So I started, slowly at first then picking up the pace as the days went by, writing poems and short stories. This kept my mind off the things that hurt me the most, and other things that made me upset. When I got hurt by someone, I would write about it. Although there was still that something in the back of my head, I never showed it to anyone. This thing just kept increasing as the days past and as I constantly got hurt by the people I loved.
The more I got used to writing about how I felt, the more personal they became. The more personal they became, the more scared my friends became for my health and others around me. I had begun to write about what I had been keeping deep down inside all these years. They became darker as writing became a part of my existence. If I didn't write about what I was feeling I wouldn't be able to control myself. It was like a second personality for me.
When I met up with an old friend from elementary, I also became awhere that I had a "hunger" for vampires. I knew it was silly but I couldn't help it, and to tell you the truth, I still do. It was like as if it wasn't about vampires, I wasn't fascinated in what it was. This has gone on since I was 14. Nothing I do will ever take this thirst away�
I am much older now and have had many adventures in my life time. All of them I have written down in a poem or a short story. Most of these have never been comprehended. I have long blond hair, around five foot, hazel eyes, and fall in love much too easy for my age.
As I walk around the bar I see many drunks in the corner of my eye. I don't want anything to do with them, so I move on. I look around for the man I had come here to see. I look up and there in front of me is Dante, the man I have for so long, longed to see once again. All of a sudden he was gone, then he shows up at the table next to me. As I jump back, with a slight scream, the beer he was holding was tossed into the air and lands god knows where. In surprise he jumps back a little and we start to laugh.
"You scared me half to death, I didn't see you there." I say to him with a slight grin on my face, hopping he'd see that I had brought some new poems for him.
Let me give you some background on Dante and why I came here: he and I have been friends since I was in tenth grade, we both write poems like crazy (then and now, not to be confused with now and then), I have had a crush on him since I first met him and I instantly started writing about him. He promised that we would publish a book together; he has short blond (bleached) hair, is a little over six feet tall, blue eyes, and attractive (a surfer).
"What are those? Are they more poems for our book?" I said with excitement.
"Yes, yes of course, why else would I have a bunch of papers in my hands, silly?"
We laughed a little and sit down like old friends normally do. We both order an alcoholic drink and get to work on reading the poems we brought. With a dazed look on my face, I let him read my life story.
When he was done he looked up at me with excitement in his eyes. I look at him like I do every time; hoping he would say that he felt the same, but every time it never happened.
"They are really good, but you must understand, writing about me will not change my mind about you. Though we are both single it makes no difference. The way you hurt so easily, my good friend, is going to be with you forever." As he looked back at the paper I see he is in pain.
"Are you alright, you look like you just got your heart torn out and then shoved back down your throat by your love? Is there anything I can do to help cheer you up?"
"There is nothing you can do except let me read your poems over and over again until I figure out why you feel this way towards me even though I push you away. Again and again you come to me but you never get what you want."
"What I want is to see you happy, not acting to be happy, but truly happy. Being with you is enough for me to live forever."
When I said this he looked up in surprise. Then looked back down and fumbled through his pockets. What he pulled out gave me a fright. It was a poem I had written when I frist met him. To know that he kept it filled me with excitement, but I also dreaded which poem it was that he kept all these years. I could tell it was mine by the writing, but still couldn't read the title very well or the date, for that matter.
As he pushed it towards me I filled up with fright to think that he had been reading this over and over again, bundling up his feelings for so long, but this was the only way he could tell me. By my own poem, witch read:
The lights in your eyes are not of happiness but of anger of the creature you see before you.
I am not of flesh and blood but of the undead.
I am waiting for the sun to go down, to make its wonderful colors so I can live again. As the night comes, I remember what I must do to live.
I have been this way for no more then a year and I already have tasted the innocent flesh of a mortal, seen the fear in there eyes, and heard there moans of anger and love of the f feeling.
Surprisingly I have grown immune to there screams, there eyes, and have keened in on there loves.
My fangs grow in a matter of seconds, with no trouble at all. She now lies dead in my arms, while I fill up with life from the blood I had drained from this young woman, who willingly gave me her life.
Now I will give it back and with a little taste of my blood she is awake again, never to be awake in daylight again. But we will love each other for life, she gave me her life to save mine and I gave her my blood to let her live again, with me forever.
After remembering why I had wrote this I begin to cry. I now understand why he had brought this up.
As I run outside, I sat down on the ground, wondering why he so willingly told me the truth of why he was near me. He was just like me except he found someone to show him the way through the allies of life. He was now one of them, one of the few people that interested me the most, vampires, he was a vampire! My love was part of my beloved dreams.
When I thought this over I returned to the table and talked to him about it.
