edge with his wrists and splashing into the river again. Under water technology allows us to see beneath the surface, where The Jackrabbit is thrashing his arms and legs around frantically, making an attempt to swim. He tries to go lower into the gloomy depths, but as he does so he inadvertently pulls the snorkel below the surface. The water goes into the end of the snorkel, causing The Jackrabbit to breath it. Of Course, humans do not breath water, and within a moment, The Jackrabbit has panicked his way to the surface, and is clambering frantically onto the riverside, coughing and gasping for breath! He spits the water from his mouth, clutching wildly at his throat, gasping and panting for air and trying to cough out water at the same time. He is greatly shaken up. THE JACKRABBIT: �Ahh! [cough, cough] That�s hobbirul! [cough, cough] It all got in... [splutter, choke] That�s it! I give up! It ain�t worth it anymore! I don�t wanna freeze and drown for some belt! It�s only a belt! They sell �em in all good supermarkets Anywho! It ain�t worth my valuable life! The river tried to eat me! See, see! I told you so! The river eats things! It tried to get into my mouth and eat me from inside, and it was not nice at all! Stupid, freakin� river! Of all the nerve! He begins to calm down slowly, as he tears the snorkel from his head, and the flippers from his feet, and shakes the water from his long hair. THE JACKRABBIT: �Well, belt or no belt, at the Paper Pay-Per-View called Tree Son, I will be defending my Wealthy Commoner title against Silvio Syn. I don�t need no title golden belt around my waist to make people know that not only am I the Wealthy Commoner Champion, but that I am better than Silvio Syn, and that I am better than everybody in GWO except the World Champion. �Cos if he�s the champion of the world, then he�s the best, right? Cos the World is bigger than Wealthy Commoners� so that makes World Champion better than Wealthy Commoner Champion� though if The Jackrabbit� that�s me, went for that World Title, I�d win it, defo! So, Zim-thingy is only the champion �cos he got lucky over Pun, and cos he�s never had The Unorthodox One on his back� heaven-forbid! But the World Championship is the future for me; it is my Wealthy Commoner belt that is the present. But Syn won�t be receiving that present from The Jackrabbit. I mean, come on, it�s not Christmas yet! But what Syn should realise, is that The Jackrabbit does not take things lying down, and that The Jackrabbit always overcomes the odds, no matter how big, to achieve what he wants. Well, The Jackrabbit is me� and Silvio Syn should take a look at what I did two week ago on Murder to Donnie Cicero. He was a big odd to overcome� yeah, he was a newcomer to GWO, but Donnie Cicero ain�t no pushover� have you seen the size of the guy? It�d take a lot to push him over! Mind you, saying that, he did get beaten by Talon with an Acao, Talanacao. And hey, I beat Acao with ease! Donnie can�t even put Acao away! But that is besides the point� Syn, take a look at how Cicero�s fate was sealed against The Jackrabbit� it was all over with a Standing Joke! It didn�t even take me the Last Laugh to put Cicero away for a 1, 2, 3! I understand that Syn will be harder than Cicero, but he won�t be anything that The Unorthodox One can�t handle. Right? The Jackrabbit is the undisputed Wealthy Commoner Champion, and I always will be. When I was the Canadian Heavyweight Champion in TAW, I never got defeated for that title. One by one, challengers fell. The in-famous Draco fell to The Jackrabbit in TAW, too! Not that that�s a claim to fame, �cos Draco did that at The Gauntlet too� losing to The Jackrabbit must be a habit of his. Err� stop distracting me! I gotta get to the case at hand. At Tree Son, I will not only beat Silvio Syn, and defend my title, but I will also humiliate Silvio Syn. All these weeks he has been parading around, claiming to be the Wealthy Commoner champion, yet everybody clearly knows that that title belongs to The Jackrabbit! My belt may have been in the hands of Ricky Rage, Jason and some dumb cleaner woman, but the fact is it was always my belt, and always will be. And after Tree Son, whatever that means, there will be no more people saying that they is the Wealthy Commoner champion� except me. Because I will have the belt, as soggy as it might be, over my shoulder. And the �Rabbit Fans will be pouring in to cherish the moment with me� to cherish the moment when, once again, The Jackrabbit got The Last Laugh! � The Jackrabbit gets to his feet, as the river water drips from his colourful wetsuit. He pulls down the zip on the wetsuit front, and then flicks his sunshades back down over his eyes. The Jackrabbit then tips back his head, and lets a long, hysterical laugh escape from his throat, as the camera zooms in and disappears into the blackness of the back of his throat.