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With that in mind, the scene changes to a highly unlikely scene. The camera is alone on a small, gray, concrete driveway outside a small, red-bricked house, as rain pours down from the skies above. The house is not a large one, it is two stories high. Stepping-stones lead up to the wooden doorway, where there is a push doorbell. And then, onto the drive walks a man.
This man is wearing a long, brown cloak around him. The cloak looks like that of an old �Sherlock Holmes� story, except that it is tied about the waste by a red and green dressing-gown strap! The brown hat on the man�s head is also very detective-like in its long brimmed nature, and around the top is a black strap, slightly torn from its stitches. The man is wearing very tinted sunshades that conceal his eyes and face, and he has long blonde hair, tied up under the hat. His green �elephant� Wellington boots slosh through the puddles, as the figure makes his way up the driveway to the red-bricked house. Just as the figure reaches the window of the house, he stops in front of it, and peers through the window. He smiles, before tossing away his hat, and letting his long, blonde hair down out of its ponytail. He then tears the dressing-gown strap from around his waist and allows his jacket to float to the floor. There, standing before the camera and the house�s door, are the man�s blue, tartan long-shorts, and his black T-shirt. On the man�s T-shirt is the image of a crazy, maniacal, rabbit, with long, pointy ears, buckteeth, gray fur, and glowing, red eyes. The rabbit is a disturbing image, but the man wearing it is recognizable. He is The Jackrabbit from the Golden Wrestling Organisation, of course.
The Jackrabbit looks up, and�
THE JACKRABBIT: �Ahh! It�s wet, it�s wet, it�s wet! Ahh help, it�s raining, and it�s soaking me through and through! Ahh!�
The Jackrabbit runs around frantically, before jumping under the small shelter above the doorway. He sighs a sigh of relief, and shakes out his long, flowing, and now wet, hair. He wrings the rainwater out from the bottom of his T-shirt, and then wipes the drops from the lenses of his sunshades. He then turns his attention back to the small, red-bricked house. He looks at the pointed, brass handle, and slowly puts one shaking hand on it. Slowly and nervously, The Jackrabbit pulls the handle down, and allows the wooden door to swing back on its hinges. He takes one step inside the house, and slowly shuts the door on the rainy day behind him. The Jackrabbit takes a look around.
The house he has entered is very well furnished, yet it is not posh or wealthy, but an average home. The carpet is a royal red, and there before him is the combination of a living room and hallway, without a door to separate the two. In the living room, there are three couches, two that hold three people, and one single person armchair. The couches are all facing away from The Jackrabbit, and are directed towards a small television set that faces him. There are several cabinets and drawers around the room, and wall hangings and family photographs cover the walls. The Jackrabbit snarls his distaste� obviously not a family guy. The television is on, and the set is showing some program from the Discovery Channel. Some famous comedian spending a week in the depths of the Amazon Rainforest. A figure can be seen in the armchair� a large, male figure. Noticing this, The Jackrabbit wastes no more time inspecting his surroundings. He notices the staircase only five steps from the door by which he stands. There is a long, wooden handrail running up the spiralling staircase, and the royal red carpet continues its path up it. It is to this staircase that The Jackrabbit turns his attention, and then, as if he is mimicking someone from a �James Bond� movie, he begins to creep towards it, with his back pressed flat against the wall. He reaches the staircase with barely a sound, and puts his foot to the first step. Slowly, he begins his curious ascent up the stairs, step by step, his attention ever on the man in the armchair. And then he hears a snore. And another. The man is asleep. The Jackrabbit chuckles at this, and then begins to laugh. He slaps a hand across his mouth to stop himself from making any further careless noise. He turns his attention to the stairs, and then jumps back three steps when he sees the large, over-looming figure standing over him. He has been discovered! The figure takes two menacing steps towards him, and the light from the television is cast across her face. Yes, she is a woman� an aged woman, in fact. She is wearing a long, pink dress with blue flowers on, and smothered in a powdery, white substance, with long black stockings beneath the dress. She has long, gray hair tied up in a bunch, and small, gold spectacles on her nose. In her hand is a rolling pin. The Jackrabbit puts his arms up in defence, just in case� after all, he thinks, she could be a dangerous, old woman. The woman takes one more step to the bottom of the staircase, and then� she speaks out in her slow, old voice.
OLD WOMAN: �Hello, who are you then?�
THE JACKRABBIT: �Err�. I�m�. Actually� I�m� one of Jason�s school friends! Yes, that�s it, is Jason in?�
The old woman begins to think for a short while.