"I don't think I accurately understand what you want me to learn from this? I can't truly believe you without verification of your essence of power that you clam to have. I love you to death and would like to know what you thought this would do, perhaps send me away in fear. Well, I was away but only for a few minutes to think things over, now I am back to ask you what the hell you were thinking! How long have you been like this, I need to know before I can sleep at ease?" I said it so abruptly and loud that he had to put his hand up to stop me from speaking again. I was angry and he could tell but he spook to me in a calm reassuring voice that frightened me, in a since.
"I have been like this for quite sometime now, an exact date, I see, is at hand. Hmm let me think a second. It was one year, nine months, two days, and four hours before I met you. This, I see, is good enough for you but you also want to know more. I did not want you to join me in my expedition to another world of love and pain�"
I cut him off, "I don't want you to play dirty tricks on me, my love for you does not cause you pain. I thought you liked the fact that you had someone who loves you for you and not for what you are, or what you look like." This I said in my mind, remembering that he could read my thoughts.
"I do not mean to harm you in any way, just for you to join me. Your love for me does, in fact, hurt me. I hoped that this would not come up. I have been hiding my feelings for you for quite some time know. Would you like to join me or just be a good friend, I must worn you if you are to be a friend you must leave behind all your feelings for me. If you don't I will be in too much pain and have to go on and ask someone to just up and kill this body of mine. If you don't want to join I don't think I can live."
I looked at him in astonishment, I couldn't figure out what to say. He could see it in my eyes that I would always be with him, no matter what happens, I would always be with him. He was the one I would want to be with at this point and time in my life. He was my life, my soul, my reason for living. Now was he my reason for dieing? I agreed to be with him, as long as he never leaves me alone to the dark cold world of the real vampires. He promised me that he would be with me for as long as his body would let him.
"Don't promise me anything I may get my hopes up. If I do then I would need to die just to get you off my mind."
"Don't you dare die on me, I would never be able to forgive myself. And it is a bitch trying to find a slayer now-a-days. I became this way because I thought it would get me more attention, but it turned out that I didn't want anyone to now about it. When I met you and all of your friends I really didn't want anyone to find out. They would have loved me even more or worse, be afraid of me. But you, you looked at me like I was all you could see. And I knew that no matter what I was you would always be there for me. The only problem was that I couldn't write to you about it, let alone talk to you about it. I loved you to much to hurt you like all the others. So I wrote about love, writing anything and everything about love, anything to get my mind off of the new me and �" he stopped, hesitating what he was going to say. "�your eyes. I wrote about other people that I was with to get ride of the thoughts I had. But at night it all came back to me, haunting me in my hunting's."
This, I could see, was something he was hiding from me for a long time and was going to take him a while to let everything out. Some of it may not make a lot of sense but I got what he was saying. T hough I wanted, for years, to hear what he was saying, something was wrong about. Like, it wasn't meant to be said in this matter. The next thing I said I said in my head like he asked me to do. Surprisingly, through all that he was saying and thinking of what to say next he heard me.
"Would you like to go to another place, where we could be more at private, a place that makes you feel at home? That is if you don't feel like you are comfortable here."
"Oh, yes please. It surprised me to hear you say, think, that it was as though you had read my mind, even though you can't. This is so very much confusing, it is probably worse for you. What am I talking about, you get the weirdest things."
"Why, thank you. And yes I do get most of this. You should know by now that I love puzzles." We looked at each other shyly and started to head outside. But we were stopped as we reached the exit.
"Where do you think your going?"
The man was around six feet seven, a lot of muscles, and some facial hair coming in, to my surprise, he was also very pale. The way the guy looked at Jason scared me. When he turned to me I just melted and started to walk towards him. The way he looked at me was frightening but at the same time told me to come to him. Suddenly I understood what he was doing and stopped in my tracks, and ran back to Dante and started to cry softly as I held him tight.
"There was no reason for that Andrew! She is mine and always will be."
"But you see Dante; she is also too weak to withstand the gaze of one of us. You may have just taken her in but you can not control her now."
I couldn't stand it, "What do you want, I am strong enough to withstand yours, once I realized what was going on. He had never even told me about what you are, but no matter what he is I am his, gaze or no gaze!" My words were true and he figured that out after looking at me closely, I knew he wasn't just looking at my close, but I let him anyways.
"You have a strong one here Jason, what do you plan on doing with her and how long have you known her. She seems to not want to leave your side but there will be a time when I will get my fill of this body and mind."
"I plan on telling her everything that I know and some other things that you do not need to know about, and I have known her long enough." With that 'Andrew' left. I ran outside, filled with so much anger and confusion. I didn't think that I could see Dante again without crying. But with two steeps towards my house he was there.
"Sorry about that. Andrew is just the bully of the dark side."
