May 28, 2005 (Part 2 of 2) Wanda had arranged for us to meet with our new doctor on Thursday, the day after our arrival to Florida. He wanted me in the hospital on Monday for further tests, so we immediately began to move into our new house. Between gifts from friends and family, and a huge truck of furniture (from bedding/kitchenware/etc), that was provided by my home church Thrift Store, we now had a home to settle into. After my week in the hospital, I had had my share of poking/prodding and all the fun that goes with it! While there, they did confirm my diagnosis with a tissue biopsy (Pancreatic Cancer was the primary site) with metastasis (spread) to the surrounding lymph nodes and rather extensive spread into the liver. They also put in a �stent� or a tube to remove the blockage of my bile ducts. This blocking is what caused my initial �yellowing� symptom, which had now turned into �pumpkin orange� with intense itching. In addition, they inserted a �port� or a place in my major blood vessel that would reduce the amount of times I would have to be stuck with needles, but more importantly, would provide a safe place for the administration of any �chemotherapy� or other treatment that might be needed. (Because of the advanced stage of my disease, surgery and aggressive chemotherapy has not been offered as a possibility in my case) I think it is very important to add here that as a nurse, I sometimes know �too much� and have send the effects of this disease and treatment. (I am a 20 year survivor of breast cancer) and one of the things I have learned is that each case is individualized and need a plan of care that is just as unique and individualized. With this being said, I want to stress that while we truly appreciate the intentionally loving ideas that many of you have sent for possibilities of various treat options, Larry and I feel we have evaluated our options and, with prayerful consideration have chosen the best plan of care for my condition. We covet your prayers on our behalf, but would in the most lovingly way possible, please ask you to encourage us and support the course of treatment we feel is best. Please do not misunderstand. I believe that God can and certainly does heal. I am continuing to ask for His complete healing touch in my life. I also know that while he can do this, He doesn�t always choose to do so. Bearing this in mind, I pray for His healing, watching each day to see if it has happened. Before leaving the hospital on Saturday (May 21), I signed up with the Hospice of the Florida SunCoast, and also received my first dose of the Chemotherapy my doctors all agree is most appropriate. What a joy it is to be home again! Since we know my time is limited on this earth (how can someone without the assurance of soon seeing Jesus face something like this??), I want to spend it with as much quality and love from my family and friends as possible. Can it really be that Carey grew an inch during the week I was gone? It sure looks like it! I seemed to tolerate the chemo therapy (one known for stunting the disease, but with relatively few side effects). The plan is for me to take it once a week for up to eight weeks if I can tolerate it, and then take week off, and then go for a few more weeks. Other than a continuing battle with fatigue and a now increasing battle with pain (which is being managed well with medications); I seem to be doing pretty well. I was surprised when I saw my doctor Thursday as a follow-up visit and in preparation for my next session of chemotherapy, to find that my blood counts had dropped seriously. Larry and I spent literally ALL day (from 8am until after 7pm) receiving my next dose along with several blood transfusions in the hospital. That pretty well brings you up to date with my condition, but I would also like to share with you about how we are doing on the inside, where the hurts are the deepest. Carey is adjusting remarkably well. He does not understand what is happening, but can certainly sense that something is out of sorts, especially during my week in the hospital when Larry stayed by my side and Carey was moved about to be with people who could safely and lovingly care for him, but he did not understand that). Now that we are all home and our schedule is becoming a little more predictable, he is thriving once again. Please pray for him as we try and find the best solution for his care during those times when we have to be away from him. We need to find something that will not give him the feeling of being shifted around, but he can interpret as a �natural� thing that could be happening. One of the hardest things is knowing how this will alter his future. What brings comfort is knowing that this came as no surprise to God. When He was directing us to adopt Carey and bring him into our family, He knows this was going to be happing as well. We pray that he will grow up with a strong sense of His presence in his lifeI think I am doing pretty well. My heart breaks for those who are hurting with me and for those to whom I will never see again. The idea of never again returning to my beloved Malawi is something I just try not to think about. One of the many things I have learned in my life is that God IS faithful. I believe He has used some difficult times in my life to teach me some of these most important lessons. What brings me most comfort now is knowing that He is trustworthy. I admit I do not like what is happening. I don�t understand it. BUT HE DOES. He loves me. He loves my family. He has promised that our lives are not just random acts, but are part of his divine and loving plan � whether we understand them or not! I don�t understand now, and may never until I can ask Him face to face, but I do trust that HE KNOWS and if this is His plan for my life, then I trust that it is the best one. Knowing this brings me great comfort and peace. While I (Janet) have written up to this point, I will let Larry share with you how he feels. Right now, I�m feeling confused. I�m losing the love of my life; no man could ever have a more loving, supportive wife. Some people in this situation become angry with God, but I�m not. But I do have questions. Why would God allow this to happen after having just adopted this precious little boy? How can I live without my Janet? How can I raise Carey without her? I�m sure that if African Bible College had a choice in this, they�d choose to do without me rather than Janet � she� so gifted for ministry. I fully intend to return to Malawi with Carey and resume my ministry as soon as Janet�s earthly assignment is completed, whenever that is. Meanwhile, now more than ever, I look forward to the Day when �He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.� (Rev. 21:4) We hope this has served to bring you up to date and to know how better to pray for us. It is such a comfort and joy to know that His children all around the world are bringing us before His throne. Hebrews 4:16 says that as His children, �Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.� We love you, Larry, Janet and Carey Brown |
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