I am going to try to have the remaining two treatments as scheduled, that is if my blood levels will stay safe enough to continue the treatments, so that we can take another look by CT. Please be praying that indeed God has been working in my life. I can�t thank you all enough for the many, many prayers we have received from all of you. Your continued support and encouragement has helped us so much during some very difficult days. Prior to this last round of chemo, I have sometimes felt so good that I wonder if God has indeed done a miracle in my life and removed the disease. While I continue to have some symptoms; such as continued fatigue, loss of appetite with weight loss, and generalized discomfort that I have been contributing to pain that is being kept under control by the pain medicine that I take around the clock. The thought occurs to me that all of these symptoms could be attributed to the medicines I am taking, and may not be because of the cancer itself. I don�t feel any personal indication from God that He has healed me, and I will not discontinue the medicines without my doctor�s advice unless I felt a clear message from God to do so. However, if He has done a work in my life, it will be very clearly obvious when the scans are done and complete healing has occurred. This pretty well brings us up to date on how things are going on the outside, here is what we can share about how we are doing on the inside: Carey - Carey seems to be doing great, and has taken his monumental 3rd birthday in stride. He is now going to Pre-School three days a week in a wonderful school that he just loves. We have already noticed improvement in his speech development. The first few days were a little �testy� as he tried to determine what was going on, but now he wants to go all the time. It gives him some fun, structured time with kids, while, at the same time, give us blocks of time to schedule doctors appoints, treatments. Another thing it does, which might be equally important, is that it allows Larry and me some time alone together. Janet - One of the things I struggle with now is how �real� I want to be in my thinking about the reality of my disease. Most of the time, I try to think and deal in the present, without giving too much thought to the future, other than when it is necessary to think about practical matters that need to be decided about the future. This seems to work all right for the most part, but becomes difficult or discouraging when it comes to one area of life � dealing with the practicalities of �tomorrow�. I look in a magazine at some pretty piece of jewelry and think how nice it is, then remember that I there isn�t any point in buying anything that would require an investment now, and Larry having to deal with it later. I look at things that would be nice for the house (either here or in Malawi) and realize that it would be wasteful to spend much money in our �temporary� situation, and I would never see it in Malawi. My thoughts wander to Christmas, or what Carey will look like next year at his 4th birthday and then it hurts. These are the kinds of things that seem to creep into my heart and mind, striking like a little dagger in a most tender spot. Those are the things that bring the reality of my circumstances into crystal focus; I guess I tend to like to keep that part of life a little blurred as clarity is too painful. Larry � Right now I have little to do except sit in a house, sometimes watch Carey, and take Janet to her treatments. At this point I�m supposed to say something brave and uplifting and wonderful, like, �My faith in Jesus is stronger than ever, and He seems so real to me.� The truth is I just go through each day feeling like I�ve been hit by a truck. How much longer will I have my Janet? Will God grant my anguished pleas for the extension of her life? When will I be able to return to Malawi and resume the fulfilling ministry that I had there? I still ask: how can I raise Carey without Janet? On the other hand, I have seen God definitely answer prayers regarding secondary matters in a positive way. This has demonstrated His providential care of us during the crisis. I am profoundly moved by the outpouring of love that we�ve received from God�s saints. When I do return to Malawi � and I�m determined to do so - I will have more motivation than ever to win people to God�s family. Please continue to pray with me for that miracle; I pray that by God�s grace, Janet will defy the doctors� prognosis and survive the pancreatic cancer. Prayer Requests � � Please pray that God will indeed heal me from this disease. There is no question that without his direct and miraculous intervention, my time of survival is very limited. Pray that the CT scan will demonstrate that indeed God has touched me. � Please pray for us as we continue to seek His path and guidance for all of the day-to-day struggles. � Please pray that our faith and witness through this trial so that whichever way God chooses for it to end, His name will be glorified. |
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| July 7-9, 2005 (Part II) |