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The scene opens up in to a scene that will be familiar to frequent GWO viewers. There is before the camera a small, dimly lit room. The walls are unpainted and unpapered. The floor is uncarpeted, and like the floor the ceiling is unpainted, showing the bare plaster. From this ceiling hangs a single, un-shaded light bulb, with a low wattage causing it to radiate a very minimal light. In one corner of the room is a table, and on it is a pile of magazines. Only the magazine on the top can be made out; it is a �Soap Stars� magazine documented many different television soap operas. A magazine lies on the table by itself, open up on one page. It is the GWO Magazine, and it is open on the latest edition of The Bobster�s ABC (the All Bobster Commentary.) Against the wall furthest from this table is a small freezer, and on top of this is a pizza on a paper plate; the pizza looks at least two days old. On the bare plaster wall is a clock� in fact, upon further inspection, it is an official GWO Ricky Rage & ODT clock! �Someone� has bought some Ricky & ODT merchandise!! Except this clock hasn�t been tended to for a while, and it is three hours and a quarter too fast! Beneath the clock is a small, television set, with the aerial sticking up out of the top. Scattered all over the floor, however, is some slightly more unorthodox items. There are numerous steel road signs, a trashcan and its lid, three kendo sticks, a shovel, a wooden 2x4 wrapped in rusting barbed wire, a sledgehammer, nine cans of blue spray paint and thumbtacks are littering the floor! This uncarpeted floor is like a graveyard of �hardcore!� In fact, that is what the sign on the door says: �Welcome to the GRAVEYARD OF HARDCORE!�
This very door swings open, and in walks a figure. He is wearing a long, brown, detective-like cloak, which is wrapped all around his body. A brown hat hides his hair, and very-tinted sunshades hide his eyes. The only thing visible is the man�s black boots. Suddenly, the figure takes three steps into the �Graveyard Of Hardcore,� allowing the door to slam behind him. It is as the door slams shut that the figure removes his hat to reveal his long, blonde hair in a ponytail. The figure tosses the hat into the �Graveyard,� before swinging the cloak from his body. Beneath this cloak there was hidden a pair of red, tartan long-shorts and a black T-shirt. On this T-shirt there is emblazoned the image of a grey-furred, long-eared, buck-toothed, red-eyed rabbit laughing crazily. The figure wearing these unusual clothes is, without a shadow of a doubt, The Jackrabbit of the Golden Wrestling Organisation! The Jackrabbit; the man who recently found and lost the GWO Commonwealth Title belt in a matter of hours, and the man who is going into GWO�s The Gauntlet, to compete with seven other men for a shot at The Punisher�s GWO World Title!
The Jackrabbit pushes his sunshades up onto the top of his head, and then for the first time we see in his hand two videotapes in bright yellow cases. Both cases have the company name �Blockbuster Videos� on the front, and they are blatantly rented videos. The Jackrabbit takes his videos to the television set in the corner, and inserts the first videotape into his video recorder. As the video loads itself up, The Jackrabbit grabs a steel chair from amongst his �Graveyard Of Hardcore�, and disentangles the barbed wire from it. He tosses the barbed wire back into the �Graveyard,� and then unfolds the steel chair before sitting down on it only inches from the television screen.
The television bursts into life, as the credits roll across a digitalised background� and onto the screen appears two words� just two� they read: �The Matrix!!�
The Jackrabbit is still sat on the steel chair, watching the movie entitled The Matrix. He tosses a half eaten bag of peanuts across the room, and the camera slowly turns around him to show his face. On The Jackrabbit�s face is a look of complete confusion. He looks as if he is very, very lost somewhere in the middle of a rainforest with no chance of finding his way out. His eyes are glaring, yet his eyelids are narrowed down over them. His mouth is wide open, gawping. Suddenly, The Jackrabbit shakes his head as if waking up from a long and interesting daydream. He looks around the �Graveyard of Hardcore� until he finally finds the camera staring right at his face. He begins to utter words, with his attention occasionally being diverted back to The Matrix on his television screen.
THE JACKRABBIT: �Err� Hey-a �Rabbit Fans, Ready Or Not, Here Comes The Jackrabbit� that�s me! Err� yeah; I was watching that guy on the GWO� err� Neo, right? Yeah, that one who changed his name. GemiNeo. Well, I heard something about him not only being a great fan of wrestling and The Tweenies, but also being a big fan of something called The Matrix. A movie, in fact. Well, I figured� hey, if one guy can devote his life to this movie, maybe it�s worth watching. So, of course, I went and finded me The Matrix. Well, Halfords didn�t have a Matrix. Ivor Dewdney�s Pasty Store didn�t have a Matrix. Even the infamous Cadbury�s shop didn�t have a Matrix. So I thought to my self� �Jackrabbit, if Cadbury�s didn�t even have a Matrix, who would? After all, I buy all my favourite things from the Cadbury�s store, and they don�t even have a freakin� Matrix?� Well, I figured obviously these Matrixes weren�t all as cool as GemiNeo made �em out to be. Well, on the way back to my beautiful �Graveyard,� I decided I�d get me a movie� you know, something cool to watch for the night. Well what do you know; while I was there I said to this spotty guy behind the desk �Hey, dude, you got a Matrix?� And he said back to me �You mean, The Matrix? Yeah, we got eleven copies of The Matrix!� So there I was, and I rented me a copy of The Matrix from, of all the places, a video store!