OLD WOMAN: �School friends, you say? Why, Jason doesn�t go to school anymore, I�m afraid, he�s 22 years old, I think.�
THE JACKRABBIT: �Erm�. Did I say school friends? Oh, I�m sorry, I� err� I meant wrestling friends��
JASON�S MOTHER: �Ahh yes, that GWO, I suppose. Hello, I am Jason�s mother, what�s your name?�
THE JACKRABBIT: �Err�. The Jackrabbit.�
JASON�S MOTHER: �Oh, how odd. What a lovely name, dear. You really should take those sunshades off your eyes, you�re indoors now, you know.�
THE JACKRABBIT: �Err�. ok.�
Slowly and cautiously, with his eyes still fixed on the rolling pin, The Jackrabbit removes his sunshades and hangs them over his T-shirt collar.
THE JACKRABBIT: �Err� can I see Jason now?�
JASON�S MOTHER: �No my dear, you just missed Jason, I�m afraid. He caught a plane to Britain a few hours ago� for his GWO match� he�s got a tag team match you know. I wrote down the friends that he�ll be fighting, I�ll just go and find out their names for you, if you like��
THE JACKRABBIT: �No, No� it�s okay. I just wondered� Jason found my titl� err, I mean� Maths book� and I wanted to get it back of him, that�s all��
JASON�S MOTHER: �Oh, I see��
THE JACKRABBIT: �But� if he�s not here, I suppose I�ll just have to go� up to his room and get it.�
JASON�S MOTHER: �Okay then, my dear� I�ll just finish making these cookies, the first lot�ll be ready soon if you�d like one or two��
THE JACKRABBIT: �Err� No, I�ll just get� wait, did you say cookies? Err� okay, thanks. Cool.�
Jason�s old mother begins to slowly walk towards the kitchen, as The Jackrabbit smiles hysterically and heads swiftly up the staircase, with no need for any more secrecy. He looks around the corridor he fights himself in, and at all the open doors. He takes a look in the first one, with his back still pressed against the wall for some reason. Nope, in this door there is the bathroom, including blue and white floor tiles and a shower. The Jackrabbit makes his way along the corridor and peers into the second door. Nope, in this room there is a neatly made double bed, with pale blue bed sheets. There is a small, old-fashioned television set, and a chest of drawers, with a lamp, photographs and a mirror on top. That can�t be what he is looking for. The Jackrabbit moves on, detective style, and opens the door to the next room. Bed sheets, table clothes, towels, all individually folded. Below them is a vacuum cleaner and a mop. Oops, the airing cupboard.
The Jackrabbit turns comes up to the final door� on it is a poster of a motorbike and a hot looking bikini girl in front of it. This has got to be it. The Jackrabbit peers into the room, to a shocking sight. The room is very neat, with everything in its correct place. There is a computer table topped with a top-of-the-range P.C, and a �Broadband� connection running into the wall. Beside this computer is a hi-tech stereo player, with several CD racks on top, each one filled to the maximum with CD cases. Hanging from a clothes peg on the wall are several designer T-shirts and jeans. Across the room is a large television, with surround-sound speakers on each wall, and a DVD player below it. And all over the walls there are posters� posters of GWO superstars (mostly �Jason� and �Reach For The Stars� posters.) In fact, there is even a �Jackrabbit� poster. (The Jackrabbit himself didn�t even know there was such a thing available!)
As if suddenly awoken by a spark in his head, The Jackrabbit leaps into action, diving under the bed� Jason�s bed. He starts to pull out all sorts of weird items. Boxes and boxes of junk, a bag with two pairs of designer sneakers in, a scientific microscope, still boxed and unused, and finally, boxers and boxes of computer games. The Jackrabbit pulls his head back out from under the bed, leaving all of these items sprawled out across the floor. He swings open the nearest cupboard, and begins to tear down loads of items of designer clothing. He tosses another pair of sneakers across the room, smashing over a lava lamp in the process.
THE JACKRABBIT: �Damn it! Where is that freakin� belt?!�
The Jackrabbit sweeps everything off the computer desk, including the computer, which crashes noisily to the floor! He searches through the debris, to no avail. In fury, The Jackrabbit tears the bed sheets from Jason�s bed, and searches under the mattress too. But he finds nothing.
