1st.
i had a dream:

i knew that there was this field trip, and the whole class was going it was like some kind of reward, for a few weeks, half way or all the way around Australia, but i didn't know when we were leaving, i thought i had more time to prepare, but then they said that we were going the next day, and i didn't pack because i decided that it would be too hard.
  the next day, the class got on the bus and left, and i felt such loss and grief at being abandoned

then i was wandering through a landscape like uni, and i found a knoll, near the college, i climb the knoll, and slide down the other side, there are kids playing on it, doing stuff,
 losing the umbrella,

running through the rooms, buildings, corridors, like everytime that i've ever been lost, all put together, doing that trying to cry thing, but i don't start to cry, thinking that i have a 1/2 till the time when i have to meet my friends for lunch and i know that i will probably not make it
[how important is it?]

finding people, but not the people i know,

tent, with little marsupial baby, that i protect from the cat,

eventually i find the people that i know, people i recognise,
[friends i haven't met yet]

being left behind by the class reminded me of the time that i was left behind in Armidale.  every one else went on the bus into town to eat, and i was left behind. no one remembered me or thought that i would want to eat too.  and i cried my eyes out in the tent that i was sleeping in.

when i woke up it was horrible, because i was still grieving, and i felt lost all day, like there was a part that i'd left behind.

Saturday, 6th, wow, that dream above seems like it was so long ago, but it would have been on Monday morning before i went to see Patricia, and then i went to CoDA after i saw her.

blah blah, oh yes, what is next for Breathe? 

MAKE A SOUNDTRACK

well, making some more music, in case i don't get copyright, so then there can be 3copies:
1. Short Cut with the masthead in it, 
2. with Symphony for personal use, and 
3. one with some other music in case i don't get copyright.

so to go with obtaining copyright, i have to write to the publishers of Symphony, and the company in charge of Northern Exposure, who made the sound recording
what is the forest in me? what would it be like to live in a country where everyone is encouraged to be a monk for a few years?

Sunday
well, i have emailed the Hybrid booking agents, to see if they manage Hybrid as well, and emailed Ultra Records about copyright, and emailed Ministry of Sound asking if they are the same as the record label.
i do feel much better now that i've emailed them those.

took 2 days to find all those addresses, i don't know how people did all this before the Internet, but i guess a lot of things *didn't happen* before the Internet

Michael went fishing, he caught 4 fish, i made shephard's pie for dinner, he is acting silly cause he has been drinking. i had a nap today, cause i had hay fever, and my eye was driving me nuts, but it is better since the nap, but now i want to go back to bed

i'm thinking of entering Tropfest  as well, it's deadline is the day before Short Cut, and i would need to make a hook.  they call it some kind of signature (TSI).  so i would need to make a hook and stick it in somewhere like the masthead in the Short Cut Film, but i have got a few festivals lined up on the calendar, the Siggraph deadline is in March, i really want to enter that one, and there is a Hawaii Ocean Film Festival, that would be a good one to enter too.  i'm making a HTML calendar to but on the www.

ooh ooh, Dante's Peak is on!

Wednesday
ayee... :( it seems like only a moment ago that i was happy. i opened my mother's letter about the Faboks, i read it and instantly i was sad, because it makes me realise how powerless i am. powerless to know these people, to find them
who were they? what did i miss out on? maybe they are more interesting than the Luscombes
"Let go and Let Godd" Oma, look down upon them, and tell them about me, let them know, i can let them know, i can make a film about them, a documentary that is not a documentary about what i think they were like, actors and actresses, and maybe they will see themselves and know that we are looking for them, i am looking for them, i still want to know them
ah, it was the date that Michael died, it is the same year that dad died, as though they knew
how to grieve, how do we grieve, how do we know when it is done? 
stuck in grief, why am i afraid to paint? afraid of getting up in the morning and finding out more stuff, that i don't want to know, can't deal with, but at the same time, there is more cool stuff to see and useful things to learn

the Czech programme to broaden the image of the Czech republic in the world
how could i possibly have imagined that i needed Al-Anon? what was it about AA that was too hard for Dad? or was it cause he wasn't dying?

Sunday, 14th
Be nice to my inner marsupial.  Dreamed about a tiny little furry creature, and i was nice to it, and it stopped biting me.

Angry Angry Angry
watched this documentary series with M this morning about environment.
David Attenborough was narrating. and #$#$$

Friday
well, a couple of days ago, i wanted to render the masthead TIF stack, but because i had moved the masthead to another place on the Hard drive the scene was screwed, well i've fixed that, computer is really slow, 
i think i'll try again when it and i am cooler

Saturday 20th December

Michael went out for a night on the town last night, for the work Christmas do, and he didn't come home until the morning! he went tripping, and tripping in cars and cabs all over Brisbane and ended up in Bald Hills.  it was a very interesting story when he came back

now i am rendering masthed2.avi, it could take an hour, then if it looks ok, then i render its TIF stack

Dune is playing in the background. Michael bought it this week, the 3 hour version, but i watched it yesterday.
   Dune must have had a powerful impact on me when i first watched it.  i wanted a weirding module, and to know how the sound was channelled into explosive energy. and still suits, i thought why haven't they invented those?  they would save lives.  there are lines of dialogue that i can still remember.  but i can't remember when i watched it last.  but the lines like: 
"Fear is the mind killer, i will let it pass through me."  
"the sleeper must awaken"
"the water of life" 
" your water will mix with our water"
i can remember, i must have written them down into stuff, and some of them get repeated a few times.  Dune really reinforced to me the importance of water, how we are made of water, how water can mix, and so mix people together, and Sting's english accent sticks out like dog's balls

Michael has fallen asleep in his beanbag, but i leave Dune on for continuity, 
   i made lots of paper last night, i fill up a 20 Litre bucket with paper and water, and it usually takes me a couple of days to use it all

Suzannah rang me yesterday, and talked for ages, she asked me about how the film was going, so i told her. in as much of its glorious detail as i could squeeze in.
   just have to make up a dope sheet for the in and out points, when this TIF stack is done, agh, but the other day i thought about how to get the computer to the Valley, cause i have to take the computer box in, 
   i have wondered whether to rent a CD burner and burn the TIFs, 
   if i drive the car in, then i have to park it somewhere, and maybe still carry it to Visual Eyes
   so that leaves getting a cab, and maybe getting Michael to pick me up on his way back from work in afternoon.
   
24th 
write to Michael Norris

Hockey is a sport for white men.
Basketball is a sport for black men.
Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.

Christmas time:
refer to action plan that i made with Suzannah
-organise car, done
-have all the tif stacks collated with EEdit Decision List
for post production at Visual Eyes