|
|
|
|
|
|
|
DATE: Today TIME: A number with two 0s on the end and then �hours� afterwards. Location: Some place in Ireland Mission Briefing: Find Jason and get the Wealthy Commoner Title back. Kill, if necessary.
The scene opens up on a long, uncurving highway. The drying concrete road glistens beneath the newly risen sun. Down the road, all of a sudden, speeds a shiny, red sports car. It speeds down the road, tearing up dust. And then there is another, more peculiar sound. �CHUG CHUG BOOM! CHUG-A CHUG BOOM!� Following the sports car, which is no longer the focus of the camera�s attention, is an old, banged up car. It is slightly rusted, and is just bigger than the average Beetle. The paint is a very deep blue, but has been scratched in almost every square centimetre, revealing the silver work beneath. The old car chugs and booms along the road, spitting out gallons of smoke and dust. Just as the highway ends, the old car screeches to a halt, and in one last struggle it curves off the road onto the grass beside the road. The old door swings open, and almost falls off it�s hinges. Out jumps a character. A character with long, blonde hair, tied back in a ponytail, and with sunshades over his eyes. He is wearing a black T-shirt, and on it is emblazoned the image of a sadistic rabbit, with grey fur, long, pointed ears, buckteeth and red-eyes. It is laughing maniacally. The man wearing this is undoubtedly The Jackrabbit from GWO� except there is something different about him. He is wearing army combats instead of his usual long-shorts, and over his shoulder is slung a Rambo-style grenade holster� an empty one at that. In his studded leather belt there is a gun� a blue, plastic toy gun!
The Jackrabbit looks angrily at his broken down car. He looks annoyed at it, and he kicks it with the end of his foot. Suddenly, a look of horror shoots into his face, and with delayed reactions he grabs his now-injured foot and hops around the grass bank in pain. He decides that he shouldn�t kick the rusted car anymore for his own health and safety, and he spits on it and leaves it there on the grass bank, as he walks on into the foliage beside the road, with his hand on his gun. He walks through the tress and undergrowth, looking around cautiously. And then, without taking his eyes from his path, he begins to speak in his usual high-pitched voice.
THE JACKRABBIT: �Hmm� Jason can�t get away from me with my Wealthy Commoner Title. I know he�s here in Ireland. And how big can one country be, anyway? I got my army pants, and my gun, so there�s no way Jason can escape me� �cos it�s on my Mission Briefs, and the Sarge never loses a Mission Brief� see Sarge, I does understand army things. And I figured, if the army can�t get my belt back, no-one can. Right, Sarge? So Jason, remember this� The Jackrabbit is looking for you, rookster, and I will find you. And when I do� BANG BANG, you�re dead, fifty bullets in your head! Hahahahahahaha! So you know Jason, you can either hand that belt back to me now, or I will have to give you what�s coming to you. You understand me? I always make sense, Jason, and I is making sense now. Hand� it� over! Or I will set the army on you. And the Sarge says that the army always rule.
Now as for Mr. Sarge Kinder-Egg, my opponent at Murder this Monday� Sarge, you may not have the time in your busy schedule to come talk about me, but I understand that. You�re in the army, and you have other worries� like me. I�m in the army too, and I just can�t be bothered to talk about you. Well, maybe I will anywho! Just for a laugh! Sarge, Sarge, Sarge� what more can I say? Your Honorable Discharge didn�t discharge me� Is it possible to be discharged three times, Sarge? My dictionamary says that discharge is when a guy gets booted outta boot camp� or summat similar to that. So how can you get booted three times? I dunno, but I was discharged three times at the Paper Pay-Per-View. It�s true� the Sarge thought he could just go around discharging everybody willy-nilly, but I wasn�t ready to be discharged. So in comes Kinder-Egg, and he gives me this Discharge thing, and he tries to send me away to the back� and I gets up, and I says to him. �Oi, Sarge, No! I doesn�t like your Discharge thing, and I isn�t going anywhere just yet.� And the Sarge don�t like this much, and we fights more� fighting is fun� and he tries to Discharge me again. But before he can lie on me and send me away, I says to him� ��Scuse me Sarge, but if you pin me again, I�ll just get up again and you�ll feel even sillier than before�� I says, �if you give me another Discharge, I�m just gonna lie here and not get up, cos I�m fed up of it.� And so the Sarge gives me another one, and I does what I said, I lied there. I forgot that if I just lie there, Sarge�d pin me and send me away� Well, I ain�t gonna make that mistake again, so next time he Discharges me; I�ll get back up. And then he�ll do it again, and I�ll get back up. And he�ll think that one more will win it, and then I�ll get back up again. And he�ll look around in shock, like that Dudley guy who gets all open eyed� and then� LAST LAUGH! LAST LAUGH! Oh God, king, it�s the LAST LAUGH! And then I�ll send Sarge away, and you know what� he�ll have been given a dishonourable discharge, courtesy of Sergeant Jackrabbit! And basically The Jackrabbit will have gotten THE LAST LAUGH! Atten-hut!�
The Jackrabbit tips back his head, and laughs out loud, a long, hysterical laugh. He then turns his attention back to the road. Onto the path hops an orange-furred vixen. The Jackrabbit�s eyes open wide� he grins� he pulls out the blue gun from his belt, points it at the vixen, pulls back the trigger, and�
the little red light on the top of the gun blinks wildly�
�BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM!�
|
|