Well, it gets worser. Now, I watched this The Matrix and I don�t get it? I get the bit about a cat being called Deja Vous� dumb name for a cat if you ask me, but at least that bit makes sense� but this thing about� err�. �alternating relays?� What in the blue sky are alternating relays? And what�s with the bald guy with the cool jacket and shades? And his name�s Morpheus or something? Isn�t that something the Power Rangers did? Or something on the computer? I�m very confused about that. And where can I get me a jacket and shades like them? I suppose they might have some in that video store, cos� they had a Matrix, after all. And even Cadbury�s didn�t have a Matrix! Well, my basic conc� concl�. Conc-thingy, is that GemiNeo, or whatever his name is, is into really complicated movies. And also, there�s a guy on this particular Matrix called Neo, too. Coincidence or what? I think GemiNeo should be called Morpheus though, cos he�s got cool shades and jackets. Much better than Neo�s, anyway. Not that I�m dissing Neo�s jacket and shades, but Morpheus� are a lot better! Sorry, Neo.
Now, the GWO people said that if I appear on T.V, I�m supposed to talk about my matches and stuff, so I better do that in case Uncle Maggy gets all ticked with me. So, at this Gauntlet thingy, when they bring out them rubber pads and sticks, and they give them to seven men, I am just going to charge right through the lot of �em! Trayboy, Syn, GemiNeo, Ragey� none of them will stop The Unorthodox One� that�s me, from getting through to the end of the line� not even Gladiators could stop The Jackrabbit� (that�s me, too.)
Well, a few more people have spoken since the last time I did� not many of them mentioned me at all, and those who did got the wrong idea about me. People don�t look past the name. They think I actually am a rabbit! Hahahahahahahahahahaha! That is the silliest thing I ever heard! And then people call me crazy?! Any dude who takes two looks at me will realise that I am not a rabbit! I am a guy� I got hair, and skin, and long-shorts. I can�t be no rabbit! Rabbits have fur, and long, pointy teeth and red eyes. I ain�t actually a rabbit� I am The Jackrabbit. I ain�t no bunny or no garden pet� I am The Jackrabbit. Have any of you guys actually seen a jackrabbit? Jackrabbits are vicious S.O.J�s. (Son Of a Jackrabbits.) Unlike garden bunnies and Easter bunnies, jackrabbits hunt and kill� they can resist attacks and even make their own� they don�t kill for food or survival, they kill for sport� I am The Jackrabbit; I don�t wrestle for food or survival� I wrestle for the sport� and I win for the sport of it. I came into the world of wrestling, thinking it was fake and boring� I came in with only the thoughts of finding Talon and avenging what could have been my death that Talon tried to commit on me five years ago� but then, in TAW, I won the Canadian Title and I was undefeated for it, and that was when I realised that wrestling is cool. It�s wicked, actually. So I�m still wrestling, even after Talon kicked my ass and I kicked Talanacao�s ass� we�re even, one all, and now I ain�t bothered with him. Who accelerated from all that? Who is main eventing GWO�s events and Paper Pay-Per-Views? Talon with an Acao, or The Unorthodox One The Jackrabbit? Exactly� (and the answer ain�t Talanacao!)
So if you guys in the ring look past the name, and look on the inside, you will see that I am more than just a bunny rabbit. I�ve heard that one too many times now. But please, stay concentrated on my name if you wish, cos� that way, at The Gauntlet, you�ll all forget to fight, and I�ll just run through the lot of you and those rubber pads and sticks won�t help you out at all! If them things don�t hit me, then I can�t lose, right?
Well, I sorta researched this GemiNeo guy, but his Matrix stuff is all too weird and complicated� but I ain�t wasting all my precious time on him� I also figured I�d look at some other guys� there�s Trayboy, and he�s like a soap actor ain�t he? Well, some guys told me that soap actors don�t eat soap, as I thought last time. Apparently, I maked a big mistake. And some of the guys at the GWO didn�t like it� so I figured I�d check out one of them mags on Soap Operas� and you�ll never guess what I figured out� not only is Soaps really boring� not them Dove and Imperial Leather types, I mean the Eastenders and Coronation Street types� and also, Trayboy isn�t in these Soap things! Sliver Syn and the others might think Trayboy is in a Soap thingy, but he�s actually not. So the only conclusion I gots to, is that Trayboy isn�t actually a Soap Actor! I think so, guys� I just think that Tray likes having the cameras on him and his kiddies� it�s true! Tray likes cameras, and if a camera isn�t sticked onto his face, he gets all upset and angry, and he�d probably beat up his little kiddies� so he lets the cameras watch him all the freakin� time, and then they can see him doing all these disgusting things cos� he likes boys in a naughty way. He probably really wants to do disgusting feeling things with that Miles kid he�s got at his house now� and Miles couldn�t say �stop it Tray, I don�t like it anymore� cos� he can�t talk proper like me and like other peoples. So I think peoples like Sliver should stop ribbin� on Tray, cos he probably doesn�t even eat� err� I mean, like Soap, and he probably ain�t livin� in a Soap cos� he�s just got a camera fetish as a well as his little boy fetish� that�s all.