THE JACKRABBIT: �Ahh, darn it! It ain�t freakin� ere! I bet that screwball took it to Britain with him. Why?�
In a stress, The Jackrabbit stomps his way down the stairs, slamming Jason�s bedroom door behind him. He has a long, distressed face. He had obviously been looking for the GWO Commonwealth Title that Silvio Syn had lost, and that he had found� and that Bobster Knight had given to Jason as a gift at the Pay-Per-View. But then� something appears in the corridor that brings the smile back onto The Jackrabbit�s face� it is a plate full of freshly baked cookies! Jason�s old mother has a big, warm smile on her face as she holds the plate out to The Jackrabbit. He does not hesitate to grab two cookies from the plate, one in each hand, and begins to stuff them down his throat without saying a word.
JASON�S MOTHER: �Did you find that book you were looking for, my dear?�
THE JACKRABBIT: [spluttering through a mouthful of cookie] �Err� no� it seems Jason took it with him to Jamaica� Err, Britain, I mean. Nice cookies by the way, mind if I help myself?�
JASON�S MOTHER: �Oh� no, my dear, you go ahead now.�
THE JACKRABBIT: �Thanks!�
The Jackrabbit grabs the plate, and empties the cookie�s into his arms. He then heads for the door� realising his rudeness, he suddenly turns back to Jason�s mother�
THE JACKRABBIT: �Cheers. See ya later, alligator!�
The Jackrabbit walks boldly out of Jason�s house, leaving Jason�s mother staring on, slightly bewildered. The rain has stopped now, much to The Jackrabbit�s glee. He strides down the shining concrete driveway, his arms filled with fresh cookies, as he munches happily on the soft-doughed chocolate chip delights. After he is a minute�s walk down the road, walking slowly away from the red-bricked house, The Jackrabbit takes a break from his cookie chewing, looks square on into the camera, and then replaces his sunshades on the end of his nose. And then he begins to speak a monologue in his high-pitched voice, taking a bite of his cookie between each two or three sentences.
THE JACKRABBIT: �Silvio won it! You know� that Silvio guy, he won the Gauntlet. They tricked me, though. I thought the Gauntlet had big rubber pads and big rubber sticks� like on the tele. But then, just before the match� Uncle Maggy comes to me and he says in his big, booming voice. �Rabbit, you are the first one in this match.� And I said to him, �Coo. Where do you keep the rubber sticks, �cos I prefer the sticks to the pads.� And then, believe it or not, Uncle Maggy says to me, he says, �Rabbit, there are no sticks or pads in this Gauntlet� this is GWO, man, and we just do wrestling �ere.� Yeah, I ain�t making this up. I know the �Rabbit Fans watching this now will all be gob-smacked, but I ain�t fibbing ya. Well, my cool music starts playing, and out I go, and all the loyal �Rabbit Fans in that arena cheered really loud� well, just like Uncle Maggy said, I was first, and I fighted with Draco. I battled that dude before, back in TAW. And guess what, I beat him then. And I won the TAW Canadian Heavyweight Title in that match. I beat the darkness loving, fire-breathing Goth-head back then, and I beat that darkness loving, fire-breathing Goth-head at the Paper Pay-Per-View. He even did that silly finishing move thing where he does a jump off the turnbuckle and wriggles when he�s in the air, and then lands on the guy. The Hellacious. Draco done that to me, and he thought he�d got The Jackrabbit beat, but that wasn�t true. I mean, come on, you think The Hellacious can hurt me? That�s a standing joke in itself! I ain�t staying down, no matter how many of these �finisher� thingies that the guys give me. Well, that aside, Draco can�t beat The Jackrabbit, that�s been settled now once and for all. Unorthodox Ones are ultimately better than Hellacious Ones. But that�s past, and like the pig says: �Hakuna-matata.� What a wonderful phrase!