"What did he mean about he was going to get me some time?"
"Don't worry about that, I will never leave your side. You are my love and I can't stand not being near you. Remember, after I left the school, you always felt that there was someone near you and you couldn't figure out who it was cause no one was ever there? That was me, at night when you felt me near, I was. My heart and soul couldn't leave you."
"Heart, what heart? Your dead." With tears filling up my eyes and poring down my face I looked like a mess, but he didn't seem to mind. Looked at me the same way he did when I first came into the bar. "I can't believe you could do this to me, you didn't even stand up for me in there. What are you trying to do to me, I was already going insane without you and now it is just getting worse. Are you trying to kill me or something?" I screamed as I started to turn around.
He put up his hands to shut me up, then he started to sing a song that I used to sing to him at dances. And I could hear the music in my head.
"And I would do anything for love,
I'd run right into hell and back,
I would do anything for love,
I'll never lie to you and that's a fact.
But I'll never forget the way you feel right now
- Oh no - no way - I would do anything for love,
But I won't do that, I won't do that, anything for love,
I would do anything for love, I would do anything for love,
But I won't do that, I won't do that.
Some days it don't come easy,
Some days it don't come hard
Some days it don't come at all,
And these are the days that never end.
Some nights you breathe fire,
Some nights your carved in ice,
Some nights your like nothing I've ever seen before, Or will again.
Maybe I'm crazy, But it's crazy and it's true,
I know you can save me, No one else can save me now but you.
As long as the planets are turning,
As long as the stars are burning,
As long as your dreams are coming true - You better believe it! -
That I would do anything for love,
And I'll be there until the final act -
I would do anything for love!
And I'll take a Vow and Seal a pact -
But I'll never forgive myself if we dont go all the way - Tonight -
I would do anything for love!
I would do anything for love,
I would do anything for love,
But I wont do that, I wont do that...
I would do anything for love,
Anything you've been dreaming of,
But I just wont do that...
I would do anything for love,
Anything you've been dreaming of,
But I just wont do that...
I would do anything for love,
Anything you've been dreaming of,
But I just wont do that...
Some days I pray for Silence,
Some days I pray for Soul,
Some days I just pray to the God of Sex and Drums and Rock 'N' Roll.
Some nights I lose the feeling,
Some nights I lose control,
Some nights I just lose it all when I watch you dance and the thunder rolls.
Maybe I'm lonely, and that's all I'm qualified to be,
There's just one and only, the one and only promise I can keep.
As long as the wheels are turning,
As long as the fires are burning,
As long as your prayers are coming true - You better believe it - !
That I would do anything for love!
And you know it's true and that's a fact,
I would do anything for love!
And there'll never be no turning back -
But I'll never do it better than I do it with you,
So long - So long - I would do anything for love,
I would do anything for love,
I would do anything for love,
I would do anything for love,
But I won't do that, I won't do that!
I would do anything for love,
Anything you've been dreaming of,
But I just won't do that...
I would do anything for love,
Anything you've been dreaming of,
But I just wont do that...
I would do anything for love,
Anything you've been dreaming of,
But I just wont do that...
I would do anything for love,
Anything you've been dreaming of,
But I just wont do that...
I would do anything for love,
Anything you've been dreaming of,
But I just wont do that...
I would do anything for love,
Anything you've been dreaming of,
But I just wont do that...
I would do anything for love,
Anything you've been dreaming of,
But I just wont do that...
But I'll never stop dreaming of you
Everynight of my life - No Way -
I would do anything for love,
I would do anything for love,
I would do anything for love,
But I won't do that, I wont do that!"
With that I had to start singing my part, with tears coming down my face I stuttered as I sang the words to him.
"Will you raise me up?
Will you help me down?
Will you help get me right out of this Godforsaken town?
Will you make it a little less cold?"
"I can do that!
I can do that!"
"Will you hold me sacred?
will you hold me tight?
Can you colorize my life I'm so sick of black and white?
Can you make it a little less old?"
"I can do that!
I can do that!"
"Will you make me some magic, with your own two hands?
Can you build an Emerald city with these grains of sand?
Can you give me something that I can take home?"
"I can do that!
I can do that!"
"Will you cater to every fantasy that I've got?
Will ya hose me down with holy water - if I get too hot?
Will you take me to places that I've never known?"
"I can do that!
I can do that!"
"Afert a while you'll forget everything,
It was a brief interlude, and a midsummer night's fling,
And you'll see that it's time to move on."
"I won't do that!
I won't do that!"
"I know the territory - I've been around,
It'll all turn to dust and we'll all fall down,
And sooner or later you'll be screwing around."
"I won't do that!
I won't do that!"