Well, as for Sliver, there wasn�t much revision I could do on Sliver Syn� but then I saw a GWO magazine with the Soap one, and so I got that too� and what do you know, there�s this whole page about Sliver, with a great big pic of his ugly mug imposed on it� and then there�s all this writing titled �A Rookie Sensation� and its like really boring stuff about Sliver Syn. Well, there�s loadsa stuff in there about him being a rookie, a sensation, and a rookie sensation. Well, Sliver ain�t been here that much a shorter time than I have, but I was playing revenge games with Talon and Acao. Well, Talanacao is finished with, but The Jackrabbit has only just begun. And as for �Rookie Sensation,� well you can just slap me on the forehead and call me �The Unorthodox Sensation� or some ridiculous stuff like that� you see, Sliver will be around in a year�s time, and then he�ll still be the �Rookie Sensation.� And then, after that year, Sliver Syn will be gone, GWO will have forgotten his name just like it has forgotten��
The Jackrabbit picks up the GWO Magazine, and flicks through it until he finds a title history of the GWO World Title.
THE JACKRABBIT: ��Brand Frontier and Titan 3. Yeah, GWO dropped these World Champion �sensations� on their heads, just like Sliver is going to be dropped on his� only difference is, Sliver is going to be dropped on his head by The Jackrabbit, using The Last Laugh! The only other thing it said in this magazine about Syn is that he is the GWO Wealthy Commoner Champion� What?! The Jackrabbit is the GWO Wealthy Commoner Champion� not Sliver Syn. I found that title belt in a taxi, and everybody knows� �FINDERS KEEPERS, LOSERS WEEPERS!� Wake up Sliver, that title is mine, mine, all mine! I am going to find that belt� it can�t have gone far! Some pornbreaker sold it, and how many people use pornbreakers anyway? Err� exactly! So I will find that belt and continue my reign as GWO Wealthy Commoner Champion� not you, Sliver!
Then there�s other screwballs, like the other boy-lover Ricky Ragey� Ragey is just so Tray� err� He likes boys just like Trayboy, and he probably wants to do feely things with his Ikle D. And do disgusting things that should never be allowed on T.V� like that Matrix thingy. Well, if I can beat one boy-lover, then I can definitely beat another one. After all, the more the merrier� so at The Gauntlet, it�ll be a true double boy-feeler bashing.
As for dark demon Draco� err� Doom� (there, lots of D�s, now I�m a happy Jackrabbit)� well, he is so boring� I don�t even wanna mention a dark, evil, demon-sucking sucker� after all, I�ve faced this guy before in TAW, and, just to refresh your memory, Draco� I beat you down like the dark doggy you are, and I walked out of that arena with the TAW Canadian Heavyweight Title and a victory over the self-proclamationed �Hellacious One� Draco� not so hellacious now, huh Malfoy? It seems that The Hellacious One isn�t quite as good as The Unorthodox One�
And then we have The Rat� I said it before and I�ll say it again, what a cool name! The Jackrabbit is definitely a better name, but rats are the second best thing to jackrabbits. And so that makes The Rat the second best to The Jackrabbit� so when I get to use the rubber sticks, I won�t hit The Rat all that hard, cos� I don�t wanna hurt him too bad� that�d be too bad! But if The Rat gets in my way to the end of this thing, I won�t hesitate to go through him� after all, jackrabbits are the dominant species!
Well� the only guy left not mentioned is the Sarge, Lucas Kinder-Egg. I like Kinder Eggs� but I don�t like eating poop. The Sarge is silly, after all, why would I eat poop when I could just eat chocolate? That�s dumb� I�m not sure who�s sillier� people who think I�m a bunny rabbit or the Sarge? Oh, actually, it�s the Sarge, cos� he thinks I am a bunny rabbit and that I eat poop! Idiot! Well, at The Gauntlet, I will prove Kinder Egg wrong on both these points� when I prove that the one true thing you can guarantee is that win, lose or draw �
The Jackrabbit always gets The Last Laugh!�
The Jackrabbit tips back his head and allows a long, hysterical laugh to escape from his throat, and then he spins around to face the television set one more time. He removes The Matrix from the tape recorder, and then opens up the second case. The Jackrabbit takes the video from the video case and pops it into the tape player as the camera spins around to watch The Jackrabbit�s face as the video loads up. A strange singing is heard.
It�s time to come and play with� THE TWEENIES!� Let�s fade the hell outta here!
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