Well, for those of you who didn�t watch The Gauntlet �cos you went to bed early or �cos you is too poor or �cos you couldn�t bare the thought of two boy-lovers in one match, and then I�ll tell you what happened after that. Down the ramp comes this big dude all dressed up like some big movie star, and apparently, or so my sauces tell me� (What�s with that phrase, everybody knows sauces don�t talk�) this guy is some army man� do I figured he must be Sarge Kinder-Egg. He�s the guy who thought rabbits pooped chocolate� and he actually thought I was a rabbit! Ahahaha! Do I look like a rabbit to you? Rabbits have fur and long eyes and pointy teeth, silly! Well, anyhow, Kinder-Egg brought it to The Jackrabbit in that time, and man how he tried. He was the fresh dude, and I�d just had that little rumble with Draco� the Sarge made Draco�s mistake� he thought that if he gave me one of them finishing things he�d keep me on the floor. The Honourable Discharge? Come on, Sarge... you think that thing hurted me? Nah. I�ve felt pain that makes that thing look like you�re trying to give me the Tickle Torture� I�ve felt my body and my soul torn from my body and then handed back to me up my� nostrils. And I�ve felt my entire world, my best friend, turn on me. Everything I ever trusted turned on me in one vain attempt to kill me. Talon, or Talanacao, whatever, he tried to end my life� he ended Jay�s life, I won�t deny him that, but he couldn�t end The Jackrabbit. Nothing and no one can end The Jackrabbit, actually. So you see, Mr. Sarge, just like Talanacao, you cannot put down The Unorthodox One for a count with a simple finishing thing-a-majig. Like your �Discharge.� I took three of them things to keep my shoulders down, didn�t it, Sarge? Yeah, well, to be honest with you, I stayed down after the third �cos I was just plain bored of the move. I thinked to myself. �Jackrabbit, mate, if you keep annoying this guy by standing up again, he�ll just do the same thing to you again! Ain�t ya getting bored of this �Discharge� thing?� So I figured, yeah, you�re right, Jackrabbit; I may as well just lie here now. Let Sarge get a bit of glory out of pinning The Jackrabbit�s shoulders for a three count. After all, that�s all the kid-o has ever dreamed of, right? Right.
And then, Uncle Maggy comes to me, and he says: �Jackrabbit, you did great out there. You really got Kinder-Egg over. You wanna have him next week?� And I say to Maggy, �No, Maggy, I don�t wanna have him, but if you like, I�ll wrestle with him next week, instead.� So Maggy nodded, and guess what, at Murder I gets to fight the Sarge again! Cool, huh? Yeah. Well, I just got two requests to give to Mr. Sarge Kinder-Egg. Number-o 1: Don�t make that stupid mistake of thinking I�m actually a real rabbit, again, Sarge. �Cos take a look at me, dude, do I look like a bunny rabbit to you? Do I got fur? Nope. Do I got buckteeth? Nope. Do I got long, pointy ears and red eyes? Nope. Look at this� The Jackrabbit points to the image of a rabbit on his T-shirt This is a bunny rabbit. This� Now he points to himself. This is The Jackrabbit. Not a jackrabbit� The Jackrabbit! I ain�t a real animal, silly� although I do work like one. You get me in a corner; I will fight out of it. You get on top of me; I will knock you off. You turn up the heat; I�ll make you bleed. And then, when you�re weak, I won�t beat you for the win, or for gold, or for survival� I will beat you for sport. Ever cornered a jackrabbit, Sarge� with a knife, or a gun perhaps� try it, buddy, and you�ll get the picture� but I�m warning you now, if you do, you might find yourself with an incey-little limp when you make your way into the ring at Murder� and I wouldn�t want an opponent that�s less than ninety-nine percent now, would I? Nah, takes the sport outta it then.
Sorry �Rabbit Fans, perhaps I got just a little carried away� must be all that Ribena I been drinking. Sarge, the 2nd request is this: Please, please, please don�t keep using that Discharge finisher thing, it�s as boring as Brussel sprouts. I already felt that one three times� darn it, man, it don�t work all that well. So please, if you really must beat me, please do it by hitting me with something real hard and real sharp, or by jumping off something real high. Hey, they call you the GWO Hardcore Champion, don�t they? Well, you may not have enough guts to put your belt on the line against The Unorthodox One The Jackrabbit, but that�s understandable, I guess. �Cos I�m just that� unorthodox. Dude, that sounds so cool� I am unorthodox. Hee Hee. But no matter, I ain�t bothered with the stupid title anywho. �Cos I am already a champion. I am the GWO Wealthy Commoner Champion. I found that belt; I am the champ. That sounds cool, too. Unorthodox Champion. Hahahahahahahhaah! That Jason guy might be carrying my belt around, and Silvio Syn might think he is the champion, but all the �Rabbit Fans in the world and America knows that that title is mine, mine, all mine! So when I find you, Jason, when I find you, I will get my title back. You gonna be at the arena with me at Murder, and when you is, I will be taking back what is rightfully mine. Finders Keepers, Jason, and I found it first, so it�s mine!
Darn it, all these people I wanna sort out. Jason, Sarge Kinder-Egg, Silvio Syn, and yet the outcome is already determined�
The Jackrabbit will get The Last Laugh!�
Crumb after crumb fall to the wet and shimmering concrete as The Jackrabbit continues his hike down the long and lonesome road, stuffing his face full with home-baked cookies from Jason�s mother. He then unexpectedly raises both his arms to the air, and then wriggles both his index fingers in the air, as the scene fades out to static.
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