With tears in our eyes we started to stare at the sky and sang together
"Anything for love, I would do anything for love,
I would do anything for love,
But I wont do that, I wont do that."
As I looked into his eyes I could see the way he really felt. I just held him, finally after a while we started to walk, and once again I felt safe
When I woke up that morning I started to write a letter to my mother:
Dear Mom,
How are things going? I got here safe and I hope to see you soon. I found a place to stay, with Dante, but nothing I do seems to please him. I feel like I can't please myself if he is not happy. I love him so much but then sometimes he scares me. I work during the night so I will not be home during that period of time. I love you mom, call or write to me soon.
Yours truly,
Lastat
I hadn't traveled far from home but she still worried. I didn't really feel so safe around here so I started to walk around. His place was so calm. I didn't remember how I got here but it was beautiful. Like the one in my dreams. That was another reason I had come to see him, to tell him about my dreams.
"I already know."
I had forgotten he could hear my thoughts and I jumped back a few feet.
"Don't scare me like that." I said between breaths.
"You like me place, I see."
"Yes it is very lovely."
The walls were black; actually almost everything was black, except for the red rose on the mantel. Just a single rose, it was stunning.
"That was from you, years ago. The first and last rose you gave me."
I finally got to get a good look at Dante with the candle light around us. He had changed, it seemed over night. His hair was black, gothic cloths, with his own style thrown in here and there. One of his ears was pierced, along with his tongue. The black stockings on his arm reminded me of how I used to dress, and still did occasionally. Just like in my dream, damn he was hot.
"Oops you heard that didn't you?"
With a smile on his face he just nodded.
"Would you like something to eat? I can cook something for you."
"No thanks, I really don't eat anymore." I answered low trying to make it to where he couldn't hear me, but of course he did.
In a flash there was food on the table next to me and I was sitting at one end, Dante was at the other. The table wasn't so big that we couldn't see each other, but big enough to where is seemed distant. He gave me a look, which I thought was, "I am disappointed in you, you need to eat. Know eat!" I looked at the food shyly and grabbed some carrots.
As I looked down at my plate I saw that the cloth that was on the table was of silk with different designs on them, not one of the designs where the same.
"I want you to eat more then that. I thought you looked a little pale and thin. When was the last time you had a full meal? Last year, am I right, at a dinner party where your friends made you eat? Then you went and threw it up. Here let me make you a plate."
In a bolt he was by my side and making my plate for me. He was so quick on his feet. He had no problem with any of this around me. He was actually showing off. As we ate, we talked of old times. I didn't have to say much, he knew everything about me. He just asked questions on why I did something or why I went to some place without even thinking about it. I had no answers to these questions. I just looked at him, wondering why he never told me. I could tell in his eyes that he was reading my mind, once again, I forgot he could do this.
"Don't worry, I will not hurt you. I never told you for the fear of you freaking-out on me. I couldn't stand to see you go all weird on me. It would just hurt me too much. But now I know that you would never freak about something like this. I remember when you said that you wanted to be like this and you still do. In the back of your mind it still wonders around. Like a little pin in the back of your mind it sticks there, I hear it come out in your dreams."
"In my dreams?"
"Yes in your dreams. When you're fast asleep I hear the voice of "the vampire" you want to be. The one person you truly are but have to force to hide in the back of your mind so people don't think you're weird. You used to be so open with it hoping that someone that you told was a vampire, but no one ever was, until now. I am here to help you bring the real you back to life. The you I remember from high school, the you I see in your dreams."
I just sat there dumb founded by the knowledge he had. Thinking to my self if that person was still alive, was she still there. Then a question popped into my head, what ever happened to Debbie. He had dated Debbie for so long I wondered what happened to them.
"We brook up cause I was feed up with not being able to see her and I thought we would get back together but it took to long I guess and she had someone else." He said with a single tear.
I got up to give him a hung but a wave of air pushed me down again. I new it was him and I smiled and tried to get up once again, but he did the same thing.
"If you come near me I don't know what I will do now. I have gone soft if I am able to cry once again then I have some heart left in me. I wouldn't be able to hold you without thoughts of love�"
I tried to stand while he was talking and got up. After I got up I walked over to him knowing he might do something but didn't care. With a smile on my face I asked him to stand up so I could hold him. He did and we just stood there holding on another just being happy we were together again. I looked up into his eyes, those light gray almost white eyes, and we kissed. Not a hard kiss but a soft passionate kiss, only for a second but that was all we needed.
I sate back down and ate by breakfast in silence as he read my mind of all the thoughts I was thinking I would throw a few weird ones in there like; I wonder how good he is in bed considering he's dead, or, he isn't that bad of a kisser I wonder if he's practiced with his meals. But then I would just smile and look up at him and he would now that I was just fooling around.
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